Show Me What I'm Looking For

Fast trails of tears were falling down from my face. Kevin’s face was wide with panic. He looked down at my feet where the water surrounded me and stepped back slightly. It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on.

“Kevin! I’m having the baby! Stop staring at me and go get my green duffel bag with the clothes in them!” he looked at me for a quick seconds then went to go get the bag for me. I was now alone and standing in my own child’s water.

Pants were passing through my lips with quick anticipation. The digital clock that was on my dresser read that it was four oh’ five. I wondered what time it was over where Nick was. No, I’m not going to think of about him at all. He cheated on me with miss man stealing Selena Gomez causing us to break up.

I walked over to the window to see what was going on. Smiling, there were two kids riding bikes. One was a girl and the other was a boy. They looked like they were in love. that was when I suddenly saw the image of Nick and me on those two bikes, riding and smiling. It brought on tears of sadness and regret to my eyes.

When Kevin returned with the duffel bag, I was still looking at the two kids outside; looking at them distracted all of the pain inside of me, besides my heart. “Carolina, come on, lets get you to the hospital so Dr. Randall can get that baby out of you.”

His frantic and child-like actions made me feel as if I were ancient. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I smiled meekly at him. “Kevin, you’ve gotten the wrong duffel bag. I’ll get the right one. You should start up the car and I’ll meet you there.”

The look in his eyes told me that he want to stay and wait for me, but I pushed him out of the door. Of course the duffel bag would have been in my room. Grabbing it, I took out the one thing that broke my heart, but also put it back together; a picture of Nick and I in each other’s embrace just kissing.

Kissing that picture gave me a certain mind space of hope. I’m going to have a baby in a matter of hours. Now thinking of that brought a pain to my lower stomach. I hurried up, putting the picture in my jean pocket, grabbed the duffel bag, and was out the door.

Kevin accelerated the car as soon as I stepped into it. Was it weird that he was more anxious and scared than I was? “Calm down Kevin. Its going to be okay.”

“Calm down?! Carolina, you are going to be having a baby today and you expect me to be calm about it. I’m going to be a dad!” he yelled. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I looked at him.

“You’re not the father Kevin, Nick is.” His facial expression changed completely. He looked surprised at what he had said. “We may be in a big fight, but I’m going to be having his baby and I truly and absolutely love him. He cheated on me, but I also cheated on him; with you. his own brother. That basically means I’m a whore. My dad was all right about me.”

Tears were rolling down my face and I felt another kick from the baby. Its like he or she was telling me how I was feeling at the moment.

“Carolina, you’re not a whore at all. You were unconscious and didn’t know what was going on until it was already done; its okay. Why not after you get done with having this baby, you call Nick and explain everything that’s been going on for the past nine months? I’m sure that he’ll understand.” Kevin said with a small smile.

“He’ll never forgive me Kevin because I cheated on you; his own brother, not even a stranger. I think that would have actually made it better on him. It is a low blow that didn’t mean to have happened. If I were him I wouldn’t even take myself back. I’m not worth anything; not even a single penny.” The inner truth was coming out of me as tears fell down my face,

Kevin’s eyes were darker than his usual hazel eyes, but they were also sparking. It made me scared what he might actually say. All he did was shake his head. “You are wrong Carolina, you may have messed up big time, but you two still love each other, that I know.”

A major kick came from my stomach and I screamed out in pain. Pants were escaping quickly past my lips; I didn’t know if I could take much longer. “Drive faster Kevin! Come on!”

Soon enough but longer than I wanted, we were finally inside the hospital. It brought back memories when I saw Suzie doing the same thing moths earlier. Kevin got a wheelchair and told the receptionist to get Dr. Randall. Hew was here in a matter of seconds.

“Let’s get Carolina to a room!” Dr. Randall words were going in and out of my ears. My vision was blurred. “You need to stay awake, keep your eyes open, and clear your head.”

Dr. Randall held my face as Kevin rolled me to a room and held my hand. “Carolina, stay awake, you can do it, for me, for Nick.”

That statement brought the strength to keep my eyes open for a little while. Little dots were still filling my vision, but it was enough to withstand. The hospital bed looked very comfy, just looking at it made me want to sleep for days. My eyes were tired from all that had happened today.

Both Kevin and Dr. Randall wheeled me over to the bed. Fast pants escaped past my lips as I tried walking over to the bed.

