This Is Primetime

There was another long lapse in the conversation. I wondered if he was going to go running to Matt with this new piece of information as soon as I was off the phone.

"So then you should," Josh said firmly. "I hope you guys work out."

"Josh," I found myself almost begging for him to take a moment to listen. "If you're not okay with it, I-"

"I'm not exactly one to talk, am I? I've got Stacey, what kind of a guy would I be if I didn't think it was okay for you and Matt to date?"

"That's not really the point right now. If Stacey wasn't in the picture-"

"She is in the picture. I'm not about to forget about her. I love her, and she's been a big supporter in all of this. You deserve to be happy, Becky. If you want to be with Matt, then you've got to stop worrying about me."

This time, it was me that had to take a second to pause. My mind was blank; I couldn't seem to grasp any one thought long enough to process it.

"You couldn't wait for me forever. And as much as I'd like to, I don't think I can keep waiting for you, either," I said finally, my voice coming out hoarse and strained.

"I don't want you to have to."

"Don't tell Matt about all of this, okay?" I pleaded. "I want to talk this through with him when he gets home."

"I won't tell him anything. I should go, Becky. It's pretty fucking cold out here; I couldn't stay in the van when I called because I didn't want to wake anyone else up. But I can see someone moving in there. Eventually, someone always notices that I'm gone."

"Get some sleep, Josh. If it means anything, I'm really glad that you called."

"Even though I woke you up?" I could hear the childish grin in his tone.

"Yeah. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I hung up the phone, pulling the blankets off of me. There was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep for awhile. As quietly as I could, I left Matt's room and headed into the kitchen. I dug through the cupboards until I found a kettle and some tea. I had to admit, I was kind of shocked that Matt had a kettle at all. I had bought the tea during that first shopping trip, so I'd known that I had that, at the very least.

Matt hadn't even been gone for twenty-four hours, and I was already extremely anxious for him to come home. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I wasn't mean enough to try and call him right then. He needed sleep worse than I did, especially if he was going to have to drive all day again.

I finished making my tea, then sat down on the couch and turned on the television. I couldn't find anything but infomercials on this late, so I settled for watching one about some 'new and revolutionary' makeup. When that one ended, I watched one about a blender. I knew I was lacking sleep when I was tempted to call Matt to ask if he would loan me the money for it.

I set my empty mug in the sink and curled up in Matt's bed once again. It still took me a long time to fall asleep, and I woke up every half hour until I gave up and quit trying at eight o'clock. I figured that Matt couldn't have slept in either, since they were all crammed into one small van together. Now was probably the best possible time to call him, since Markie was still sleeping.

"Hello?" Depite how much I'd assured myself that he would be awake, Matt sounded groggy.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Kind of. Ian's driving right now. I was napping. What's up?"

"Damn," I grumbled. "I was hoping I could catch you alone. Cough once if Josh can hear you right now."

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Never mind. I miss you, Matt."

"I miss you, too. I'll be home soon, okay?" He sounded like he was trying to bribe me.

"Call me if you ever get a minute alone."

"That's unlikely. But I'll try my best."

I hung up the phone a moment later, walking out of Matt's bedroom. My preconceived plan to wait to talk to Matt until the tour was over now seemed unavoidable. I made a pot of coffee and had a quick shower while it was percolating. I wrapped a fluffy red towel around myself, tucking the end in firmly. I poured a cup of coffee, vaguely aware that my hair was dripping onto the laminate floor and forming a puddle.

I padded down the hallway carpet and pushed my way into my own bedroom, forgetting for a moment that Markie was still sleeping in my bed. She rolled over as I walked in, grumbling about it being way too early. I ignored her and pulled open my closet, disappearing inside to retrieve some dress pants and a collared white shirt for work. I took my clothes into Matt's room with me and got dressed.

I was nearly finished the entire pot of coffee by the time Markie staggered out of my bedroom.

"It's about time you got up! I'm going to have to leave for work soon!"

"Really? I'm jet-lagged. Leave me alone."

"It's only an hour difference."

"Shut up. What am I going to do all day? I assume you're taking the hick mobile?" She opened a few cupboards randomly as she searched for a mug.

"If by the hick mobile you mean Matt's truck, then yes. It's too far to walk." I sipped calmly on my coffee as I stared at the television. Saturday morning cartoons just weren't the same these days.

