Show Me What I'm Looking For

[Carolina]

Taking a deep breath, I looked around the room to see the seven couples staring at us. It didn’t seem relevant for Kevin and I to take a parenting class if he wasn’t even the father; he could be the next best one though.

“Why are we even here Kevin?” I whispered as we sat down on an open mat.

Kevin glanced at me for a second and then spoke. “It’s to make you have a better understanding of what you’re going though. You can also talk to some other people here about their experiences.”

Puffing some air out of my cheeks, Kevin shook his head, it was silent for a few minutes. The women in the room were talking with their partners as smiles were all on their faces.

“Attention class,” a lady said while walking to the front of the room. “I see that we have some newcomers, so why don’t we all introduce ourselves. Katie, why don’t you start.”

A woman looked to be in her late twenties stood up slowly. Her smile made the room brighten up almost slightly.

“Well, my name is Katie and I’ve been trying to get pregnant for about three years. My husband and I had tried so many things, but none of them worked. We even looked into some adoption agencies and almost got a child, but the mother wanted to keep him at the last second. That was one of the most crushing moments of my life. I didn’t know when I would have gotten over that. It was a painful time and now I know that this is going to be okay because I’m five months pregnant.” Katie said while looking around to her husband and then to her stomach. Her smile was so radiant that it appeared as if she were glowing.

Her story almost brought tears in to my eyes. I couldn’t imagine spending that much time trying to conceive a child. It must have been more agonizing for then she was letting on. It only took Nick and I one time to have a child and we partially didn’t want it. The thought of that made me feel oh so selfish.

Katie sat down and the main woman slightly smiled. “Thank you Katie for sharing your story with us. Would anyone else like to share their story with us?”

When no ones hand was raised, the woman looked at the few couples and her eyes stopped on mine. We glanced at each other and then her smile got wider. “Why do you tell us your name and your story.” It wasn’t a question.

Sighing, I stood up from where I was sitting. The feeling made me think back to high school. All of their eyes were on me and waiting to see what I was going to do.

“Hello everyone, my name is Carolina Noel and I’m fifteen years old. I know what you are all thinking and I know that this may seem irresponsible, no it is irresponsible, but I am paying for what I have done. My boyfriend and I loved each other so much that we thought that it would be a possible thing to try out. We still love each other we just haven't seen each other in five months. He’s not here right now because he and his dad are on a father son hiking trip in Europe . So, I barely get to talk to him and I haven't even told him that we’re having a baby together. Not that I don’t get enough crap from school of people telling me how horrible and what a tramp I am. Its not fair to be treated the way I am just because I made a mistake.”

The whole room was silent and thinking about what I had said. Tears were falling down my face just thinking about everything I had been through. I felt as if there were nothing inside of me besides hollowness.

A few people raised their hands as if we were all in a classroom. The head of this place looked on me and silently told me to call on them. I pointed to the lady next to Kevin.

“So, if your boyfriend is Europe then who is this guy that you brought here?” I looked at Kevin and smiled a little bit. He just looked at me and grinned as well.

“Actually, that guy right next to you is the whole reason I even came here today. He basically dragged me to this place against my will. In a way, I thank him at the moment because I wanted to get some things off of my chest.” The woman smiled at me and then nodded.

Katie’s hand went up in the air next and then I smiled. “I was just wondering how you really feel about all of this. You said all of these things, but I can see something in your eyes that’s hidden.”

This was the kind of question that scared me, only because I didn’t know the answer and even if I did I wouldn’t know how to answer it. She had me trapped inside my own self.

Opening and closing my mouth a couple of times, I finally had the courage to give her an answer. “The truth is Katie that I don’t know what to say to that. I’m terrified of all of this. I don’t want to be the girl that I am right now. I have less then a month before this baby is out of me. I don’t know how to be a mother. God, sometimes I cant even take care of my little brother.”

Tears were streaming down faster than the waterfalls in Canada. It felt like a relief to tell people how I was really feeling. Katie smiled at me and nodded her head. In that moment, I knew that she knew the feeling of what I was going through and that made me feel all the better about this; Kevin was right. This type of therapy really did make me happy.

