This Is Primetime

The rest of the tour drug on for what felt like an eternity. Normally, being on the road and meeting fans was my favourite part of my lifestyle. It was a little hard sometimes when I met people that actually knew my music. It was like the hardest parts of my life were all out in the open for them to analyze and pick apart. I felt like they were all judging me. But for the most part, I loved everything about touring.

Now, however, I couldn't wait to get home. Stacey had hardly spoken to me for the past two weeks, and when she actually took the time to answer my calls, all we did was fight. I couldn't get her to calm down. For a quiet girl, she had a lot of rage.

I should have learned my lesson by this point. This was the same way that I had fucked things up with Becky. Not quite to the same extent as it had been back then, but it had the same lack of principle involved. And, as always, I wound up kicking myself for being such an idiot.

I practically fell out of the van when Ian pulled up outside of his house. My legs were cramped beyond belief, and my entire body was stiff. It took me a few minutes to straighten up to my full height, and all of my joints cracked as I did.

"You're home!" Leilani jumped out of her small red car, smiling widely. I wondered if I'd ever actually seen her without a smile. She flung herself into Mike's waiting arms. They'd been married for a couple of years now, shouldn't the happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase have been over by now?

Matt began grinning suddenly, and I looked over my shoulder to see what had caused him the delight. His truck had just turned a corner and was coming this way. I should have guessed as much. Becky was coming to pick him up. If I had to see the two of them fall all over each other, I just might puke. Everyone had to be super happy except for me, didn't they? The truck pulled up next to Leilani's car and Becky hopped out of the driver's seat. Matt walked over calmly and they just stood there for a second. I turned my back, not wanting to see what came next.

"Hey, Ian?" I called, opening the back doors to the van and exposing all of our duffel bags and equipment. "When Mike and Matt get all of their shit unloaded, can you give me a lift home?"

"Stacey's not coming?"

"It's not looking too hopeful, unfortunately."

"Sure, man. I'll give you a ride." Ian agreed.

I began to pull various instruments and amplifiers and other equipment from the van. After a minute, Mike appeared beside me to help. He started to put his things into the backseat of Leilani's car, though it was so small that it could barely contain his bass guitars. Matt and Becky both appeared a moment later. I watched as her eyes flickered to me. Those hazel eyes were so full of sorrow; she knew the trouble that I was having with Stacey, and she blamed herself. How could she think that? Hadn't she been the one who had wanted to stop pretending that nothing was wrong? I wanted to hug her and explain that it wasn't her fault, but I felt an odd need to keep my distance now that she was undoubtedly with Matt. Though they were still beating around the bush and avoiding labelling their status, the two of them just oozed that new relationship vibe. I was sure that they would have kissed if I wasn't around. Maybe they had when I had my back turned. I smiled weakly at Becky, then continued to haul the equipment from the van.

Soon enough, Mike and Leilani departed. I set Matt's duffel bag in the box of his truck, then leaned against it casually. Becky appeared by my side, looking sullen.

"Any news?" She asked, her voice laden with guilt.

"Nope. It doesn't look like she's showing up today, either. So I guess I'm going to go home and unload all my shit, then try calling her again. Maybe she'll agree to talk once we're face-to-face."

"Maybe. Call me, okay? I want to know what happens."

I nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Matt walked up and opened the driver's side door to the truck. "Same here, Josh. We'll be over in five minutes if you need us."

"Thanks, guys."

They drove away slowly, and I helped Ian bring all of his drums inside. He took me home, as promised, and helped me unload my guitars, microphones, keyboard, and other equipment. Out of everyone, I had the most stuff to haul.

When Ian left, I immediately called Stacey. I was actually a bit shocked when she answered.

"What, Josh?"

"I'm home. Can we talk now?"

"Oh. I guess I forgot to pick you up, didn't I?" There was no apology in her tone.

"It's okay. Ian brought me home. Can you come over?"

She sighed heavily. "Fine. Give me a few minutes, I'll be right over."

I waited patiently for the next hour. I was beginning to think she was going to stand me up. I should have just went to her house. At least that way, my whole family wouldn't have been close enough to eavesdrop. It was definitely time to move out of my parents' basement.

"Oh, hello, dear," I could hear my mom's voice from upstairs. "Josh is in his room, go right down."

I opened my bedroom door and waited. Stacey appeared a moment later, looking unhappy. I stepped back and let her inside, closing the door behind me in an attempt at privacy.

"Why?" Stacey demanded after a moment of heavy silence.

"Because I didn't want you to think that there was anything going on between me and Becky."

"And is there?"

