Show Me What I'm Looking For

The halls seemed to become a blur with all of the students crowding them. People were looking at me with either wide eyes or dull ones. It made me feel very self conscious about my body.

“Seriously? Has no one ever seen a pregnant girl before?” I asked myself aloud in a whisper voice. Annie jogged over to me with a smile on her face.

“How were your first few classes? Who are your teachers? What are they like?” Annie’s urgent annoying questions began to bug me and my headache wasn’t going away any quicker.

Putting my hand up, I smiled lightly at her and only said three words that any teenager would use to get out of a long conversation. “It’s all fine.”

It nerved me to no end that she was still talking to me when she knew that I was annoyed with everything at the moment. “Well, this is my class. I’ll see you at lunch Carolina. This year is going to be so awesome, I can just feel it.”

Smiling at her, I nodded my head and waved her a goodbye. Three doors down from where I was was where my class seemed to be.

A loud obnoxious laugh filled the classroom as I entered it. I didn’t even have to look across the room to know who it came from. Darcy was talking to some girl with a smirk on her face while she was glancing at me.

After a few seconds of ignoring her, I hoped that she got the silent hint that I was giving to her.

The teacher called us to get our attention and grabbed his clipboard. He called down the row of students slowly. For about five minutes he had only gotten through eighteen of the thirty three students that were in the room.

When he had finally made it down to my name, I raised my hand with a small smile. Meanwhile Darcy had seemed to think that it was funny to call me a pregnant slut. It made me happy to know that I wasn’t involved in that anymore. Her games were becoming old and the teacher didn’t even notice any of it.

Nothing important had happened the whole class period. The only thing we did really was go over our syllabus. When the bell rang, I immediately grabbed my stuff and made my way to the bathroom. That’s when I noticed that April had followed me.

“Hey Carolina, how are you these days?” it bothered me slightly that she was even talking to me.

“Well, I seem to be really good considering that your best friend can not seem to keep her mouth shut. It make me really angry that she just wont grow up,” I said with a slightly raised voice.

April sighed at the whole situation that was happening and I could tell that she didn’t want to be involved with any of it. “I’m sorry Carolina. I cant control Darcy and what she does. You know how she is better than I even do.”

This conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere with both of us just stating how things were. “I know that, its just really tiresome and I want her to realize what she is actually doing to people. She hurts feelings while shes manicuring her nails. She could give less of a shit if they were crying their eyes out in front of her.”

“Darcy may be heartless, but she’s not that heartless; she loves people.” I raised my eyebrows at her in amazement. Had she just said what I thought she had? “Come on, in the end we are all going to be friends. I mean we’re still friends throughout this whole thing.”

“Friends?” I scoffed and wanted to laugh loudly. “Really April? Do friends ditch one another just to stay popular? You haven't even talked to me since forever. If you were my friend then you would have talked to me and not acted the way Darcy partially does on her good days.”

With that being said, I walked out of the bathroom and made my way to the cafeteria. My stomach was growling loudly. This day was really making me stressed. To make it worse, people are staring at my stomach. Gosh, could this day get any worse.

Annie waved her small hand to get my attention and it worked. I walked over to her and ignored the few people who called out random mean words to me. There was no time to think about the negative.

“So, how was your day so far?” she asked me with a large smile on her face.

“It was pretty much average. People wouldn’t stop staring at my stomach. Oh, and I have Darcy in one of my classes. Let me tell you that that was one of the most painful classes I’ve had so far. April also confronted me about some things and that that she and I were friends. I mean I know that we were really close once, but what kind of friend would just let me drown instead of helping me tread the vicious waters?” Annie shrugged her shoulders as if saying that she didn’t know the answer and pulled out a salad from her backpack.

Looking at the food in front of me, I grabbed the peanut better sandwich and took a large bite out of it. Annie looked at me with an indescribable expression. I wondered what was going through her mind at the moment. “Yes?”

She shook her head then looked back at my face. I glanced at her while asking her what was on her mind. She didn’t want to answer me.

“Well, I know you’ve told me that you know what you’re doing, but I think that you should tell Nick all of what is going on in your life.” As soon as Annie had said that, I wanted to explode.

Did she always have bring this certain subject? I was getting sick and tired of it. “I understand where you are coming from, but I also know what I am doing.”

“Do you really Carolina? I mean your dad is on a jail-like place and your mom is coping with some stuff at rehab and you’re one month away from having a baby and you just need to tell Nick that you are pregnant. This secret you are keeping from him doesn’t seem like the best thing for yourself or your baby.” She said with the look in her eyes that I tended to avoid for most of the while.

