When I Look At You

Faith didn’t prolong the shopping trip. She didn’t want things to get even more awkward than they already were if that was even possible. It was still unbelievable. Joe had just kissed her. Her brother-in-law had just kissed her. After they had parted ways she just sat in her car in the parking lot staring blankly ahead wondering if she should tell Nick. She decided against it, things were going so well lately and she didn’t want them to be bad.

“What about Joe?” she asked herself as she buckled her seatbelt. The engine roared to life as she turned the key and left the mall’s parking lot.

She didn’t know if she should pretend like nothing had happened between them or if she should ignore him all together. When Joe had tried to comfort her when he saw the tear drop she had pulled away. She pulled away because she was afraid that if she had let him touch her she would have kissed him again. The tear fell because she was confused. The kiss, though a short one, had ignited something within Faith and she didn’t know what it meant. No one could find out about this kiss, especially Nick.

After driving in the silent car for about twenty minutes, Faith pulled into her driveway. To her surprise Nick’s car was in its spot in the garage. She climbed out of the car, a puzzled expression on her face, and grabbed the bag containing Kevin’s jersey from the back seat.

“Hello?” she called into the house, listening to her voice echo in the high ceiling of the foyer.

“Hey babe,” Nick called from the kitchen. Faith slipped her shoes off and set the bag on the stairs before making her way to the kitchen.

“What are you doing home?” she asked, walking over to Nick and giving him a kiss before heading to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of wine.

“We finished up early today so I thought I’d come home and have date night with my wife,” he said with a smile.

“Date night?” she asked, pouring some wine into glasses and taking a sip of hers. Nick took his glass from the counter and took a sip before nodding his head.

“Yes ma’am. I have rented the three newest romantic comedies, ordered Chinese food, and bought a little something special for dessert. I figured we needed a night to just relax,” he said, setting his glass down and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Yes, that sounds perfect. I need the relaxation to take my mind off things,” she sighed, resting her forehead on his chest.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, smoothing her hair back and she swallowed before answering.

“No, just… stressed is all. Thank you for this, it’s such a wonderful surprise,” she said, smiling up at him.

“Oh it doesn’t end here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Saturday night I have made dinner reservations at Rosewood Mansion. I’ve also hired a car to pick you up and bring you there since I’ll be working out in Dallas that day and won’t have time to come back and get you.”

“Rosewood Mansion! Nick, that is possibly the fanciest restaurant in Dallas!” she exclaimed.

“I know,” he said with a smirk.

“I can’t believe you planned all this. Thank you,” she said, reaching up and giving him a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt a flurry in her stomach. Not a good flurry that she used to get when she kissed her husband. An upset flurry as if that kiss wasn’t right. As if Nick wasn’t right. She was hit with the shock that maybe the kiss she had shared earlier in the day with Joe was right and she was worried.

****

Friday morning rolled around and Faith went through her work day as per usual. It wasn’t until school let out and she was on the way home that she started to feel nervous. She was nervous because this was going to be her first night seeing Joe since… the incident. It wasn’t a normal, jittery nervous either. It was a butterflies in her stomach kind of nervous. The nervous she used to get around Nick.

“I’m being silly,” she said, shaking her head as she pulled into the garage. She walked into the house and slid her shoes off and made her way upstairs to change. She had to get to Kevin and Danielle’s as soon as possible so she could get there before Kevin got home from work.

She put on a nice dress and pulled a sweater on and buttoned it up. Grabbing Kevin’s present and shoes from the closet she went downstairs and back out to the car. While in the car she tried to think of what to do when she got there. If Joe was there already she wasn’t sure how to act. Should she just act normal or should she try to ignore him? It was all just so complicated and she didn’t want it to be that way. She didn’t like hiding things from anyone and she knew with Dani around it was going to be near impossible not telling her about the kiss. Faith parked her car down the street from the house and started walking down the sidewalk.

