Dreams of Tomorrow

The sun was high in the sky, its rays were warming up the atmosphere, enabling the children to get out and have fun.

Lya was lying down on the grass, one arm under her head as a pillow and the other covering half her face, blocking away the sun.

The last few weeks had drained the life out of her: the letter, the scar, the guilt, the exams…

She was finally over and done with the exams, the last one was a few hours ago.
**

He immediately recognized the laying form on the grass, who else besides her could be laying in the middle of the park on a school day? No one he knew.

He followed his friends, half listening to what they were saying. He kept his eyes on her, trying to catch a glimpse of her face, trying to see how she was… Was she feeling better? Was the scar on her hand still visible?

They hadn’t spoken to one other since he took her to the hospital, she got ready for the final exams, not going out much with their friends. He wondered if she would join them tomorrow. Probably not, but he could always ask.

Lya stirred lightly as she felt someone beside her，she lifted up her arm and saw her friends sitting down on the grass, chatting happily about the end of the exams, the beginning of summer and what it would bring.

She had dreaded this moment, the moment when it would be over, when there would be nothing else for her to prepare for.
No one knew about the letter, they probably all expected her to leave soon. Well, she’ll probably have to stay in Huntington and wash cars to keep her busy during this long summer.

She reluctantly sat up and tried to put a smile on her face, putting up a good show.
But her smile vanished when Brian sat next to her, taking her hand in his and carefully looking at the scar.
“It’s healing…” he said, sounding relieved.
Athalya nodded, placing her hand back on her leg.

“Are you done with the exams?” she asked, trying to put her smile back on.

“Yes, we all are.” He replied, she nodded.
Lya was about to open her mouth to speak when she saw a group of girls coming their way. She recognized Brian’s girlfriend among them, she pushed herself up, not using her healing hand and started walking away when she felt a tug at her jeans. She frowned and saw Brian.
“I need to talk to you” he said.

“Me too…” she whispered, trailing off. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and walked towards Michelle.

“I’ll get going girls. I’m off to help my grandparents a bit.” She said.
**
Lya sat down on her bed, her backpack by her door. She starred at the wall, her mind swirling with thoughts, not one brighter than the other. She could see herself sitting in the backyard of her grandparents’ house, reading a book or picking at the grass as her friends would be out somewhere, having fun. Billie Joe, touring the country with his band mates, Joey and Jacob in the bay area with Adrienne.
And her, too ashamed of herself to go out.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her grandmother lightly knocking on the door.

“Lya honey, have you been dress shopping yet?” she asked, a gentle smile on her face.

“What for…?”

“Prom, it’s coming soon.” Said Suzan as she sat on the border of the bed, a small card box on her lap.

“I…” started Lya, debating whether to tell her grand mother the truth or just put something up.

“Look, that’s a picture of your mother on prom’s night…”
Lya’s eyes widened as her head turn to look at her grandmother, her hand reached out for the picture in her grandmother’s hands. She took it and held it up, at eye-level, her green eyes scanning every inch of the picture.

The skinny woman was smiling, her hair up in a classic bun, the picture was in black&white. She was wearing a dress that came down to her knees, fitting her slim figure. Shania was posing, halfway down the stairs, she was smiling at something that was behind the camera, way behind. Lya tilted her head in wonder.

Then a new picture was placed in her slightly shaking hands.
Her mother was posing with a group of friends, all in prom clothes. They were all in profile, grabbing someone’s shoulder. Her mother was the last one and had no one to hold so she was holding the person’s hands on her shoulder. She scanned the picture until she noticed one thing: the man grabbing her shoulder.

Suzan smiled down at Lya, “Yes, that’s Billie Joe.” And Suzan pointed at different person, “That’s Mike and Tré.”

The old woman paused for a second, before placing her bony finger on Shania’s belly.
“And that’s you.”

