Dreams of Tomorrow

It was late now, around 11pm. Well, it wasn’t really late, just not early.
Lya made her way out of her bedroom, down the stairs and to the kitchen, she unlocked the backdoor and went into the backyard. She sat on the top step and starred off at the night sky.

She brought her knees up against her chest and swayed a little.
“Fucking nightmares…” she whispered, unaware of the fact that she wasn’t alone in the backyard.

Billie Joe stepped on his cigarette, and picked up his guitar.

“You should be in bed Lya… You have school tomorrow.” He said, sitting down next to her and placing his guitar on his lap.

“I was fast asleep, but then I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” She explained, looking at him. Seeing him like that, so close to her, it was hard for her not to hug him and beg him to stay by her side forever.

Truth was, she couldn’t bring herself to realize that he would be leaving again tomorrow. It was so great to have him by her side that she didn’t wanted it to end.

“Do you want me to play something for you?” he asked, tapping his guitar lightly.

“Yes please!”

Billie Joe smiled and started strumming on his acoustic guitar. The sound was gold to her ears.
It was one of her favorite songs, When I come Around.

She made herself comfortable, and starred at him.

His hair, his eyes, his smile, the way his hands were moving on the neck of the guitar. Everything about him took her breath away.
She wasn’t in love with him. It was an other kind of love. She felt like she didn’t need anyone else when he was by her side. He was all she needed, nothing more, nothing less.

She was happy whenever he was around. His presence was soothing her, he was numbing the constant pain she felt in her chest.

“Billie Joe?” she asked in a whisper.

He looked up from his guitar and starred at her.

“Do you think I could go transfer school and go to a high school in Oakland?”

He stopped singing, but kept on strumming on his guitar, changing the song.

“Lya, you should stay here, at least until you graduate…” he said softly. It was hard for him to say that, he wanted her to move to the Bay area as well, it’d be easier to take care of her that way.

She looked up at him, her eyes shinning with unshed tears.
“No Lya, don’t cry!” he whispered, putting his guitar aside and reaching to touch her. He pulled her close to him, and engulfed her in a warm and tight hug.

“I miss her B, I can’t stop thinking about her! I want to see her! It hurts!” she cried. “It hurts so much…” she sobbed.

Billie Joe starred up at the sky, feeling his heart aching just hearing her sobs and feeling her body shaking.

“I don’t want you to leave me…” she whimpered, her fists clenching on his T-shirt.

“I won’t Lya, I won’t…”

**

“She’s giving me headaches…” muttered Brian, climbing into Jimmy’s car on Monday morning.

“What did she do now…” laughed jimmy, putting the car in reverse.

“She came to apologize Sunday morning, she fell asleep on my bed, and when she woke up, she apologized and left just like that… I don’t understand her…”

“There’s nothing to understand. I stopped trying to understand her a couple of weeks ago, just bear with her mood swings and don’t ask questions. Spare your brain.” Said Jimmy, turning around the corner and stopping in front of Lya’s house.

She was waiting for them and quickly climbed into the backseat.

“Hey guys!” she greeted, buckling her seatbelt.

“What’s up Lya?” said Jimmy, driving off. Brian stayed silent.

“Nothing much… How about you guys?” she asked, looking at them.

“Not much.” Said Jimmy.

She smiled at him through the rearview mirror.

He smiled back.

“Brian? I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what took me, I was exhausted, sorry.” She apologized. She rubbed her chest, where her heart was.

Brian turned on his seat and look at her.
“You’re one weird girl.” He said, smiling. She smiled back faintly.

She couldn’t wait for the day to be over, she wanted to see Billie Joe again. He had decided to stay for a few more days.

It turned out that he was pretty worried about Lya, she wasn’t all right. Far from that. She was bolting up her feelings, angers and frustrations. She missed her mother terribly. He couldn’t do anything to ease her pain, it was killing him. The only thing he could do was staying by her side for a few more days.

It had scared him when she had hung up on him like that. He was scared she was going to do something unreasonable.

Lya rested her head against the cold window, she sighed, gazing outside without really paying attention to what was going on.

“Lya?! Lya!”

She shuddered and looked up, seeing Jimmy looking at her worriedly.

“We’re at school now…” he said.