She was almost in front of the house when she saw a shadow ahead of someone walking in her direction. Looking up she saw Joe and froze. He locked his gaze with hers and stopped walking too. They stood there staring at each other for a moment. Joe shifted his weight and scratched the back of his head. Faith swept her bangs out of her face and cleared her throat.

“Faith… I,”

“There you two are!” Dani called and Faith and Joe looked up to the house. Danielle was waving her arm at them from the doorway. “Come on! He’s going to be home soon.”

“We’ll be right there!” Joe called. He turned back to Faith who was looking down at the ground. She bit her lip, unsure of what to do.

Joe sighed and turned up the steps going across the lawn to the house. Faith waited until he was inside before following his actions. She took her shoes off and handed them to Dani who was already holding Joe’s so she could hide them from Kevin. Joe was already in the living room talking to his father. Denise came over to Faith with a smile on her face.

“Hello darling,” she said, giving Faith a hug.

“Hi Mom,” Faith said, holding onto her mother-in-law. Faith was afraid of what would happen if Denise found out about the kiss. She loved her dearly and couldn’t bear to have her mad at her.

“Is everything alright dear?”

“I’m fine; just exhausted. I had a long week at work,” she answered.

“Understandable. Here, I’ll take your present and put it with the others.”

“Thank you,” Faith said, handing the present over to Denise who took it into the kitchen.

Faith stood awkwardly in the foyer. Danielle was still upstairs. Joe was still talking to Kevin Sr. and Frankie and Becca were sitting on the couch and talking. She decided to follow Denise into the kitchen. As she passed the living room she glanced over and saw Joe’s eyes following her. She inhaled sharply and turned her gaze away.

“Wow,” Faith said, walking into the kitchen. There was food literally everywhere. “Danielle sure doesn’t like to hold back, does she?”

“She certainly doesn’t,” Denise said with a laugh.

“I don’t know how she does it. This is her second party in one week.”

“I’m just amazing that way,” Dani said, walking into the kitchen. Faith turned around and wrapped her arms around Dani’s neck. “Well, hi there!”

“Hi,” Faith mumbled into Dani’s shoulder.

“Are you okay sweetie?” Dani whispered into Faith’s ear.

“I don’t know,” she whispered back.

“Do you want to go upstairs and talk?” she asked, pulling away. Faith looked over Dani’s shoulder and saw Joe making his way to the kitchen.

“That’s probably not a good idea. At least not now,” she said, her eyes still watching Joe. Dani turned around and saw Joe walking into the kitchen.

“Well, you let me know when you’re ready.”

“I will,” she whispered. “Excuse me.”

She squeezed past Joe as he entered the kitchen and she was careful not to touch him. She knew he was watching her walk away but she couldn’t be in the same room as him right now. Walking into the living room she saw her father-in-law looking at Kevin’s CDs and she made her way over to him.

“Hi Dad,” she said with a smile as she heard the phone ring in the other room.

“Hi Faith, how was work?” he asked, giving her a hug.

“Oh you know Friday’s, they always seem longer because everyone’s anxious to have their weekends.”

“He’ll be home in five minutes!” Dani called from the kitchen. She walked into the living room, Denise and Joe behind her. “Where’s Nick?”

“Um, I’m not sure. Do you want me to call him?” Faith asked, reaching to her sweater for her cell phone.

“No, it’s alright. Just find places to hide,” she said.

Frankie and Becca got up off of the couch to crouch behind it. Kevin Sr. and Denise stood in the doorway leading to the kitchen. Faith decided to stand behind the plant that was next to the fireplace. A few seconds later she felt someone next to her and she knew it was Joe.

“We need to talk,” he whispered.

“I know,” she answered, not daring to look at him. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like standing so close to him where nobody could see them. His arm was touching hers and she could feel the heat from his body. She could smell his breath. It smelled like spearmint.

“So?” he asked after she was silent for a minute.

“Not here. Not tonight,” she said with a sigh.

“Then when, Faith? We haven’t talked in two days. Everyone can tell that something’s going on and they’re going to start asking questions.”

“I know. I know but I just can’t Joe. Not right now.”