Lya’s eyes started whelming up as Suzan’s finger left the picture. Lya brought the picture even closer to her face, noticing a small bump under the dress.

“I know I probably should have shown it to you sooner but I was afraid you weren’t ready yet…” explained Suzan. “You know, I don’t know what happened in France when you went there for the holidays but when you came back, I caught a glimpse of the lively girl you used to be. It warmed my heart to see you like that, but now, you seem caught up in your thoughts… I’m not asking you to tell me what you’re thinking about, I just want you to know that we love you, no matter what, whatever you want to do with your life, we will support you in your choices, as long as you’re happy. Just like we did with your mother.”

Suzan got up slowly, making her way out of Lya’s room. She stopped before going down the stairs.

“I know you’re mother would have loved to see you in a prom dress…”

**

Saturday night, the music coming from Matt’s house was loud, so loud it made Lya feel as if the ground was about to break from underneath her. She slowed down her path, taking out a deep breath and looking at her surroundings.

“Damn” she whispered, looking down at her already swollen feet. She felt an arm wrapped around her shoulder.

“Come on Lya, you look fine.” Assured Val, before leading her towards the house. Just what had gotten to her to actually want to borrow Michelle’s shoes. She looked down at her shoes once again and reluctantly started walking again.

As the girls reached the front door, Lya was immediately submerged by the crowd of people, loosing Michelle on the way. It was even more crowded than Brian’s Halloween party. She scanned the crowd, her eyes moving very fast, trying to catch a glimpse of someone she knew. She went to the kitchen, feeling that she would look less lost with a cup in her hands. She headed for the fridge. She grabbed a can of coke, poured it in the red plastic cup on the table and took a sip.

She felt the beat of the music in her chest, making it almost difficult for her to breath. She had been there for less than 10 minutes and she already felt like leaving, running far away from here.

As she left the kitchen to try and make her way to the living room, she caught a glimpse of Jason and Michelle going upstairs, she was about to call out for her friend when she realized what they were going to do. She made a face and knudged the people around her, careful not to spill her cup.

“Where’s Brian?” she wondered, scanning the crowd. She recognized people from school, friends of the guys or the girls, and some unknown to her. Unfamiliar faces laughing, dancing and drinking around her. She was starting to panick, feeling her heart contracting in her chest.

“Calm the fuck down” she whispered, half to herself and half to the people around her.

Lya moved further into the room, trying to get to the backyard when she spotted a familiar face.

“Brian!” she shouted, but unheard. She saw him being pushed against the wall by a girl, Kate, the girl she loathed. Brian seemed drunk, she could tell by the silly smile on his face and the way his eyes were glowing. She scrunched up her nose. “Disgusting.” She thought, moving away from the couple and getting further into the room.

She finally reached the porch and finally saw her friends in the backyard. Her heart started beating faster when she caught sight of his smile, like it had for the last month. She couldn’t quite understand those flutters in her stomach. She bit her lip, stretched her outfit with her free hand, took a sip from her cup and walked towards them. She felt the need to impress him somewhat.

As she approached them, Val caught sight of Lya and gave her an encouraging smile as Lya’s hands started to sweat. She wanted to walk faster but the next thing she saw made her froze in place.
It all happened in slow motion.

The girl with blond and purple hair coming closer to her group of friends, the way he turned to wink at that girl, her smile and how he smiled back, the way she hugged him and leant on him to whisper in his ear, how he gave her a wicked smile. How they kissed.

The cup slipped from Athalya’s sweaty hand. It dropped and emptied its content on the grass, missing her feet by an inch.
She felt her heart dropped, as if it had stopped for a second. And then, she felt it. Hurt.

And the girl led him away from her, out of her reach, before she could have tried anything.

She watched, helplessly as he wrapped his arm around her waist, squeezing her to his side and leaning down to whisper in her hear.

When Val turned her head, searching for Lya, she couldn’t see her anymore.

