This Is Primetime

Josh slammed on the brakes to stop as the light turned from yellow to red. I was jolted into consciousness, and I grabbed the seat ahead of me to keep from flying into it. I should have learned by now that even though it was comfier to sleep without my seatbelt on, it was a necessity when I was in the van with the guys. Matt laughed loudly as I climbed back onto the seat beside him, grumbling under my breath about aggressive driving.

"Josh, your girlfriend's pissed!" Matt yelled toward the front of the van.

I glared at him. "Shut up, Matt. I'm fucking tired. How the hell do you guys survive on tour?"

"We barely do," Mike laughed. He was sitting in the middle seat, directly in front of Matt and I.

"You guys are officially my heroes for living like this," I told them, resting my head on Matt's shoulder once again. "I haven't had a decent sleep in days."

"Aren't you lucky that you get to quit after today?" Josh smirked at me through the rearview mirror. "We still have a month and a half left."

"Yeah, you guys have fun with that."

Matt shifted in his seat, making me move right along with him. "There's no point in getting too comfy, Beck. We're almost at the venue."

I rolled my eyes. "I know where we are, Matt."

"Then can you please explain it to me?" Josh whined from the driver's seat.

I laughed loudly. "Keep going straight. I'll tell you when you need to turn."

I settled back into the seat, but this time I kept a portion of my attention on the road that Josh was travelling on. Matt let me lean against him again. I had been with them for four days now, since the tour had started at home in Vancouver, and tonight was the last night that I would spend with the boys. After that, I was going to spend a few days here with my parents, and then I was going to go back to my empty apartment and wait for everyone to come back home.

I was still working as a waitress; it seemed that making a decision on what to do for the remainder of my life was more difficult than I'd ever thought. For now, it was enough for me. It paid my share of the bills, and Leilani was very flexible with my schedule when I needed time off.

"Make a left at these lights," I directed Josh. He flicked on the signal light and guided the van into the appropriate lane of traffic. "You can just keep going straight for a couple of minutes, and then it's going to be a big grey building on your left."

"You have a really good memory. I'm absolutely terrible with directions. I can't wait until we get a GPS system in this thing," Josh muttered, following my instructions.

"Well, really, I've lived in this city for the majority of my life. It would be the same if you gave me directions for Vancouver."

"I don't know half the places in Vancouver."

"I just happen to know this part of Edmonton. I don't know most of it, to be honest." Now that Josh had all the directions he needed, I let my eyes slide shut again.

In the few days I'd been on tour, I'd already managed to completely mess up my sleep schedule. After each show, I was way too wired and excited to fall asleep. Then I was up early the next morning because I was excited to get to the next city. Now it was all catching up with me, and I was ready to sleep. This city was familiar; it was safe.

Josh pulled the van into the cramped parking lot behind the building. He parked on the lines and took up four spaces, but none of us cared. Matt had gotten a speeding ticket the day before. Apparently, the boys were used to getting multiple tickets before they got back home.

"Where does this cord plug in?" I asked, holding up a black wire. I had taken to helping the boys set up for shows these days. I figured that, since I was there anyways, I might as well do something helpful.

"Beck," Matt sighed. "I've told you where to put that one two nights in a row."

I paused, racking my brains to remember. "Oh! It's for your foot pedal, right?"

Matt grinned and nodded. "Exactly. It's too bad that this is your last night; you're finally becoming useful."

I laughed, plugging the cord into the appropriate spots. "I'm sure you'll all fall to pieces without my assistance."

Josh walked onto the tiny stage and began setting up his microphone stand. I finished what I was doing and straightened up, feeling my knees crack once as I did. I crossed the stage and looked up at Josh as he unravelled the cord he was holding.

"The rest of the tour will be pretty lonely," he told me quietly.

I watched Matt disappear backstage. "No it won't. You've still got a few of your best friends with you. And I'm always a phone call away."

He smiled at me, but he still seemed a bit sad. "I'm going to go and help Ian with his drums. What time do you need to go and wait out front for Markie?"

I shrugged. "She'll be here fairly close to when the doors open. I'll go set up the merch stand, okay?"

Josh nodded. "Come backstage when you're done."