“Dani, I’m home!” Kevin said as the door squeaked open. Danielle flicked the living room lights on and everyone jumped out of their hiding spots.

“Surprise!”

“Wow! Hi everyone!” Kevin said, a smile on his face.

Everyone crowded around him for hugs. Faith hung back and watched her family. After Joe gave Kevin a hug he turned around to look at Faith and this time she held his gaze. She could see the hurt in his eyes and she felt tears welling up in hers. She closed her eyes and turned her head away. Taking a few deep breaths she could feel the tears subsiding and she figured it was time she went over to Kevin. The family had moved about the room by then and Joe wasn’t in sight. She walked over to Kevin and tapped his shoulder, turning him away from a conversation with Frankie.

“Happy Birthday!” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Thanks Faith,” he said, kissing her cheek.

“Where’s the birthday boy?” Nick asked, walking into the house. He walked over and gave Kevin a hug then wrapped his arms around Faith and gave her a kiss.

A crash sounded from the hallway. Everyone turned to see Joe had dropped a glass of wine, the red wine spreading everywhere. He bent down and picked up the large bits of glass and brought them to the kitchen to throw out and returned with paper towels.

“Sorry Dani, it slipped,” he said, glancing up at Faith as he bent down to wipe up the spill.

“It’s alright,” she said, going to the closet and pulling out a broom. Faith turned away from the mess and grabbed onto Nick’s hand, looking down at the floor.

****

Saturday morning Faith woke up to an empty bed. Nick had already left for Dallas. There was a note sitting on his pillow and she picked it up.

Hey babe, I’ve already left. I can’t wait to see you tonight. There’s something special for you in the closet. I picked it out just for you, be sure to wear it tonight. The car will be here to pick you up at 4:30. I love you. Nick

Faith smiled to herself and threw the covers off of her body. She jumped off of the bed and went over to the closet, pulling the doors open. Her hands flew up to her face as she let out a gasp when she saw the stunning black dress before her. She pulled it out of the closet and examined the cut and the length, amazed that Nick had picked this out for her. He had gotten the size just right.

She spent the day taking care of herself for her special evening with Nick. She made sure her legs were perfectly smooth, she plucked her eyebrows just right, and curled her hair so it fell just so. By the time she was done primping it was 3:30. She grabbed the dress from the closet and slipped it on then applied her makeup. Soon enough the doorbell rang and when she opened it an older man with a very nice mustache was waiting for her.

“Hello Mrs. Jonas, my name is Archie and I’ll be driving you to Dallas this evening,” he said, tipping his hat. She smiled at him and grabbed her handbag from the side table and locked the door behind her.

“Pleasure to meet you Archie,” she said with a smile as they walked to the car. He opened the door for her and she slid in. He climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car.

“Off we go,” he said, pulling away from the house.

****

About an hour and a half later Archie was pulling up to the front of Rosewood Mansion. He walked to Faith’s door and opened it for her and she climbed out. She walked in a circle taking in the whole sight. She couldn’t believe she was finally there at Rosewood Mansion.

“Thank you very much Archie,” she said.

“You’re very welcome ma’am,” he said, climbing back into the car.

Faith walked towards the front of the building and a doorman smiled at her, pushing the door open. She thanked him and walked through towards the restaurant. She could hear the buzz of the people at their tables. Nick wasn’t in sight so she walked over to the hostess’ desk.

“Welcome to Rosewood Mansion. How can I help you?” the hostess asked, smiling at Faith.

“Hi, I’m meeting my husband here. We have a reservation, I assume under the name Jonas.”

“Yes, come right this way Mrs. Jonas,” she said, grabbing two menus and leading Faith to a private table in the back. “I’ll escort your husband back here when he arrives.”

“Thank you very much,” Faith said, giving her a smile and picking up her menu.

