Dreams of Tomorrow

7.39 am.
The house was back to normal, except that she still needed to hover in the living room. No more decorations in the garden, or in the house. It was as if the party had never occurred.

Lya yawned loudly and stretched her arms above her head. Like a zombie, she strolled up to Brian’s room. He must have woken up, because he was now lying on his back. She took off her socks and slid down under the covers. She snuggled closed to Brian and rested her head against his chest.
She fell into slumber.

**

“Fuck...”

Lya frowned and snuggled closer to the warm thing that was laying next to her.

“Lya... My parents, the house...”

She sighed and hide her face.

“It’s clean. The only dirt remaining are your friends passed out in the living room.” She managed to say.

“You cleaned the house?”

“Hmm!” was her reply as she hid her face under the sheet. “Lemme sleep!”

Brian got up, cursing himself for drinking so much, he stopped by the bathroom to pop some painkillers and headed downstairs. The kitchen was clean. The whole house was clean and he thank God for bringing Lya into his life. His parents wouldn’t murder him.

“Guys, it’s 1pm you need to leave before my parents are back!” he said, kicking Justin as he was asleep on the carpet.

He waited until all his friends had left before quickly hovering in the living room and making sure no plastic cups were left. Once he was sure the house was perfectly clean, he grabbed something to eat and then hurried back in his room. Lya was still in his bed. He got under the covers, careful not to wake her up but failed.

“Brian?”

“Hey, did I woke you up?” he asked. She lifted the sheet off her head and looked at him, one eye opened.

“I’m still half asleep...” she mumbled. “What time is it?”

“2pm”

“Ah shit, I need to...”

“I did it. It’s okay you can sleep.” He said, laying on his side so he was facing her.

“I’m not tired anymore...” she said.

“You said you were still half asleep.” He retorted.

“Yeah, but I’m awake now.” She mumbled.

“Half awake you mean…” he said, smiling.

“Both…” she retorted, yawning. She stretched, making several articulations in her body crack and then covered her face with Brian’s pillow.

Brian watched her, as she tried to wake herself up somehow. She always took some time to wake, depending of how well she had slept the night before.

“Sorry about the incident at the cemetery…” she said, lifting the pillow of her face and looking at Brian, one eye opened.

“About the fact that you left in a hurry and got me worried sick because I had no idea where you were?” he asked.

She groaned but nodded.

“I’m sorry but I had a lot of my mind at the moment and I didn’t appreciate the fact that Justin tackled me or whatever he did. He’s always trying to touch me, it’s getting on my nerves.” She said, frowning.

“You don’t like people touching you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not very much…” she said. “Okay, that's not the problem. I don’t mind people hugging me or whatever, but not the person I barely know. Especially boys. I mean, I have no problem with Johnny, Jimmy or you, but I won’t tolerate Justin insulting me and the next minute trying to grope me. Speaking of groping!” she said, suddenly more awake. She sat up, brought his pillow to her chest and starred at Brian.

“You’re my best friend, right?” she asked, suspiciously.

“Yeah, of course…” he said, sitting up in front of her.

“Well… I did help you when you threw up in the toilet this morning, and you did play whatever songs I wanted the other day, so yeah… We both filled our part of the deal… Huh… I was saying?” she asked, rubbing her neck. Brian smiled, she had lost her track of thoughts, he had noticed it happened before and he found it quite amusing that she always had so many thoughts in her mind.

“You asked me if we were best friends, but before that you were speaking about ‘groping’” he said, making air quotes.

She snapped her fingers.
“You are friends with all the random guys we hang out with, right?”

“Well, except for Shortshit…” he started but when he caught her glare, “okay, okay… yes, I am. Why?”

“Well, if I tell you something, you’ll be able to pass the message?” she asked.

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“Okay…” she said, wrinkling her nose as she frowned. A habit she had when she was trying to put her thoughts into a coherent sentence.

“Okay.” She said again. “So, something happened yesterday…” she started, watching Brian, trying to see if he was following her.

“I’m listening…”

“At the cemetery. That’s part of the reason why I left.”

Brian paid even more attention at the words leaving her mouth.

