When I Look At You

“Faith looks really pretty,” Charlotte whispered to Joe as he got them drinks while the rest of his family was out in the living room having fun.

“She’s beautiful,” he said, watching her as she and Nick held hands.

“I thought you said things were rocky between them.”

“They were, for awhile,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “The thing with Faith is one minute, Nick will be such an ass to her but then the next he turns around and actually shows up at a family event or he takes her out to some nice dinner or whatever and she falls right back into him. It’s like a vicious circle.”

“Well you’re just going to have to break that circle, Joe.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“You need to prove that the feelings you think you have for Faith are real. You also have to prove the feelings that you think she has for you are real.”

“But no matter what I do I think I’ll end up hurting Nick and possibly hurting Faith. I hate the way he treats her but he’s still my brother, Charlotte. I don’t know if I can hurt him.”

“I know you don’t want to but Joe, if you can make things better, you’re going to have to,” she said sympathetically, putting her hand on his arm. He looked up at her and knew she was only trying to help him.

“So what should I do?” he asked.

“You need to get her alone. No family, no distractions, so obviously not tonight but it has to be soon. Then, you’re just going to have to lean in and kiss her.”

“You want me to just spontaneously kiss my sister-in-law?” he hissed, keeping his voice down so no one else would hear.

“It could go one of three ways. One, she could end any kind of relationship with you. Two, she could pretend that nothing like that ever happened and try to keep your relationship as it is now. Or three, she could leave Nick, for you,” she said, counting them off on her fingers. “It’s your decision Joe. How big of a risk are you willing to take?”

Joe turned his attention away from Charlotte back to the living room where his family stood. He set his eyes on Faith, imagining it was him standing next to her. Imagining he was holding her hand, not Nick. What he was imagining felt like it could be real but seemed so impossible. If he were to do what Charlotte suggested he’d hurt someone. If he followed through with it, he could only wonder what his parents and Kevin would think. The only way to know would be to try.

****

Chicken sizzled on a pan on the stove while some onions were caramelizing in the next one over. Joe hummed to himself as he poured uncooked rice into the pot of boiling water. The ringing of the phone startled him and almost made him drop the measuring cup.

“Hello?” he asked, wiping his hands on his pants.

“Hey, it’s me,” Faith said.

“Oh hey Faith, what’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you would want to go shopping with me tomorrow. Danielle is throwing Kevin a surprise party Saturday night and I have no clue what to get him.”

“Danielle didn’t tell me about a party,” he said.

“Well, you see Joseph, that’s because you can’t keep a secret,” she said teasingly.

“Oh I think I can,” he said thinking of the secret he’d kept form her for the past four years.

“Anyway, Nick shockingly won’t be able to go because of work so I figured you could help me.”

“So it would just be the two of us?” he asked, reminded of Charlotte’s idea.

“Yes, Joe, just us,” she said with a laugh. “So will you go?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll meet you at the mall at 5:30?”

“Sounds great. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” he said quietly, waiting to hear the dial tone before setting his phone down. “Okay,” he said to himself, “Faith and I will be alone tomorrow. Just the two of us. No Nick, no family, just us. I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll kiss her… but how…”

The beeping of the stove brought him away from his thought process. The onions were just on the edge of burning and the rice was overdone. With a sigh he put his semi-ruined dinner on a plate and sat at his table, racking his brain for ways to approach Faith in a kissing fashion the next day.

****

As Joe walked into the mall he straightened his shirt and checked his hair in his reflection on the window of the door. He popped a fresh piece of gum into his mouth and turned the corner, searching for Faith. There she was, sitting on a bench in front of the merry-go-round, checking her watch. He cleared his throat when he approached her and she looked up, a smile emerging when she saw it was him.

“Hi, you look nice,” she said, standing up.

“Thanks, so do you,” he said automatically. Faith looked down at herself and laughed. Joe then actually took the chance to look at her. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, her shirt had splatters of paint on it, and she had a handprint on the side of her leg.

“Um… thanks?” she said.

“You do though. I think it gives you a kind of charm.”

“A charm?” she asked, sounding skeptical.

“Yeah, like, you know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“If you say so,” she said, shaking her head. “So where should we head to first?”

“Well I know he needs a new watch and he’s been talking about wanting a Giants jersey. One of those two would be your best bet, especially if it’s supposed to be from you and Nick.”

“It is. What if Dani got him one of those though?”

“Well, let’s check,” he said, pulling out his cell phone and smiling at her. It was silent as he waited for Danielle to pick up her phone.

“What’s up Joe?” she asked.

“Hey, I’m shopping for a gift for Kevin and I want to make sure you haven’t bought what I’m thinking of. I’m torn between a watch and a Giants jersey. Did you get him either of those?”

“I got him a new watch. The jersey is a great idea though. You should definitely get him that!”

“Will do, thanks Dani.”

“Bye,” she said, hanging up the phone.

“So what’s the verdict?” Faith asked.

“Jersey it is,” he said, leading the way to the sports store.

“How come you didn’t tell her you were with me? The present’s going to be from Nick and me, not you.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think of it because technically I am shopping for a present for Kevin and technically I never said it was going to be from me. I just said I was going to get it but not give it.”

“Smart ass,” she said with a smirk, smacking his arm gently as they entered the store.

“Name calling isn’t very nice there Miss Faith,” he joked as they walked over to the Giants section and rifled through the jerseys.

“I’m sorry. Normally we’d put the kids in time out for that,” she said, looking up at him. He stared down at her, wondering if this was the time to kiss her. Her eyes darted between his.

“Maybe I should put you in time out,” he said quietly, just above a whisper, slightly leaning towards her.

“Maybe you should,” she whispered, their noses practically touching. Joe took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking that final step and pressing his lips against hers. She started to kiss back before quickly pulling away.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. Faith turned her head away but he could see a tear escape her eye. “Faith,” he said, stepping closer and reaching a hand out.

“Don’t,” she whispered. She grabbed a jersey from the rack and walked over to the cashier. Joe ran his hands through his hair and groaned.

“Shit,” he whispered. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”