Dreams of Tomorrow

Athalya sat still on her seat, her hands stuck under her tights, sitting straight.

“I’m a little disappointed in you…” he said, focussed on the road.

“Huh?”

“It’s been almost three weeks since I last saw you and you don’t even come and see me after the show… you didn’t call… Did I do something wrong?” he asked.

Athalya’s eyes widened.

“I…” she started, trailing off.

“I thought you’d come and see me backstage, and by the way, good job covering your black eye.” He added.

She froze on her spot, and bit her lip.

He sighed, “I’m sorry I’m being like that, but I was looking forward to seeing you again, and to introduce you to the guys, but all I got was you getting hurt, and running off…” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair, sighing.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, “I freaked out I guess…” she mumbled. Lost for words.

He sighed,

“Am I really that scary?” he asked, stopping at a red light and turning to look at her.

“No, no you’re not… I’m just…” she sighed. “I don’t know… I’m sorry, I real am. It’s not easy for me.” She snapped. “I’m getting tired of everyone trying to tell me what to do, or they are expecting from me. It’s really annoying! Cut me some slag for Christ’s sake.” She said, pissed.

“I’m sorry Athalya, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just worried about you. Everyone is… your friends, your grandparents… The only thing we want is for you to get better.” Said Billie Joe, turning in direction of the school.

“I’m fine! I’m fucking okay!” she snapped, pointing at her face, faking a smile. “See, everything’s all right! Everyone needs to stop worrying, it’s not like I’m going to jump off a bridge or whatever.” She snapped, her hand on the handle.

“I don’t need your authority, I know you didn’t mean any harm, but I don’t need an other wanna-be parental authority right now, I just want to be able to live my life the way I want to. If I want to pull a long face, I’ll do just that. Sorry if the circumstances aren’t allowing me to smile at the moment. My mother’s dead for fuck sake! How do you want me to deal with that so easily! I saw her! I was there! I was fucking there when she breathed out for the last time! I saw her every night! I’m dreaming about it night after night…”

“Athalya, I had no idea, I’m so…”

“Save it. I’m glad I met you Billie Joe, you made my life just a little bit brighter. Thanks for driving me to school. Bye.” She mumbled, getting out of the car. She realised it was just about the same car Billie Joe had when he drove her to the airport in N.Y city.

She let out a shaky breath as she realized what she had just done. The impact of her action finally caught up with her. She felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest once more. She gasped, turned around and was hoping to see the car still parked but it was gone.

“Putain!” she snapped, rushing to the school building, towards her locker.
But she didn’t made it.

Some random dude was standing on her way, between her and Brian and Jimmy, who she wanted to see, as they were talking to their friends.

“Hey, you’re new right?”

that send her off the edge.

“Listen, I’ve been new for the past three weeks! Get a hold of yourself and stop starring at me like I’m the new shinny toy in a fucking store.” She snarled.

The guy didn’t seem too taken aback by her outburst.

“I wanted to invite you to the party of the year…” he said, trying to sound seducing.

“Listen you shithead, I barely slept, my whole body hurts because of the fucking moshpit, and I just made the biggest mistake of my life by turning down one of the best person that ever walked this earth. See this face?” she asked, pointing at her face. “That’s the face of a walking disaster, so you can shove your party of the year up into your ass. I don’t go to party, let alone dance with a jerk like you from the baseball team. I got my own friends, thank you very much. They might not be considered ‘cool’ in your standard, but they’re the fucking best. By the way, you should really consider taking Zacky in the baseball team, is better than you. And next time one of your monkeys try to hit on Val or Michelle, or even makes fun of Johnny’s shortness, or Jimmy’s tallness, you’re dead, I’ll hold you responsible. Got it?” she said, pointing at him.

“Of course.” He mumbled. She nodded shortly and pushed past him, walking towards Brian and Jimmy.

“I’m fucking tired…” she mumbled. “Please, make them stop starring at me…” she added.

“It was really nice of you to stand up for us Athalya, but traumatizing the leader of the baseball, was it really necessary?” asked Justin, rubbing his neck nervously.

“Yes, in my mind, it was necessary. I want to make it clear. If they fuck with you, they’re dead. And don’t even think about laughing, you know I can kick your ass, I already did once.” She reminded him with a small tired smile.

“Who were you referring to when you spoke about turning down one of the best person that had ever walked this earth?” asked Jimmy.

“No one you know. But if that’s make you feel better, you’re the second best?” she said, turning the affirmation in a question at the end.

“That wasn’t my question Athalya…” he said, sighing.

“Well, that was my answer.” She replied.

