When I Look At You

Ring.

Ring.

Joe groaned and rolled over in bed. Feeling he was dreaming he covered his head with his pillow.

Ring.

Ring.

The incessant noise continued. Wanting it to end he opened his eyes, hoping to end the dream. But the ringing continued.

Ring.

“You’ve reached Joe. I can’t come to the phone, leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

It wasn’t a dream. Beep.

“Joe? Joe… are you there? It’s Faith.”

He rose out of bed and stumbled over the mess on the floor. He stubbed his toe on the door and cried out in pain, losing his balance and falling down. He quickly sat up and grabbed the phone from its charger on the table next to the couch.

“Faith? Hi,” he said breathlessly, wincing through the pain and grabbing a hold of his foot. “Why are you calling at… three in the morning?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s okay. Is everything okay? Besides not sleeping… that is.”

“Everything’s fine. I just didn’t want to wake Nick. He needs the sleep. I didn’t feel like watching TV or reading and I just wanted to talk to someone. I’m not even sure why I called. I could have waited another few hours for Nick to wake up… I’ll let you go back to bed.”

“No! Wait… I’m glad you called.” He said, leaning against the doorframe.

“You are?”

“Yeah… I couldn’t sleep either.” He said, yawning.

“You’re such a liar.” She said, laughing quietly. “So… I know I just saw you awhile ago… you know when you left the house but… how are you?”

“Oh I’m great. Since then I got a tattoo covering my entire left arm and got my eyebrow pierced and I’m thinking of dying my hair blue. Will you help me?”

“Oh of course. I’ll buy the bleach and some gloves, you buy the blue dye and we’ll have a ball.” She said causing Joe to laugh. He stood up and walked over to his bed, sitting down and leaning against the headboard.

“So, where in the house are you talking to me?”

“The kitchen. Go figure. I just can’t get over how beautiful it is. And I can’t thank you enough for making it so perfect.”

“Really, it was nothing.” He said, knowing it was so much more than that.

“So with all the talk of the honeymoon I didn’t get to ask you how work has been.”

“Oh well… work has been good. We have someone new.” He said, automatically smacking his forehead after mentioning it. He didn’t want to talk about Charlotte with Faith. He didn’t want to talk about any girls with Faith.

“Really? What’s he like?”

“Actually, it’s a she. Her name’s Charlotte. She’s really nice, she’s a great photographer, and she can be funny.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

“She sounds… great. Is she cute?”

“What?” he asked, blinking his eyes making sure he heard her right.

“I asked if she was cute.” Faith said, laughing slightly. Joe noticed that it sounded like a nervous or uncomfortable type of laugh.

“Sure, I guess she’s kind of cute. She’s not really my type. She has this kind of fake blonde hair.”

“Fake blonde hair?” Faith asked letting out a genuine laugh. “How can a person have fake blonde hair?”

“You know! The really light bleached looking hair that you see on those really tan girls in like California and everything.” He said making her laugh harder.

“Stop! You’re going to make me wake up Nick by making me laugh so hard.”

“Oh. Right… sorry.” He said with a sigh.

“It’s okay. So tell me what you’ve been developing recently.”

****

They talked for two hours non-stop. It seemed as if conversation flowed easily between the two of them. Joe didn’t bother going back to sleep since he’d have to wake up in less than an hour to get ready for work. He was showered, dressed, and ready before his alarm even went off. As soon as the buzzing split the silence in the flat he pushed the button, creating a deafening silence once again.

Joe sat on his bed, twiddling his thumbs. It was too early to head to work. No one would even be there yet… not for another two hours. That’s when an idea hit him. It was probably crazy and really stupid. He didn’t care. The adrenaline rushed through his body as he stood up and made his way to the front door, grabbing his keys from the bowl and his camera from the table. Slipping his sunglasses onto his face he opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Locking it behind him he set out on probably the biggest mistake of his life.

****

He sat in his car as the engine idled, looking up the driveway at the house sitting in front of him. Although he didn’t live there, he had spent more time in it than the owner’s… so far at least. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel as he had second thoughts about what he intended to do.

He sighed and was about to leave when he saw movement from the front window out of the corner of his eye. Looking up he saw Faith staring at him with an amused expression. As soon as she had appeared she was gone and Joe had a fleeting thought that it was just his imagination. That thought was soon gone when the front door opened and Faith walked out, shutting it behind her. Joe rolled his window down as she got closer to the car.