Athalya marched back in the room, pushing people on her way. She walked in the kitchen, and rested her back against the sink, burying her face in her hands for a moment, trying to calm down and get her thoughts back on track.

It took her a few minutes to get her heart to calm down. Her eyes and throat were dry. She grabbed the first full cup she could reach, and took a sip. The taste of alcohol burned her throat but she held on and took an other one.

As she left the kitchen, she stopped in front of the door, it was wide open with people coming in and out. If she left, no one would notice. She could just pretend she felt sick and went home. But then, she would have done all that for nothing. Lya took a glance at herself in the full length mirror, from head to toes. She had let her hair down, was wearing strapless black dress that went just below her knees and was wearing black heels.

When she remembered who she did that for, she brought her cup to her lips and took a sip.

She was about to leave, feeling stupid and out of place when a familiar beat got her attention. She slowly and carefully walked into the living room. As she saw people cheering and dancing she hesitated for a second before finishing her cup, throwing it on the nearest table and coming closer to the crowd. She took a deep breath and started dancing, trying to empty her mind, concentrating on the music.

Athalya hated dancing in front of people, but this time, it was different, she felt hurt, and betrayed. She wanted to scream her frustration, to cry at her stupidity and to leave this place and never come back. But then, she heard Mickael Jackson’s “Thriller” and it was beyond her strength to walk away. She pictured the video in her mind, snapping her fingers to the beat, softly singing and she repeated the moves she knew by heart. She felt the beats in her chest, she kept her eyes closed for a while, not wanting to see her surroundings. She wanted to forget everything : the fact that she was in a familiar house but full of strangers, left by herself, her friends not even noticing her presence or in that circumstance, lack of. Brian acting distant, Michelle and Val busy with their boyfriends, Johnny not being here and Jimmy.

She felt her eyes watering as he crossed her mind, how stupid could she be. Thinking that she had a chance, she clenched her fists. Just changing her outfit wouldn’t make him notice her any better. She should have known, she was just a friend to him, the poor girl that helped him once and so he was thankful and pityed her due to her shitty situation.

Her heart clenched as those thoughts crossed her mind. It wasn’t true, Jimmy would never pity her, she was just thinking that out of anger.

But how it hurted her, everytime she tried to tell him how important he was to her, he never seemed to notice it. For his birthday, before leaving for France, while she was in France, she missed her friends, but she missed him a lot.

She missed his smiles, his hugs, how he would protect her, support whatever decisions she made, helping her… And then, she felt the need to make herself be notice, not as that poor lost girl but as a young woman. She wanted him to smile at her the way he did to that blond girl, he wanted him to hug her, she wanted to show him she was ready to move on, to adapt to her new life. She wanted to help him, to be here for him, more than she already was. She wanted to be more than a friend for him.
But when she saw Jimmy with that bitch, she felt the ground break underneath her feet, swallowing her into darkness.

At that moment, she hated herself. She opened her eyes and took off her shoes, pushing them away from her. When Lya looked back up, she noticed people smiling at her, she starred with wide eyes as a few people were dancing with her, following her moves. She shook her head and focused back on the song.
She stopped in time with the music and heard whistling and when she opened her eyes, she saw people smiling at her and holding up their thumbs before an other song started and they went back to dancing.

That was it.

She felt her cheeks reddened as she reached out and put her shoes back on.

Her mind felt lighter as she went back to the kitchen and poured herself a drink. She was about to add ice cubs when she felt an arm wrap around her shoulders. Her heart accelerated as her mind started to race, but when she turned her head, it wasn’t Jimmy. She dropped her gaze and took a sip from her cup.

“Hey Matt.”

“Hey Lya, glad you made it. I almost didn’t recognize you, until you started dancing and I caught a glimpse of your face. Wow, you sure can dance.” He said, smiling his dimpled smile.

“Thanks, my mother used to dance.” She said, lowly, pulling at her dress.

