Show Me What I'm Looking For

“I know you’re there Nick, we need to talk about this. Can you just take some time to hear me out. I love, miss, and want you back.”

There was still nothing but silence on the other end of the phone. His breathing made me just want to scream because he wasn’t talking.

“Carolina, I love you.” my eyes widened at what he had said. This was going in a different direction then I had imagined. “I am so sorry what happened between us. You were right about Selena. She was just trying to be nice to you to get on my good side and then break us up.”

“Well, I don’t mean to say I told you so, but I told you so.” There was a large smile on my face. I couldn’t help it. Nick and I were no longer in a fight and back together, practically.

He laughed at my little joke, whether he found it funny or not was a mystery. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday though. It makes me really sad to think a happy day for you ended up being terrible.”

“How do you know that it was terrible? You weren't there. The single life is good for me.” there was no laughing at the end of his statement. Was he joking? Did he literally just say that he didn’t want to be with me anymore?

My breath was quickening a little bit as he didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Just then, he burst out into hysteria. This made a sigh pass through my lips. I’m elated that he was just joking. “Care, you didn’t believe me did you? I love you too much to be single.”

“The joke wasn’t very funny and yes I did believe you. Do you know how serious you can be sometimes, even when you’re joking? I thought you meant that you didn’t want to go out with me anymore. We’re not really together anymore though because I broke it off. I never thought about it, but I’m single. I’m free to date whoever I want.” a laugh escaped past my lips.

“Well now, that’s not funny.” Nick said in a low voice. His tone was one of the few serious. “That hurt my ego and manhood.”

A snort came past my lips. I tried to stop it, but it happened. “Your manhood? You have never talked about your manhood out loud to me before. This is kind of a hilariously amusing. I was just kidding anyways little Nicky.”

Nick groaned at the cause of his nickname being said. Almost everyone in his family had been calling him that since the beginning of time, including me. Every single time someone had called him that, I think he felt less manly. It was weird to say the least, but that’s how Nick was.

There was a little silence on the other end of the phone and then I felt bad. “I’m sorry Nick, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve got something to tell you though.”

This was my moment. This was the time where I could finally tell Nick everything that had been going on; with my family, living and cheating with Kevin (on accident), and having a baby that is rightfully his. How was I supposed to start this off? I never thought about it.

“Um,” my voice broke and stuttered a couple of times. I was ready for this. “Will you be my boyfriend again?”

Nick’s laugh seemed more like a sigh. What was that supposed to mean? “Is that all you had to ask me? Of course I’ll be your boyfriend again. You were getting me worried that it was something extremely mind blowing, like us becoming teenage parents, now that would be something horrible.”

My eyes widened at what Nick had just said. How could I tell him what he was joking about was the truth? What would happen then. After hearing what he said, I definitely couldn’t tell him now. Laughing along with him, I decided that it was time to go. “Nick, I’ve got to do a lot of homework so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

The scale’s numbers made me smile happily, one hundred and twenty-five. It was around the middle of November and I had lost twenty-five pounds. To get to my original weight, I would have to loose about ten more.

Before putting on my clothes, I looked in the mirror. Was it narcissistic to think that I'm hot? I’d think not, but who knows. I became dressed for the day and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Kevin was already there reading the paper while drinking his usual coffee. “Good Morning.”

Kevin looked up at me and smiled back instantly. “Well, good morning to yourself. Your fruit salad is in the fridge for you. It has all the things you like in it. are you going to take a run or go to the gym?”

“Thank you Kevin for doing that and I don’t really know at the moment. I think I’m just doing to eat my fruit salad then go for a run. I'm not really in the mood for human interaction. Do you think you could watch Amelia if I'm not here when she wakes up?” Smiling, Kevin nodded.

It had been two months and I still couldn’t believe everything that was happening. Amelia was everything that I’d hoped for and more. Kevin was also very helpful. Him being the oldest brother was an advantage that I liked to use. “Of course I can do that.”

“You are a life saver, thank you so much Kevin. I love you, see you later.” My eyes watched as Kevin’s face fell slightly. It was wrong of me to say that, but I couldn’t help it. I do love Kevin, just not in the way that he wants me to love him.

My feet were taking me in any direction they desired. I didn’t really care where they would take me, just somewhere that was safe.

The music from my ipod was lightly playing the background. There was nothing stopping me from running my little heart out. Just then, I had saw some people I’d never wanted to see. There different colored hair made me sigh. Was it too much to ask to be alone?

“Hey Carolina!” I heard April call out. Maybe if I didn’t reply she’d think that music was too high, not that I didn’t want to talk to her. She stopped right in front of me causing me to stumble a little. “How are you?”