She perused it for a few minutes, trying to decide what to get. Her eyes skimmed the couples menu, wondering if there was anything Nick would be willing to get from that. Impatiently she looked down to her watch. Ten minutes later and Nick still wasn’t there. She tapped her foot on the floor and looked around, knowing there was probably just traffic that was making him late. Another five minutes later and she decided to pull out her purse and grab her cell phone. She dialed Nick’s number and waited for Nick to pick up.

“Hey, it’s Nick. I’m not here right now but leave a message and I’ll get back to you,” his voicemail answered and she hung up the phone.

“Hi, I’m Allie and I’ll be your waitress this evening. Can I get you anything?” she asked, standing next to the table.

“I’m still waiting for my husband but a glass of water would be great for now,” she said, smiling up at the young woman.

“One water coming right up,” she said, walking away from the table. She soon came back with a glass of water for Faith and then continued her circuit. Faith took a sip of the cold liquid and scanned the room for a sign of Nick. She sighed and looked back down at the menu.

Another ten minutes had passed and there was still no sign of him. She grabbed her phone again and called him. It went to his voicemail again and this time she decided to leave a message.

“Nick, it’s me. I’ve been at the restaurant for about half an hour now and you’re still not here. I don’t know if you’re stuck in traffic or what but if you could call me that would be great. Call me. Bye,” she said, hanging up the phone and placing it on the table. She stared at it, waiting for it to ring. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Allie change course when she noticed it was just Faith there still.

She sat there all alone. Allie came back to give her a fresh water at some point and that time Faith didn’t even thank her. All etiquette was gone and replaced with hurt and disgust and anger. She had been sitting alone at that table for an hour and Nick still had not called her or texted her or left a message with the hostess. She got up and left a five dollar bill on the table for all the trouble and made her way to the front of the restaurant to the hostess’ desk.

“Mrs. Jonas, can I help you?” the hostess asked, giving Faith a worried look.

“Can you give me the number of a cab service please?” Faith asked through her teeth. The hostess stared at her for a minute before looking down at a book on the desk.

“Of course. Do you want me to call them for you?”

“That would be wonderful, thank you,” she said, turning away and taking a seat against the wall. A few seconds later the hostess walked over to her.

“A cab will be here in ten minutes,” she said, wringing her hands together. “Can I get you anything else?”

“Unless you can bring me my husband no thank you, the cab is enough.”

“Alright, have a nice evening,” she said before quickly turning away and returning to her desk. Faith scoffed and then sat there in silence waiting for a cab to pull up.

Soon enough it sat there waiting for her and she stood up as fast as possible and walked out of the restaurant and climbed into the cab. She gave the cab driver her address and sat back in her seat for the long ride. It was silent for the most part; the driver kept the radio turned down and would occasionally glance back at Faith through the rear view mirror. She was enraged, infuriated, hurt, neglected… so many emotions at one time she thought she might explode.

“Here we are,” he said, pulling up to her house finally.

She paid him the large fare and climbed out, slowly walking up to her dark house. She went inside and flicked the foyer light on, dropping her keys in the bowl on the table. She stared at the empty house and that’s when she let it all escape. The tears spilled down her face and she crumbled against the door, sliding down to the floor. She put her head in her hands and cried and cried. To her surprise she let out a scream and then instantly stood up. She had to get out, she had to go.

She grabbed her keys and walked through the house to the garage and climbed into her car. She pushed the button to open the garage door and started the car, pulling out to the street. It was like the car knew where she wanted to go, as if she didn’t even need to steer at all. She drove through the familiar streets like she had many times before taking the same turns at the same spots before pulling into where she needed to be.

Walking through the front doors she bypassed the elevator and went straight to the stairs. She ran up them as fast as she could, slowing down the further up she went until finally she had reached the seventh floor. She went to the all too familiar door and pounded her fists on it. She shifted her weight impatiently as she waited for the door to open, trying to catch her breath. The tears were still pouring but not at such a fast rate. Finally the door opened and Joe looked at her with a look of surprise that soon turned into a look of sympathy. He opened his arms and she fell into them, crying into his chest as he rubbed her back and led her inside, closing the door behind them.