“You look good Lya” he said, “but you would look even prettier with a smile on your face.” He added, poking her cheek.

She bit her lips and looked down. Matt engulfed her in a hug,
“Listen Lya, Val told me you weren’t feeling too well. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, if you want to go home one of the guys can go with you.”

“No, I’m fine thanks for the concern Matt.” She whispered, hugging him back.

“Anyway, feel free to do whatever you want Lya, and I’m really glad you made it. Thank you.”

She gave him a small smile as he winked at her and left the kitchen, leaving her to her thoughts.

She grabbed her cup and went to the backyard, she wanted to get some fresh air. As she walked out, she caught a glimpse of Jimmy, smoking. She turned her head the other way and went to the plastic chair that was the furthest away from him. She sat down, took off her shoes and starred at the cloudy sky. It was probably getting close to midnight now, she would go home soon. She took a sip from her cup and tilted her head back, her eyes closed and enjoying the fresh air.

“That’s some nice shoes you got here.”

She jerked up, her eyes wide as she recognized Jimmy’s voice, near her ear.

“Borrowed them from Michelle.” She said, her voice weak.

“The dress too?”

“No, the dress is mine.” She said, not looking at him as he grabbed a chair and sat next to her.

“You must be cold…” he said, putting his jacket on her shoulders.

“I’m fine”

“Hey Lya, are you allright? I hadn’t seen you until then, where were you?”

“Like you care.”

“What?”

Lya’s eyes opened wide and she realized her mistake. “Nothing” she mumbled, hurrying to go up. Jimmy was faster and got her arm before she could run away. He tucked at her arm and held her by the shoulders.

“What’s wrong Lya, did I do something wrong?” he asked, lightly, as she dropped her head, refusing to look at him.

“I’m stupid.” She whispered, trying to free herself from his hold. He reached out for her face.

“What the hell’s going on Lya?” he asked, not smiling anymore. She shook her head but he didn’t let go, lifting her chin to get a closer look at her face.

He noticed the make up on her face, the glitters on her eyelids, mascara on her eyelashes, the gloss on her lips, her straightned hair, her dress… She was dressed to impress.

“I… I didn’t know that you had a girlfriend too” she blurted out, trying to take off his hands from her face.

“But I don…” he said, before stopping as she had slapped his hands, grabbed her shoes and started to leave. Jimmy ran after her and stopped in front of her, wrapping his arms around her, resting his head on top of hers as he felt her shivered. He thought it was from the cool breeze until he felt something wet on his chest.

Jimmy held her tighter, as he tried to figure out what was wrong with Lya.

He closed his eyes and patted her hair, trying to soothe her as she started sobbing.

He brought her back to the chairs and sat down, pulling her on his lap as she buried her face in his T-shirt, hugging him tightly.
He kept her close to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her, soothing her as she kept crying, smudging her make up.
“Athalya, stop crying… I don’t like it when you cry.” He whispered in her ear.

She lifted her head a little, and looked at him with her red eyes.
She looked at his face, he wasn’t that good looking, his hair was a mess, his face was nothing extraordinary but his eyes… She loved his blue eyes.

She bit her lip as she realized that she’d probably never mean anything to him, more than a friend.

“Lya” he whispered, touching her face. She closed her eyes and leant against his warm hand, enjoying the feeling as her heart hammered in her chest.

“What is it Lya?”

She let out a heart breaking sigh as she reached out for his face too, focusing on his icy blue eyes.

“I… You can’t leave me Jimmy.” She whispered, her eyes watering once again. She held his face with both hands. “You can’t leave me Jimmy… I… I need you, by my side.”
He would have smiled, if she hadn’t been crying while saying those words.

It hurted him to see her cry, she seemed better, she was happy, so why was she crying again.

He was about to open his mouth to promise her he wouldn’t leave her when she spoke again:

“I love you Jimmy, please don’t leave me.”

