This Is Primetime

The van had never felt so crowded. It was impossible to have a private conversation at any time without having everyone else listen in. That was why I usually waited to call Becky until after we'd stopped for the night and I had the appropriate excuse that I needed to stretch my legs and take a quick walk. But she'd already texted me today and told me not to bother; she was going out with Leilani and Stacey.

That thought made every nerve ending in my body stand on end. I hadn't been worried about her staying behind while I went on tour now that she had Markie to keep her company. But I knew that if anything was going to go wrong while I was gone, it was bound to happen tonight. I decided to trust her decision to go out, hoping that she wasn't going to let anything slip out during conversation.

Josh must have talked to Stacey, because he seemed to be just as on edge as I was. At least for now, I was driving and I could distract myself with focusing on the road. It was a lot harder to do that when you were sitting in the back, watching the barren, dull plains fly by through the window. If you didn't know what to look for to make farmland interesting - which none of us really did - then the day went by painfully slowly.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure that was our turn," Mike frowned, staring at the map we'd bought for four dollars at a gas station and highlighted our route on. "That's the only major highway we've seen for like fifteen minutes; it's got to be that one."

Ian leaned up between the two middle seats and snatched the map from Mike's grasp. He studied it for a long moment while I pulled over into an approach to await a final decision.

"Yeah, that was definitely the turn," Ian nodded.

"Mike, you're demoted," I told him sourly. "The idea is to tell me to turn before I have to, not after. Ian, you're the new map-reader."

"Thank God," Mike opened his door and stretched quickly before pulling open the back door and jumping back into the van. Ian crawled in between the two front seats and sat next to me. I rolled my eyes at Mike as I looked at him in the rearview mirror.

"I see," I smirked at him. "That was your plan all along."

He grinned back at me. "I really need a nap, man."

I shook my head as I turned the van back around and started to drive again. After a few minutes more on the road, the radio turned to static. I scowled and began hitting buttons on the dashboard, trying to find something that would come in clearly.

"I'm gonna love you forever. Forever and ever amen."

I punched another button, enveloping the entire van in sudden silence.

"Aw, come on!" Josh pretended to be outraged from his spot in the backseat. "You did not just turn off Randy Travis."

"Dude, anything is better than that. I would rather listen to Ian sing in the shower."

"I don't sing in the shower!" Ian shot back defensively.

"We all share the same hotel room, remember? We've all heard it," Mike laughed.

"Hey Josh, I think it's time for a nap, too. Maybe you should be the map reader," Ian pouted.

Sighing, I pulled over again and waited for the two of them to switch seats. As soon as Josh was comfortably seated, he reached over and flipped the radio back on.

"I had a barbeque stain on my white tee shirt, and she was killing me in that miniskirt."

I didn't even have to move. Josh had the radio turned back off a split second later. He looked a bit grumpy.

"Fucking Tim McGraw. Why couldn't they play more Randy Travis?"

The entire van erupted into laughter. This was the reason that Josh and I were such good friends. We both had the same stupid sense of humor. So did Mike and Ian, so no matter what we always kept one another entertained.

As the van fell quiet again, I let my mind wander. I had been talking to Beck a lot since I'd left home, but I hadn't been able to bring up our goodbye. She hadn't mentioned it either, so I figured that it was best to forget about it. Really, what was a kiss on the cheek between friends? Just because she'd never done it before, that didn't mean that it was totally out of character these days. Or maybe it was just because we were both looking at each other a bit differently. Either way, I wasn't complaining that things were finally starting to happen.

Once darkness fell, I pulled into a cheap motel. I didn't care what anyone else said, I was in need of a real bed and a shower. I was sure that we could spare a few dollars for a room, since we'd hardly eaten for two days straight.

Nobody argued with me when they looked around and saw where we were. We all piled into two motel rooms. Josh and I were sharing for the night, as were Ian and Mike. I had been a bit hesitant to share with Josh before, but it was clear that the whole situation wasn't making things awkward between him and I. We were still good friends, despite all the drama with Beck.

I fell onto the crappy bed in the dusty motel room, wishing that we could afford something better. I let my eyes fall shut, though I wasn't totally ready to fall asleep. I just needed a break. I heard the door open and close as Josh followed me inside.

"You're driving all fucking day tomorrow," I told him, still not opening my eyes to see him.

"I guess that's fair," he agreed. "There's only one day of driving left, and I really haven't taken a turn at all."

I sat up slowly, looking around the room. Josh was stretched out on his bed, his hands tucked behind his head.

"Have you talked to Becky lately?" I blurted, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Uh," Josh faltered, staring up at the ceiling. "What would make you say that?"

"She called me this morning. And it was really cryptic and weird. She wouldn't say anything."

"I promised her I wouldn't say anything, alright?"

"Oh. Well that makes me feel so much better," I snapped sarcastically.

Josh sighed. "She's going to kick my ass when we get home. She likes you, okay? She's scared to do anything, though. She thinks I'll get mad."

I tried to hide my excitement at the news, choosing instead to focus on the other thing he told me. "And why would you be mad?"

"I wouldn't," he said simply. "You know how Becky overreacts."

I fell back onto the stiff mattress again, thinking hard. "Yeah, I guess she can from time to time."

"I mean, honestly, I've got a girlfriend," Josh continued, though I hadn't really given him an opening to do so.

"Yeah, dude, I know."

"So you should definitely go for her if you want to. You guys seem to be quite flirtatious when you're together."

"We always were," I agreed. Something about the way he was talking made me suspicious. I knew Josh pretty well by this point; he wasn't like this about any other girls. I felt almost guilty for even asking about Becky. And then I understood why she had been so worried about him. Life would suck if Josh was pissed off at me. If I didn't have this band, I wouldn't have much of anything. But I didn't want to just let Beck slip away again.

"Good luck to the two of you, then. Just don't let her know that I told you. I'd rather not get killed by a small girl." Josh smiled a bit.

"Yeah, she's got a little bit of power in her."

"I'm pretty sure she could do a lot of damage with the right motivation."

"I think we've both seen that," I murmured, remembering the way that Josh and I had bonded over how alone we'd felt when Becky had left. If that wasn't damage, I didn't know what was.

We were interrupted by Ian and Mike banging on the door to our room. The four of us took a few minutes to walk down the street and grab some greasy fast food. That was probably the worst part of touring. It was rare to get a healthy, well-rounded meal. Of course, it wasn't very often that I had real food at home, either, but at least I always had the option to visit my parents or Amanda. And Becky had been cooking a lot as of late. She seemed to know her way around a kitchen fairly well.

Josh and I both stretched out on our beds when we returned to the motel room. Josh propped himself up on one elbow, grabbing the remote and flicking on the television. We both became engrossed in some sitcom about the inner workings of an average family. I felt my eyelids start to droop. It never failed to shock me just how exhausted I became after eight hours in a van.

My phone began to ring animatedly, making both Josh and I jump. I must have drifted off at some point, because the show had changed to a crime drama, and the clock displayed that it was a lot later in the night than I'd thought.

I glanced at my cell phone, and couldn't help but smile as I saw that it was Beck.

"Huh," I said as I stared at the phone. "Maybe she has some good stories from her night out."

"It's Becky?" Josh asked, suddenly interested. "I would have thought they would still be out at the club. It's fairly early. Tell me if she says anything good."

I answered the phone, still smiling to myself. "Hey Beck. What's up?"

I could hear the panicked strain in her voice. "I fucked up."