“Someone kissed me. I have a few guesses at who might have done that… It certainly wasn’t Matt, he has Val, or Johnny because he was by the fence. That only leaves Zack, Jimmy, Justin or you. I don’t think it was Zacky… But who ever did that, and I don’t want to know who, has to know that I don’t want to be romantically involved with anyone at the moment.” She said.

Brian stayed quiet, so she went on.

“I don’t know if that person did it because he was drunk or because he thinks he likes me as more than a friend or whatever was his reason… I don’t want a boyfriend, not even a quick fuck or whatever you guys want when you’re driven by your hormones… I might be French, but I’m not an idiot.” She said, scrunching up her nose.

Brian’s face was blank, trying to process everything she had just said. Someone had kissed her, he knew that, it was him. He kissed her. But she didn’t wanted a boyfriend. He blinked.

“… Too much is going on at the moment, with school both here and in France…”

“What?” asked Brian, snapping out of his stupor.

“Yeah, I’m trying to graduate here and in France… I’ll go there to pass my exams and just cross my fingers and pray to God that I’ll pass.” She explained. “So yeah, I was saying, too much’s going on now… And I don’t want to bother with a boyfriend. Friends are enough, I hang around too many people for my own sake. I’m just… how to put it… unstable? Yeah, I’m just too unstable at the moment… It’s like, there’s this constant buzzing of thoughts in my head, it’s like… like… a… how sh-… yeah… it’s like a fucking war inside my brain. It slows down at night, but yeah… I just can’t stop thinking… Bad stuff most of the time, but that’s another story. It’s a fucking wreck here. It's anarchy!” She said, tapping her index finger against her temple. “I just can’t get involved with someone else, friends are all right, but barely. I mean, I don’t want to hurt people but I know I do…” she ranted, looking at the Gun’s and Roses poster on Brian’s closed door.

“I might not stay in Huntington forever you know… And long distance relationship don’t work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I’m thinking too far ahead, but I don’t want to take any risk…” she blabbered, her eyes unfocussed. She kept going for a few more seconds, Brian not listening anymore. He just kept his eyes on her, fighting over his own feelings but something caught his attention.

“Whereas you, Jimmy and Johnny, I trust you guys. Especially you Brian, not because you’re my best friend and all. Just because. That’s probably why I don’t mind sleeping in the same bed as you and sitting on your lap, you’re comfortable by the way. If Justin or Zacky had tried that, I probably wouldn’t have slept or tried to kill them. You know what I mean? I mean, yeah… You’re a cool guy. And you’re not scary, contrary to Jimmy… Sometimes he freaks me out, but he’s cool too….”

Brian smiled faintly. Well, at least she thought he was comfortable, cool and not scary. That was a plus, right? He watched in amazement as her lips kept moving, but he drowned out the sound. She was talking fast, and for a second, he thought she was drunk, by the way her thoughts were incoherent, but then he realised that she was just speaking naturally. He became conscious that this was the longest he had ever heard her talk and the fastest too.
It must mean that she was comfortable enough around him to speak freely. It warmed his heart a bit, but just a bit. Because deep inside, he just wanted to hide under the covers and cry.
Athalya liked him as a friend, nothing more. She had made that clear. Cristal clear. He knew she had kissed him back, but it meant nothing to her. She probably didn’t even think. It wasn’t a big deal for her, she just didn’t wanted to let that person get his hopes up.

Too late he thought.

He liked her more than a friend. And somehow, he knew that no matter if he ever become fluent in French or if he took her to dozen of Green Day shows, she wouldn’t change her mind.

He became aware that she wasn’t as calm as she could appear. She was restraining herself. He could easily picture her in his mind, screaming bloody murder and trashing her room. He wouldn’t want to be on her way then.

He thought he knew her, but he didn’t…

“I’m gonna stop talking now, sorry.” She said, realizing that Brian had a blank look on his face, his eyes on her.

“When are they coming back?” she asked, after a few seconds of silence.

“Who?” managed to say Brian.

“Your parents.”

“In the evening…” he replied.

“Are the guys and girls still sleeping downstairs?” she asked.

“No, they left.” He replied, leaving the part when he kicked them out.