“Well, why don’t we see how fairly dilated you are.” Dr. Randall said calmly. My eyes flashed from his to Kevin’s. Dr. Randall got the hint and told him to wait outside of the room, he agreed instantly.

My nerves were slightly on edge as I took off my partially soaked pants. “Its okay; I’m a doctor and family friend Carolina. You can trust me. I’m not going to hurt you; this is my job.”

Taking out the picture of Nick and I, my pants were finally on the ground as well as my bottom undergarment. Dr. Randall escorted me over to the hospital bed and I became instantly comfortable. He hesitated before getting a good look and slight feel. “You’ve appeared to have dilated a good two inches give or take at the moment.”

“Only two inches?! There’s only ten inches needed for a baby to come out! How long am I going to be in here for?” My mind was racing with more than enough thoughts; this is just too much.

“There’s no guarantee of how long you’ll be in here for. One mother took almost a whole day. Who knows what could happen today." he said to me.

Forty minutes had passed since my water broke. It was actually a more different experience than what the movies made you believe. There wasn’t a large gush of water. It was more like a trickle.

The more I thought about the baby, the more I became nervous. What I couldn’t be a good mother? What if my baby ended up not loving me? Kevin distracted my thoughts by entering the room. I’d put on an ugly hospital gown so it was all clear.

“How are you feeling at the moment?” he looked at me with blunt concern. He truly cared for me and that’s what I could see.

“I’m pretty good, just feeling very nervous now. I don’t think that I’m ready for this. I’m only fifteen.” There was a moment of silence as I hyperventilated quietly. “What if something does wrong? Some younger women die when having babies. What if that happens to me? I don’t want to die.”

His sad caring smile made me sigh in relief. He was just an amazing guy that I was lucky to have in my life. What would happen after all of this? Nick would be coming back in two or three months. What would happen then? Would we get a apartment together or something? I didn’t even realize that Kevin was laughing at me.

“You are not going to die Carolina. That would never happen my watch or the doctors. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.” He said to me with a very serious tone of voice.

“Are you sure?” the tone in my voice sounded defenseless as I felt. Anything could happen in this emergency room. A kick made its way to my stomach and that’s when I realized that this day was just about to get longer.

[&&&]

The clock showed me that it was eleven forty five. I had been in the emergency room for a little over seven hours and I haven't gotten anywhere. What was taking this baby so long?

Sweat was randomly pouring down my face. My anxiousness was becoming increased as the minutes passed by. I was also becoming very tired. Just then, a furious kick was making its way inside my stomach. There was a gasp of pain escaping through my lips and I began panting again.

“Kevin! Get Dr. Randall now!” though my hurting insides, I screamed that to him. He immediately ran out of the room stumbling and went to go find the person I needed. Seconds passed and the two men had finally entered the room. Another scream passed through my lips. “God have mercy!”

Dr. Randall looked at me with his concerned eyes. his words were soothing and calm even though I didn’t hear one sound. My vision was getting blurry again. Was this normal?

“Well, it seems like you have dilated the full ten centimeters and we can start the process of your baby being born into the world.” Dr. Randall said to me with a small smile on his face. There were two of him filling my vision.

The only thing I could seem to do was nod my head and even that gave me a headache. “Carolina, this may hurt for a few seconds, but we’re going to give you an epidural. It will make that pain you are about to go through a little more bearable.”

Few more doctors filled the room after that was said. It hurt to move to my side, but it had to be done. The needle being stuck into my back hurt; it made it better after a few seconds though.

Another contraction made me wanted to literally scream my head off. I couldn’t do this without Nick by my side, whether I was mad at him or not. “Carolina, we’re going to need you to push this baby out.”

All the movies I had seen about women having a child didn’t seem that hard, that was the movies though. this all seemed more painful than the movies showed.

Doing what Dr. Randall said, I tried pushing for my dear life. Three more times of pushing had passed before I heard the words that they could see a head. Large pools of sweat were falling down my face; I felt hideous. It may have been shallow to even think that, but that’s how I felt.

When my mind finally went back to reality, everything was more blurry than before. I could faintly hear the sounds of the doctors around me. all I could seem to do was try and push this baby out. What was worse was the fact that I felt the need to pass out every other twenty seconds.

One more large push and I could suddenly hear a faint crying noise. It made me cry to hear such wonderful music. That lasted for two seconds before everything went black around me.

[Kevin]

It must be very painful to be giving birth. There was a lot of sweat pouring down Carolina’s face, maybe too much. Something didn’t seem right. I could see her blinking her eyes many times, and that really didn’t seem good.