**

Brian looked over his shoulder as Kate was pulling him up the stairs. Lya was down there, bare feet, wearing a dress and dancing to Michael Jackson. He felt his heart sunk as he caught sight of her face, she looked upset. He closed his eyes for a second, before turning his head away.

**

Jimmy starred at the sky, his eyes wide open, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Lya had left the backyard to go to the bathroom.

As soon as those words had left her mouth, she had jumped off the chair, and hurried inside, barefoot.

Jimmy looked down and saw Lya’s shoes on the ground. How could he not notice her that night… She looked stunning.
He looked at the sky again, taking a drag from his cigarette, inhaling deeply.

“Fuck…” he whispered.

He wouldn’t deny it, he liked her. Liking her was one thing, being with her was an other.

**

Lya forced a smile as Michelle put yet another dress on her outstretched arm.

“Why didn’t you ask earlier honey, all the good dresses are already gone!” she said, looking through the racks.

“I… I didn’t want to go in the first place.” She said, truthfully.
Michelle stopped and looked at her best friend.

“I’m sorry Lya. We all thought you went dress shopping on your own, or something… It never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t want to go. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine ‘Chelle, I kinda made up my mind one hour ago.” She sighed in a whisper, the picture of her mother still engraved in her memory.

“Well… let’s go. Try those on, I’m gonna look for more. Call me when you’ve put on the first one!”

Lya reluctantly made her way over to the fitting room. She closed the curtain and tried on the first dress.

She starred at her reflection and shook her head. No, it wouldn’t do. She left like a cupcake wearing that dress.

She put on the second one, it was too big, it didn’t fit her.
The third one was too red, the fourth too much color.
She sighed and got out.

“You tried them all already?” asked Michelle, sitting on an armchair, waiting for her.

She nodded and handed them back. Michelle grabbed 3 other dresses and handed them to Lya.

“This time, call me when you’ve tried them on, I want to see.” Repeated Michelle, helping Lya closing the curtain.
Lya put it on and got out, not looking at her reflection. She was afraid to see her reflection, and then get out.

Michelle looked at her from head to toes, twice.

“That’s the one” she said, smiling.

Lya looked up at the mirror in front of her, and held her breath.
It was a long dress that came down to her bare feet, it was strapless but fitted her figure perfectly. The top was purple, and at the end of the dress it was a lighter shade of purple.

“I knew this ombre gown would fit you” said Michelle, satisfied.
Lya tilted her head slightly, “I like this one.”

**

“One light, one mind, flashing in the dark…”

Sighing, she grabbed a rock and threw it into the dark waves.

“Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts…”

A second rock followed, and a third and a fourth.

Lya had her hood up as she lay down on the sand, sighing deeply.
She kept humming to the song focusing on the clouds above her head when her thoughts drifted back to Matt’s party. She remembered how she had run out of the backyard and to the bathroom after telling Jimmy she loved him. She had told him a lot of time, but this time it was different, she wanted it to be different. It wasn’t an “I love you” in a you’re-my-best-friend way.
No, it was not.

She still had yet to speak with Brian, she hadn’t seen him much, always glued to his bitch.

Athalya had a lot to say to him, probably too much, and she’d probably forget some, but she needed to talk to him.
Her mind had been a vast chaos ever since the letter, it seemed that the weight of the world was on her shoulder. It had been a while since she had last gotten a good night of sleep. She couldn’t find rest, she kept thinking about the “future”, the summer…

The phone calls she had with Billie Joe were short. He called her every evening, asking how her exams went, wishing her good luck. She appreciated the support but everytime she hang up the phone, she felt sick, sick for lying to him, sick for not being able to tell him how much of a failure she really was…

Just imagining herself telling him, it brought tears to her eyes, imagining his face, disappointment…

“Mum…” she whispered, starring at the clouds. “Are you still out there?”

Why?

Why did it have to happen when she was slowly getting better?

