When I Look At You

“So, my friend Vivienne thinks she might just have something for you.” Danielle said as she set a coffee mug on the table in front of Faith.

“And what would that be?” she asked, pouring in some sugar and stirring it before taking a sip.

“There’s a job opening at the daycare center she works at in the three and four year old age group. I told her you have your teaching certification and that you were looking for work. She’d like to talk to you as soon as possible.”

“Dani that’s fantastic! Thank you.” Faith said, leaning across the coffee table to hug her sister-in-law.

“Of course. Here’s her phone number. She said to call her anytime.”

“I will.” Faith said, taking the slip of paper and staring down at the seven digits. The seven digits that could change her life by giving her the career she has wanted since she was a little girl.

****

“Nick!” Faith shouted down the stairs, the phone still in her hands. “Nick, come here!”

“What? What’s wrong? What’s on fire?” he asked, running around the corner and skidding to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. Faith giggled as he stared worriedly up at her.

“Nothing’s wrong.” She said, a huge smile on her face. “That was Dani’s friend Vivienne. I got the job at the daycare center!”

“Faith, that’s great!” he exclaimed, taking the stairs two at a time before stopping at the top and wrapping his arms around her waist, lifting her in the air. “When do you start?”

“Monday. I’m so excited, Nick. This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was ten and playing with my younger cousins.”

“I know it is. Babe, I love seeing you happy like this.” He said, leaning in and placing his soft lips on hers.

“I love being this happy.” She whispered, kissing him again, running her fingers through his hair. “I’m going to call my parents.”

“Okay. I’ll go cook dinner.” He said, turning to go down the stairs, his fingers grazing across her hip bone as he moved. Faith smiled but she masked the confusion she felt. Whenever Nick used to touch her like that, his skin was fire against hers but now… it was like he wasn’t touching her at all.

****

“Good morning, Faith.” Vivienne said, walking into the staff room and giving Faith a smile.

“Hi, Vivienne.” She said as she hung up her coat.

“Are you nervous for today?”

“A little.” Faith admitted, looking out the window to the parking lot where parents were starting to arrive.

“Don’t worry. It may take the children a little while to get used to you but they warm up to almost anyone instantly. Have you met April yet?”

“No, I haven’t.” Faith said, shaking her head.

“Okay, well like I said she is the other teacher you will be working with. Come with me,” Vivienne said, taking a left down the hallway.

“Good morning, Viv,” said a woman who was slightly shorter than Faith with blonde hair and a welcoming smile.

“April, this is Faith, our newest teacher I told you about.” Vivienne said, putting her hand on Faith’s back and leading her forward.

“It’s nice to meet you.” April said, shaking Faith’s hand with a smile.

“Likewise,” Faith said, smiling nervously at her new co-worker.

“Well, I’ll let you two get to know each other as I help Aimee gather the children together.” Vivienne said as she left the room.

“Is this your first time working in a daycare center?” April asked.

“No, I worked in one a few summers while I was in high school.” Faith said, helping April arrange the chairs in a circle.

“Good. So, Viv may have told you this but the children will call you Miss Faith and I am Miss April. We take them outside before lunch around eleven thirty. Lunch is at noon and then we read a story and then nap time until three. We have activities in the morning and from three until five when the parents start coming. Since you’ve worked at a daycare center before you know that it sounds easy but it’s exactly the opposite.”

“Oh yes, I know.” Faith said with a laugh as she nodded her head.

“Okay, well the kids will be coming in here in about ten minutes. Are you nervous?”

“Just a little. It’s been so long.” Faith said.

“You’ll be fine.” April said, patting her back.

****

“Honey, I’m home!” Faith called into the house as she closed the front door behind her. “Damn, that was so cliché.”

“Hey, how was it?” he asked, coming down the stairs. He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a kiss.

“It was really good.” She said was they walked to the kitchen with his arm around her waist. “The kids are so adorable and they seem to love me already.”

“Well I don’t blame them.” He said, smiling at her as he sat in one of the stools, leaning his elbows on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“Thanks honey,” she said sweetly. “Being around them made me start to think about when we’ll have kids.”

“Ha, that won’t be for awhile.” He said, grabbing a few grapes from the fruit bowl and popping them into his mouth.

“Sorry?” she asked, taking a package of chicken out of the fridge and turning the stove top on.

“Well there’s no way we can think about having kids at the moment.”

“Why not?”

“Babe, we’re in the process of wrapping up the album. We’ll have to go to interviews, play on some late night shows, and make some appearances.”

“What does any of that have to do with my being pregnant?”

“It would get in the way.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

“How would my pregnancy get in the way of your career? It would get in the way of my career.”

“Which you just started.” He pointed out.

“Well yeah, I know but… it’s because I needed something to do instead of sitting around the house. Once we have kids I’ll be taking care of them full time.”

“Okay but I still think it’s too soon.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve only been married two months.”

“But it’s not like we have to build up for anything. We have a house. We have money. We have a great family to support and help us.”

