Show Me What I'm Looking For

It has been about two weeks since Nick had called Kevin to tell him his problems. Darcy and I still weren’t talking but that was okay for me actually. I was more centered on the positives than the negatives occurring now.

The ride to school with Kevin was quieter that it ever has been. It was driving me crazy.

“Talk!” I shouted. Kevin looked surprised that I even spoke.

“Do you think what your doing is right? Keeping his child a secret from him.”

I sighed. “I just cant do that Kevin.” I pressed my fingers to my forehead. “If I told him then he would give up everything he’s worked on and worked for, for nothing.”

“You and your baby are not nothing. Nick would be happy.” Kevin said as his grip got tighter on the steering wheel.

I didn’t feel the need to talk after that anymore. Once we were in the school parking lot, I quickly got out of the tense car.

When I opened the school doors it became silent. It had been that way since Darcy and I stopped hanging out, but I was still perfectly content.

First period went down as a bore. Not that math was entertaining in the first place. As the bell rang I felt something tickle my throat. My eyes widened and I headed straight for the girl’s bathroom.

My throat burned as the puke landed inside the toilet. I heard the bathroom door open and saw three girls’ heels.

“Come on though, you still can’t be mad at her.” I knew that voice. It was Vanessa’s.

“I can be whatever I want to be at her. she had no right to get mad at me. I was just trying to make her feel better. She just exaggerated it.” Darcy said, putting on her cherry lip gloss. I knew what she was doing without even having to see her face.

“Well, I mean she told you that she just wanted to talk, no guys or anything. Thomas just needs to get over her, because she has a boyfriend.”

Darcy scoffed, which I expected. “If she has a boyfriend then why haven’t we seen him, not even a picture of the boy.” I could imagine her rolling her eyes at this time.

“It doesn’t matter, we’re her friends. we should trust and believe whether we have proof or not.” I smiled brightly. This is why April was my best friend. she always had my back and didn’t stab it when some fight came between us.

She scoffed again. “Whatever.”

Darcy left and so did Vanessa, but April stayed back. “I have to make a call to someone.” April said to the two of them.

“You can come out, Carolina.” I sat on the toilet shocked. How did she know I was in here?

I opened the bathroom stall and waited for her to see. When she did she half smiled. “It’s okay.” At that moment I busted out into tears. I couldn’t contain it.

Darcy had been my best friend for a very long time and we did have the occasional fights, but I never thought that we would actually stop being friends. That’s not why I was crying though. With all the pressure of the baby, I just couldn’t handle anything extra; and this was one additional thing I really didn’t need at the moment.

“I really need to go.” I said running out of the bathroom and into the guidance area in the office. Some teachers were watching me, but I payed attention to none of them.

Immediately when I got to his door, I opened it. Kevin looked up from his papers to my face and instantly stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I cried harder than I have in a long time.

“Can I stay in here?”

[&&&]

For the first half of second period I spent it in Kevin’s office just sitting there and crying my eyes out. When I could finally regain composure just to talk, I didn’t.

Slowly I took out my phone as another tear slid. I pressed the one number and waited patiently. Kevin just stared at my face; studying my expression.

Hey guys, this is Nick. I’m not here right now, but if you leave a message I'm sure to get back to you. Bye.

I sighed at cleared my head.

“Hey Nick,” my voice croaked and even more tears were running down my face. What was wrong with me? “Its Carolina, um, I know your busy but I just want you to call me when you get the chance. I love you, forever in eternity.” I hung up the phone after that.

A minute after relaxing myself into a peaceful state of mind, I stood up. “I’m going back to class.”

Kevin looked at me skeptically. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I shook my head before he even finished his sentence.

“I’m fine Kevin, but thank you for being concerned. Can you please write me a pass for class?” he nodded his head and got out a blank sheet of paper.

As I was walking to class I felt another tickle at my throat, and I immediately sprinted for the bathroom once again.

When I looked at my reflection, my eyes widened. I didn’t have enough strength to fix my broken self.

At my own pace I walked into biology. Everybody’s eyes were on my red tear-stained face. No one spoke; I think they were afraid to.

I walked up to Mrs. Landsman and smiled meekly. She smiled back with the same smile. She took my pass and set it on her desk and began teaching again. I took that as my sign to go to my seat.

Thomas was in this class and his eyes kept trying to get my attention, but I wouldn’t look at him. I wouldn’t look or talk to anybody. Catatonic in a way. I could also feel the eyes of April fixated on the back of my head. Putting my head down on the desk, I silently let the tears fall again. I am a train wreck.

Once class ended Mrs. Landsman asked to see me.

“So, how are you Carolina?”

“Fine.” I said awkwardly shifting my weight from one leg to the other.

“Are you sure? Nothing wrong with your home life? Maybe your friends?” I shook my head to all of those questions. She sighed and I sighed along with her.

From the corner of my eye I could see Darcy waiting for me. “Well, I have to get to Government/Economics so I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” She nodded her head and I walked up to Darcy.

“I’m really sorry Carol. I was being immature. Please forgive me.” She pleaded with sincerity.

“Okay.” I said with no emotion and we were strolling into the next class.