When I Look At You

“I can’t believe Frankie’s going to be sixteen on Wednesday.” Nick said, stepping away from the calendar hanging on the refrigerator.

“I know. I remember when I met him he was just barely a teenager.” Faith said as she stirred the pasta on the stove.

“I wonder if my Mom’s going to throw him a party.”

“Of course she will. She throws parties for everyone no matter how old they turn.”

“Very true.” Nick said with a laugh as he set the table.

Faith watched her husband go about the normal routine as she checked on the tomato sauce. Ever since they returned from their trip things had been rocky. However, the past few days she noticed Nick seemed happier and was doing more around the house. She didn’t know what caused the change in him but she wasn’t going to question it.

“Do you want to go shopping for a present for him sometime on Saturday?” she asked, already bracing herself for the normal response.

“Maybe, I’ll have to see how the rest of the week goes in the studio.” Nick said and her eyes widened in surprise. He usually said no.

“Okay, just let me know.” She said, pulling the garlic bread out of the oven.

****

Friday morning Faith stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her body. She stood in front of the mirror and wiped the condensed steam from it. It was going to be a good weekend. Nick said he would go shopping with her for Frankie’s present. Nothing was going to ruin her day. She made her way into the bedroom and the phone rang, distracting her.

“Hello?” she asked, picking it up.

“Faith. Hey,” Joe’s voice said, ringing in her ear.

“Hi Joe, what’s up?” she asked, walking over to her closet.

“Nothing really. I just wanted to catch you before you left for work.”

“Perfect timing, I just got out of the shower.” She said, rifling through her hangers.

“Oh well anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me tomorrow to get Frankie’s presents.”

“Oh well, Nick and I are going together but you can join us if you want.”

“Nick’s actually going with you? Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” she said with a smile. “Like I said, you can join us if you want.”

“No… it’s alright. I can go alone. I’m going to let you go so you can get to work on time. Have a nice day.”

“Thanks, Joe. You too.”

“Bye.” He said and the next sound she heard was the dial tone.

“Goodbye to you too.” She scoffed, hanging up the phone and setting it on the dresser. Sometimes she just didn’t understand her brother-in-law.

****

“Your Mom called this morning when you were in the shower.” Faith said to Nick as they strolled hand in hand through the mall.

“What about?” he asked, pausing to look in the window of a store.

“She wants our help setting up Frankie’s party. She was wondering if you could work on music.”

“I don’t know if I’ll have time.”

“Why not?” Faith asked, stopping in the middle of the doorway to Hot Topic.

“Well… I work, Faith.”

“And what, Joe, Kevin, Dani, and I don’t?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Not everything revolves around you, Nick. Take five minutes to think about Frankie.”

“Faith, don’t cause a scene.” He hissed as people walked around them.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t ever do anything for your brothers. I have to plan activities for the kids at school after already spending eight or so hours with them and yet I’m still going to have to make a cake as well as a few other things. You work with music Nick; you could put a few things together while sitting at the studio!”

“It’s not that simple, Faith.”

“Bullshit, Nicholas. You sound like a broken record.”

“Faith,” he said, angrily.

“Take me home.”

“What?”

“I want. To go. Home.” She said, crossing her arms.

“We didn’t get a present.” He sighed.

“So I’ll get one after work on Monday myself. Take me home, now.”

“Fine.” He said, walking past her out of the store and heading toward the malls exit.

She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering how something nice turned into hell. If she had just gone with Joe instead… this could have been avoided completely. With a sigh she turned around and followed her husband’s dark curls out of the mall and to the car.

****

Faith stood in the middle of the department store holding a red shirt in one hand, a blue in the other. She couldn’t for the life of her remember which color Frankie liked more. It was like choosing between fire and ice. Sighing she set the shirts down and dug through her purse for her phone.

“Hello?” Joe asked.

“Which color does Frankie like more, blue or red?” she asked quickly.

“Red. Why?”

“I’m looking at shirts to buy him and I couldn’t remember for the life of me. Thanks.” She said with a smile.

“No problem. Why are you buying him shirts?”

“For his birthday.” She said. She thought it would be obvious.

“I thought you went shopping with Nick the other day.” He said and she could tell he sounded confused.

“I did. We didn’t buy anything.” She said coolly.

“Oh… did you two have a fight?”

“No.” she said and he was silent. She sighed. “Yes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now, I don’t. I’ll probably just tell you Wednesday.”

“Okay. I’ll see you Wednesday.”

“Bye, Joe.”

“Bye.” He said and she hung up the phone and put it back in her purse. She looked back down at the shirts and decided to buy him a few different ones. It’s not like Nick was there to stop her from spending the money.

****

Tuesday evening Faith left the daycare and rushed home to bake Frankie’s cake and wrap his presents so she wouldn’t be rushing even more the next day. Once inside the house she kicked off her shoes and headed straight to the kitchen, pulling her hair up into a bun in the process. She pre-heated the oven and started mixing the batter from scratch. Frankie loved her cakes from scratch so for his birthday there weren’t going to be any exceptions.

While upstairs she not only wrapped the presents but changed out of her work clothes into sweatpants and one of Nick’s old shirts. Just as she pulled the shirt over her head the stove beeped signaling the end of the cake baking process. She ran down the stairs and slid around the corner in her socked feet right into the kitchen. Grabbing pot holders she opened the oven door and pulled the two cake pans out and set them on a towel on the counter.