“Athalya, can I ask you something? Where did you learn to fight?” asked Michelle.

“Nowhere special…” she said, shrugging.

“Well then, who taught you?” asked Matt.

“No one in particular, life did.” Athalya said, looking away from the persons she now considers as her friends. “You only have two kinds of victims: the ones that got hurt during a fight, and loose it; or the one who knows how to defend themselves, and in the end, they’re the ones to win the fight. I choose my side a couple of years back.” She explained.

“Why exactly?” asked Jimmy, quietly.

“People at school, pretending they were my friends, only to stab me in the back afterwards. I got tired of it, I fought back. I choose violence instead of words. I realised I could hurt them much more with my fists than I could while insulting them. And I realised that when being a girl, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself, and make guys respect you.” She explained.

“You’re full of surprise…” said Matt, smiling his dimpled smile, with a slight tint of admiration.

“I try…” she said, shrugging off.

“She’s awesome, isn’t she?” said jimmy, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her forehead. “We have to keep her forever!”

“Let’s vote!” said Michelle, “who wants to keep Athalya here, with us, forever?” she asked.

“ME!” everyone said. Athalya looked down, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

“And we’re late!” shouted Jimmy, throwing his arms in the air as the hallway was desert, everyone had gone to class a while ago.

“Woo woo! How about ditching school and going to the secret spot?” asked Matt, before kissing Val’s cheek.

“You guys go ahead, I’m staying at school.” Said Athalya. “I can’t ditch.”

“You can’t? Or you don’t want to?” asked Justin.

“I don’t want to.” She said. “I could, if I wanted. But I don’t want to” she added.

“I’m staying here too…” mumbled Brian.

“Brian, you’re not even going to school here!” said Zacky.

“I know, but I don’t feel well… I’m just gonna hang out behind the gym and wait for Athalya until she’s out for lunch.” He said, rubbing his neck.

“As you wish Gates.” Said Matt, with a shrug. “You have no idea what you’ll be missing!” he said, waving at him.

“You know where to find us if you ever get bored!” said Zacky, waving at him.

“Watch out Gates…” mumbled Jimmy, giving him a warning glance before looking at Athalya.

Athalya raised an eyebrow as jimmy kissed her forehead, still glaring at Brian.

“I’ll pick you up afterschool…” he said.

“Jimmy, you’ll be drunk off your ass…” she said.

“Fine… Gates, don’t get in a car wreck. I’ll see you later.” Said Jimmy, waving at them and then following his friends out of school.

“So, I’m going to wait for you behind the gymnasia, okay? See you at lunch.” Said Brian, waving at her and slowly making his way towards the gymnasia.

Brian sat down against the wall, and took out his CD player, putting the earphones in his ears and closing his eyes.

The first thing he saw was Athalya telling him it was alright, after she had woken up, he remembered this moment clearly. How horrible he felt, how guilty he felt for letting her get a black eye. He shuddered at the thought, seeing her hit the barrier because of him…

He should have been at school at the moment, in gym… but for some reason, he’d rather be here, waiting for Athalya, outside of a school building. He was going to wait 3 hours for her, just to see her for lunch.

Something was definitely wrong with him…

There was something about Athalya, there was something about her that was attracting him, and he had no idea why. He wanted to know, he wanted to know the reason why he couldn’t help but care about her. She was just a girl, a new girl, a foreigner, but yet to Brian, she was different.

“Why the long face?”

He snapped out of his daze when he heard the voice and saw who it belonged to.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” he asked, taking out his earphones and starring at her, his face pale.

“I’m at school…” she said.

“Well, I meant… In class.” He stammered, rubbing his neck nervously.

“I was going to, but then as I was about to open the door, I realised that you’d be waiting in outside all alone for 3 hours, and I felt bad because you decided to stay here when you could be having fun with your friends, so yeah…” she explained.

“I thought you didn’t wanted to ditch?” he asked.

“I don’t but you’re already feeling bad for my black eye… Is that the reason why you’re upset?”

“No…” he trailed off, rubbing his neck nervously. “I’m just not feeling well…”

“Why?” she asked, sitting next to him.

He just shrugged.

“Do you mind if I’m staying with you?” she asked, as she was already sitting down next to him.

“No, I wouldn’t mind some company…” he said, trying his best to hide his excitement.

“Alright… What do you want to talk about?” she asked, leaning against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest and yawning.

“Whatever you feel like talking about…” he replied, but he wanted to ask her things. And even Athalya noticed it.

“Alright, shout!” she said, with a small smile, remembering her first day of school and when she didn’t understand them when they told her to ‘shout’ something.

“What?”