She only had one more push, that’s what the doctors said. Her last scream must have filled the whole entire hospital’s silence because it sure did make my ears sting. That’s when it all went down.

A loud cry filled the room, both from the baby and Carolina. There was a beeping sound that wouldn’t go away; it was her heart monitor, that was were the erratic noise was coming from.

It didn’t take me but a few seconds to leap up from my seat in the room and walk over to the doctors. “Whats going on? Is Carolina going to be okay?” my eyes were moving from doctor to doctor to get some news.

They all didn’t answer me, they just went back to talking loudly. It was as if I didn’t say a word to them. They were all freaked out and that was pain in there eyes. Dr. Randall’s eyes were out wide as he looked back at the heart monitor. “Her heart rate is spiraling down quickly, we don’t know if she’ll make it.”

“What do you mean she might not make it?” I yelled as I ran over to Carolina. Her eyes were closed and she looked more pale than usual. I hastily grabbed her hand and stated talking to her. “Come on Care, you can do this. You’re a damn straight fighter. You have to be alive to see your daughter. She needs a mother and father. You cant leave her alone, hell you cant leave me alone! We all need you!”

Tears were falling down my face. Yea, I know how unmanly it was to cry, but I couldn’t help it. I love her, whether or not she loves me back the way I want her to.

It felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest just watching her. What if she didn’t make it past this? What would I tel Nick? What would he say, how would he react? He would become and broken man and he would never be able to sing another song. Carolina was and still is everything to him. I just hope that Nick can make it through this.

The heart monitor slowed down and all the doctors let out a large sigh. Her heartbeats were back to normal and we could relax.

After a few seconds, Carolina’s eyes opened and small smile appeared on her face. She never looked more beautiful then this moment right now. She was alive and that was all that mattered for right now.

[Carolina]

The clouds made me giggle as I watched them turn into funny shapes and animals. They were putting on a nice show for me, that’s when I heard a voice.

“Carolina my darling, you have to wake up from this nightmare.” Her words made me confused. This didn’t feel like a nightmare, more like a peaceful dream. Suddenly, a woman appeared out of the clouds and smiled at me.

She was beyond the beauty of any person I had ever seen. Supermodels paled in comparison of what she looked like. “What do you mean nightmare? This seems hardly like any nightmare I’ve every had and I’ve had a lot of them.”

“You’re dead Carolina.” Her voice was bland as well as her face. My eyes widened as I hyperventilated. This couldn’t be happening, I couldn’t be dead. “You’re not dead though, you need to get back to the real world, you don’t belong here.”

“It seems easier to be here, there's no care in the world. I don’t have to deal with any drama or any romance problems.” I didn’t realize how selfish I was being when I said that statement.

The angel lady sighed at me with a sad expression filling up her entire face. I didn’t look at her for about a few seconds after I had said that.

“Yes, but by getting rid of those problems, you will make the people you love miserable. Amelia needs you.” Angel pointed to a close cloud and waved to it. It was like a crystal ball and showed me what was going on. Kevin was holding my hand tightly with tears in his eyes and yelling that I needed to wake up and be alive for my daughter, my daughter.

Angel was right, people would be miserable without me. The statement wasn’t meant to be arrogant or self-centered, it was just a statement. “You have to get back to all of them, they’ll miss you terribly if you were really gone.”

Nodding my head, I wondered how I would be able to get there. I thought about it for a few more seconds and smiled. The thing was more simple than I thought. My feet dragged me to the edge of the cloud and I fell into the sky peacefully.

It took a few minutes for my eyes to get situated, but they finally opened. Kevin looked at me like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of his back. “I thought that you might have not made it.”

“I made it back just for all of you.” there was a small smile on my face. Everything inside of me felt more drained than ever and my lower area was aching. “Where is she?”

Kevin knew exactly who I was talking about, but he didn’t say anything. This is what made me nervous. “She’s fine, they just want her to stay here for a few days because of your little issue. Guess when she was born?” His question made me think that he was becoming insane.

I told him that I didn’t want to guess and then he answered. “September sixteenth at twelve oh one am.”

My eyes widened at what he said. He had to be kidding me, this had to be some sick joke. My facial expression showed just that, but he just told me that it wasn’t a joke. They were going to share the same birthday; hot damn.

“Can I at least see her right now?” I smiled smally. Kevin smiled at me as well and nodded, getting the doctors.