“Perfect timing,” she muttered right as the water for the pasta started to boil. While searching through the cabinets for the spaghetti she heard the front door open and close.

“Something smells good.” Nick said, walking into the kitchen and over to where the cakes sat. “What are these for?”

“What?” Faith asked, spinning around and almost dropping the box of spaghetti.

“I asked what these are for.” Nick said, his right eyebrow lifting in confusion.

“You’re joking… right?” she asked, walking over to the stove and dropping the uncooked pasta into the pot.

“No…” he said, his eyes darting from the cakes to her eyes.

“They’re for your brothers birthday tomorrow night Nicholas!” she shouted in aggravation, turning to look at him and putting a hand on her hip.

“Oh, that’s tomorrow already?” he asked, unfazed by her outburst.

“Yes, Nick. It’s tomorrow night. I’m going straight from work to help set up and I’m bringing the cake to work with me.”

“What time do the celebrations start?”

“Seven.”

“Okay, I’ll be there at seven.” He said, leaning forward, his lips puckered, expecting a kiss.

“You’re not going to help set up?”

“Didn’t we go over this the other day when we were shopping? I’ll be at work.”

“You can’t leave an hour early?”

“Faith,” he sighed.

“No, Nick. I can’t deal with this right now.” she said, turning to the stove. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nick watching her for a moment before sagging his shoulders and heading toward the staircase. Faith turned her body and leaned against the counter bowing her head and letting out a deep breath.

****

After work on Wednesday, Faith grabbed the finished cake from the staff room fridge and headed right over to her in-law’s house. Pulling into the driveway she noticed Kevin, Dani, and Joe were all there already. She saw Joe through the front room window and smiled and waved at him and a smile spread on his face. Faith had trouble balancing the cake and trying to get Frankie’s wrapped box from the back seat. The cake almost tottered out of her hands until she felt its weight gone completely. Turning she saw Joe, cake in hands waiting for her to grab the present so he could close the door.

“Thanks,” she said with a smile, heading toward the front door.

“No problem, from the window it looked like this cake was going to be a goner.”

“Well, thank you for creeping on me.” She joked.

“Anytime.” He said with a laugh stepping into the house and closing the front door behind him.

“So, where’s Frankie?” she asked, heading to the kitchen.

“On his way home from school. He rode his bike today.” Joe answered, setting the cake in the fridge.

“Oh Faith, hello dear.” Denise said, walking into the kitchen and embracing Faith.

“Hi Mom, it smells great in here.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile.

“So, where do you want me?”

“I think it’s nice enough outside to eat. Would you and Joe mind blowing up the balloons? Kevin and Danielle are grabbing the tables and chairs from the basement to bring out.”

“Balloons it is.” Joe said, giving a soldier’s salute and heading to the sliding door. He pulled it open and directed Faith to it. “After you.”

“Well aren’t you quite the gentleman.” She said. Joe grabbed the balloons from the counter and the helium tank from the closet and followed Faith outside.

“I like to think so.” He laughed, heading down the steps to the patio.

****

“Faith,” Danielle whispered across the table while they all sat outside to eat.

Faith turned her gaze to Dani and raised an eyebrow. Dani pointed to the empty seat next to Faith and scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. Faith just sighed and shrugged her shoulders before turning back to Frankie and the story he was telling. Glancing up she caught Joe’s gaze and thought she saw some sympathy in it.

Throughout the dinner Faith constantly keep checking the glow of her cell phone not only for the time but to see if she had a message from Nick. Nothing at 7:30. Nothing at 8:00. Nothing at 8:15. She noticed the sympathetic and somewhat angry glances of her family members… of his family members but she pretended she didn’t.

Finally at 8:30 they all turned their heads as they heard a car door close. The glass door slid open and Nick walked outside… on his cell phone. Faith felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she stood up. All eyes turned to Nick… except Joe’s whose eyes were on her. She walked right up to Nick and put her hands on her chest.

“Hang up now.” she hissed. He held a finger up to her as he continued to talk.

“Yeah,” he said to whoever he was talking to. “And then switch up the tempo on the other one. Exactly!” he said with a laugh.

“Nicholas Jerry Jonas hang up that cell phone right now or I swear to God.” She said a little louder and he turned his body from her. Her jaw dropped and she stepped away, her hands in the air. She shook her head in defeat and stormed up the stairs into the house, slamming the door shut as loud as possible for a sliding door.

Faith paced the floor of the kitchen trying to keep her composure. She didn’t want to cry over this at Frankie’s party. Someone silently slid into the kitchen but she couldn’t see with her back to the doorway. She heard the fall of their footsteps against the tile floor and their deep breathing.

“You okay?” Joe asked quietly, almost a whisper.

“Fine. I’m just… frustrated.” She muttered, turning to look at him.

“You don’t look fine.” He said seriously, a somber look on his face.

He stepped towards her and put his hand on her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tear she didn’t know was escaping her eye. Faith turned her head into his hand slightly as the tears came at a much faster and more noticeable rate. Joe put his arms around her back and pulled her into him as she cried into his chest, letting everything she needed to out. He silently stroked her back and placed feather light kisses on the top of her head.

“It’s going to be okay.” He whispered.