When I Look At You

Faith and Nick arrived at the spa around four in the afternoon that Friday. As they walked in, Nick’s arm was draped around her waist, pulling her close to him. They acted as if they were on their honeymoon all over again.

Faith checked in at the concierge desk while Nick stood off to the side. She was so happy to finally have time to get away together. No interviews, no recordings, no family… no interruptions. Smiling, she took the room keys and schedule and headed towards Nick. He looked up when he heard her approaching and quickly shoved something in his pocket.

“All set?” he asked, picking up the bags.

“Yeah. We’re on the fourth floor.” She said, looking at his pocket suspiciously.

“So, what’s the schedule for tonight?” Nick asked as they stepped onto the elevator.

“Um…” she said, shaking her thoughts away of what could be in his pocket and looking at the schedule. “Not much tonight. We have dinner reservations at the restaurant downstairs at 6:30. Then there’s a private massage around ten.”

“They do massages that late?”

“Who said they were giving the massage?” she asked, winking at him and walking out of the elevator. He stared at her walking away for a moment before following her just as the doors were closing.

“Wait… what?”

“You heard me.” She whispered, slowly walking backwards into the room. Nick dropped the bags and kicked the door shut before wrapping Faith up in his arms and lifting her in the air. Her giggles filled the air as he gently tossed her onto the bed.

****

“Can we just skip dinner and go straight to the massage?” Nick whispered to Faith as they were led to the table.

“I don’t think so mister. I need a break.” She said giving him a coy smile.

After they ordered Faith excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. When she was walking back to the table she saw the back of Nick’s head. She also saw Nick’s hand raised next to his head. As she got closer she saw his mouth moving. Her eyes blazed with fury as she saw him put the cell phone back in his pocket and look around waiting for her. When he saw her he smiled and her lips drew together in a thin line.

“Who was that?” she asked coldly as she sat down, placing her napkin on her lap.

“Who was who?” Nick asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“Don’t fuck around with me Nick.” She said sternly and his eyes widened. Faith never swore unless she was really mad. “I saw you put your cell phone away.”

“I’m sorry.” He said with a sigh but she cut him off before he could get anything else out.

“That better not have been John, Nick, or I swear to God…” she said angrily.

“Um…”

“I knew it!” she shouted, throwing her napkin on the floor and standing up. The wine in their glasses shook from the force she used to push away from the table. “You can’t go less than twenty four hours without calling someone about the stupid record!”

“Faith, this is my job!” he said calmly, trying not to make things worse by raising his voice at her.

“And I’m your wife Nicholas. Think about that next time you say anything to me about your job.” She said before turning and walking away. Nick stood up to follow her but stopped when she turned around and glared at him.

Tears silently fell down her face as she walked through the crowded restaurant. Stranger’s glances turned away from her as she got close but the whispers… the whispers she could still hear. She held her composure until she got into the elevator alone. That’s when she crumbled against the wall, shaking violently with sobs.

Once in the room she bolted the door behind her so even with his key Nick couldn’t get in. She slid the heels off her feet and kicked them into the closet before stumbling to the bed and falling face first. Turning her head she saw her cell phone resting on the side table. Without a moment’s hesitation she reached her arm out and her fingers wrapped around the cold silver phone. Her fingers flew as she dialed the all too familiar numbers once again before bringing it up to her ear. She counted the rings. Once… twice… click.

“Hello?”

“Joe… this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. He’s ruining everything.” She sobbed her head still half buried in the pillow.

“Faith what’s wrong. Did he hurt you?”

“No he didn’t hurt me. Not physically anyway.” She said, using some strength to sit up.

“What did he do, Faith?” Joe asked and she could tell he wasn’t happy at all.

“He told me that he’d take the whole weekend off. We were in the restaurant for dinner and I got up to use the rest room. When I got back he was talking on his cell phone. He shoved it into his pocket before he saw me but I saw him.”

“Faith, I’m sorry.” Joe sighed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Joe. The worst thing is when I confronted him about it he said that it’s his job. It sounded like it was more important to him than I was.” She said, choking on the lump that was rising in her throat again.