“I’m going back to sleep then!” she said, getting under the covers, putting the pillow back on the mattress. “Do you mind?” she asked.

Brian was in no condition to speak more than 3 words.

“Go ahead.” He said, laying down as well. She curled up next to him, shot him a bright smile, before kissing his cheek and then, nuzzled her face in his pillow, closing her eyes.

He closed his eyes, letting out a deep, shaky sigh.

**

“What are you doing for thanksgiving?” asked Jimmy, laying on Lya’s bed, she had her head resting on his tummy, her feet on the floor.

“I’m probably going to San Francisco with my grand parents.” She said, starring at the ceiling, smiling at the thought of seeing the Armstrong again.
She couldn’t wait.

“And you?”

“I’ll probably stay here with my parents, and sisters and have a big family gathering or something…” he said, before yawning.

“It will be my first Thanksgiving ever…” she said, before yawning as well.

“For real?”

He felt her nod.

“Sometimes I tend to forget you’re French…” he said, absentmindly playing with her hair, lifting his head up from the mattress so he could look at her.

“You don’t look French.” He said.

She rolled her eyes.

“It’s not written on my forehead, and I don’t wander in the street dragging the Eiffel Tower behind me, with a beret on top of my head, a French baguette in my arms with a French flag draped over my shoulders.” She replied.

“That would be a funny sight.” He said, chuckling.

She slapped his stomach, making him laugh louder.
“Shut up Jimmy!” she mumbled, turning to the side so she could see him.

“You’re not as comfortable as Brian…” she commented, poking him.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow.
“And how would you know that?”

“Well, I always end up sitting on his lap somehow, and when there is a sleep over, I always end up sleeping in the same bed as he does… I know he’s more comfortable.”

“Does it mean he’s chubby?” Jimmy asked, curious to know what she thought about his best friend.

“Chub-what?”

Jimmy rolled his eyes.
“Chubby… A little fat? Overweighed? Between being obese and anorexic.” He tried to explain.

“What? No! He’s just comfortable… Well, B is more comfortable.” She added.

“Speaking of B again, are we?” he asked, smiling. She glared at him. And not in a joking manner. He changed the subject.

“So, when is your step father coming?”

“December… He called again yesterday… Twice in less than 2 weeks. I’m impressed and slightly worried… He’s been more talkative lately… I’m expecting bad news when he comes.” She said.

“And why is that?”

“I don’t know, I just have a bad feeling about his visit… Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy to see him after those almost 2 months away from France, but I don’t know…” she mumbled.

“It’s been 2 months all ready? It seems like it was just yesterday when Val introduced you to us… You looked so shy and lost… and scarred” he added with a smile.

“Don’t remind me…” she mumbled, turning to lie on her back, starring at the ceiling once again.

“Do you have band practise today?” she asked.

“Yeah, are you coming?”

“No, I think I’ll see if what Brian is up to…”

“You seem to be spending a lot of time with Brian…”

“Well yeah, that’s because he’s my best friend and I don’t see him during school anymore, he has stop coming for lunch if you haven’t noticed.”

“I noticed.”

“He has been acting weird lately, don’t you think?”

“I haven’t notice…” said Jimmy, closing his eyes. He couldn’t tell her that Brian was desperately in love with her and that he has to put some space between them, as much as he could handle…

“Maybe I’m just imagining things…” she said, yawning once again and stretching.

“Probably…”

“Has Brian talked to you about something that happened in the cemetery, on Halloween?” she asked, out of the blue.

Jimmy held his breath, knowing damn well what had happened at the cemetery. The day after, Brian came to his house to get drunk out of his fucking mind after Lya had left to go back to her grandparents…

“No, why? Was he supposed to tell me something?” he asked, hoping he would sound convincing.

“Never mind…” she said, rubbing her face.

Jimmy bit his lip and looked away from her. He didn’t liked it when he had to lie to one of his friends, but Lya was completely clueless about the fact that Brian was desperately in love with her. Brian had to take a break of some sort, he chose not to come for lunch anymore. All his friends knew what had happened, or had a vague idea but none of them talked about it out loud.
But the poor boy had trouble staying away from her. And Jimmy couldn’t blame him. She was different than his other friends, and he still had yet to figure out whether it was a good thing or not…
Being different was cool, but not always…

“Lya! Phone!” shouted David from the other side of the corridor.