“I know you want to ask questions, so go ahead, ask away!” she said, closing her eyes.

Brian opened his mouth to speak but stop before saying anything. There were too many things he wanted to ask her. But he had no idea how to ask…

“Why are you here?” he asked, after a few moment of silence.

“I told you, I felt bad for leaving you by yourself…” she replied, her eyes still closed.

“No, I mean, why did you come to the USA?” he asked again.

“Oh… hum… I… It’s difficult…” she mumbled.

“It’s okay, I just want to try and understand…” explained Brian.

Athalya took a deep breath,
“My mother died, and my step father and my grandparents decided that I needed a change, and so they decided to send me here.” She explained, her eyes still closed.

“Aren’t you happy? I mean, you don’t look too thrilled to be here…” he said.

“You know… I used to be obsessed with the United States of America… but now that I’m here… It’s weird…” she explained. “I’d rather be in France with my mother, then here without her.” She mumbled.

“That’s understandable…” said Brian.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being here you know…”

“You don’t…” said Brian leaning against the wall, closing his eyes too.

“How can you know that?” she asked, still not looking at him.

“It’s crystal clear, you’re not happy here, you’re just pretending to be happy for your grandparents, and Jimmy’s sake. You don’t give a damn about anything except for Green Day…” he said.

“That’s my life, I do want I want to okay… sorry if I’m a little lost at the moment and the only thing holding me back from jumping off a bridge is a band…” she mumbled, after taking a deep breath. She should try to learn not to snap at people.

“It’s not just a band…” said Brian.

“You’re right, it’s more than that…” she said, nodding slowly.

“It’s an obsession.” Added Brian.

“Just so you know, the last person who told me that ended up with a black eye.” She said, still not looking at him.

“Try to hit me, I’ll hit you right back…” he said.

Athalya opened her eyes and glanced at him, smiling slightly.

That was a weird exchange, both were sitting down, with their back resting against the wall. Their eyes closed and talking without thinking. Because if Brian had his eyes opened, he wouldn’t speak to her like that, and neither would she.
Athalya had let down her guard for a moment, speaking what she had in her mind, not caring that she barely knew Brian and everything…

“You wouldn’t hit girls… I know that.” She said, still smiling. And closed her eyes again, just as Brian opened them and looked at her.

“You’re right…” said Brian, nodding even though she couldn’t see it.

“I’m always right…” she said.

“You’re not, because you keep on saying you are alright, but you’re not.” Said Brian.

“Thanks Brian for sharing your thoughts…” she mumbled.

“You’re welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I know, I was being sarcastic too…” he replied.

“You’re annoying.” She commented.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked.

“Only if you want to.”

“I’m fine here.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Anymore questions you want to ask me?” she asked Brian.

“Is there anything going on between you and Jimmy?” he asked, without thinking.

“Except the fact that he is overly protective? No.”

“Aren’t you two an item or something?” he asked.

“No, we’re just friends, or at least that’s how it is for me.” She explained.

“So, you’re not a couple?” asked Brian. “There are no feelings involving you two?” he insisted.

“No Brian, I’m not Jimmy’s girlfriend and I don’t plan to be, why?” she asked.

“Because, I was curious.” He said.
He felt his heart beating faster in his chest, hoping she wouldn’t ask further questions.

“Alright.” She said.

“So, Jimmy is like, your best friend?” asked Brian, again.

“Jimmy… He’s like… An over protective brother.” She said.

“And Johnny?”

“He’s like a little brother…”

“You don’t have a best friend?” asked Brian.

“No, I don’t. Why?” asked Athalya.

“Okay, so I’m claiming that place.” Said Brian.

“Huh?”

“I’m claiming that place, from now on, I’ll be your best friend.” Said Brian.

“Why would you do that?” she asked.

“Because, I’m not going to your school, you don’t consider me as your brother, I need to be something. So that, when you’ll go back to France, you’ll remember me.” He said. “And, if you have a best friend here, you won’t want to go back to France!”

“Aww!” she cooed, sitting up and opening her eyes.

“What?” he asked, looking at her.

“You’re awesome, you know that?”

Brian felt his cheeks warming up.
“I try…” he said, shrugging.

“So, what now? We’re best friends? What am I supposed to do exactly?” she asked, turning to look at him. “Help you throwing up in the toilet when you’re drunk off your ass? And you, you’ll be protecting me from being squashed in the moshpit?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s part of the deal.” He said, nodding.

“Alright, sounds good to me.” She said. “And I’ll be able to call you at anytime of the day/night?”

“Yeap, and I’ll do the same.” Said Brian. “And I’ll tell you all about my oh so interesting life, and all my dirty little secrets.”

