This Is Primetime

I made sure that I was at the studio the day that the boys recorded Push. I was thoroughly enjoying watching the magic happen and getting a behind-the-scenes view of how songs were produced. I kept to myself for the most part, trying to stay out of the way.

Matt and I had been officially dating for six weeks at this point. I was still struggling with my boundaries with him, but I thought that things were getting easier. We still hadn't really gone very far, but I liked the pace we were at. It was easier for me to fall for him this way.

He smiled at me as he played a guitar riff, while the rest of the band waited for him to finish. Josh was sitting next to me; he looked exhausted. He was slouching down in his chair, letting his head hang back over the edge. His eyes were closed.

"How many hours have you been spending here every day?" I asked him.

"Too many," he replied dully, without so much as opening his eyes.

"You really look like you need sleep."

"I can sleep when the album is finished."

"That sounds... healthy," I muttered.

"It's about all I can hope for at this point, though."

I looked back at Matt, who was now focused solely on playing his guitar. I sighed heavily. "I hope this goes quickly, if that's the case."

A small chuckle came from beside me. Josh was looking at me now, smiling. "You worry too much. We'll all be fine. I'd rather go for a month with no sleep than make this record half-assed."

"I guess that's true. I know you; this album is your baby. Nothing but perfection will be good enough."

"You always did know me best. Sorry I've been kind of closing myself off lately. It's just easier this way, you know?"

I nodded, knowing what he meant all too well. "Yes, I know."

"Hey, Beck, ready to go?" Matt walked over. I hadn't noticed that he'd finished playing the song.

"You're done already?"

He laughed. "No. I'm done for now, though. I was going to go and grab a couple of pizzas and bring them back for the guys. I just thought that you looked a little bored."

"Sure, let's go." I waved goodbye to Josh and followed Matt out of the studio. "What's the plan for tonight? It's pretty boring at home when you're working so late."

He gave me a sly wink. "If you wait up for me, I'll make it worth your while."

"Is that so?"

I was more than used to Matt making sex jokes about me. It was part of the reason that everyone had assumed we were dating in school. But lately I had felt like they had a deeper meaning. I should have suspected as much; the guy was used to one night stands, and he'd been stuck in a committed relationship for six weeks with no action. Maybe it was time that I made the next move.

Matt stopped at the pizza place before he took me home so that I wouldn't have to cook for myself. When I was at home I was bored, and I couldn't seem to find anything to occupy myself. I put the remnants of my pizza in the fridge and went looking for something to do. I found myself digging through Matt's small collection of books, and I found a biography on a musician that looked fairly interesting. I curled up on the couch and began to read by lamplight. As it seemed to happen all too often, I fell asleep with the book in my hand.

"Beck?" Matt's voice was barely louder than a whisper as he tried to gently wake me. His hand rested my shoulder softly.

I mumbled something that wasn't really any words at all.

"Okay then," he sounded tired, but also happy. I had the nagging suspicion that he was laughing at me. "I'm not leaving you on the couch all night. If you won't get up, I'll take you to bed myself."

I grunted, then attempted to bury my face in the couch cushion. I didn't mind sleeping out here; it wasn't all that uncomfortable.

His arms slid around me swiftly, and he heaved me to my feet. I slumped against him.

"I just want to sleep," I grumbled into his shoulder.

"You'll sleep better in your own bed. I promise."

"I was fine out here," I argued.

I began to feel consciousness spreading through my brain, and I didn't like it. I knew that if I woke up completely, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. As Matt forced me to take a few steps toward my room, I remembered what I had been thinking about earlier. Maybe if I couldn't sleep, I could do other stuff. I felt like I owed it to Matt, but I was still quite nervous about it. Something like that would change everything. So, instead of doing anything I was unsure about, I allowed Matt to lead me to my bed and wrap me up in my thick quilt.

"Thanks," I whispered, speaking into the material of my pillowcase.

Matt patted my head softly. "Goodnight, Beck."

"Night," I replied. I felt almost sorrowful as I head him close my door behind him, but I remained where I was. I figured that it would be better if I made a decision when I wasn't drunk with sleep.

Matt woke me up the next moning by pressing his lips to my forehead. "Morning!" He chimed as I opened one eye to look at him.

"Aren't we chipper?" I grumbled.

"And give me one good reason why I shouldn't be," he challenged. "I'm in the process of making an earth-shattering record, and I have this amazing girl living in my apartment."

"Who is she?" I sat bolt upright, pretending to be insane with jealousy. "Tell me her name! I'll cut her!"

"Ease up on the bloodlust, babe," Matt laughed, sitting next to me on the bed. "I'd hate for you to do something rash."

I leaned against him, closing my eyes again. "Are you going to be late tonight?"

He rested his chin atop my hair, which was heavily matted from sleep. "Probably. I'll be later than you, at the very least."

"That sucks. I don't get much time with you these days," my tone was almost whining. "I kind of miss you."

I could hear his smile. "I kind of miss you too. You don't have to try and wait up for me, though. You don't seem to fare too well when you do that."

"Are you making fun of me?" I looked up at him, feigning outrage. "I try to wait up and surprise you, and you crack jokes. Nice, Matt."

"Well, next time stay awake and this won't happen."

I giggled lightly and leaned in until his lips collided with mine. I never really got used to kissing Matt; it felt like a new experience every single time. It wasn't a bad thing, it was just different. I was still trying to comprehend that I was actually dating my best friend.

"Now go make me some breakfast," he grinned, pulling away.

"Remember how that ended last time?"

"We can't fuck up that bad twice, can we?"

I thought it through for a second. "How about some Mini Wheats, just to be safe?"

"I like that plan."

We left my bedroom and made our way to the kitchen, grabbing the fixings for our breakfast and sitting down at the table. For a long while, we ate in silence. The only noise was the audible crunching as we chewed our cereal. It was times like this that it was all too easy to forget that the two of us were even together. Things really hadn't changed all that much since we'd become an official couple. I liked it this way; he was still my best friend, above all else.

I slurped my milk loudly as I drained the last of my meal, causing Matt to laugh loudly.

"You're so ladylike."

"Didn't you already know that?"

He smiled, setting his empty bowl in the sink. "I guess I forgot. It's hard to keep up when you're always sleeping by the time I get home."

"Will it be worth it if I stay up tonight?"

"I told you last night it would be, didn't I? That goes for every night, Beck."

"I guess I have a few things to consider, then," I told him in a teasing tone.

I waited until Matt left before I got ready for work. I was starting to wonder if he would have stayed in this relationship if it was any girl other than me. I had to admit that it didn't look too promising.

With Josh, I had never had to think about it or make a conscious decision about these things. It had just happened, and it had felt right. So maybe if I just ignored all those little voices that were warning me not to go through with anything, it would all be fixed.

But I couldn't seem to silence the voice that was screaming the loudest.

Even if this works out, it won't make you forget about Josh.