“Faith. I’m just not ready to be a Dad yet okay?” he asked, raising his voice slightly. He lifted his head and stared into her eyes. “Can we drop it?”

“Fine,” she whispered, swallowing to hold back the tears.

The lump in her throat throbbed as she sliced open the package of chicken and put the pieces in the pan. Nick shoved away from the counter and the stool scraped against the floor making a sound resembling nails on a chalkboard and Faith cringed. She listened to his footsteps, making sure he was all the way upstairs before sliding down to the floor and letting the tears escape.

****

One week had passed since their miniscule fight and Faith was already in love with the children she was working with. Each day spent with them made her ache to have her own children more and more. She knew she couldn’t bring the subject up with Nick again just yet. Not for awhile. At least not until the album was out and he was done with promoting it.

That Monday she left to go to her car to drive to work. As she turned the key in the ignition the car made a rumbling noise and wouldn’t start. She tried again and again before slamming her hands in the steering wheel and letting her head roll back against the head rest. She dug around in her purse for her cell phone and searched through her contacts for the right person to call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.” She said, looking out the window.

“What’s up?”

“You’re not at work yet are you?”

“Nope, still at home. I was about to leave. Why?”

“Could you swing by here and pick me up to bring me to work? My car won’t start.”

“Sure, I’ll be there in ten minutes. Call AAA while you wait for me.”

“Thank you so much. See you in a bit.” She said, hitting the end button and calling AAA.

After hanging up with AAA Faith climbed out of the car and walked back to the front door. She sat on the steps and watched for the familiar car. About ten minutes later she smiled as it pulled into her driveway.

“Hey,” she said, walking towards the car.

“Hi,” Joe said, through the open window. Faith opened the passenger side door and climbed in, buckling her seatbelt as Joe pulled out into the street.

“Thank you for coming to get me.” She said, turning to look at me.

“Of course,” he said, flashing a smile before turning his eyes to the road ahead of him. “So how is this new job? You haven’t told me about it.”

“I know I haven’t talked to you in awhile. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. So go on, tell me about it.”

“Well it’s really great. It’s the perfect job for me. I love the kids already. They make me want to have my own kids.”

“So go ahead.” He said.

“Well there’s a slight problem there.” She said softly, playing with her wedding ring.

“And that would be…?”

“Nick doesn’t want kids yet.” She whispered.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, he thinks it’s too soon. We kind of got into a fight over it.”

"I’m sorry Faith.” He said, taking his hand off of the wheel and patting her hand she had resting on her lap.

“It’s not your fault.” She said as he took a right turn into the daycare’s parking lot. “Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” He said, putting the car in park and taking out his key. They walked into the building and Faith led him to the staff room.

“Morning Viv,” she said.

“Hi, Faith,” she said with a smile, her eyes turning to Joe. “Oh, is this your husband?”

“No, this is my brother-in-law.” Faith said as Joe cleared his throat. He leaned forward and shook Vivienne’s hand.

“Joe Jonas.” He said.

“I’m sorry. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Joe drove me to work because my car wouldn’t start this morning and Nick was already gone.” Faith explained as Vivienne poured her coffee, nodding her head as she listened.

“Well that was very nice of you.” Vivienne said.

“It was no big deal.” Joe said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I’m just going to show him the classroom and then he’s going to go to his own work.” Faith said to Vivienne. “If that’s okay.”

“Of course. Have a nice day, Joe.”

“You too.” He said, following Faith down the hallway.

“So, that was my boss, Dani’s friend. And this is the classroom. I wonder where April is…” she mused as she started to set up. Joe walked over to the window and looked outside.

“The kids are starting to arrive.” He said, turning to Faith who looked towards the window.

“I guess you should go.” She said.

“Yeah… I guess I should.” He said, walking to the door.

“I’ll walk you out.” She said, following him back out into the hallway. The two walked outside and Joe smiled at the children running towards the building with their parents following them.

“Look at her,” he whispered to Faith, pointing towards a little girl in pig tails and a blue dress. “She’s adorable.”

“That’s Megan, she’s one of my three year olds.” Faith said with a smile.

“I can’t wait to be a Dad.” He said softly, watching the children laughing and running to the building. Faith felt something leap in her chest at his words and as she watched him as he smiled.

“You will be.” She whispered, touching his arm. He turned his head to her and she could see the sadness in his eyes.

“When?” he whispered.

“When you find the right girl.” She said, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him.

“What if I already found her.” He whispered, his breath blowing her hair by her ear. She felt a pull at her heart, wondering who this girl was. A small lump formed in her throat and she choked it back.

“Then… you should go and get her.” She said with some difficulty. Joe pulled away and looked once more into Faith’s eyes before turning to his car and climbing in. “Don’t get her…” she whispered, again playing with her wedding band.

She looked down at the golden ring on her finger and slid it off. She watched as it caught the sun and shimmered in her eyes. She looked up when she heard Joe leaving and she saw him looking at her through the window. He quickly turned his head back to the road and Faith watched until his car was out of sight. With a sigh she looked once more back at the ring and thought of Nick before sliding it back on her finger and heading into the building.