"Of course not. Do you really think that I could ever do that to you?" My insides were tight. Was I making it worse by not telling her about the kiss? I decided that, at this point, it wasn't going to matter much either way.

"I had to find out from a stranger, Josh," she spat.

"I know, I'm sorry. I really can't figure out what to say to make it right."

"Then maybe it's not worth making it right. I thought you were different. But you're just like every other guy. If you lied about this, what else have you lied about? How can I be sure that all those nights on tour, nothing has ever happened? There's bound to be temptations."

"I kissed her," I blurted. "I admit it, I kissed her. But nothing came of it. All it did was start a fight and make me hate myself. I never wanted you to get hurt."

"Well I did," she shot back, tears brimming her large eyes. "I knew that there was something fishy about you two from the second I met her. And there sure as hell wasn't anything going on between her and Matt that night. Who cares if there's something between them now? That doesn't make any of this right!"

"I'm an idiot. That's all I can say."

"You an amazing musician, Josh. You deserve to have all the best things in life, and I wish you and the guys all the luck in the world. But I'm not going to be around to watch it all work out for you."

"Stacey, don't-"

"I love you, Josh. But I can't deal with all of this right now."

"So you're just giving up? All because I have an ex-girlfriend? Come on, it's not like you don't have old boyfriends that I don't know about!"

"This isn't about the fact that you dated her. This is because you lied. Not only that, but you got your friends to lie for you, too. And you kissed her. There isn't going to be any trust between us anymore. What else can I do?"

I felt like everything had fallen apart. If Stacey was giving up on me, who did I have left?

"Don't go," I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I'm just not strong enough to get past this. Your heart is still hers, and I'm just an intruder."

"You're not! I love you, Stacey."

Her tears were chasing one another as they spilled down her cheeks. "Goodbye." And with that last whispered word, she was gone. My bedroom was quiet, and I was alone. Painfully alone. I was too shocked to cry; this had really happened all too fast. I should have seen it coming after the past few weeks, but I had believed that she would be more willing to talk about it. I had come totally clean with her; didn't that matter at all?

I sunk to the floor by my bed, leaning my head back against the edge of the mattress. I closed my eyes and wished that I was back on the road, away from all of this mess.

"Josh?" My mother's voice was faint.

"Hmm?" I mumbled incomprehensibly.

"What happened with Stacey?"

"It doesn't matter. It's over."

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" I could hear her feet rushing across my carpet, stopping a few feet from me. She was deliberating whether or not to reach out anf comfort me.

"I just need some time," my voice cracked.

"Of course. I'll call you when dinner is ready, alright? Your sisters are coming tonight to welcome you home."

"Lovely."

I waited until I heard my door reclose, then let my head fall forward and hang limply. I don't know how long I sat there, but it couldn't have been too long before I heard urgent whispers outside of my room.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you so soon after you got home, but I didn't know who else to call," my mom was saying. "Andrew and Chris weren't answering their phones. They must be busy."

"It's alright. I'm happy to come," Matt's voice replied.

"And you, dear," Mom continued. "It's wonderful to see you again, but I wish it was under better circumstances. Josh mentioned that you were back in town, but I didn't realise that you were living with Matt."

"I'm sure we'll have tons of time to catch up. I don't plan on going anywhere soon."

My eyes snapped open as I heard Becky's voice. I could understand Mom calling Matt, but did he have to bring Becky? I just couldn't see her presence helping anything right now. My door creaked open slowly, and I could hear my mom quietly ushering Matt and Becky inside.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" Matt asked, crossing the room in a few long strides. Becky followed behind him, looking around herself carefully. I knew that she was remembering the last time she'd been in this room, and I couldn't stop myself from scowling at the thought. I tried to focus on something else, like the times that she'd been in my bed...

That thought wasn't any better. Even though she and Matt were still confused, I felt like she was his girlfriend. And I just couldn't think about my friend's girlfriend that way. I had done enough shitty things lately; I couldn't possibly do that.

"She's gone," my voice made it sound as though I was in shock. I was barely audible, and I sounded surprised and scared. I guess I was.

"Gone?" Becky's eyes focused on me intently. "Oh, Josh, I'm sorry! I blew it for you!"

I wanted to give her a reassuring smile, but my lips just couldn't seem to move that way. "No, you didn't. It couldn't have been meant to be, right? Otherwise she would have stayed. She wouldn't have said that she can't trust me anymore."

Becky knelt down beside me and put her arms gently around my neck. "I wish I could make it better."

"Hey," I let out a dark, humorless laugh. "I just noticed something. After all these years, you finally got your Breakfast Club ending."

She pulled back and gave me a wary, searching look. "What do you mean?"

"The basket case ends up with the jock, and the nerd ends up alone, right?"