I spent the next twenty minutes or so hanging up the various tee shirts and arranging the boxes of merchandise for easy access. When I was finished, I grabbed a couple of VIP passes and threw one over my head. I tucked the other one into my pocket, then walked out the front door of the bar. I pulled my sweater a little tighter around myself as a crisp wind picked up.

"Becky!"

I looked up to see Markie racing down the sidewalk. I pulled out the spare VIP pass and held it out to her.

"What, I don't even get a hello? Just because you date a guy who has a couple of songs on the radio, and you live with another one of them, that doesn't mean you're good enough to forget the little people!" She snatched the lanyard from my fingers, regardless.

I smiled at her. "Hey, Markie. Sorry, I'm a little preoccupied. And very, very tired."

"So tell me, what's it like?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, leading her around to the back of the building.

"What's it like to have a boyfriend who's gone all the time? I guess he can never get clingy. It can't be that bad, in my mind."

I shook my head, holding out my pass as a bodyguard attempted to keep me out of the back door. "No, that's not it at all. It's really hard. Whenever I have a bad day and I just want to go and have someone hold me and tell me that it's all okay, he's not there. I have to settle for a phone call. And I have to catch him before he goes onstage, or after he's come off of it. I always feel bad about complaining when he's having such a good time. And I know that it bothers him when he thinks that something is wrong at home and he can't be there with me."

She followed close behind me, rolling her eyes. "Woe is me! I have my dream boy, but there are so many obstacles to stand in the way of our love!" She snorted at me. "Count your blessings, Becky. You've got Josh, along with Matt and everyone else. You're living your own dream."

I laughed. "I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that it's not as easy as you might think."

She didn't answer. She had just seem something - or rather, someone - that was more worthy of her attention than me.

"Matt!" She squealed, darting across the room and wrapping her arms tightly around him.

Matt looked over at me, gaping with wide, terrified eyes. He patted her back awkwardly a couple of times before she released him. He was still staring at me, as though I was supposed to jump in and rescue him.

And, as always, I felt the need to do just that. "Markie, you didn't give me a chance to tell you," I began, approaching the two of them and trying to angle myself between them. "Matt has a new girlfriend. Her name is Skylar." In all honesty, I couldn't see his relationship with her lasting. She was extremely vapid and shallow, but for the moment she seemed to make him happy. Maybe it was just because I found a flaw in all of his girlfriends. I was just waiting to see what happened when he was gone for an entire tour. But for the moment, Markie didn't need to know that I saw trouble on the horizon. All she needed to know was that Matt was involved with someone else.

Markie tried to disguise her pout. "Can't I just be happy to see him? It's not always about dating him, you know."

Matt and I exchanged a look over her head, and I choked on a giggle as I tried to hold it back.

"Josh is hauling boxes of CDs to the merch stand," Matt told me. "I'm sure he could use some help."

I nodded, hurrying away. I felt bad about leaving the two of them alone. Mike saw the perturbed expression on my face and gave me a wink before walking over to intrude on Markie and Matt's conversation. I was always grateful when Mike was around. He was always so willing to help everyone else.

"Hey, Becky, are you going out to the merch table?" Ian asked, popping out of a small room as I passed.

"I was considering it," I grinned.

"Would you mind taking this with you?" He picked up a box of tour shirts.

I accepted the large box and adjusted my balance to accommodate the excess weight. "Anything for you, Ian," I attempted to bat my eyelashes at him from behind the box.

"Don't you go saying anything like that around Krysta. She might kill you. Josh too, for that matter."

I laughed as I started heading down the hallway again. "Don't worry, Ian. She scares me too much. I don't speak at all around her, let alone say things like that."

"She's not that bad!" He yelled after me.

"No," I agreed. "She's really not. But she is a bit threatening."

He couldn't argue with me. Krysta was his latest girlfriend. He'd met her at a show the boys had played in Vancouver. It was another relationship that I couldn't imagine would be long-term, but I was glad that Ian was trying to find a nice girl to spend his life with. Maybe someday we'd all be lucky enough to wind up like Mike and Leilani.

"Whoa! Careful, Becky, that box is half your size," Josh chuckled. He wrapped his arms around it and lifted it from my clutches.

"Is that the last of it?"

