Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

I stared straight at my desk in my first period class, chewing on a minty piece of gum just to keep myself awake. I hated World History already. I hated how my teacher twitched every five minutes. I hated the number of jocks that were in there. And most of all, I hated the assigned seats.

I was placed in the middle of the room at a table of six, the rest of the people there ones that I wasn't too fond of. In addition, I was sitting next to the new kid and would be obligated to help them. Damn.

My closest friend in the class, Sammie, shot me a look from across the room. I smirked, knowing that she was hating the class just as much. The two of us were finally in the same classes together after not having one class together since kindergarten. As soon as we were dismissed, I walked to her and socked her in the arm.

"Bitch, what was that for?" she snapped, but I just laughed loudly.

"Get used to it. You've got a year of that headed your way," I said, exiting the classroom and pushing into the crowded hallway.

"Well are you switching your schedule next semester?" she asked. "Come suffer first period gym with me."

"Fuck that shit."

"Bitch."

"Whore."

We continued on walking, completely clueless on where the hell we were going. I was wearing a smile on the outside, but inside, things felt like they were crumbling just a little bit. I didn't want to feel like that anymore, so I was trying my best to keep things mended for my own good. I was just hoping to go home and find my dog okay after nearly being reduced to road kill. There were a million and one things crossing my mind that had the ability to pull me down at any moment.

'...And I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
So take my hand now
We'll run forever...'

I felt my eyes prick and begin to sting. I chewed on the red Skittle, barely tasting it. I had to do anything to hold the tears back. The song played on, the two of us knowing that this would be the last time we would sit on the curb in Hopkins, a sour Skittles bag shared between us as 94.5 PST played, and the last time either of us would wander the neighborhood for hours on end.

I removed another handful and popped them into my mouth, the silence dragging out as time slipped away from us. Avril Lavigne began to play, our favorite artist, but 'Fall To Pieces' was making it harder to keep everything bottled inside. I looked up and glanced at Hayley only to find that tears were already streaming from her blue eyes. My eyes overflowed and it all escaped from me in hysteric sobbing and rivers of tears. We embraced and cried, regardless of the few cars passing by and staring oddly at us.

Everything was about to change.

"Beck?"

I snapped back to the present, noticing I was still walking down the hallway. My hand instinctively flew to my face, but nothing was there. My skin was dry, but my eyes stung in the same way I'd felt so long ago. I looked at Sammie and dropped my hand.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Uh-huh. Fine." I grinned. "Just trying not to bitch everyone in these hallways out, y'know?"

"Yeah I know. I wish everyone would get the fuck out of my way."

I smiled and looked around at all the faces. Some I recognized, but most I didn't. Sam cut me off as she headed off in another direction, and there I was by myself, left alone to find the next class on my own. That lonely feeling crept inside me and the smile vanished from my face as I wandered the hallways in search of wherever I was supposed to be. A panicky feeling was beginning to build, leaving me feeling helpless like so many times before.

"It's time to go."

"No." We clung tighter to each other, trying to walk sideways toward the stairs. My eyes burned as new tears began to stream down my red cheeks. Hayley was quiet, but she was crying as well. Our moms just laughed like it was nothing, like seeing us in pain and sadness was just a joke.

"Stop screwing around. They've gotta get on the road." My mom took a step forward and grabbed my arm.

"No!" I screamed, jerking away. Hayley hugged me tighter, but her mom stepped forward and grabbed her arms. Our moms tugged on us, eventually pulling us apart to reveal both of our tear stained and red painted faces. Our eyes were puffy and bleeding with more tears.

"Say goodbye, Hayley," Ms. Punk said calmly, like she was happy to get the two of us apart. Hayley sniffled and whimpered a 'bye', but I couldn't even speak. Once we had the opportunity, we hugged one final time and squeezed each other until it felt like our ribs would crack under the pressure. I waved goodbye, unable to get words out as my mom lead me outside. I bolted for the car, slamming the door shut behind me and beginning to cry loudly into the seat as my insides felt like they were falling apart.

I remembered how I never wanted to feel that pain ever again.