“Oh.” Was all she said as she got out of the car. She used the last of her remaining strength to put a smile on her face and greet her friends.

The morning went by terribly slow for her.

The hole in her chest seems to have deepened. Only Billie Joe’s presence could fill it.
It sounded corny as hell… and she hated herself for that, she had never like depending on someone, but she couldn’t help but to rely on him.

She held her left hand on her chest, her eyes whelming up. She tried to keep her emotions under control, but it was getting harder and harder and the seconds ticked by.

As she was about to fully burst in tears, the bell rang.

She ran out of the classroom, rushed in the hallway, pushing people to take to the doors. She was suffocating in there.

She whimpered when the door was blocked by two random guys.
She elbowed everyone, earning glares from them. Finally, she broke free and ran to the parking lot.

She was rushing towards Jimmy and Brian, as they were both waiting by Jimmy’s car, with the rest of their friends. She was only a few feet away from them when she spotted a familiar black car. A medium sized man was leaning against the car. The moment he saw her looking at him, his face broke into a smile.

Lya stopped walking.
“Lya?”

That was Brian calling her.

The man pushed himself off the car and started walking towards her.
Lya took off running, she jumped in Billie Joe’s arms and burst into tears. Thankfully, Billie Joe half expected it to happen, so he was ready for it and was able to catch her, as she literally broke down in his arms.

Brian, Jimmy and Johnny were starring at her with wide eyes, their mouth slightly opened.

“Lya?” said Johnny, taking a step forward, wanting to go check on his friend.

Billie Joe looked up and his gaze fell on the group of friends, he recognized some of the kids, he had seen them at the show with Lya.

Lya’s knees gave up and Billie Joe picked up bridal style. He managed to open the back door and sat her down, buckling her seatbelt for her.

He closed the door, and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes shut and letting out a deep sigh.

“Lya” he mumbled, before glancing at her through the window. With one last glance at Lya’s friends, he got on the driver seat and started the engine.

**

“This can’t go on anymore we need to do something, if I see her like that one more time, I’ll have to take her to the hospital!” said Billie Joe, storming into the living room after carrying Lya to her room.

Suzan and her husband, David, both looked down. Suzan was wiping her cheeks silently as David was trying to comfort his wife the best he could.

“Maybe she should go back to France…” started Lya’s step father, David. He stopped what he was saying when he saw Billie Joe’s glare directed at him. “I… At least she’d be able to visit her mother’s grave…” he finished.

“No.” snapped Billie Joe, pacing in the living room. “She’s not going back to France. That’s not even an option… don’t even dare suggesting it ever again.” Threatened Billie Joe.

“Then what do you suggest?” asked Suzan.

“I didn’t wanted to go there, but I guess it’s better if she stays with us for a while…” he started. “It’s either that, or she has to see a shrink…” he added, looking at Lya’s stepfather as he was about to protest.

“You mean she’ll transfer school?” ask Lya’s grandfather.

“No, she’s going to put her study on hold for a while, if a few weeks aren’t enough, then she’ll stay with us until Christmas.” He said.

“She needs medications Billie Joe, she needs to see someone to talk about her fears and problems.” Said Lya’s step father.

Billie Joe, who had stopped pacing and was now sitting on the couch slammed his fist on the coffee table.

“I’ve been through the same thing she has, I’ve been able to get out without fucking medications!” he said.

“Yeah… and look where you are no-…” he was stopped when Billie Joe grabbed him by the collar.

“You’re pushing my buttons. I have no idea what Shania ever found in you, but it’s been decided with her, if anything were to happen to her, I would take care of Athalya. That was fucking written on her testament wasn’t it?” he exploded. “You fucking French people, whenever there’s something going wrong in your life, you pop pills as if they were M&M’s!” he ranted.
“She doesn’t need to forget, she needs to learn how to live with her loss. She’s in a bad condition now, try pushing her just a little and she’ll fall over the edge. Is that what you want? Personally, I’d rather not have to attend her fucking funeral!”

Billie Joe let go of David’s collar and took a step back.

“She needs someone who understands what she going through, not someone who will analyze her words and her feelings. She needs some love, family love. I don’t think you’d be able to give her that if you both go back in France. Suzan, David, no offence but I think she’d be better with Adrienne, the kids and me.” He said, looking at Lya’s grandparents, they were looking at him expectantly. It was true, only Billie Joe could help her. No one else.

