This Silence Isn't Easy.

I had avoided Alex throughout the rest of the day. Even though I had forgiven him, it was just a couple of words. I never meant it from the heart, and it slipped after my dramatic outburst.

I slipped into my seat before the bell rang and stared at the back of the brown curly hair that belonged to the girl in front of me. My knee bounced up and down. A cold sweat was forming on my forehead from the withdrawal.

The teacher walked in, waving at us slightly as she made her way over to her desk. She threw her bag down and flopped into the spin chair, sending her straight into the wall. I stifled back a laugh and rested my head against the desk.

"Alright, class; I've got some serious news for you guys today." Mrs. Bosley began. I perked up, and rested my chin on the palm of my hand, waiting for her to go on. "There's a test on Friday, study!" She grinned.

I rolled my eyes at her failed attempt of getting us to listen. I stared at the blank chalkboard for half the hour before I couldn't stand it any longer. I shot upwards from my desk, five minutes before class was out and asked to be excused for the bathroom.

"Keira, you can wait." Mrs. Bosley argued.

"Okay, if you want a pile of pee on your flo-" She cut me off.

"Go," She sighed lowly.

I smirked mostly to myself and left the house quickly, going to the nearest bathroom. A few girls sat along the walls, reading books. They classified themselves as loners, outcasts, social rejects. Anything that involved not associating with human beings, they were it. But then again, I couldn't blame them, everyone at Dulaney were a bunch of judgmental pricks that base you off the type of clothes you wear.

I entered the stall, locking it and sitting down on the toilet casually. I fished through my bag for the familiar feeling needle and pulled it down, grinning devilishly at it's sight. I stuck it in my arm after finding an open vein and felt myself smile from the high kicking in.

The bell rang and I quickly gathered my things and opened the stall door in a rush, noticing the other girls had already left. I shook my head and left the bathroom, going straight for my locker.

"Keira!" I heard my name being called. I refused to turn around, knowing good and well it was Alex and I wasn't ready to face him.

I stopped outside my locker and turned in combination and felt a pair of arms snake their way around my waist.

"Alex, stop." I groaned, shoving him backwards.

"Woah, chill out girlfriend." Alex laughed, folding his arms over his chest.

I grabbed my books and shoved them into my book bag, avoiding eye contact with Alex. I had no idea how I was going to break the news to him.

Oh sorry, I didn't realize what I was saying in the gym. I don't forgive you and as a matter of fact, I still hate your guts. Thanks for caring.

I scoffed at the imaginary conversation and looked at Alex for the first time in awhile. I took in his dark brown, swoopy hair. His soft brown eyes and lopsided grin. I felt my stomach churn.

"Alex, I need to talk to you." I sighed, fiddling with my hands.

"Oh god," Alex groaned.

"I mean. I don't forgive you. But I do. But I'm really just confused. You left me. You broke my heart. Do you expect me to snap my fingers and everything will be okay between you and I?" I asked, mostly to myself.

Alex gave me a skeptical look, pursing his lips.

"We were best friends. I've known every single aspect of your life until I left, and just because I did, doesn't mean you shouldn't trust me any longer. What's the difference now? I have different hair? I'm taller? You know, it doesn't exactly make your day when your best friend calls you a piece of shit, forgives you, and then tells you you're a piece of shit all over again." Alex's voice faltered, tears brimmed his eyes and he peered over my shoulder before walking away quickly.

Tears brimmed my own eyes and I followed Alex quickly out of the school. I lost him through a crowd of people and I leaned against a light pole, crying angrily into my knees. It was my fault we weren't friends. I was just too selfish to realize it.