“Fancy seeing you here.” She said, the ghost of a smile dancing on her lips.

“Oh you know I figured I’d drop in at six in the morning, no big deal.” He said shrugging his shoulders. She laughed causing his heart to leap slightly.

“Mm,” she said nodding. “Why are you really here?”

“Well, I couldn’t fall back asleep after we hung up so I decided to get ready for work and I was all set before my alarm went off. I don’t have to be at work until around eight so I had time to kill. Figuring you couldn’t get to sleep, I assumed you would still be up so I was wondering something.” He said, pausing as she processed.

“Well go on,” she said, waiting for him to continue.

“Would you come somewhere with me?” he asked and she looked at him warily before glancing up at the house. “Don’t worry. We’ll be back by seven. Nick won’t be up until around seven thirty.”

“Alright,” she said, glancing up at the house once more before making her way around the car. “But if we’re not back by seven it’s off with your head Mr. Jonas.”

“If you say so… Mrs. Jonas.” He said, mentally smacking himself for the title had a double meaning in this situation. Faith cleared her throat as she buckled her seatbelt and Joe sighed as he pulled out of the driveway.

“So… where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” He said, making a right turn and following the long stretch of road for awhile. As he drove he took note of the silence and decided he had to say something. He turned his head to glance at Faith. “You look nice.”

“What?” she asked, looking over at him before looking down at her clothing. “Oh well you know… I had time so I figured I’d use it wisely.”

“I like what you did with your hair. It’s different. It makes it easier to see your eyes.” He said, wincing slightly as he realized he just nonchalantly flirted with his sister-in-law.

“Thanks, Joe.” she said, sounding slightly puzzled but warm at the same time. She turned her head to look out the window again and Joe racked his brain of something to say. “You look nice too.”

“Really? Well…. Thanks.” He said, smiling over at her and he saw her smile back.

“Is it for Charlotte?” she asked and it took all Joe had not to slam down on the breaks right then and there.

“No. Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know. You just look nicer than you usually do for a work day is all.” She said, shrugging her shoulders. He kept his gaze straight but could see her out of the corner of his eye. She was still starting at him. “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” he said, turning to look at her, softness in his eyes. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“You seem… tense.” She said, nodding to the steering wheel. Looking down he noticed her knuckles were white and he released his grip. “Joe…”

“We’re here.” He said suddenly, pulling the car to a stop. He grabbed his camera and climbed out before Faith could get another word out.

Walking across the dew covered grass Joe watched as the sky turned pink with the rising sun. The light cascaded over the park, shimmering on the wet patches of ground and glittering off the slightly wet slide. He didn’t move as he felt Faith come up and stand next to him.

“Wow,” she breathed out, looking at the completely deserted park. “I’ve never seen it so empty.”

“I come here sometimes on Saturday mornings or any day I can’t sleep and just take pictures.”

“Without any people?”

“Faith, I’m a photographer. I can take a picture of a leaf and make it art.” He said, playfully rolling his eyes at her words.

“Oh because that doesn’t sound cocky at all.” She said, taking a step back.

“I was not being cocky! It’s true!”

“Prove it.” She said, crossing her arms. Her lips danced up as she tried to fight back a smile.

“Okay… I will.” He said, setting his camera strap around his neck and making his way across the park.

“Hey!” Faith called, hesitating in front of the car. “Where are you going?”

“Well if you’d come with me you’d see now, wouldn’t you?” he asked, not bothering to turn back as he kept walking. She stared at him open mouthed before quickly walking up to him, matching his pace. He led her over to the children’s playground and walked around it at least three times while she just stared at him.

“You’re crazy.” She whispered when he was close enough to hear her.

“Am not.” He whispered back as he continued circling the playground.

Finally, he stopped and walked to the monkey bars. He stood directly under them and pointed his camera up. After snapping the photo he looked at the camera screen. The monkey bars were out of focus as they sky behind them was sharp with color. He smiled at the effect he had set out for and walked back over to Faith. He handed her the camera and she looked at him before clearing her throat and looking down at the picture. He smiled as he saw her eyes widen. She looked back up at him and handed him the camera.

“Told you I wasn’t crazy.” He said, nudging her side and laughing as she lost her balance slightly.

“Fine, if you’re going to be that way I’m not going to offer you breakfast when we get back to the house.” She said, crossing her arms once again and standing with one hip cocked out to the side.