Lya jumped off the bed and was out of her room in a blink of an eye.

“Hey B!”

Jimmy shook his head, sighing. He sat up, looked at her room and shook his head once more. Her room was a little messier than Val’s or Michelle’s but he felt like it was lacking of her personality. It was too formal for him.
That girl needed to loosen up somehow…

He left her room, waving at her on his way out of her house. She blew him a kiss, waving.

**

“As He Came Into The Window
It Was The Sound Of A Crescendo
He Came Into Her Apartment
He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet
She Ran Underneath The Table
He Could See She Was Unable
So She Ran Into The Bedroom
She Was Struck Down, It Was Her Doom

Annie Are You OK?
So, Annie Are You OK…”

Lya was nodding her head to the music, mouthing the lyrics and trying to find the inspiration to fill in the blank of the Spanish exercise she had to do. As always, words were coming to her in English, but she couldn’t find them in Spanish…

She was even starting to loose her French… She had stopped dreaming and thinking in French a couple of days ago. For a week, her dreams had been half in French and half in English, but now it was entirely in English…

“Bonjour mon amie! Ça va?”

Lya blinked, startled.
Brian was standing in front of her, a smile on his face.

“Le ciel est bleu today.” He spoke. And Lya realized that she hadn’t imagined things, he had been speaking French.

Well, he wasn’t fluent and was still struggling with the basics, it felt so good to hear French from someone else. She didn’t have to speak to herself now. She smiled and got up, walking around the table to hug Brian.

“Merci!” she said, kissing his cheek. Brian’s face heat up and he looked around, pretending to be looking at the pictures on the wall.

“Ou sont les grand parents?” he asked, persisting on speaking French.

“Out” she replied. “Jimmy left a couple of hours ago.” She added, not bothering with French anymore.

“Yeah, I saw him…” he said with a nod. “Oh yeah, before I forgot. My ‘rents asked me to ask you if you wanted to come over for dinner?” he said, smiling.

“Oh sure! Thanks!” she smiled, gathering the books that had taken over the table.

“so, today… It will be your first ‘proper’ driving lesson…” he said, taking his car key out of his pocket.

“No way… Keep dreaming…” she said, glaring at him. “I still need to study a little bit more. I’ve been neglecting my homework’s…”

“Then why the hell are you picking up your books?” he asked, frowning. She shoved the pile of books in his arms.

“We’re going to my room.”

Brian blinked, but then realized that she certainly didn’t meant it the way he understood.
They were going to her room to study, nothing more.

He followed her.

He has tried to keep some distance between them, but it was too hard for his poor soul. It was hard enough for him to stay at his school during lunch time… And Jimmy just told him that she was worried about him. It had warmed his heart a little bit, but just a little… She dropped her pile of books on her desk and then stretched her arms over her head. Brian’s mind went momentary blank as her T-shirt rose a little, showing off some very pale skin. In a blink of an eye, the T-shirt was back in its place, Lya’s hands tightly gripping it.

“You don’t have to study ya know…” she said, opening her notebook on the desk, and a dictionary. “You don’t even have to stay…” she whispered, frowning as she sat down in front of her desk.

“Luckily for me, I brought my “French for dummies” book.” He said, taking it from his backpack.

“Fucking Spanish homework…” she swore under her breath.

He went over to her bed and laid down, one arm behind his hand and he held the book with his other. He tried to focus on the new lesson, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to look at Lya every so often.

She was frowning at the paper in front of her. Her head was resting on her left palm, her elbow on the desk and with her right hand, she was writing, trying to fill in the blanks on the paper. She clenched her teeth, grabbed the small white gum and erased something, before picking up her pencil again.

Brian laid the book opened on his chest.
“Me llamo Brian” he said, looking at her.

She rose an eyebrow and her eyes turned to look at him. He smiled.
“Ain’t that filling one of your blanks?”

