Show Me What I'm Looking For

[Kevin]

Water glistened off of the tiles surrounding the swimming pool. My eyes wandered over to my little brother and his girlfriend, Carolina. Was it wrong to be nineteen and attracted to a thirteen year old? The thoughts in my head were saying no, but heart was saying yes.

“Come on Kevin, get into the water with us! We’re all having fun and you’re just sitting there looking sad.” Her voice made me smile always. There was just something about her that seemed different.

The look on Nick’s face told me to just stay silently happy. I had a feeling he was catching onto my dirty little secret. That would be horrific and devastating on both of our halves.

“You know what, sure. I’ll get into the water, hold on for a second.” I said slowly putting my book down.

Joe looked at me for a slit second and then splashed some water into Claire’s face. There were days when I became envious of my two younger brothers, they were both happy and in love.

Slow and steady, my feet touched the partially cool water. Carolina smiled and jokingly cheered that I could do it. My embarrassment wasn’t too down the drain considering it was just the five of us here, then they all joined in and that’s when my cheeks became slightly tinted with pink.

“Awe, Kevin’s blushing everyone.” Joe stated causing all of them to chuckle. It wasn’t entertaining to see them laughing at me. A glare made its way through my eyes. “Come on Kevin, I’m just messing with you.”

It didn’t seem to entain me as much as the others. Getting out of the water, I walked back over to my lounge pool chair. They were telling me that they were sorry and wanted me to go back into the water, but I didn’t know. They were all silent for a few minutes, then I heard a cough above me and there she stood.

Carolina smiled brightly which in return caused me to smile a small smile. “Don’t listen to Joe, he’s just trying to be a little jerk and you know it Kevin. We all came here to have a fun time and it seems like you just want to be all by yourself. That’s not what today is about, take my hand.”

There was a slight pause on my end as I stared at her open hand. Her eyes were sparkling a light brown and I grabbed her hand. Everyone was cheering and laughing like before, but this time I could only focus on the goosebumps that were going up my arms. She didn’t realize what effect she had on me, especially in that pink bikini. Stop it Kevin, its gross, she’s thirteen and you’re nineteen.

“Lets play a game or something.” Carolina suggested to all of us. “Oh, why don’t we play chicken.”

Everyone agreed, so I didn’t want to be the only one who disagreed. Two minutes into the game, it was getting intense and Carolina seemed to be loosing, but in one second I saw Claire’s blonde hair fall into the water with her body. Nick laughed loudly and picked up his girlfriend, kissing her hard on the lips, she giggled afterward.

“Hello? I don’t mean to bother you all, but I was wondering if I could join your little game of chicken?” a random girl said. She had brown hair and a nice smile.

Of course Carolina was the first one to speak. “Of course you can. Our friend Kevin doesn’t have a partner so that would be awesome and we could all play.”

My eyes widened for a second as I stared at my brother’s girlfriend. What in the world was she thinking? I had no clue. Everyone was happy with the fact that we would have six players, but I wasn’t so content.

“Thanks, that’s really awesome of you all to include me, my name is Danielle. I just came here to California and I don’t really have many friends, so this is nice.” We all smiled at her, with the exception of me. I analyzed her for a minute when she wasn’t looking.

She look off her little cover up dress to show a black bikini. She may have been good looking, but it was nothing compared to Carolina’s natural beauty. Her body moved slowly over to the water and she smiled at us. this was going to be interesting.

After all the games were done, we all sat on the pool chairs and just relaxed. Danielle had said she needed to go, so we let her.

“She seems really nice and not that you noticed Kevin, but Danielle’s eyes couldn’t stop looking at you.” Carolina’s statement had made me laugh a little bit and it didn’t help that she was wiggling her eyebrows. I hadn’t even payed attention to that girl.

A scoff passed through my lips as l looked at Carolina with my eyebrows raised. “I highly doubt that, little girl. Out of all five of us, she would not have been looking at me.”

Quickly, Carolina jumped onto me and straddled my waist. The other three members of our group were laughing, Nick less than everyone else though.

“Kevin, how many times do all of us have to go over this? You could actually find a girl if you put yourself out there. Blind dates set up by your friends can only go so far.” Her smile radiated how beautiful she really was. Her hands started moving down my arms and to my thighs. A burning sensation filled my lower section and I felt my little friend arise.

Suddenly, there was no Nick or the pool it was Carolina, in my bed.

The actions of her were making me very curious. My eyes blinked open a few more times and then I saw her leave.

