Your Love Will Be Safe With Me

Friday morning, I was alone in the apartment. Nick was off at the grocery store with a lost I gave him and Hanley wasn’t due home until around five or six. I didn’t feel like facing the world that morning, so I opted to brave staying home alone. It was the first time I had been totally alone since Nick arrived on Sunday and my anxiety levels were getting higher and higher with every passing second. I knew I couldn’t stay alone much longer. I needed to relax.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Nick asked a half an hour later once he walked through the door.

I was lying on the hardwood floor a little off to the side of the entry way with my legs straight up in the air, body curled upwards a bit and my arms straight out in front of me, pushing on the air as if I were bouncing a ball. I let out small breaths from my core as I counted in a whisper with my eyes closed.

“Sawyer?” Nick tried again. By the proximity of his voice and the sound of his feet on the hardwood a few seconds before, I knew he was in the kitchen.
“98..99...100.” I let out a deep breath from my core and relaxed my body onto the floor.

“Are you okay, Sawyer?” He asked in concern.

I breathed deeply before opening my eyes and sitting up. “Yeah. I was just trying to relax by doing Pilates.” I explained then jumped up and walked into the kitchen where Nick was putting away the groceries I had asked him to get.

“Since when do you do Pilates?” He as he put away some canned goods.

“Since I was sixteen. It helped me relax and lose the weight faster.” I put away the jug of Minute Maid Berry Punch.

“How come I’ve never seen you do it before?”

I shrugged, “I don’t do it as much anymore unless I’m completely stressed or my anxiety is killing me.” I explained and he nodded.

“So it was a bad idea to leave you alone?” He asked, sounding a bit guilty.

“I dealt with it. Plus you can’t be there every time I’m freaked out.”

He pouted, “But what if I want to be?” He asked, capturing me between his arms and pinning me against the counter.

I giggled, “Then you’re free to do so.” I smiled in which he smiled back then kissed me, “I love you, you know that?” I said as I looked up at him adoringly.

“I love you, too.” He brushed a piece of my bangs out of my left eye. “Your eye is looking better.” He said.

‘Good. Maybe now I can cover it with makeup.”

“I like you better without it.” He smiled.

“Sometimes we just have to deal with things.” I said then patted his cheek and broke free from his chamber.

I left him to put away the rest of the groceries while I went to my room and checked out my bruise. I sat in front of my mirror with my makeup bag in my lap and began covering up the bruises.

Dropping my MAC Studio Fix foundation back into my makeup bad, I inspected my work. If you knew it was there you could faintly see it, but other than that it looked as if nothing had happened. I smiled at my reflection in satisfaction.

“You look good as new.”

I jumped at Nick’s voice then looked up at him, leaning up against the door frame of my room.

“Sorry.” He apologized with a chuckle. “We’re even.” I said with a smile referring to the incident in the kitchen a few days prior.

“Looks like it.” He laughed and I smiled faintly before looked back down into my bag.

I frowned as waves fell into my face, making it difficult for me to see. My hair was getting ridiculous. “I think I’m going to call Malinda and see if she could come out here and do my hair.” I said as I inspected my split ends.

“Ask her if she could cut mine, too.”

I looked up at him, “What are you going to do with your hair?” I eyed him suspiciously.

“Just a trim. Mine’s getting out of hand.” He said as he ran his left hand through his too-long-bangs.

I snorted, “Diva.” He scoffed.
---
A little later, I was sitting on the couch with a rerun of FRIENDS playing on the TV and my laptop in my lap, scoping out the schools I had been accepted to. As I looked through the websites I wasn’t sure I wanted to go anymore. What about Nick? Where would we even be living? He couldn’t continue to live at home with his parents if we were married. Who would make the sacrifice and move across the country for the other? I really wanted to go to the Brook’s Institute in Santa Barbara, but it was a.) expensive and b.) in Santa Barbara.

Sighing, I closed the Mac as a burst of laughter erupted from the TV. The door suddenly opened and a surge of panic coursed through my veins. Everything washed away when I saw Hanley’s smiling face walk through the door frame. Her smile faltered when she saw me.

“What are you doing here, Babes?” She asked “Shouldn’t you be in Massachusetts?”

“My trip got delayed until Sunday.” I said then stood up.

She let go of her suitcase and rushed over to me, pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I cringed in pain as not fully healed bruises on my back were squeezed.

“I missed you!” She exclaimed as she pulled away and looked at me.

“I missed you, too!” I smiled weakly, still in pain.

“What’s wrong? Did Nick do something? Is that why you’re not out there?”

I shook my head quickly, “No, not at all. Nick’ in the shower. I’m just tired.” I lied and she frowned.

“Then sleep, sweets.” She said.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” I joked, trying to get the subject away from what we were talking about.

She laughed, “You go on and do that.” She said then began wheeling her suitcase back into her room. I followed.

“How was the trip?” I asked.

“Amazing.” She gushed as we entered her room. “I met some really talented people and got a new sick tattoo.” She said as she pulled down the waist band of her jeans and showed me her newest addition: a Colt 45 on her hip.

“That’s so awesome.” I said then she pulled it back up.

“This guy Matthew Reed did it. He’s a really good artist.” She fell back onto her bed and groaned. “I hate planes.”

I chuckled at her behavior, “Hey,” I said after some silence, “I was wondering if you’re free for me to get a tattoo before we leave Sunday morning.” I said.

She sat up and raised an eyebrow at me, “Uhm, I’m sure I could fit you in somewhere. I probably can’t if you want some monstrous thing like that tree branch you have growing out of your hipbone.”

I laughed, “No, I just want a few words in script on my right in front of my appendix.

“What words?” She asked in curiosity.

“My love is always on your side.”

Her brow furrowed, “What is that from?” She asked,

“A new A Rocket to the Moon song.” I smiled. “But I want it to be a surprise for Nick.”

Hanley smiled, “We can do it. Come into the shop-”

I cut her off, “I was thinking maybe we can do it here while he’s asleep or something.” I was not ready to go back to that shop yet.

Her brow furrowed again, “Uhm, okay. We can do that tomorrow after work.”

I nodded, “okay. Thanks Hanley.” I smiled.

“No problem, Babes.”