“I was getting there…” she mumbled, “I was close…” as she held her hand in the air. It looked as if she could touch the clouds.
“When will I finally be able to get out of this mess? I’m tired mum… I’m tired of struggling with everything I’m doing, school, friends, family… I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like fighting anymore, I’m wasting my time…”

“You know Mum, prom is coming soon, I went to buy a dress just ‘cause it’d please Mamie… She showed me pictures of when you went to prom.”

“I don’t want to go there. I wanna run away. Away from here.”
“I can’t stand to face myself in the mirror Mum. I can’t take it anymore...”

“Why did I fail so close to my goal? I was about to make it.” She shouted, sitting up and throwing yet another rocks in the waves.
Her breathing was heavy as her heart was bursting with anger.

“Why me, why always me…” she muttered, starring at the sky.

“Can’t you find someone else to torment? Huh.”

Lya slowly sat up, stumbling as her vision started clouding with tears.

“Why me…”

**

She walked closer to the edge, her toes in the air as she held onto the rail. She starred at the water beneath her, it seemed so far away.

“Dear God, after all these years I’ve never stopped believing in you, I’ve always kept the faith and hope the next day would be better than the other. You’ve always picked me up when I fall…”
She looked over her shoulder and caught sight of Brian, looking at her. She closed her eyes and held one foot in the air as her hands slowly let go of the railing.

“I don’t want you to pick me up this time”

And she let herself fall in the water.

As she reached the water, she held her breath. The cold water swallowed her as she brought her legs to her chest, letting herself sank down in the river. She didn’t feel like reaching the surface, not yet.

Memories flashed in her mind, it strangely looked like a dream she had once.

Lya felt the need to breathe, but at the same time wanted to push her limits.

“Drop it, let go and move on.”

She reluctantly moved her arms and started swimming.
Lya reached the surface and let out a gasp, filling her lungs with much needed air.

“Frenchie!” called Michelle, waving her arms above her head.

“You scared us!” she scolded as Lya reached the bank.

Lya ran a hand through her wet hair and smiled at her friends.

“Wow, that’s awesome.” She said.

“You stayed under the water too long Lya, I thought something happened to you…” shouted Jimmy from the bridge.

She held her thumb up before jogging up to reach the guys just as Jimmy let out a scream and jumped.

The feeling of falling made the adrenaline rose in Lya’s blood. She absolutely loved it. It made her feel free and invincible.

As she reached the bridge again, only Jimmy, Zack had jumped. Brian was still there.

Lya walked up to him and grabbed his arm before climbing over the railing.

“Come on Brian.” She said, one hand on the railing and the other reached out for Brian’s hand. He grabbed her hand and got over the railing.

Jimmy was swimming away from the bridge, so they could jump.

“Together?” she asked, looking at Brian. He smiled as he counted down.

“3”

“2”

She grabbed Brian’s hand in hers.

“1”

They jumped.

“Woow!” shouted Jimmy, as they reached the surface.

“Fuck yeah!” yelled Matt as he jumped and held his legs against his chest, splashing water everywhere as he reached the water.
Only Michelle stayed on the bank, looking after their stuff. Val jumped a few times before joining her sister.

Before Brian could realize, Lya was back on the bridge.

She put both feet on the edge, held her arms wide open.

“Careful Lya” shouted Zack as she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let herself fall.

**

“Damn, that’s so cool!” she said, as she was walking back to Brian’s car, changed in dry clothes and a huge smile on her face.

“I never thought you’d like it so much…” joked Brian.

“It’s like flying…” she said, opening the door to the passenger seat. “It feels so great, jumping like that. Damn.”

Brian smiled and got in the car, turning on the engine.

“There’s a lake nearby Matt’s cabin, but no bridge to jump off.” He said, putting on his sunglasses.

“It’s fine with me…” said Lya, putting on her seatbelt and relaxing in the seat.

