I Believe These Are Yours

"What's the problem?"
Matt slowly stood up, and sighed.
"I just don't think that it was good idea to build a relationship out of our friendship."
I looked down, and I could feel the sensation in my nose, telling me I was going to cry.
"What do you mean?"
He sighed, and ran his hands down his face. He slowly walked over to me, and knelt in front of me. I sniffled, fighting the tears that dared to fall. He took my hand, and ran over it with his other hand.
"Jamie. Your a cool girl. I mean, I've known you almost my whole life. We've been through everything together. But, I think we just moved a little too fast. I mean, our band is starting up, and I'm scared that we won't have that much time together."
I shook my head, knowing we didn't move fast at all.
"So that's it?"
Matt looked down, and kissed my hand. I pulled it away. He quickly looked up, and bit his bottom lip.
"I'm sorry, Jami-"
"No your not. Sorry is the last thing you are feeling right now."
With that, I stood up, and trudged out of his house. I felt the hot tears down my cheeks the minute I got in my car. I drove home as fast as I could, and when I got there, I stayed there.
Matthew Sanders had stolen my heart. I don't think I was getting it back.

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"Thanks for shopping at Barnes and Nobles. Please come again."
Jesus, I sounded like a robot. The lady took her bag, and walked out. I sighed, and sat back down on the stool. I looked at my black nail polish, and ran my hand through my hair. I looked around the store, and I saw mindless wanderers. I smirked, knowing that they were the same people as me. No life, just deal with everyday things as if it was nothing.
I was an average woman, living in an average apartment, with an average job, and with an average daily ritual. You would think since I lived in LA, that my life would be exciting and thrilling.
That's where your wrong. Where I went wrong, I have no idea, but I never thought hard on it. It would just make me miserable.
My pessimistic thoughts were interrupted when my best friend, Nicole, jumped over the counter.
"Nic. What the fuck are you doing? I could get fired!"
She smiled, and put her hand over my mouth.
"You will never guess what I just won."
I rolled my eyes, and she pouted.
She slowly released her hand, and I shrugged. Behind her back, she slowly pulled out two tickets.
"What are those for?"
She smiled bigger, and held them almost against my eyes.
Avenged Sevenfold. Live in Long Beach, California. Admit One.
Eight O'Clock PM.
That's when it all hit me. When I read the first two words of the ticket, I almost fainted.
Matt, Brian, Zacky, Johnny, and Jimmy. The five boys who made my high school life amazing and made me want to go back in time. The boys who snuck drinks into school, but skipped class every day. They were the reason I was hardly home those four years, and the reason I forgot about it.
Then, in a millisecond, another thought crashed onto me.
Matt. The only love of my life, literally. This man was my whole life, but of course, that didn't work out. Why would it, you know?
I was 'woken' by Nicole's hand waving in front of my face.
"So, what do you think?"
I tried not to look shocked, so in turn, I smiled.
"That's awesome, Nic. When is it?"
"Tomorrow night, which is why you have to come with me now."
I looked around, and sighed.
"Why?"
She smiled, and hopped across the counter again.
"Because I'm throwing my panties at Zacky. You have to help me put my name and address on them."
I gently hit my forehead and chuckled at my carefree, crazy friend, while she giggled.
"Huh?"
With that, Nicole cracked up, and leaned over the counter.
"What if he see my panties, and are turned on? I mean, he seems like a pretty kinky guy. What if he is seriously turned on and comes to my house? We live in the area."
I smiled, knowing that Zacky was pretty eager and do-able with women. He always was. Other than Matt, Zacky was always my best friend. I could talk to him about anything, and I knew he would listen He had the best advice, and always knew how to make me smile and laugh.
"Fine. I get off in a bit. I'll drive over to yours."
She smiled, and clapped.
"Ok, ok, ok. Later, babe!"
"Later!"
Nicole skipped out of Barnes and Nobles, leaving me awkwardly looking at all the shocked, and probably disgusted, customers. While I scanned bar codes physically, mentally I was thinking of the night that I left Huntington Beach. I packed all my stuff, said goodbye to my parents, and set off to sunshine LA.
What I thought was supposed to be miraculous came out to be my boring life. I sometimes wish I stayed in Huntington, just to see if my life would be different. To be honest, those boys had not crossed my mind since that night.
Crazy how the world works, huh?

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"How many panties are you writing it on?"
"I plan on most of them."
I laughed as I took a purple and green one, and wrote Nicole Walker; 324 South Bay View Ave. Huntington Beach, CA for the sixth time.
"I'm gonna put your name and address on a few."
My eyes widened while I panicked.
"What? Why?"
Nicole laughed, and waved her hand in my face.
"Stop being a prude. I'll just put it on one or two."
I smiled and sighed, knowing I wouldn't win. I started to think about what would happen if one of them caught my information as it flew through the neon light filled arena. They would probably not recognize my name, but I shrugged that thought off quick.
"So. Your crashing here, and tomorrow night, we'll be seeing five of the sexiest men alive!"
I laughed, and returned her high five.
"Just seeing them live is going to make me scream."
I nodded, wanting to agree. I didn't think they would remember me. They weren't exactly the brightest bulbs. If they saw me, it definitely wouldn't hit them until a week from that moment. They were a little slow, which is what I loved about them. I started thinking about Matt. His laugh, his face, his smile, his dimples, his eyes.
I still loved him, of course. I just had a fiery hate for him, is all. Tomorrow night better be quick. One could only pray.

