Show Me What I'm Looking For

A loud scream filled my room, emptying out all of the silence. Immediately Kevin’s echoing footsteps could be heard. His eyes were frantic as he opened the door.

“Are you okay? Is the baby coming? Oh my gosh!” Kevin’s hyperventilating almost made me want to laugh if I werent so frusterated. My mind felt like it were literally going insane. Maybe I had overreacted just a tad?

Standing up from my bed, I jogged out of my room past Kevin and downstairs to the kitchen; I felt in the mood for some brocolli.

The refridgarator seemed to feel like my only friend in the world at the moment. Kevin pulled me over only to have him look me in the eyes. The emotion in his were so powerful that it made me want to cry and I did just that. “Can you tell me whats on your mind?”

My mind acted as if adreneline was being pumped into it, but as if it were also numb. Nothing seemed to be working in my favor these days. I felt just like your average teenage screwup.

“Is what I’m doing right even seem to be the right thing anymore?” shouting, I grabbed the nearest plate and smashed it onto the tile flooring. Kevin’s eyes were wide with shock and partial amazement. Maybe I was going insane? This baby is changing every aspect of who I am and I don’t even know if I’m liking it.

“What in the world are you even talking about Carolina? Just sit down in the chair and take a little breather and then you can tell me whats really going on.” His voice seemed calm considering all that I had down in the matter of five minutes.

Letting out a large sigh, I slowly walked over to the emty chair; trying not to step on any of the broken flatware. There were a few minutes of silence that I partially appreciated. “Now you can tell me whats on in your clear mind.”

“So, I wanted to talk to Nick on skype and we did, but he had a little visitor with him. Miss Selena Gomez wanted to get to know me and her fake happy attitude towards me wasn’t helping my mood much. I could see it in her eyes how she wanted Nick as her own. It bothered me to no end. Of course he says that they are just friends as well as co-workers. Its not that I don’t believe him, its just her. Maybe my insecurities are just getting to me? And maybe I should just finally tell him that I’m pregnant.” By the end of the long statement, I became guickly out of breath.

Kevin looked at me with wide eyes as he tried to grasp all of what I was saying and it seemed like after a little bit of time he did. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he actually spoke.

“That is a tremendous amount of thoughts inside of your little head. Truthfully, its not my right to answer those questions anymore. Carolina, you only have about three weeks or so left. Anything you decide is something that you have decided by yourself. You’re going to be a mother soon and you have to start relying less on the people around yourself. This may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.” He said, getting up from his seat and began picking up the broken plate that was still on the kitchen floor.

In a way, I understood where Kevin was coming from, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t like it. The truth was a very powerful and painful weapon that almost always won. My cell phone felt like it had buzzed, but it didn’t. The time read that it was after three o’ clock, but it felt as if it were nine. A yawn escaped past my lips and I told Kevin that I was going to sleep. He nodded his head and went back to cleaning. “You’re a good guy Kevin and any girl would be extremely lucky to have you with them.”

Once I realized that he had heard what I said, my feet were practically taking themselves up the stairs and to my room. A few seconds after that, I was out like a light.

Everything around me was surrounded in white. It was like a never ending portal of all things white. The only thing that seemed to have color was the black dress I was wearing that seemed all to familiar.

My mind was racing with many different ideas. Just then, the scenery around me changed from its blank white to my old room. I became confused with what was happening around me.

Nick placed a few candles near my bed and a couple on my dresser as well as my desk. My eyes widened at the scene that my mind was tricking me into dreaming.

“Carolina, you scared me.” he was looked directly at me with a large smile on his face. The simple action made my heart soar a thousand times. I forgot what it was like to be this close to him.

Words were coming out of my mouth before I could even realize. “Oh now did I? Aren’t I the one supposed to be surprised? Sensing that it is my birthday in all.”

“I'm guessing that you are correct, but you know I’m not that good with surprises, that’s more of Joe’s thing. I hope that you enjoyed yourself tonight considering that it was was me and my family.” Nick said with a smile still partially on his face.

“Nick, I love the fact that its just just and me here. So my parents had to go out for a business party for his job and that my brother got invited to a sleepover, that doesn’t matter to me. being with you and your family on my birthday was the best decision I made.” My lips made there way to his and we both smiled into the kiss.

The room was silent as Nick and I began kissing more passionately. Once we were both out of breath and smiling, the kiss was broken. Nick walked over to my stereo and turned on some slower music.

Slowly, Nick took my hand and led me over to my own bed. Everything Nick did was always so romantic and that’s one thing that I loved about him.