It happened so fast she didn’t had the time to actually thin about it, she remembered Jimmy and Brian bursting through her door, grabbing her duffel bag from her closet and putting it on her bed saying : “You got 5 minutes”.

She had no idea where she was going at first, they only told her to grab her swimming suit and that they’d be gone at least 4 days.

Apparently her grandparents already knew she was going on vacations with her friends.

As she got in Brian’s car, they told her that they were going to Matt’s parents’ cabin. It was a few hours away from there.
The twins, Matt and Zack were also going.

She was having mixed feelings about it, she didn’t especially want to go on holiday, yet it’d help her take her mind away from things… But with Jimmy there as well, it wouldn’t be so easy.
Lya sighed and sunk deeper on the backseat, looking out of the window as her best friends were listening to music and chatting.

When she woke up, the car was parked. She stirred and looked outside, seeing the guys smoking. She unbuckled her seatbelt and got out, walking towards them.

“We’re making a short stop” explained Matt, a cup of coffee in his hands. She nodded, still half asleep before making her way inside.

She walked over to the bathroom before splashing water on her face and washing her hands, walking out and going over to the coffee machine, ordering a coffee with sugar.

She grabbed the plastic cup and starred at its content. She walked out and leaned against the wall, bringing the cup to her lips. She blew on it before taking a short sip and making a face at the bitter taste. Lya rested her head against the wall, looking at her friends chatting excitedly around the two cars.

If only she could feel as happy as they were.

She watched as Jimmy wrapped his arms around Matt and Zack talking about fishing. Sighing, she lifted the plastic cup to her lips just as someone blocked her view.

Lya lifted her gaze just to see Brian, drinking coffee.

They starred at one other.

Lya let out a sight, running her hand through her hair. As she opened her mouth to speak, she was cut off by Brian.

“I know how you feel Lya, you should get it out.” He said, looking at her from over the plastic cup.

“No you don’t.” she whispered. Brian threw the empty cup in the trash can, and waited for Lya before heading back to the car.

He opened the passenger seat for her and then got into the driver seat.

“What about Jimmy?”

“He’s driving with Matt.”

“You sure you’re not tired…?” she asked, buckling her seatbelt.

“I’m fine… If I start falling asleep, I’ll just ask you to drive for me.”

“No way.”

“Then keep me company.”

“Okay.”

Brian chuckled and started the engine, following Matt’s car back on the driveway. He turned up the radio and put a CD in the player before putting on his sunglasses.

“I know about the letter Lya.”

Her eyes widened as her head snapped in his direction,
“How?”

“I’ve seen it on the floor when I went to clean the broken glass.” He explained, still looking forward.

Lya’s eyes started to whelm up.
“I’m a failure.”

“Don’t say that. Maybe you send it too late and so they refused, it has nothing to do with you being a failure or not. You’re not a failure Lya, you managed to get this far, you can’t give up now.”

“I have nothing to look forward to now. I’ll never be able to go on tour with Green Day, what am I supposed to do now? Huh?”

“Athalya, your mother’s dead…”

“Shut u-“

“Hear me out, your mother’s dead, you left your country to land in a foreign one, you had to start it all over. You managed just fine, for fuck sake Lya, you will graduate with the American diploma, you’re French. That’s not that easy to do… So do you really think Billie Joe will hold it against you and not take you on tour with them? Be realistic Athalya. He’s not like that. Who cares about the French diploma, huh? Are you planning to go to university in France? It’s just a piece of paper. Billie Joe didn’t graduate and yet he managed to make a living. So stop getting things out of proportion.”

Lya blinked.

“You were the one who wanted to graduate both in France and in the USA, he never asked anything from you, did he?”

“No he didn’t.”

“Then just drop it, burn the letter and act as if it never happened.”

“But…”

“There’s no but Lya. That letter is driving you crazy, it’s just a letter. You can’t rely on it for your future. Now you don’t have any reason to go back to France, so just drop it, let go and move on.”
He sighed.