"I only call it that because you insist on listening to hick music. I don't care what you say, it sounds like mullet rock to me. So what am I supposed to do? Hang out here and be bored out of my mind all day?" She demanded, finding a cup and filling it with steaming coffee.

"Unless you plan on walking somewhere, yes."

She waved a frantic hand up and down the side of her body. "Do I look like someone who goes for walks?"

I snorted. "Yeah, actually. You aren't that out of shape, you know."

"You suck for having to go to work."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I've really got to make some cash fast if I want to pay my rent and keep living here. But maybe I should just move back to Edmonton. There was a bit less drama there, surprisingly. I still need to tell you my latest updates."

"What updates? What happened while I was sleeping?" She sat next to me, setting her coffee on an end table and narrowing her eyes at me.

I gave her a quick rundown of my most recent phone conversations, and I had to admit that I felt better now that I talked about it. She didn't have anything comforting to say, but she did tell me that she thought it was nice that Josh and I both said the words I love you. I didn't agree. I felt that it made the whole situation harder. I left for work soon after, hoping that it would distract me from my fucked up home life.

I should have known that it wouldn't, since Leilani was there and always ready to talk.

"Are you girls free tonight? Stacey and I wanted to go out. Are you in?" She asked as soon as I was punching in.

"Yeah, we should be able to make an appearance. I look forward to it," I lied, hoping that my smile would hide my sudden nauseousness.

"It'll be fine," she assured me, seeing right through my facade. "I'll be there with you. She's not that bad, you know. She's just a little bit oblivious to certain things."

"Much better," I scowled, giving up on my charade completely. "You can't leave me alone with her, because I'm bound to do something stupid."

"You won't be alone for a second. Now get to work. I'll talk to you in a little while."

I was distracted all day. I didn't earn many good tips because I was constantly giving people the wrong orders. I felt like this was the first day that I'd never had; everyone was bound to mess up their first day, right? I finished my day half-heartedly, no longer caring if I let the customers know that I wasn't paying the proper attention to my job. That probably wasn't the best attitude to have, but I didn't really care. My lack of sleep from the night before was catching up to me. I made a mental note to have a quick power nap before hitting the town that night.

"I'll call you once Stacey and I figure out all the details," Leilani called after me as I headed out of the restaurant.

"Thanks. See you in a little bit."

As soon as I was home, I texted Matt. I knew that he was probably still concerned about my ominous phone call that morning, so I had to let him know not to try and call me when they stopped for the night. It seemed that I would be rather occupied all evening.

"Hey Markie!" I called, still staring at the small screen on my phone as I wandered into the apartment.

"Come quick! I've got something to show you!"

I looked away from my cell phone, feeling confused. I'd expected her to sit around and watch movies all day; what had she done? I followed her voice into the living room, where she was standing proudly.

There were pictures everywhere. Every single open space had been filled with a frame or a candle or some other girlish touch. I walked around the room slowly, examining every addition she'd made to the room. Some of them were pictures from Matt and I in high school, and some of them were quite recent, while others were pictures of the band. I frowned as I realized that she must have raided Matt's room to get them. The last one I looked at left me a bit puzzled. I picked up the frame and stared intently at the photograph it contained for a long, quiet moment.

"When did you take this?"

"When I was supposed to be on my break," she replied, her tone nonchalant. "You guys were so involved in your conversation that you didn't even notice. But I thought that maybe you should see what I saw that day."

The picture was of Matt and I in the store that Markie still worked in. It was the day that we'd been reunited, when I'd been teaching him how to use the cash register. We were having some in-depth discussion. We were looking at one another so intently that we definitely could have passed for a couple. I set the picture back down, looking away.

"I guess it's not just a boy's apartment anymore, huh?"

She smiled widely at me, clearly pleased with my appraisal. "Not totally. It's still all of his stuff, I just added a little bit of yours to it."

"Thanks. I probably wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for you."

"I know. I thought you needed a bit of help."

"I didn't get much sleep last night," I muttered suddenly. "I'm going to go lay down for a little bit, okay? Wake me up when Leilani calls."

"Why is Leilani calling you?"

"Did I forget to mention that? We're going out tonight."

"Okay!" She sounded absolutely delighted by the news. "Go have a nap, I'll let you know when she calls!"

"Thanks Markie." I headed down the hallway and into Matt's bedroom. I fell onto the bed and closed my eyes, although I didn't sleep. My stomach was in knots. I didn't know whether tonight would have been easier if the boys were home or not.

Either way, I was more nervous than I had been in a long time.