Show Me What I'm Looking For

I’ve been dreading this day for weeks. My alarm clock buzzed, bringing me back to my reality.

Groaning loudly, I got up from my bed and checked my phone. There was a message from Nick that read Have a nice first day of school Care (:

He knew just the way to make me agitated, but also happy at the same time. I responded with a Whatever Nicholas :P

My alarm clock annoyingly buzzed again. All I really wanted to do was sleep in my comfortable bed, wasting the day away. The baby let out two kicks to my stomach; this was going to be a very long day.

After getting ready for school, a sweet aroma filled my nostrils. I rushed down the stairs to see what was being made.

Kevin looked at me with a large grin upon his face. a plate of chocolate chip pancakes were put onto the table. There was no denying that my stomach was joyous right now. He grabbbed the cinnamon and peanut butter and put it on the table; he knew me oh so well.

“Thank you for making this delicious food right in front of me.” I said while taking a bite and chewing it.

I grabbed the peanut better and spread it on my pancakes while adding some cinnamon. “You’re welcome and I'm just giving you the most important meal of the day. You’re most definitely going to need it for your first day of school.”

Of course he needed to remind me of this day. I didn’t even want it on my mind. Glaring at him, I grabbed my new backpack and little purse. Today is going to be a pretty interesting day.

The person in the mirror almost made me want to cry. I looked like an orca whale. I’ve probably gained about five hundred pounds. My self esteem felt as if it had been shot by an all time low. How could Nick love someone who is so fat? Tears were brimming at the corners of my eyes.

“Carolina, what is the matter?” Kevin asked as he walked closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and dismissed his question. Slowly, I walked outside, into Kevin’s car, and waited for him.

“Nothing seems to be the matter Kevin. I’m just in a state of depression because I am the size of Santa Clause after he’s eaten all of the children's’ cookies!” I yelled as loud as I could without hurting my voice while Kevin situated himself into the car.

Kevin looked at me with somber eyes and sighed heavily. He was going to try and reason with me; I could feel it coming on quickly.

“You’re not fat Carolina. There is a difference between pregnant weight and just being fat. You are still the gorgeous girl that came over to my house with tears in her eyes and soaking wet and in need for some help over seven months ago.” Kevin said, looking me straight in the eyes.

I had never noticed that Kevin’s eyes were different than his brothers. He had instead of brown eyes, he had hazel ones. The mood became instantly awkward and I averted my gaze to the window.

The ride to school was mostly silent. When a song that I liked came on I would turn it slightly up, but when it ended I would turn it back to the volume it was before.

“So are you excited to see your friends?” the look on my face told him everything. I didn’t have any friends, besides Annie was more like a sister to me.

“You know as well as I do that I don’t have any friends really. Who wants to be friends with a pregnant fifteen year old. Yeah, parents just let their kids hang out with those type of girls. The only reason why Annie’s mom lets me hang out with her I think is because she partially feels sorry for me and the things I’ve gone though.” I said, sighing loudly. The day hadn't even begun and I felt done with the world.

When we arrived at school, everyone seemed to be joyous. People were hugging, laughing, and some were even crying.

This was supposed to glorious time in my life. I was no longer a freshman, but now a sophomore. That is not going to help the fact I'm a little more than eight months pregnant though.

"You're going to be completely fine; Its a new year. Why don't you try and make some new friends this year?" Kevin asked. He made it seem as if it were the easiest thing in the world. No one would want to be friends with me.

"Try and make some new friends? Its one of the hardest things to do, just in high school. Now to make it even harder, I'm expecting a child really soon!" I partially yelled at him while flailing my arms in the air.

Kevin looked at me with the eyes that seemed all to familiar. The tense feeling aggravation filled the small car. "Carolina, you are so much better than all of the friends that you used to have. So what if you're pregnant? Does that really matter? There are people in this world that don't have anything to call their own. In about a month you are going to give birth to one of the most beautiful creatures in life. That is something that no one could possibly take away from you."

He seemed like it was the easiest thing in the world. Sure, I was going to have and experience something that no other teenager my age had gone though, at least in my school, but sometimes I wondered if I really wanted this. Did I want to be a teenage mother?

There was no reply to Kevin’s questions and statements; I just got out of the car. Students looked at me for a few seconds and then went back to their conversations. I’m glad that the attention was not on me.

It seemed as if the closer I walked to the school building that the more people started staring. I had the feeling that my bubble was becoming closer to my body.

“Carolina!” people stared at me as Annie jogged over to where I was. This was not the way that I wanted to get this year started. I didn’t want or imagine having a baby one month after sophomore year started. That was not on the plans for things to do. I guess I just had to make do with the best that I could.

The look on my face wasn’t as excited as hers and I think that that partially hurt her feelings. My voice was lower than hers when I talked her her. “Annie, my friend.”

A glare of pure hatred seemed to be burning into the back of my head. I turned around only to see Darcy being the one whose glare was burning. She strutted closer towards me only to shove me as she walked.

“Oh I’m sorry, I really didn’t see you there.” A smirk made its way onto her face.Now I was really becoming pissed with her actions. We were both older and not children anymore; she needed to act like it.

“Really Darcy?” I called out loudly. If it was a show that she wanted then it was a show she was going to get. “I thought you were older than all of this? You know, I thought that you would actually be clever and not so cliché; it seems all too childish even for you. Plus, why would you want to pick on a pregnant girl, especially one that already gave you a bruised face.”

A wave of ‘ohhs’ filled the halls. I looked at her with a smirk on my face. She only glared at me then huffed her breath and walked away. She didn’t know what to say to me.

Somewhere deep inside of myself I felt bad for the way Darcy and I ended our friendship. We had been friends for quite a long while and now we were just done and over with. It seemed as if it were for the best though. Darcy and I were both at least partially happy with our lives.

This was high school and there was nothing that I could do to change it. There were always going to be mean girls, back lashing friends, and drama. High school never really ends, does it?