Kisses were being shared so many times that we didn’t know when it was going to stop. We had been so distracted that I didn’t even realize that we had made it over to my bed and that his hands were on roaming up and down my thighs.

After a period of time, my hands were greedily pulling onto Nick. My mind was getting clouded with the thoughts of him leaving in a mere amount of days. It scared me to think of him not being here for almost a year; it could possibly kill me. All of this only made me want to cluch onto Nick harder.

“Nick, I want you to make love to me.” the statement was called very nonchalantly and I could tell that he was shocked. He probably couldn’t believe that I had said that was said.

My cheeks were flushed with embarrasment as the silence grew longer. He just looked into my eyes for a second. “Are you sure that you want to do this. I mean this is something you cant take back.”

“Are you doubting my love for you dearest Nicholas?” a smirk was presented onto my lips even though the thought hurt to think about.

“Of course not Care. I love you with all my heart and never forget that okay?” there was a large smile on my face and I told him that I was ready for this.

There was a large amount of butterflies filling my partially full stomach. Nervousness began to fill my brain. After a few seconds, my mind became clear and I was ready for this. With Nick by my side at the moment, I knew that nothing could make me happier that I was now.

His kisses were hot on my skin that caused me to close my eyes for a second. There was this new feeling inside of me. Nick’s lips were traveling everywhere on my body. The only thing that I was wearing were undergarments and him in his boxers. He looked like an angel sent straight down from heaven. “This night is the most special night I’ve ever had, I love you Nicholas.”

Pressure was applied to my lower area, but his kisses were distracting me from the pain. With each finger it got a litte more painfu, after time it got better though.

“I don’t want to hurt you in any way possible so tell me if the pain gets to excruciating for you. I mean its my first time too, but I want this to be the best night of your life and there be no regrets afterwards.” Nick said partially rambling. Little sweat drops were forming at the top of his forehead out of nervousness.

“Everything is perfect Nick. I wouldn’t have this night go any other way. There are no second guesses in the back of my mind and no regrets in the end. I love you forever in eternity.”

Nick smiled at me and asked if I were ready. The small grin on my face gave him is answer. The slight pressure came back. But it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Just then, I saw a different light. My eyes widened and an almost silent moan past through mt lips. His actions were slow as he tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible.

This whole night had been nothing but perfection. Nick and I could have just watched some movies and I would have been fine with that. As the time went by, the pace became a little faster. “Don’t be afraid to give me your all. I want to feel your love, Nicholas”

With that being said, he did as he was told. His fully naked body was starting to sweat as well as mine. As the speed increased, so did the moans. They became louder and louder each time. My nails were digging into his back with pleasure. I didn’t know if I could conrol myself. My lips connected themselves to the bare skin of Nick’s neck. His moan made me smile while still doing this action. That’s when the pure white light came and I figured that he had hit my spot.

My eyes were open, but I wasn’t really seeing anything. My mind was just not fully awake.

There was nothing but silence. Slowly, I stood up from my bed and began to walk. Kevin’s room was not that from where I was, so that’s where I was going. The dimming adreneline was still running through my veins.

Opening the door to his room, I could hear Kevin’s light snoring. My mind was still wrapped around the thought of Nick. Curls were sticking out of the blankets and immedately I tiptoed over to him. He was laying almost quietly on his back.

There was a small smile on my face as I thought of surprising and scaring Kevin. With ease, I crawled onto his lap and that’s where I lost control. My hands pulled his bedsheets slowly down. It were as if my mind were playing games on me because when I looked up the only thing that my mind pictured was Nick.

Slowly, I leaned in and kissed Kevin on the lips thinking that it was Nick. There was nothing from the other side for a few seconds and then his lips started moving.

“Carolina?” His voice sounded tired, but I just told him to be quiet and began kissing him again. My hormones were racing so quickly at the moment that I fumbled with the waistband of Kevin’s bottoms. “Carolina? What are you doing?”

I mumbled a few incoherent words and went back to fumbling again. After a few minutes of driving myself crazy, I pulled down Kevin’s pajama pants and making circles on his bare thigh. A slight moan made its way past his lips and that caused me to smile. His little friend was making his journey up.

It didn’t take long before my mouth was doing its partial job. It satisfied me to know that Nick was loving it. Nick was here and he wasn’t leaving me anytime soon and he loved me. Just then, the moan in the air made my mind become clear and my eyes widened.

Quickly, I got off of Kevin and ran back into my room. What have I just done? I cheated on Nick, with his own brother. It was just another secret to put into the box of lies and who knew when that would spill over.