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"Come on, Jame!"
I sighed, while I checked myself in the mirror one more time. My hair was straightened, and I slipped my bracelets on. Nicole was banging on the door, signaling for me to open up before she had a heart attack.
When I did, Nicole was in her concert gear. She smiled, and clapped.
"You look awesome, Jame!"
I smiled, and looked down at my outfit.
"Thanks. You do, Nic."
She smiled, and grabbed my hand. We both ran downstairs, and I laughed as she shoved all the panties in her small clutch bag.
"We gotta leave. The concert starts in an hour."
She nodded, and we both hopped in her Nissan, doing about 90 on the parkway.

When we pulled up to the arena, I never saw so many people in my life. I chuckled while Nicole squealed.
She slammed her door, while I slowly got out. She gripped my arm, and smiled.
"Oh my God. There's no way this is real."
I laughed while we gave our tickets to the guard.
When we walked inside, the place was packed. I couldn't even stretch my hands out in front of me with out smacking someone in the back or the chest.
"Come on. We gotta shove our way to the front."
I nodded, while Nicole dragged me with her. People scowled and yelled at us when we got all the way to the front, where I started getting nervous. If they did notice me, that'd be way too much for me to handle. I would probably just freeze, then get my strength back to run away forever, back to my little apartment on Hollywood Boulevard.
The lights started dimming, and the crowd went nuts around me. Nicole gripped my hand, and I smiled. I heard an organ, and immediately recognized it as Critical Acclaim.
Brian burst into his guitar, making Nicole shriek. I budged her, but she didn't notice. My smile fell as Matt's scream entered my ears. Girls around me screamed, but I glared at most of them.
They should be jealous.
I fucked him. Once.
Ok, twice.
"How the fuck we doing Long Beach!? Yea!"
Nicole screamed as Matt started singing. I had to sing along.
Matt looked amazing. His muscles were bigger, and his voice was a little deeper. He looked beautiful.

The first few songs were over, and Matt looked at me occasionally. He took a few double takes, but just smiled. I smiled back.
"What the fuck is that, Johnny Christ?"
The crowd went crazy as Johnny threw an orange bra backstage. I heard Brian talk about tying it up since it was so big, and Matt spoke again.
"This one time, Zacky left an arena with at least 30 panties on his mic stand, and I don't understand why."
Matt's voice was like velvet. It was slightly hoarse, and yet angelic. I couldn't believe how much of an idiot I was for even falling slightly for him.
"I think that's my cue."
I laughed while Nicole took out four pairs of panties and clutched them in her hand. I just prayed they were all hers.
Another song started, and Nicole chucked three at Zacky, but kept one white pair in her hand.
Zacky smiled, and winked at her. She blew him a kiss, and he placed them on his mic stand.
"I think you might be lucky, babe."
She laughed, and tossed the other one at Matt's feet. He was in the middle of singing the chorus of Almost Easy when he looked down at the white pair of panties. He picked them up, and shoved them in his pocket. I swear, if they were one of Nicole's, I would actually be pissed.

The concert was over. I was exhausted. Matt looked into the crowd, and our eyes met. Our eyes stayed on each other, until Nicole tugged my arm. He looked down, and walked away. I followed Nicole out to the crowded parking lot, and got in the passenger seat.
"You sleeping at your place?"
I nodded, and yawned.
"Yea, man. I'm tired as fuck."
She laughed, and I just smiled. I thought of Matt before anything. I couldn't help it. Seeing him after that long was enough to make me cry. I held it in, knowing Nicole would be concerned, and the last thing I wanted was to talk about it. Before I could, Nicole pulled into my driveway.
"Here we are."
I smiled, and gave her a hug.
"Thanks, Nic. The concert was just what I needed."
She nodded, and giggled.
"Good. I was getting tired of the boring Jamie."
I laughed, and shut the car door behind me. I got upstairs, and took a quick shower, getting rid of the sweat and access makeup.
I put my hair in a bun, and got changed into my pajamas. I laid down, and yawned. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out.