“And you’ll be my own personal jukebox, and taxi…?”

“That’s right.” Said Brian.

“Then, that’s a deal!” she said, smiling and holding up her hand for a high-five. Brian smacked his palm with hers.

“So, what do you wanna do now?” she asked.

“Can I ask you a few more questions?” he asked, slightly nervous.

“Sure…”

“What happened to your mother?” he asked.

Athalya’s breath got stuck in her throat.
That was something she hadn’t told to anyone, her grandparents knew, but not from her.

“I…You… I…She…” she stammered, her eyes wide, her breathing laboured.

“It’s okay Athalya, I’m sorry I asked you this! I should have known…” apologized Brian, afraid she was going to have a panic attack.

Athalya took a deep breath, brought her knees up to her chest, resting her head on top of them and looked at Brian, trying to slow down her breathing.

“Okay… I’m going to tell you what happened…” she said. “But I’ll tell it once, and promise me you’ll keep it for yourself. It’s not spectacular what happened to her, but talking about it made it even more real that it is already…” she explained, slowly, looking everywhere except at Brian.

“I don’t even know if I should tell you about it, I haven’t told anyone… But since you’re my best friend, I supposed you should know about it… Just… Just promise me that this will stay between us and that you won’t bring that up ever again…” she mumbled before taking a deep breath. Brian just nodded shortly.

“My mother died of lung cancer. She spent the last 6 months of her life with a hole in her throat, lying on a hospital bed, she was fed by tubes in her body. I know, thousand of people die of cancer every year, but this was my mother…” she said, doing her best at containing her emotion. “I told her to stop, every day, I asked her to stop smoking, for me… But she wouldn’t quit… She kept of smoking… Almost a pack a day… And, I was begging her to stop, because I knew something bad would happen… And then one day, David called me while I was in class, David’s my step father… My mother was in hospital, they had found a tumour.”

She paused for a second, just the time for her to take an other deep breath and control herself, so she wouldn’t burst in hysterical tears.

“From the day she started chemo, it seems like it was getting worse every week…” explained Athalya, looking away, starring off into space, remembering the cold white room her mother was staying in.

“The worst is the fact that she knew she had a tumour, but she didn’t wanted to fight, she said that her time had come and she had to deal with the consequences of her act. She didn’t listen to me, she didn’t stop smoking, she said it was her punishment…”

Athalya pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep, heartbreaking sigh.

“I told her to stop smoking…” she mumbled.

“I’m sorry Athalya…” whispered Brian, feeling bad for asking her about it.

“I feel like it’s my fault…” she said. “I know it’s not, but it feels like it…” she whispered, hugging her knees.

“I’m really sorry Athalya, I shouldn’t have asked you about it…” apologized Brian.

She took a deep breath once again,
“It’s okay Brian, at least someone knows now… I’m sorry I’ve been locking myself away from you guys, but I’m trying to deal with the loss of my mother, and I can’t seem to… I don’t know how to…” she explained.

“That’s why we’re here… That’s why Jimmy is here, that’s why Johnny and everyone else are here, and that’s why I’m here… Us, your grandparents, even that ‘awesome guy’ you got into a fight with this morning… We want to help you Athalya, that’s why Jimmy is being over protective with you, he just want you to surpass the event.” Said Brian, slowly wrapping his arm around her shoulder, still afraid she’d push him away. “I can’t stay I know what it’s like to loose a parent, it never happened to me, but I can imagine how hard it must be for you… Why don’t you try to talk about it to someone who went through the same kind of thing? Ask that person how she/he did to overcome this… Do you know anyone?” asked Brian.

“I think I know someone…” she mumbled, not looking at him.

“Then, I advice you to talk to that person, it’ll only make you feel better…” said Brian.

“The thing is… I kind of snapped at that person this morning…” she mumbled, clearly upset by this.

“That person will come around, I’m sure…” whispered Brian, lightly pressing his lips against her temple. Athalya grabbed the hand that was resting on her shoulder and linked her fingers with his, still looking down.

Brian’s breath got stuck in his throat for a second, but then he realized she needed comfort, she wasn’t ready to have someone asking her out right after she told him about her mother’s.
It made him feel special in a way…
She never told Jimmy about what exactly happened. He knew it was wrong of him to feel proud in a moment like this, but Athalya opened up to him, she finally let her guard down after 3 weeks of being around him.
Brian wrapped his arm tighter around Athalya’s shoulder and rested his head on top of hers, a small smile made its way on his lips.

He was her best friend, not Jimmy, not Johnny, not Michelle or anyone else, just him.

Brian.