Darcy’s smooth glare filled my vision. My eyes directed themselves back to April. “I’m good, same as always.”

“How is your baby? You never told me anything about it. No one even knows the gender at school and you’ve been back from the hospital for two months.” April said with a small shy smile

“Maybe I didn’t tell you for a reason. I’m not the kind of person that likes her business out in the public. It is a she; her name is Amelia Grace.” Darcy scoffed loudly, grabbing the attention of us three girls. “Do you have a problem with something?”

She didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “If you ever had the chance to be me I know you would take it. You want to crave the attention deep down inside.”

Were we really about to go back to this conversation? My oh my, when will Darcy get it through her thick skull that no one wants to be her? Shes selfish, heartless, and just a flat out bitch. No one would want to be her in a million years, not unless you were desperate for the attention.

“You really need to stop with this Darcy Rosalind Edwards and yes I used your full name. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not I'm popular. I’d never want to be you, who would? You’re nothing but mean. I’d rather just be a nobody.”

Darcy smirked and that’s when I knew that she had come up with a clever comeback. “You already are a nobody, so that was accomplished. You were something when you were friends with me. No one wants to be friends with someone who has a child.”

What she had said made my blood boil. She always had to be like this. I missed the Darcy that was my friend in seventh grade. She was so much nicer. Maybe that was because her mother had only divorced her father by that time? Maybe she’s like this because of the divorce of her parents?

“Fuck You! Stay away from me, don’t even glare at me. If it wasn’t for the fact that I'm a nice person than I would hit you to the ground,” it was the truth, I really didn’t want to hit her.

“Aw, well you may be nice, but you’re not that smart. Next time you want to have sex with someone wear a condom. Remind that to your bastard child when she grows up. Don’t want to make the same mistake twice in the family.”

The only thing I could see was red. Was it just me or did she really say that? I couldn’t believe it! She went too far this time. In an instant, I launched myself over to her and started using my fists. April and Vanessa were in the background telling us to stop, but there was no use. This was something that Darcy would always deserve if she kept acting like this.

It wasn’t until ten minutes later that I felt someone pulling me off of Darcy. Shockingly, Craig was there holding me back. He started to whisper in my ear. “Stop, calm down.”

“You expect me calm down?! She just called my little girl a bastard!” both Darcy and I were breathing heavy. It was victorious just looking at her face. There was blood pouring out of her nose and bruises lightly forming. She deserved everything that was coming to her. Wow, does this make me a horrible person?

Darcy was looking at Craig and suddenly her eyes had softened. There was the vulnerability that barely showed anymore. I’d heard that her and Craig had broken up about a month ago, but I didn’t know why.

She loved him, that was always evident. Craig had been a rock to her. They’d been going out off again on again for a year and a half. As I looked at her now, she appeared to have a raw realness to her. This was hurting her; acting like this was hurting her.

“You said that? How could you say that? What happened to the girl I loved?” Craig’s voice was strained with anger as he looked at Darcy. Her head was down and tears were falling down her face. “This is exactly what I'm talking about Darcy. You cant really expect this relationship to work out. We’re not even going out. I’ve tried everything to help you, but you don’t want to be helped.”

“Craig, I’m sorry about everything. I don’t know whats wrong with me. After the divorce, I guess I just changed. You met me at the wrong time. I love you Craig Robert Danvers, please give me another chance.” Tears were rolling down her eyes and I’m in shock. This was the base of the problem and she was admitting it. Everything about this seemed real, she wasn’t being fake.

He shook his head as he looked at the whole scene in front of him. Craig looked torn between two things, what those two things were was unsure. “That doesn’t matter anymore, that is not an excuse. My parents are divorced and you know that, I'm perfectly fine. You’ve ruined peoples personalities, self confidence, and lives. People don’t want to be around you because you’re a heartless bitch. Yeah, I just said that. I don’t think I’ll ever give you another chance.”

That was when Craig let go of me and Darcy fell onto the cement ground. I’d never seen her like this in the few years that I’ve known her. She always seemed to keep her cool and stay icy, but this was different. She was completely breaking right before my eyes. this is how she should have been after the divorce. She should have broken down instead of changing to her icy self.

“Fuck!” Darcy let out a loud cry. She looked completely broken. “I’m sorry Carolina. Craig is right and you were too. I guess i’ll just always be a heartless bitch.”

Once she said that I just shook my head and walked back to Kevin's. There was nothing really to say to her at this point. Our friendship was over and hopefully she would become her old self again.