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Who the fuck bangs on my door at three in the morning? I only got an hour of sleep, and this is what wakes me up.
I trudged down the stairs, still in my nightclothes, and towards the front door. I unlocked the door, and opened it.
My eyes shot open when I saw Matt standing there in a plain black shirt, and jeans. He wore a beanie, and he immediately looked up at me when the door opened.
"Jamie?"
I had no words. I couldn't even breathe. I didn't catch how he looked up close. It had been so long.
"Jamie O'Neil?"
I slowly nodded, that being the only movement I had.
"I know you know who I am."
I watched as Matt slowly pulled out a pair of panties out of his pocket. A white pair. I noticed the black heart on the front.
Of course they were mine.
"I believe these are yours."
A small slowly landed on his face as he held them up by the tiny strings. I smiled a little, and slowly took them from him. I crumbled them in my hand, and looked down.
"Thank you...for bringing them back...to me."
Matt just stared at me, as if in deep thought.
"Jamie?"
I looked up, and met his beautiful hazel eyes.
"Can I come in?"
I looked behind him, and saw nothing and no one. I slowly nodded, and backed up. Matt walked in, and I shut the door. I turned around, and saw him sitting on the couch in the living room, head in his hands. I leaned on the doorway of the living room entrance, and crossed my arms. After taking a small breathe, I exhaled through my nose.
"What are you doing here, Matt?"
Matt looked up, and let out a deep breathe.
"I saw you in the front row."
I shrugged, showing him that I wasn't going to be soft.
"So?"
He let out a soft chuckle, and scratched the back of his neck.
"I wanted to talk to you?"
I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair, which was let out of the bun out of aggravation.
"At three in the morning?"
He looked at me, and gave me a slight shrug.
"You look good, Jamie."
I shook my head, and uncrossed my arms.
"Stop. Just..stop, okay? I don't know why your here exactly, Matt, but I know for a fact it's not to tell me I look good."
His face stayed straight, but I was finished. He took the hint after a few moments of silence, and stood up.
"Listen, Jamie. I started thinking about when we were together."
I walked closer, wanting to hear more. I've been wanting to see him for so long. I was going to get what I wanted.
"You don't think I thought about you everyday? When you left, it hurt me so much."
That changed everything. Before I could think, my hand met his face.
Hard.
He slightly winced, and there were tears starting to form in my own eyes.
"Don't you dare. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to leave Huntington in the first place?! I left because you broke up with me! What didn't you get?"
"What was I supposed to do, Jamie?"
I shook my head as he tried to place his hand on my neck. I slightly backed away, and Matt looked hurt.
"You could've called. You could've used your fucking brain."
He looked down at his feet, and shoved his hands in his pockets. I felt a tear fall down my cheek, but I was frozen where I stood.
"Jamie, you have to understand. The reason I broke up with you was true. I knew that if we started to get serious, then I would have to leave to tour. That's the last thing I wanted."
I rolled my eyes, another tear falling quickly down my cheek.
"I could've been your manager, or a roadie, or a techie, or something, Matt. And you know that."
Matt shook his head, and ran his hand over his head, his fingers ruffling the small amount of hair he had.
"I wasn't thinking, Jame. I was too...confused and nervous about my own future, that I wasn't thinking about you."
I crossed my arms again, and looked right at him. I could feel my face get hot as my nerves kept pumping. The way this man made me feel was utterly ridiculous. He walked towards me, but I shook my head.
"Matt. Please. The last thing I want is for you to play the fucking Sweetheart Card, just to make me feel like shit."
He paused, and kept his eyes on me.
"I guess I deserved that."
I walked to the front door, and opened it. I stood beside it, and motioned for him to leave. Matt walked towards me, and shut the door lightly. He backed me up against the wall, and my heart started beating rapidly.
"I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, Jamie. I'm just trying to tell you that you mean so much to me, and I was an idiot to leave you like that."
Another tear fell, making my warm face cold for less than a millisecond. He stared into my eyes, and I looked back.
"I don't believe you."
He sighed softly, and nodded. He looked at me, and then at the door.
"Can I tell you something before I leave?"
I searched his face for any flaw of a lie or a trick.
I nodded.
"You know our song 'Dear God'?"
Of course I did. That was one of my favorites. It was so poetic and beautiful. One of their best, by far.
I nodded, again.
Matt leaned in. I could feel his breathe on my neck as his lips were almost pressing against my ear.
"It's about you."
I closed my eyes, letting a tear from each eye fall. It all made sense. The lyrics and all.
Matt slowly back up a bit, and looked at me. He placed both hands on my face, but I pushed them down softly.
"Matt. I can't even begin to describe how hurt and betrayed I felt by you."
He nodded softly, and placed both hands on my face again. This time, I didn't move. He wiped my tears away, and I closed my eyes. I felt his touch leave my face, but when I opened my eyes, his arms were wrapped around my waist, bringing me into a gentle hug.
Before I could think, my arms were wrapping themselves around his neck, holding him and taking in his scent of Axe and body wash.
I felt his lips on my bare shoulders, making me slightly smile.
"I missed you so much."
I sniffled, and let out a light breathe.
"I missed you, too."
"Does this mean you forgive me?"
I broke apart from him, and placed my hand on his cheek, where I had slapped him moments ago. He smiled a little, and placed his hand on top of mine, waiting for an answer.
"OK."