The problem in front of me seemed to not go away and my mind was racing just thinking about what had happened but a moment ago. The only thing I could seem to think about was getting her back in my bed.

[Carolina]

Slowly and soundlessly, I walked out of the house. The sky was still dark as I made my way over to the bus stop. Annie was standing there looking at me without a peep. Seeing this made me realize that she was still mad at me.

Once we had all made it onto the school bus, I ended up sitting by myself and talking to no one. Ten minutes later, there was a very frantic text from Kevin, but I ignored it. My mind figured the he would just call me up to the guidance office later. The world seemed lonely and dark today, that didn’t seem to ease my thoughts.

A few people were looking at me and my prodding stomach. Most of the stares didn’t bother me anymore, I was used to it. Three seats in front of me and to the right, I could see Annie’s red hair. Would she ever forgive me?

Cool wind hit my skin as I glanced outside of the window. It dawned me that today was September fifteenth, one day before Nick’s birthday. How could I have forgotten? Its not like we’ve been talking everyday though.

By third period, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It seemed impossible to go on without one friend in this place. Today I was going to apologize to her. Kevin hadn’t called me up to see him in his office and that surprised me. Maybe it was just a good thing to avoid each other for right now.

“Annie,” I said from a few seats away. She didn’t look at me for a second. Suddenly, there was an announcement saying for me to go to the guidance office; this was it.

Taking out my phone, I texted Annie telling her to meet me in the bathroom and texted Kevin telling him that I would be there in five minutes.

My eyes were springing with tears as I thought of last night. I had cheated on my loving boyfriend Nick with his older bother Kevin and I was blaming him for possibly cheating on me yesterday; this world was very frustrating.

Sobs escaped past my lips and footsteps could be heard. “Carolina, are you in here?”

Slowly, the stall door opened and she saw me in all of my horrible depressing misery. Her mouth opened for a second and then shut almost immediately.

“I’m scared.” I croaked out as more tears fell down my face. All that my heart wanted was for Nick and I to be together, but I couldn’t even have that. “Everything in my life has just gone downhill, little Annie. I’ve done some things that are dragging me down into a black hole. I’m so sorry about what happened between us, please forgive me.”

Annie looked at me with sad eyes for a second and then sat down beside me. My world was crashing down right in front of me. “It’s all okay. I’ve said some pretty mean things to you as well that I’m not so proud of. What’s bother you to the point of tears?”

Licking my lips slowly, I opened my mouth then closed it. What was I supposed to say to her? Could it even seem realistic when spoken into words?

“I was taking a nap in Kevin’s, Mr. Jonas’s, office and there was a certain dream in my head of Nick and I together. It was becoming heated and intimate. Kevin was still in the room with me, I was partially asleep-awake, and then the stupid moment happened that changed everything.” My voice was shaking as tears still fell down my face.

“So you cheated on Nick for Kevin?” Annie asked with her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

My eyes felt as if they were burning from all of the crying. “No not for Kevin, it was just an accidental kind of thing. I had no control of my mind not to mention my actions.”

“Well, what happened between you and Kevin when you were sleepwalking or whatever you call it?” Annie asked.

There was nothing but silence in the girls bathroom. What was I supposed to tell her, the truth? There was no way that I could tell her what really happened. A long and very loud sigh escaped past my lips. This was going to be one of the hardest conversations of my life and I didn’t know if I was ready for it,

“I kissed him for a little while,” my fingers were fumbling with one another. “and I also put my hands down his pants.”

Annie’s eyes were wide with shock as she took in what I had said. “Oh my gosh, that’s…shocking. What else happened?”

“He moaned a few times, but that’s not the point. The point is that I cheated on my boyfriend!” My mind was spinning withlist me groaning. “What am I supposed to tell him? His birthday is in four days. I couldn’t say, ‘Oh hey honey, just to let you know, I cheated on you and I'm telling you on your birthday because that’s the only time we can talk for right now.”

The expression in Annie’s were filled with nothing but sadness and a hint of pity. She felt sorry for me and that was something I didn’t like, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

She looked at me and then sighed. “I mean I don’t really know what to tell you Carolina besides what I’ve been telling you this whole time. All you need to do is tell Nick the real truth, about the pregnancy and about the cheating and hopefully everything will be forgiven and you two can happy.”

“The thing is that I know he wont want to be with me after all of this.” Tears were falling down as hard as when I had found out that I was pregnant.

“You never know Carolina, people may just surprise you. All you have to do is trust that they love you enough to stay.” Annie stood up from where she was sitting, smiled at me, made her way out of the bathroom, and back to class. She was completely right.