She shook her head, a tired smile stretching her lips.
“Unfortunately, it’s not… But thanks for trying.” She said, before stifling a yawn and focusing back on her homework.

Brian decided to stop bothering her and he actually paid attention to what he was reading. He could still hear her scratching her pencil on the paper, erasing her work and blowing on the paper. After a while, he paid no more attention to the small noises around him… When he looked up from his book, yawning, he noticed the silence.

He thought she had left, but when he sat up and turned to look at her, she was still sitting on her seat, but she was asleep. Her arms crossed on the desk, her head resting on them.

He wondered if her dream was pleasant. He thought it wasn’t, she was frowning in her sleep. It seems to him that she was frowning a lot these days.

He laid back down on her bed, watching her. He noticed the muscles in her jaw tensing. Sighing, he sneaked both hands under her pillows. How can someone look so restless even when aslee-…
Frowning, he pulled out something from underneath the pillows. It was something small, like a piece of paper. He held it in front of his face and blinked twice, before bringing it even closer from his eyes.
Sure enough, it was a picture.

A man and a girl.

A rock star and a fan.

Green Day’s frontman and their biggest fan.

Billie Joe Armstrong and Lya.

Brian had no idea they had ever met. She never mentions it. He turned the picture over, out of curiosity. He frowned when he saw that something was written behind. He didn’t read and instead, he put the photo back when he accidentally found it. The picture back in place, he turned his attention back to Lya.

The muscles in her face and neck were still clenching and unclenching themselves. As if she was refraining herself from screaming, clenching her teeth.

Her lips parted, she winced, her whole body jerked and her eyes opened, wide. She blinked quickly and sat up, almost knocking over the pile of books. Brian picked up the book again and pretended to be reading, while still watching her from the corner of his eyes.

She was holding a shaky hand to her chest, her eyes closed tight shut, she let out a shaky breath before slamming her Spanish dictionary shut.

“Are you done already?” Brian asked.

“I’m too tired to study…” she said, yawning and getting up.

“We don’t have to go to my parents ya know, you could always stay here and get some rest. You woke up in a fright, did you had a nightmare?” Brian asked, looking at her.

She tensed, but shrugged it off.
“Nothing to worry about, I dreamt I was running and huh… I tripped and fell down in a hole. I woke up before hitting the ground.” She lied. “It happens quite often…” She yawned.

“You sure you don’t want to stay here and sleep?” he asked.

Lya closed her eyes for a moment, debating whether or not to get some much needed sleep or be nice and go to Brian’s house for dinner.

She opened her mouth to say that she wanted to stay here and sleep but stopped right before the words came out. No matter how she would put it, it would seem kinda rude. And she liked Brian’s parents’, so surely she could stay awake a few more hours.

“No, no I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’m just…” she sighed, shaking her head.

She promised herself not to bother him with this, but she couldn’t help it. She just had to get it off her chest. It was bothering her, to the point of giving her nightmares.

She got up from her desk chair and went to sit on her bed, she laid down on her side, to face Brian.

“I’m worried about Joey and Jacob, back in San Francisco.” She said.

“Jacob?” Brian asked, a little tense.

“Joey’s younger brother. He’s a little over 1 year old I think, but I’m not sure. Anyway, they are Bi-… B’s children.” She caught herself before giving away too much.

“Why would you worry about them, are they sick?”

“Oh no, they’re fine. It’s just that… B and his wife seem to be getting in fights quite often, and I’m afraid it’s my fault and I’m afraid they might get a divorce… Then what would happen to Joey and Jake? Because of B’s work, they won’t be able to spend so much time with their father; they might not see him as often… And B will die if he doesn’t see them. But of course, she would never keep them away from B…”

And there she went again, rambling.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Hey, slow down a bit would you?” cried Brian, resting his hand on top of her head, trying to stop her.

“Who’s getting a divorce? Who is not going to see who? And who is going to die?” he asked.

Lya rolled on her stomach, and buried her face in the pillow.

“Lya?”

She groaned and rolled on her side.

“B. He has been fighting with his wife, to the point of making her cry. I saw it, with my own eyes.” She mumbled. “I never thought he would do that, make her cry I mean.”