[Nicholas]

Silence was the one thing that was keeping me sane. The screaming fans were awesome, but my head was pounding so badly. There was a knock on the door that made me jump a little in my seat. “Come in,”

Her black hair and smile made me want to grin as well. I was thankful for the opportunity that she was giving me. “Hey Selena, whats up?”

“Oh nothing, I was just bored and seeing what you are up to.” I nodded my head at her answer and then logged into my skpe account. Suddenly, my phone buzzed and Carolina told me to get on skpe, not that I already wasn’t on.

Once we were both on, her face popped onto my computer screen. Selena smiled at me and said that she was very pretty.

“Hey!’ her voice seemed to be energetic and then slowed when she saw Selena’s face. “Whats going on?”

“Nothing is really going on Carolina. I just wanted to see your face and Selena is here so I thought that you two could both see and meet one another.” Her smile didn’t really lift but a few centimeters. This seemed to be the moment where I detected that something was wrong with her.

She was silent and then sighed again twiddling her fingers. It was a sign for her that something was up. “Oh, well that seems very nice of you. It’s a pleasure to meet you over the computer Selena.”

Saying that caused Selena to laugh. “Yeah and Nick calling you beautiful was just an understatement of what you really look like. No wonder Nick is so smitten about you.”

“Okay now,” a light blush arose onto my cheeks.”Thank you Selena for that comment, I would like it if you left so I could talk to my girlfriend in privacy.”

Selena tried to leave with a bang. “Okay so Carolina, if you ever need me my number is-.” She didn’t make it though considering I was talking over her. Carolina laughed an emotionless chuckle and Selena left.

“Are you okay?” she looked at me and then to her surroundings. My suspicions were trying to get the best of me.

“Am I okay? Are you really asking me that Nick? It looks like you and Selena are a little too close for my liking. I knew that she would try and be nice to me if she ever talked to me. She’s just using me as a ploy to get to you even though she’s closer to you then I am. Nick, its in her eyes.” she said and for a second I thought that she was going insane. Her mood was calm and then tuned into a three sixty.

There was a tense silence in both of the airs. “What in the world is in her eyes? Shes not playing any games you think she is. We’re friends and co-workers for this music video she wants me to do.”

In a few quick seconds, Carolina immediately started crying. Its like since the last time I've seen her she’s become a ticking time bomb that can explode at anytime. What was going on with her?

“She wants you! Shes going to take you away from me. You two would be the talk of Hollywood. You could have everything open instead of trying to hide a relationship.” What in the world was she even talking about? This was all insane.

“Carolina! Listen to me!” She finally looked at me in the eyes. Tears were still streaming down her face. “Nothing is or ever would happen between Selena and I. I love you more than anything in the whole entire world. Why don’t you believe me? “

Her eyes were glued on mine, but she didn’t say a word. This relationship felt like a train wreck. Her voice was almost so silent that I didn’t hear it. “I love you.”

A sigh escaped past my lips and I pulled tightly on my curls. “I love you to Carolina. I have to get back to work. I’ll try to see if I can talk to you later.” She nodded her head and then the screen went black.

“Is everything okay here? I heard some yelling.” Selena looked at me with her brown concerned eyes.

“Yeah, I guess. Carolina must be having some problems at home and school that are bothering her. She’s never been like this before. Its like her emotions are through the roof and shes crying all the time.” I said to her.

Selena put her finger on her chin and then looked back at me. “Nick, are you sure she’s not pregnant or something?”

The water that I was drinking suddenly splashed out onto the cement type floor; she had to be joking. “Of course she’s not pregnant; we only had sex once and we had protection.”

“Nick, that doesn’t matter if you’ve only had it once; it only takes one time. Maybe you should ask your girlfriend about that.” There was something off in Selena’s voice that made me curious to what she was thinking. “See you in a few minutes Nick.”

My thoughts were clouded with many different ideas that Selena had planted into my head. Carolina was not pregnant and I knew that for a fact.