“Faith I don’t know what to tell you. Nick’s my brother and I love him and he’s always been one for work. But this is different. I’ve never seen him this consumed by something. It kills me when you call me crying like this. It kills me more when I physically see the pain you’re in.” he said sincerely and she let out a small laugh.

“I’m sorry I load all this crap on you. It’s not your problem to deal with.”

“Of course it is. You’re family.” He said and it was silent for a moment.

“I don’t know what to do Joe.” she whispered. “Everything is falling apart.”

“I think you just need to confront him. Sit him down. Put the cell phones aside and tell him to listen. Tell him what you want. Tell him you want to be a family without work getting in the way even though you know how important it is to him.”

“Okay… okay I think I can do that.”

“I know you can do it.”

“Okay. I’m going to go back down to dinner and see…” she said uncertainly. Someone knocked on the door and she turned her head. “Hold on… someone’s at the door.”

She stood up from the bed, her hand with the phone hanging limply by her side. Her feet made no sound as she walked across the plush carpet. With deep breaths she stood on tip-toe to look through the peep hole. Her heart jumped in her chest when she saw Nick standing at the door nervously.

“Joe… I have to go.” She whispered into the phone. “Nick’s at the door. I’m going to talk to him.”

“Oh. Okay. Good luck.”

“Thanks. Talk to you later. Bye.” She said, hanging up and tossing the phone across the room to the bed. With shaking hands she fumbled with the locks on the door and when she opened it Nick quickly turned to face her.

“Hi.” He whispered. She turned her eyes to the floor and swallowed before looking up at him. “Can I come in?”

She hesitated for a moment before stepping back and opening the door wider. Nick entered and slid his dinner jacket off before walking to the bed and settling down on it. Faith closed and locked the door again before taking a seat next to Nick on the bed. They didn’t look at each other. They didn’t speak for a few moments.

“Faith,” Nick sighed, keeping his head down as he twisted his fingers together. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be calling the guys but this is important to me. And you’re important to me and I love you for wanting to bring me here to help me relax but I don’t know if I can relax. I promise that the rest of the weekend will be about us. I won’t look at my phone at all.”

“It’s alright.” She whispered. “I understand.”

“Hey,” he said, lifting his hand and putting a finger under her chin, tilting her head towards him. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do. I love you too.” She said, turning her eyes to his. They look sad, almost empty. He gave a slight smile before placing his lips on hers. She closed her eyes and felt a tear slide down her cheek. Joe’s words echoed in her head, tell him you want to be a family.

“Do you want to go back down to dinner?” Nick asked, standing up. She reached out and grabbed his hand and he sat back down giving her a confused look.

“I want to talk about something first.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“I know we haven’t been married for very long but we love each other and that’s what matters. And I know we’ve already talked about this but… Nick,” she sighed looking up at him. “I want to be a Mom.”

“I know you do.” He whispered, placing a hand on her cheek and stroking it with his thumb. “And I want to be a Dad.”

“So…?” she asked, a slight smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“But…” he sighed, his hand slipping away. “We just can’t right now. It wouldn’t be good. I’m sorry.”

Faith turned her head away from Nick, tears falling silently down her face. Nick stood up and walked around so he was in front of Faith. She saw him pick up the room’s phone and push a few buttons.

“Hi, I’d like to order room service.” He said and Faith stood up.

Nick’s voice faded as she walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and sliding to the floor. She unwrapped her fingers from the phone she was holding, having picked it back up without Nick noticing. She flipped it open and her fingers flew across the keyboard as she typed three simple words.

He said no.

She clicked send and watched as the message disappeared. It was silent for a few moments as she waited for the response. The phone buzzed in her hands and she looked down at the screen where Joe flashed in front of her eyes. She opened the phone to read his message.

I hate to say it. He’s an ass. I’m sorry Faith.

“Faith?” Nick asked softly as his knuckled rapped against the door. “Please come out. I ordered some food for us.”

Faith sighed and stood up from the floor. She placed the phone next to the sink and opened the door. Nick watched as she went to the suitcase and pulled out her pajamas. She silently changed in front of him and climbed into bed, turning her back to him as her eyes drifted closed, the tears leaving stains on her cheeks.