“Lya, it’s not uncommon for men to make women cry. It’s quite ‘normal’ in a way…” said Brian.

“It’s normal, for everyone else, not for B. He would never do that.” She argued.

“He’s not Superman, he’s human. Humans make other humans cry. It’s life.” Tried to reason Brian.

“You don’t understand…” she whispered.

“Then explain to me. Why would it be uncommon for that B guy to make his wife cry?”

“Because!”

“Because?” asked Brian, trying his best to prevent himself from smiling.

“Just because!” she said.

“Well, that explains it all… Thank you!” joked Brian, ruffling her hair.

She said nothing, her gaze unfocussed.

Brian’s face fell,
“You’re not going to cry, are you?”

“No.” she whispered, realizing that she couldn’t talk to him about it. He wouldn’t understand. No one could understand. Brian had no idea how special B was.

In Lya’s mind, it was impossible for B to make Adie cry. It couldn’t happen. They were the perfect match, the perfect couple, the perfect family. B couldn’t hurt Adie to the point of making her cry.
It was upsetting her to no end, but what was making worse was the fact that she was unable to explain why exactly it was bothering her… She couldn’t put it into words.

If it really was her fault, she would stop going there. But what if it was the opposite, what if they wanted to her to move to Oakland?

She froze.

A couple of weeks ago, she would have jumped off her bed and start packing, but it wasn’t that easy anymore.

Brian and Jimmy probably wouldn’t let her go so easily. But it was her life, and her choice. She had known them for what, a couple of months, it wouldn’t be a big deal.

She was torn, once again. She was thinking too much.

“What are you doing after graduation?”

She blinked, focusing her attention back on Brian.

What was she supposed to tell him? The truth. That was would be leaving to tour with Green Day. Sure… How was she supposed to tell him that… He had no idea who B was, and she planned on keeping it that way. It would only lead to more troubles. She wanted to keep it that way.

So she had to lie to him then…

Wouldn’t that make her a bad person?
Her mother had lied to her once, and she died more or less because of it.

Will she die if she lied to him?

To expose B’s identity or to lie to Brian….

“Probably going to college… Not really sure. And you?”

Well, that came out easily.

“I want to go to the Musicians Institute in Hollywood, to study Jazz guitar.” He said.

“Really?” she asked, sitting up. “That’s great!” she beamed. “That means you’ll play guitar your whole life! That’s so cool!”

Brian nodded, rubbing his neck.

“I wanna learn how to play the piano…” she said, looking at the 2 flags hanging on the wall. She frowned.

“Really?” asked Brian.

“Yeah, B has a piano. He said he would teach me.” She said.

“Hey Brian, do you think it’s weird?” she asked, out of the blue.

“What are you talking about?”

“That” she said, pointing at the 2 flags.

“I don’t think that’s weird…” he said, gazing up at the American flag, before his gaze drifted to the French one.

“Do I look French to you?” she asked. He blinked, before chuckling.

“What? What kind of question is that? Why would you ask that?”

“Because…” she started, before rolling on her stomach. “Jimmy told me I didn’t look French… So I wanted your input. Do I look French?”

“Huh…” Brian rubbed his neck. “Well… You kind of caught me off guard with that question… Huh… I don’t think you look French. I mean, it’s not written on your forehead… But your accent has improved… I mean, you sound less and less French.” He said.

“Then do I look American?” she asked, crossing her arms and resting her head on them.

“Huh… No.”

“I don’t look American either? Great.” She mumbled, closing her eyes.

“Hey, if you don’t like my answers then stop asking weird questions!” he argued.

“You should cut your hair.” She said.

“What?”

“I said: you should cut your hair, it’s kinda long and I had to hold it back when you threw up…”

“Okay…” he said slowly, looking at Lya as she yawned and stretched.

“Hey Lya?”

“Hmmm…?”

“Do me a favor, try to put your thoughts in coherent sentences… You’re talking rubbish.” He mumbled, shaking his head softly. “You talk about one thing and then jump to another… I can’t follow you. So get some sleep, I’ll wake you up for dinner.” He added. He waited for some kind of answer, but didn’t get any. She was already out like a light.