My face was red with fury. Did she really just insult and lash out about my family? This was beyond preposterous. Her true colors were coming out faster than her words.

“Its one thing when you’re talking to me about my life, but when you talk about my parents like you just did then that was just a stupid move for you.” my voice was partially moving up in volume. A large population of the cafeteria was looking at the two of us, but I didn’t care. She had just said that me and my family aren't stably fit. I know that that’s true, but it still hurts.

“I didn’t mean it like that Carolina.” Annie said trying to dig herself out of the hole that she had created.

“That’s exactly what you meant! My family may be broken and have a lot of problems, but I learned what to say and what not to say aloud. You just said that something that was none of your business and that was definitely not meant to be said.” I looked around to see Chase walking across the cafeteria. “Chase!”

The look on his face said that he was partially confused, but also relieved. Standing up, I took one last glare at Annie and walked away from her.

Chase smiled normally at me as if nothing were the matter. I thanked him for not asking me any questions about what had just happened. With him at this certain moment, I was peaceful.

[&&&]

“Seriously Nick, its not fair. Why cant I just get a private tutor or something?” I said whining with a pout spread across my lips and looking at the cute smile that was adorning his face. How did I ever get so lucky?

“Carolina, you have to make me understand what is so bad about what is happening at your school. You just need to be yourself and try to make some newer friends. Even though your old ones ditched you, that doesn’t mean that you are a bad person or anything.” Nick said.

Sighing at his statement, I wasn’t pleased with the answer. I wanted to tell Nick everything, but I knew I couldn’t. that would just ruin his career that he had been working on for years. My hands gripped tighter on the blanket that covered my pregnant stomach.

“It’s like I’ve been telling you Nick, public high school is just not for me right now. I don’t feel like going behind your back and getting tutored, but I feel like that’s how its got to be. My sanity feels as if it cant take another year in the public. New friends don’t seem to change anything because she backstabbed me today.” Tears were starting to fall from my eyes at the moment.

“Don’t cry Care, I want you to be happy, I just think that if you let whatever is going on blow over then it will be fine. I’m glad to hear that you are telling me how you really feel. What happened between you and Annie? I thought you guys were fine?” Nick asked. He was generally confused with what was going on and my mind didn’t blame him.

Why did life really have to be so hard? I know I sound like a broken record but its true. Do your friends always end up backstabbing you? Do you ever really find someone that you love truly. “I don’t know Nick. All that I want is to have you holding me as tightly as you can and telling me that everything is going to be okay,”

The look on his face seemed to be in utter pain. I knew that he didn’t handle situations like this very well, but it was indeed happening. “I’m sorry I cant do that. I want to do all of those things too, but I cant and you know that. We only have about two months or so left. Oh, and guess what?”

“Nicholas, what could you possibly say to make this any better?” his smile was wide and scaring me. The last time he smiled at me like that, he was telling me that he was coming to have a concert about five months ago.

“My friends Selena asked me if I could be in a music video of hers.” I looked at him with my eyebrows raised slightly.

My mind pondered for a few seconds and then something clicked. “Selena, you mean as in Disney star pop singer Selena Gomez? That one?”

Nick nodded his head with a large smile on her face. He must have thought that it would be the best thing in the world, but I had a feeling that I knew the real reason why she had asked him that.

“Are you sure that its not some ploy to get you alone with her or something?” I had a huge instinct that it was for that exact reason.

“Carolina, that is beyond preposterous. Selena would never even imagine to do anything like that. She knows all about you and actually thinks that you are cool, well from what I had told her. She wants to meet you in person.” He said, with a large smile on his face. To me, he seemed a little too naïve.

It was silent a little bit after what he had said. He was waiting for me to say something. “That sounds awesome. She seems like a good person too. It s great that shes giving you an opportunity like this. When are you going to be doing the video?”

“That is still a mystery to me. She is going to be in the same location where I am in three weeks or so, sometime around that time.” I nodded my head at him and smiled lightly.

“I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I have to do somethings around the house so I’ll talk to later, okay?” I said, trying to end the conversation.

He nodded his head and smiled not as happy as before, more depressing. “I’ll talk to you later then Care, love you forever in eternity.”

I repeated him and turned off my only way to really see Nick. It made me really think when I realized that I only had one month before I would give birth. The loneliness was creeping back up slowly into me and this was just too depressing.