Billie Joe headed towards the hall, to go up to Lya’s room, before he disappeared in the stairs, he looked at her step-father and said :

“Thank you for taking care of her until now, now it’s my turn.”

**

Lya woke up in her room. The moment she opened her eyes, she felt her eyes whelming up once again.

She hated herself for being a cry-baby. She should stop crying. She wanted to stop but it seemed like she had no control over her emotions anymore…

She kept starring at the ceiling, not even noticing that the door was cracked open with Billie Joe and her grandparents watching her. Sighing, Billie Joe opened the door wider and walked in.

“You’re awake.” He stated. “How are you feeling?” he asked, grabbing her desk chair and sitting next to her.

She tilted her head to the side and her face light up instantly when she saw him.
That didn’t escape her grandparents’ eyes. Suzan and David looked at each others and nodded once before heading back to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, her voice shaking with suppressed sobs.

“Lya, we are living tomorrow morning, okay? You’re going to stay with us for a while.” Explained Billie Joe in a soft voice, brushing her hair off her forehead. “You’re going to take a break from school, okay?”

Lya just starred at him.
“I’m sorry…” she repeated.

“Stop apologizing, I don’t want to see you like that anymore. We shall put a smile back on your face okay? I called Joey to tell him you’d be coming back with me tomorrow. He was really happy about that…” said Billie Joe, caressing her hair. “Be ready to be harassed by the kid when he will get back from school tomorrow…”

“Can we pick him up from school?” she asked, turning in her bed so she was laying on her side, looking at him.
“Sounds like a good idea!” he replied, smiling. She smiled back faintly.

“I’ll let you pack now, I’ll call you when dinner is ready.” He said. She nodded. Billie Joe got up, heading for the door.
She felt her chest tightening while watching his back slowly leaving her room. She couldn’t stand it.

“B? Would you mind staying with me?” she whispered. Billie Joe didn’t even think about his answer, it was an evidence for him. He turned around and closed the door after him. Lya got out of her bed and grabbed the suitcase that was under her bed. It was the same suitcase she had used to come here.

“Do I need my suitcase or just a bag?” she asked him as Billie Joe lay down on her unmade bed.

It didn’t ever cross her mind that she’d leave her friends behind.

“Suitcase, I might keep you with me for a while…” he stayed. She smiled at him, and opened the suitcase on her bed, next to Billie Joe. She went from her closet and back again, packing some clothes. But not too much, before she moved over to her CDs.

“You’re not taking more clothes?” he asked. She looked at him from over her shoulder.

“Why bother? Adrienne will drag me to the mall on the first chance she’ll get.” She replied, smiling at the thought of Adrienne.

Satisfied with her almost empty suitcase, she put it down next to her desk and climbed on the bed next to Billie Joe. She lay down next to him, until he pulled her close, wrapping both of his arms around her, she nuzzled her face in his T-shirt and felt the tears coming once again. Billie Joe let her cry as much as she needed, completely soaking his T-shirt. There were some black smudged spots because of her make-up, but he didn’t give a damn.

He wished he could take her pain away. He hated to see her like that, he wanted her happy again. He wanted to see her jump up and down again in excitement, dance again, live again.

He kept on stroking her hair and rubbing her back until she fell back asleep.

**

Lya had tried to eat at dinner, but it felt like the food was stuck in her throat, unable to go down. She ate very little. This worried her grand parents even more. David, her step-father, looked pissed off at Billie Joe’s actions: serving Lya a glass of water, rubbing her back when she had trouble swallowing her food, not scolding for barely eating…

Lya was back in her bed now, asleep. She had no trouble falling asleep, the problem was to stay asleep. She jumped up in her bed once again, it was 2am. Because of a nightmare… Sighing, she headed downstairs and straight for the living room. As expected, Billie Joe was sleeping on the sofa. She lifted his covers and sneaked on the sofa, laying down next to him and curling up against his, enjoying his warmth.

Billie Joe opened one eye and saw her lying next to him, pretending to be asleep, he draped one arm around her and pulled her close, before letting out a small fake snore. She giggled softly, clearly believing he was sleeping, before hugging his chest in return.