“Lya, I know you probably don’t want to listen to me right now, but please… Just let go, it’s bringing you down. You should be happy, exams are over, summer is coming.”

She crossed her arms over her shoulder and looked out of the window.

“Brian, I think I have to thank you…”

He turned his head in her direction briefly.

“I mean, for what you said earlier, about dropping it and letting go. I just… Graduating in France meant so much to me that it never crossed my mind that I could fail you know, I had a plan : graduating with a French and American diploma and go on tour with Green Day. I never thought I could fail, never. So, when I received the letter, it caught me off-guard and it was like a bomb in my plan. It messed everything up, make it unable for me to pursue my dreams.”

She sighed.
“But now I get it, I probably wasn’t meant to graduate in France, maybe it was a way to make me understand that nothing’s holding me back in France, and that I should move forward…”

“That’s what I want to hear. I hope you mean it Lya.” Said Brian, smiling.

“I mean it. I just didn’t see it that way, at first I thought I was just a failure.”

“Never think of yourself as a failure Lya, you’re not. Sometimes, things get in our way, we need to learn how to get past it and move on. That’s all. And if you had told me before, I could have explained this to you earlier.”

“You were busy Brian.”

“Listen Lya, I know how you feel about Kate bu-”

“No you don’t Brian, you have no idea how I feel about her. I loath her, not because of what she said, but because of the way she manage to get in the way of her friendship. I missed you when I went to France, I missed you all. I never thought we’d drift apart the way we did. You… Out of nowhere you just ignored me Brian. I thought we were best friend and then she got in the picture and kicked me out of it.” She said, finally getting it out of her chest.

“When she called me an orphan Brian, I thought I was going to kill her. Do you realize how it hurt to hear that? You all know that’s it’s kind of true, I’m aware of that but when she said that… Fuck. And then, you weren’t there Brian. No, you weren’t. You were by her side, not mine. I came to your house to tell you I was going to France, but I know you were busy with her, but still Brian you could have spared me a minute. I wanted to hate you too, but then I received the letter and you were the one to take me to the hospital, and I just…”

Brian ran a hand through his hair, her words and Jimmy’s echoing through his mind.

“I’m sorry Athalya, I am. It’s just, I was going through a hard time and just couldn’t find the words to express myself, she seemed to like me and it just clicked, I never thought it’d affect you Lya, it’s my life.”

“It is, but we are best friend Brian, if you had a hard time you should have told me. Or at least tell me yourself that you had a girlfriend, I don’t mean ask for my approval but just tell me yourself, I learned about it from Johnny.”

“You know, I told Jimmy about it. I ranted about it. I was so fucking frustrated” she continued her rant, “I thought you had erased me from your life or something since you didn’t seem to care all that much. I wanted to tell you about my trip to France, how my stepfather decided to sell the house, how I’m not planning on going back to France for a while, how I brought all my stuff back, how heavy it felt for me to leave the house I grew up in… And I wanted to tell you how happy I was to see you again, I wanted to tell you that Billie Joe offered me a guitar and ask you to teach me but no such luck. She’s always there Brian, all the goddamn time. It seemed you just didn’t care about me anymore… I fucking hope you won't marry her.”

Brian swallowed the lump in his throat as he quickly glanced at Lya.

“You know, if what you said is true, about Billie Joe not caring, it probably means that I’ll be leaving Huntington soon. If so, I hope I can make the best of it and spend as much time with you guys as possible.”

She let out a deep breath and sunk down in the seat, “Oh my God, I feel so much better now. I’ve wanted to tell you this for quite a while now.”

“Lya, I… I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I was selfish.”

“That’s not true Brian, you’re not selfish, it’s just… Can she back off a little so I can spend time with you? I’m probably leaving soon so she can have you all for herself in a few weeks…”
He chuckled and nodded.

“Fine with me Lya. I’m all yours for the week end, okay?”

She smiled.