We've Got Unfinished Business

When I woke it was about eight in the morning and the bus was parked out side of a club that we were going to be playing at. Sleepily I got of the couch and rubbed out the kinks in my neck before someone took over for me. I looked and saw Alex with a really happy expression plastered to his face.

“Alex what are you doing?” I lightly smiled.
“Helping my loving, sweet, adorabl-” I cut him off.
“What do you want?” I sighed as Alex’s hands stopped working my shoulders.

“I need someone to distract Ri for awhile.” Alex confessed as he then hugged me and looked up into my eyes pleadingly “Please?”

“I can’t Awex I have some stuff I need to do.” I apologized ruffling his hair as he sighed.

“Maybe I can get Victoria to help me she can probably lure him with her beautifu-” I glared at him “I mean . . . . you probably could too just - I should stop talking.”

“Yeah that would help.” I grunted as I punched him in the arm. I swiftly got up and went into the bathroom to fix myself for the day and then go over to get some clothes lying in a bag in the other room.

Just a half hour later I was out the door and over by BLG’s bus. I was getting ready to set up merch again when Martin stepped out of the bus. I hadn’t seen him since I stormed off after he broke up with me so it was kind of awkward. However because of my nice long talk with Gabe the other day I had it all figured out. However what happened next I definitely was not expecting.

Martin glided over to me and grabbed the side of my face planting a sweet kiss on my lips. I was surprised, but closed my eyes as we gave each other short affectionate kisses. Then as if his lips were on fire I gasped and pulled away looking down. What was that? What was that?

Lightly touching my lips my hand curled into a fist however before I could shout something at Martin, Jack yelled “What the fuck was that?”

I whipped my head around wide eyed as I felt as if I were going to cry. Everything was spiraling out of control and if I don’t take control of this now I was going to end up living alone or married to someone who I did not love. My hand raised high and next thing I knew I thrust it down to smack Martin across the face.

“Stop confusing me!” I shouted angered and then Jack was by my side glaring at Martin.

“I needed to know if I made the right choice.” Martin shrugged scratching the back of his neck.

“Well knock it off and leave us alone.” Jack growled through clenched teeth.

“Since when are you even together?” Martin suspiciously asked eyeing us both.

Things took off from there. A verbal fight. Just so little ticked these guys off. I just stood watching slowly reseeding, my back against the bus. I had absolutely no clue what to do. When two guys were yelling their heads off about a girl and how much of an idiot each other were, what were you to do?

“OK STOP THAT’S ENOUGH!” I found myself demandingly yelling.

“I’ve had it with arguments and drama and I’m just ready to end it here. Martin its over with us because of your distrust in me and overprotection of me. Jack . . . .” I paused with a slow sigh “I felt that I shouldn’t have had sex with you two nights ago. That I should have waited to have it with you because I feel like such a horrible person and slut for breaking up with Martin and then banging you the same night. I don’t think I should have come on tour because drama always follows and I just feel awful half the time.”

“What are you trying to say?” both Jack and Martin asked in unison as for a split second they glared at each other then looked back at me.

“I’m saying that I’m just going to try and forget about you two and I’m just heading home.” I mumbled looking down. I didn’t want to see their reactions. Martin most likely looked upset for I heard a sigh escape his lips and heard him take a few steps back. Jack, I have no clue how his reaction turned out so I dared to look at him and as soon as I did I regretted it. It pained me to see his face, it looked so broken and he stared at me with disbelief.

“Why?” he mumbled.

“Drama.” I sighed averting his eyes.

“You used me.” he huffed his hands balling into fists.

“No. I didn’t.” I replied surprisingly calmly.

“I was a rebound. You’re a fucking liar!” Jack yelled.

“No Jack! I fucking love you ok? I can’t handle all this shit I feel like I’m going to explode!” I screamed tears running down my eyes. Wose.

“You feel like your going to explode? I feel that way. I have never had an even more crazier relationship in my life.” Martin laughed “You guys are so blind. Jack, your utterly in love with Case. Its plain to see. Case you just keep running away. When are you going to stop the madness? Because you know what? I’m sure Jack won’t wait all his life for you.”

With that Martin shook his head and just walked back into the tour bus. I stood there and thought about what he had said. Was I really running away? Though before I could really tell myself the truth I tried to say without cracking “I need time.”

“Fine. Run away on me again” Jack growled coldly. Was he really slipping away? I felt as if the very thing that tied me and Jack together was falling apart and was just hanging by a thread. I was so stupid. So very stupid. However I couldn’t change my mind and go crawling back to this pissed off Jack in front of me. I had to leave. Find someone maybe healthier for me. That doesn’t make me do crazy things. Though. . . . Isn’t that what love is? Spending the time with someone that just makes you do unbelievably crazy outgoing things, that make you laugh, that always keep you on your toes.

Right there and then I realized I had made the biggest mistake. Staring into Jack’s cold icy stare. It’s like I didn’t know who he was, had never seen this side of him. I felt horrible. I had brought this out in him. It was all my fault. I couldn’t go back though. No matter how much I wish I could just redo this whole day. Go all the way back to this morning with Alex and accept his offer and distract Rian.

I shook my head back and forth slightly looking at Jack and said “I’m a fucking retard. I’ll never get my life in place. I’m losing everything. I’m losing you.”

I knew these words would have no affect of him. I just said them to say them. For my benefit. To admit the things I didn’t want to even think. However when my sentence was finished Jack headed back toward his bus as I stood there frozen. I watched him get on the bus and then throw stuff out the bus door and then slam it shut.

Tears escaped my eyes, but I wiped them away even though they were replaced by new ones. I slowly walked over to my thrown luggage sprawled on the ground and picked up my belongings.

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Weeks later I sat on my new stiff tan couch eating Chinese food and watching some dumb reality show on mtv. Life went on. It was crappy and it was even worse when I had to go back to work tomorrow after two months of pure laziness and drama. Though going back to work might actually be a good thing. I could just get my mind into a state of work, work, work, and numb out how I was really feeling. Feeling . . . How was I feeling? Shitty. That’s what.

Lately I just didn’t feel all that well emotion wise and just feeling wise. I took aspirin though and that made me feel much better. I hadn’t really had anyone over either or even talk to people on the phone. I felt so isolated.

Biting my lip I turned off the TV and put down the Lowman I had been eating. I didn’t know what to do. It was actually really sad. I smiled though because I was thinking of tomorrow. I was going to be recording someone and then everything would feel ok again and back to normal. Hopefully as if those two and a half months had never existed and I can keep living my life as it was.

That was not easy. It wasn’t easy because I kept seeing that angered face of Jack. Of Jack Bassam Barakat whom I could not forget about and whom I loved to the point it made me cry. Everything just happened so quick. As quick as a speeding bullet that I could not dodge no matter how hard I tried.