**

Lya skipped breakfast, too eager to leave.

It was hurting her to see David, it was hurting her to see her grandparents, and it was hurting her to see her room. She had reached a point where she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror.
When she caught a glimpse of her image, the memory of her mother on her hospital bed would automatically flash in her mind.

It was getting out of control.

She didn’t really wanted to leave Huntington and her friends, but she had to get away. Suzan had explained the situation to her. She could stay here, but she’d have to see a shrink and probably take medications or she could stay with the Armstrong’s for a while. The choice was easily made, as always when Billie Joe was involved.

She grabbed her suitcase, took one last glance at her room and dragged her suitcase downstairs. She glanced on the clock on her way, and realized she’d probably be on her way to school normally.

She managed to open the front door and carried her suitcase to Billie Joe’s car. He was about to help her putting it in the trunk when the heard a car door slamming and running footsteps.

“Lyn! Where are you going?”

She immediately turned around, while Billie Joe rushed back in the house, trying not to show his face.

There was standing Johnny, Jimmy and Brian.

“I… I’m going away for a while…” she whispered. Jimmy grabbed a hold on her suitcase and pulled at it, trying to get it off the trunk, a pissed off expression on his face. She placed her hand on top of his and looked up at him, her bright green eyes into his blue sky ones.

“I need this Jimmy. I need to sort things out and get the skeletons out of my wardrobe…”

“Closet…” whispered Brian.

Lya frowned and tilted her head to the side, looking at him.

Brian swallowed the lump in his throat,
“It’s in the closet. Skeletons in your closet, not in your wardrobe…” he explained.

She smiled faintly at him. He dropped his gaze. She looked thin and pale as a ghost. She had dark circles under her eyes, her eyes were dull, they had lost their brightness. He wanted to hit himself with a baseball bat for not noticing how bad her state was.

If only he had paid much attention to her, he would have noticed, and maybe, she wouldn’t have to go away.

Great, just great… He felt like crying now.

“I’m going to miss you!” said Johnny, stepping forward and opening his arms. She chuckled and stepped into his arms, hugging him.

“You’ll come back right?” he asked, dropping his arms reluctantly.

“Of course I’ll Johnny! I’m not going to the other side of the world, I’m just going to San Francisco for a while… It’ll be a matter of weeks, that’s all…” she said, trying to reassure them.

“Come here Frenchie…” said Jimmy, trying to put a smile on his face, watching his best friend closing the trunk. She slammed it shut and turned to Jimmy.

She stepped into his arms and he swayed her from side to side, kissing the top of her forehead.

“You take care and get well real fast so you can come back at the speed of light, right?” mumbled Jimmy, cradling her head. She nodded against his chest.

“I thought I told you I’d be here if you ever needed me…” he whispered in her ear. “You shouldn’t have put up a façade, you should have told me… I could have helped you…”

And then he let her go, he knew she wouldn’t answer. She looked up at him and the turned to Brian, his gaze was still glued to his shoes. She stepped in front of him and without warning, she wrapped her arms around him, taking him by surprise.

“You take care all right, Brian?”

That did it, she was more worried for him than she was of her own state. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

“I wish you’d stay…” he whispered, before letting go of her all of a sudden and walking off to Jimmy’s car, getting on the backseat.

Jimmy glanced at him and sighed, dropping his head. Brian was going to be a pain in the ass for the time Lya will be away.

The front door opened and Billie Joe stood there, with Lya’s grandparents and David.

Jimmy dragged Johnny away from Lya. Johnny reluctantly got in the car and Jimmy starred at Lya for a couple of seconds before getting into the car. He started the engine and drove off, honking her as he drove past her.

Lya closed her eyes and took a deep breath before heading to her family.

She hugged them all. David and then her grandparents.
“I’m sorry for being a burden” she whispered to her grandparents before she walked to Billie Joe’s car.

She got on the passenger seat, buckled her seatbelt and started looking for CDs in the glove box. Sure, it wasn’t BJ’s car, but he always had CDs with him.

She slipped a CD in the player and waited for him to get in the car. She started counting in Chinses, up to 5O and back. She tried to keep her mind busy because otherwise, she knew she’d end up in tears in no times.