This Is Primetime

"I don't know, man," I said into the phone. "We're trying it again. But it's going to be tricky, to say the least."

Andrew laughed on the other end of the line. "Seriously? That girl is like a damn Yo-Yo. You, then Matt, then back to you. How long before she decides that she jumped the gun and didn't give Matt enough of a chance?"

"Hey, shut up. We're all just victims of circumstance here."

"I'm not saying that you aren't. I'm just wondering when I get a turn."

I rolled my eyes. "How about never? You could be a little more supportive here. I called you to get an objective opinion on all of this."

"Sorry, Josh. Isn't it going to be weird though? The whole situation is just a mess, if you ask me. I can't say that I'm even a little bit jealous of you right now. Really, what do you think is going to happen? This isn't exactly the most ideal way to get a girlfriend."

I sighed heavily, staring at the various papers scattered across the kitchen table. I flipped open a newspaper and found the comics page. "Yeah, I know. I really hate myself right now."

"You keep saying that, yet you never change anything. You're all talk, Ramsay."

"Okay fine. I'll put everything with her on hold until the record's done and we've talked it out more. Is that better?" I snapped, closing the newspaper again. Garfield wasn't really very interesting at the moment.

"It's your life. I can't tell you what to do."

"A little advice would be nice though."

"Is that why you called? Sorry, I'm fresh out of good advice. Last night I told Chris that it was okay to let his aunt set him up on a date. Unless you want a tip like that, you should start looking elsewhere."

I laughed a bit, but I wasn't really feeling it. "Yeah, I think it's time to call Ian. Since, obviously, Chris is going to be occupied for the next little while."

"I kind of feel bad for giving him the green light," Andrew said, but there was no hint of sorrow in his voice. Clearly, he found the entire situation amusing. "This can't possibly end well."

I was about to respond when I was rudely interrupted by the doorbell. "There's someone at my door. I'll call you back later, alright?" I disconnected the call, then got up from my chair and headed toward the front door.

I couldn't see anyone through the small square window, and I scowled. It was probably some stupid kid playing some overused and horrifically un-funny prank. Despite my suspicions, I opened the door. I stood, dumbstruck, as I took in Stacey's red and puffy eyes. She gazed up at me longingly. The look confused me more than the fact that she was on my doorstep. She hadn't looked at me like that in months; since long before Becky had come home.

"What are you doing here?" I asked finally, finding my voice.

"Can I come in?"

I stood my ground as I blocked the doorway. "You broke up with me. What's left to say? And, for that matter, couldn't it have been said over the phone? I haven't heard a thing from you in over a month."

She blinked those big blue eyes and frowned. "I deserve that. But I think we need to talk, and I figured you would just ignore me if I called you."

"I might have," I admitted, considering the possibility. "But I probably would have answered it."

"Well in that case, I'm sorry for dropping in like this."

"How did you even know I would be home? I've been in the studio for a couple of weeks. This is the one random day that we all got off."

"That's not really the point here, Josh. I need to talk to you." She persisted, ignoring my perplexed inquiry.

"So talk," I waved a hand, inviting her to continue.

She seemed to be losing patience with me. "Out here? Are you sure you want the whole neighborhood to hear all of this?"

I shrugged, glancing down the empty street. "Unless you're going to scream at me, they won't really be able to hear anything. Plus, I don't think we'll be living here much longer, so they can think what they want about me."

She sighed, and a scowl rooted itself firmly onto her lips. "Fine, Josh, I'll talk out here. I think I might have made a mistake when I broke up with you."

I froze momentarily, and she looked suddenly nervous. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Her gaze fell to the ground as she awaited a response.

"Come inside," I directed her, stepping out of the way.

Stacey gave me a grateful look before moving past me and into the house. I followed her, feeling my confusion spread like a virus. I couldn't understand what she was trying to accomplish here. I didn't know whether to feel suspicious, or to pity her.

I was suddenly glad that my dad had decided to go with my mom when she ran her errands today. That was unusual; normally he gave her a list of things to pick up so that he wouldn't have to leave the house. At least now I was able to handle this whole situation without anyone standing over my shoulder.

"Explain what you mean," I told her, beginning to pace the floor in the kitchen.

"I miss you," she answered. She kept her tone light and airy, as if this whole conversation was no big deal.

My frustration was building up and replacing my bewilderment. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to calm myself down a little bit. "Stacey, you can't just show up on my doorstep and expect me to react well to this."

"Just hear me out, alright? When I found out about everything with you and Becky, I was pissed off. And I stand by that; I had every right to be. But Becky told me not to break up with you because I didn't know what I had. She said I would regret it. At the time, that only made me more upset. She was speaking from experience, and I should have realized that she was actually trying to help. She was probably more concerned about you than me, but the fact remains that she had good intentions.