“Hey now! If anyone should be upset it should be me!”

“Why should you be upset?” she asked.

“Because you called me crazy!” he shouted, fighting back laughter.

“Oh, honey, that shouldn’t come as a surprise.” She said lightly.

“Okay, for that, you have to pose for some pictures.” He said and her arms dropped to her sides.

“No. No way.”

“It’s only fair.” He said, walking closer and she put her hands out in front of her.

“No! Joe please,” she said, backing away slowly.

“Faith, come on. If I actually take pictures with a subject in them this time my boss will be ecstatic. He’s getting sick of seeing the same kind of stuff and you’re going to be a great subject. Trust me.” He said and Faith was silent for a moment as she thought it over.

“Fine.” She said with a sigh. “Where do you want me?”

“Let’s try some on the swings first. Then we’ll go over to the gazebo for some shots.” He said, leading her to the swing set.

She sat down and grasped the handles and slowly began to swing. Joe backed up and searched for the perfect angle to shoot her from. He knelt in the sand of the playground and turned the camera sideways, focusing in slightly on Faith. Her head was turned to the sunrise and the glow from the sun accented her features.

“Perfect,” Joe whispered, focusing the camera and snapping a picture. When he looked at it he noticed Faith had a slight smile on her face that hadn’t been there in the moments before he spoke. It made him wonder if possibly, he had spoken a little louder than he intended to.

****

“Okay, I have to admit that was fun.” Faith said as Joe pulled into her and Nick’s driveway.

“I told you.” he said as she undid her seatbelt.

“Do you still want breakfast? The offer is still open.” She said and Joe glanced at the clock. He had gotten them back at seven on the dot like he promised.

“Sure, I don’t have to leave for about half an hour.” He said, turning the keys and shutting the engine off.

Faith quietly unlocked the door and walked into the dark house. They both noted that Nick was still sleeping. Joe closed the front door as quietly as possible as Faith slid her shoes off. He followed suit and they walked into the kitchen. Faith went right over to the refrigerator and stood in front of the open doors trying to find something for Joe.

“Your mother is a God send for grocery shopping for us.” She said. “Do you want eggs?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” He said, sitting on one of the stools. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“French toast it is.” She said with a smile before disappearing out of Joe’s sight behind the refrigerator doors to grab the ingredients.

“Well you don’t have to cook anything that fancy.”

“Trust me, you will die for this. It’s my grandmother’s recipe and it’s amazing.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He said with a laugh as she started beating eggs in a bowl. “Do you need me to help?”

“No, thanks. I have a system.” She said, looking up to smile at him.

As she set the soaked pieces of bread in the pan the conversation between them continued to flow as easily as it had in the car on the way back from the park. The sound of footsteps came from upstairs and both heads turned towards the ceiling. Joe shifted in his seat uncomfortably, unsure as to how his brother would react to seeing him in his kitchen alone with his wife so early in the morning; the morning that was supposed to be their first morning alone in their own house.

“Faith?” Nick asked his voice faint as he came down the stairs.

“We’re in the kitchen.” She said and Joe noticed her flinch with her use of we’re. Nick made his way into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn.

“Oh, hey Joe.” he said, smiling at his brother as he walked over to Faith, wrapping a gentle hand around her waist. She turned her head for a kiss. “Morning.”

“Morning,” she whispered. “Do you want some French toast?”

“Absolutely. It smells delicious.” He said, grabbing plates out of the cabinet. “So what are you doing here so early, Joe?”

“Joe woke up early and was on his way to work when he saw a light I had on in the living room so he decided to stop in and say hi.” Faith answered, lying so directly to her husband. Nick turned to Joe with a smile on his face.

“You woke up early?” he asked, a mocking tone in his voice. “That’s hard to believe.”

“Yeah I didn’t get much sleep.” Joe said, looking down at his hands on the granite countertop. “Faith told me she couldn’t get any sleep last night.”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t tired.” She said, sliding some slices of toast onto one of the plates.

“I’m sorry, I was knocked out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I had no idea you weren’t there at all.” Nick said, putting some slices on his plate and digging in.

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. I think it was because of the new mattress.” She said, glancing at Joe as she sat down.

In that moment, Joe knew she was saying something. She was saying that their conversation last night had never happened as far as Nick was concerned. The morning they had just shared at the park was to be kept secret between them.