He nodded, dropping the box clumsily on the floor behind the table. "Yeah, that's all of it. We can relax for a couple of minutes now."

I glanced at my watch. "Yeah, literally for a couple of minutes. When are you doing sound check?"

He reached over and grabbed my arm, pulling it toward him. He studied my watch carefully. "Now, I guess."

Markie and I watched the boys do their sound check, and then we waited backstage with them while the doors were opened and people began to enter the bar. I sat with Josh, holding his hand while all of us chatted together for the last time for a few weeks. When the show started, Markie and I stood beside the stage and watched. My favourite part of the shows was the way that the boys interacted on stage. Matt, though usually very verbal and anything but shy, was often quiet. Josh practically glowed when the lights hit him. The stage was his home.

He no longer gave the introduction to Push that he had the first time I'd seen the guys play live, but it was no longer needed. I knew the story of it well enough to understand why he'd written the song. Though that particular song still held a place in my heart, his other songs had worked their way in there, too.

When the house lights came back on, the boys filed offstage. Josh set his guitar in its stand, then smiled widely at me. His was drenched in sweat, but I'd never found him more attractive. He kissed me quickly, then followed his bandmates out to the main room to sign autographs at the merch table.

I waited patiently until the small crowd had started to dissipate. The concert-goers were now more focused on the bartender than the band, so I hurried out to help the boys clean up. When the trailer and the van were both loaded, we prepared to leave. Markie climbed into the van with us, and we all headed to the hotel. It was just down the street, so it only took a few minutes to get there.

It was a pretty nice hotel; the boys were moving up in the world. It was definitely a positive change from when they were sleeping on my couches. Markie only stayed for a couple of drinks, then got a cab home. Everyone was starting to feel fatigued; they told me that once they were on tour for a week or two, they got used to it and were able to party more. I just happened to come along with them before anyone was adjusted to the constant driving and long days.

I was originally supposed to spend the night at my parents house, but I couldn't bring myself to leave just yet. I spent the night wrapped up in Josh's arms, listening to his steady heartbeat and breathing. Neither of us could sleep.

I said a quick good bye to the boys first thing in the morning. It was still hard to think about how empty the apartment would be without Matt, but at least this time I had a few more days before I had to go there alone. Josh took the van while the rest of the band ate breakfast so that he could drop me off at my parents' house.

Mom and Dad greeted me excitedly as soon as I knocked on the front door, though I saw Mom shoot a moody glance in Josh's direction as he carried in my suitcase. Both of us ignored it. It wasn't worth starting a fight right now. It was only a minute or two later when I was saying goodbye to Josh in front of the van. This vehicle had seen so many tearful farewells that it could have written a book on them. A very depressing book, but that's besides the point.

"Have fun. When I get home, I'm going to start apartment hunting. Then you get to help me move!" He added, sounding a bit too enthusiastic.

I smiled. "I'm still going to live with Matt, though. At least for now."

"I wouldn't change that. We'll both be home before you know it," his tone dropped, and his voice was soothing as he tucked my hair behind my ear.

"I'll be waiting. I love you, Josh."

"I love you, too, Becky."

He kissed me one more time and held me for a long moment before climbing into the van. I waved as he drove away, then sat down on the curb. I was going back home in three days, and Josh and Matt would be there forty-three days later. That was my favourite thing about the tours; they were concrete, they had a definite end. There was no sitting home alone at night, wondering if I would ever be reunited with them again. There was only hope and anticipation as I waited for that one day to arrive. And until that time, there was phone calls and texts to keep me going.

I'd waited years for Josh before. A few months out of every year didn't seem so terrible anymore. As long as Josh was waiting in the light at the end of the tunnel, then I was fully prepared to find my way to him time and time again.

I was still lost in my thoughts when my phone went off. I pulled it out of my pocket and smiled through my tears when I read the text that Josh had sent me.

Hello, I've waited here for you. Everlong.

I laughed aloud as I realized that, as much sense as it had made to me to write those words so long ago, they fit more now than ever. I wrapped my arms around my knees, still smiling widely. When Josh was constantly sending me those little reminders that he loved me, it really wasn't so bad.

And so, I was fully prepared to wait for him to come back home to me. However long it might take.