"And now I've come to understand what she meant. At first, it was just the little things that I missed. Like the way that you could always make me laugh, even when you were upset about something too. And now it's everything. It's the way you smile, the way you laugh, and the way that you get so passionate about anything that matters," she poured her heart out. "I'm sorry, Josh. I'm so sorry. I overreacted, and I understand now that there was nothing going on with Becky. I can handle that you're such good friends. I promise, I'll do anything to make it up to you."

When she finished, everything was silent. Up until a couple of days ago, I would have loved the fact that she came crawling back. Now, I couldn't even imagine why I should give her another shot.

I fought with myself as I searched for the right words. "First of all," I began. "You need to understand that I'm really, really sorry about the way that everything played out. It wasn't exactly ideal. If we had to break up, I would have rather had a civil conversation and acted like an adult. But we can't change what happened. You left me. Why should I be willing to forgive and forget? You didn't exactly make any efforts to contact me."

"You didn't call me, either!" She argued.

"I didn't feel welcome to do so. You made yourself pretty clear before. You wanted nothing more to do with me."

"Maybe I've changed my mind."

"You really shouldn't have bothered. You were right."

Her eyes narrowed. "I was right? About what?"

"About me and Becky. We're back together."

Her jaw dropped. There was nothing but absolute amazement on her features. "What? You're dating her again? But she's dating Matt! She told me so that night at the bar!" She didn't seem to believe me. She must have thought that I was making up some fake relationship so she would leave me alone.

"She was dating Matt," I corrected. "And she wasn't even dating him that night. She was just trying to give you some peace of mind. But they really did date for awhile. And now they're broken up. They're still living together, though. And he's still her best friend. I mean, she wanted to spend her day off with him instead of me. They're out shopping right now."

"And so then what happened? You just swooped in for the kill?" Her eyes were almost as judgmental as her voice. "Matt is your friend, Josh. I thought you were better than that."

For a fraction of a second, I felt the need to defend myself. I wanted to tell her that Matt had caused the whole thing, and that Becky and I were taking things at a painfully slow rate. I wanted to tell her that, as of right now, the record came before everything else and it didn't even feel like Becky was my girlfriend yet. I wanted her to believe that I was still the same guy that she loved. Or, at least, the guy that she used to love. And then I came to my senses and realized that I didn't care. Stacey had left me, and she had expected that I would put my whole life on hold until she came back. She had expected to be welcomed with a hug and a kiss, and that I would be able to forget that the whole thing had ever happened. And she was wrong.

"Matt is my friend," I agreed. "But he gets it. Because of that, I don't think that I have anything to prove to you. You didn't seem to care what happened to me the last time we spoke, so why should I defend what I've done?"

"You obviously haven't been doing the most respectable things if there's a need to defend them. Somebody's going to judge you for it."

"Somebody already has, by the sounds of it."

Her face contorted in a silent snarl. "I'm sorry I came here today. I thought things might be different now, but I guess I was wrong. I hope the two of you are really happy together."

I walked back to the front door and held it open. "I'm sure we will be," as angry as I felt, I couldn't stop myself from adding something heartfelt. "You deserve better than me, Stacey. I really hope that you find someone worthy."

Her fury lessened at my words. "Thanks. Maybe I'll see you around."

I nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

I watched her walk out my front door, knowing that it was highly unlikely that I would ever see her again. If I did, it would probably be in passing on the street, purely by chance. At least this time I didn't feel like my whole life was passing over the threshold. In fact, I felt a bit relieved. This time, I'd had a choice; I'd had an opinion. And I felt like I made the right decision.

I closed the door, not bothering to watch Stacey drive away. I returned to the table, reopening the newspaper and taking the time to read the comics. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders; I felt suddenly light and free. I hadn't realized that I was still bothered by her until now, when I actually had some proper closure. I picked up the telephone and began to dial. I was supposed to call Andrew back, but I knew someone who would appreciate this news more than him.

"Hey Josh," the warm voice on the other end greeted me. "How's your day off going? Oh my God, you need to see this window display that Matt and I fixed. I took a picture, don't worry. The mannequins are getting pretty friendly with one another now, to say the least," she giggled. "Oh, but we're not allowed in Old Navy anymore. It doesn't really hurt my feelings or anything, I'm just letting you know for future reference."

I smiled, deciding that I would tell her my story later. It just wasn't important now. "That's awesome, Becky. I can't wait to see that. I just wanted to see what you guys were up to. Tell Matt I say hi, okay? Call me later."

She said something in a hushed voice, then spoke into the phone again. "Matt says hi back. I'll call you when I'm home, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good. I'll talk to you soon."

Both of us had been trying especially hard to keep things simple around Matt. He knew that we were back together, of course, but he also knew that we weren't going to spend much time together until the album was finished. And following that, we would no doubt be touring for quite some time. All in all, Matt had nothing to worry about for at least six more months. By then, he would most likely have found another girlfriend and things would be just like the old days. For now, I was perfectly content with the way things were.

And now I felt like I was ready to take the rest as it came.