The Soundtrack To My Semester

Regina.

I insisted on driving home. Zach was more or less catatonic the entire ride. Not saying anything as I almost crashed into a light blue Honda and possibly an RV. He didn’t even try to say a word until we were safely in the door, lights off, door locked.

He sat on the bed his face buried in his hands, the only light coming in from a street lamp outside the window. There was just enough of a glow for me to recognize the pain I had only recently myself begun to suppress.

He had no one now. His mother had died when he was young. His father was the only security he had left. And he had just watched it get dragged out the door. I was used to the lack of security. I had learned to be independent, only relying on myself. I didn’t know if Zach could handle that. I had never felt closer to him.

Suddenly I wanted to comfort him but I wasn’t sure how. I just stood there leaning against the wall by the door. Watching from a distance. I was always the one being comforted and I had no clue what to do. His fingers slid through his hair and he took a deep breath. Fuck this, I had to do something.

I was over to the bed in two steps, I sat next to him and gently placed my hand on his back. His body tensed for a second but then relaxed into me. He lifted his head and turned his eyes to meet mine. I wanted to cry. I saw no tears in his. But it was like his eyes were transparent and I was looking into him just to find emptiness. Like a vacant building sitting across from me. I threw myself in his arms and he held me. Tightly.. too tightly but I didn’t mind.

“Rey,” he whispered as I rubbed small circles on the back of his neck. “Will you sleep with me tonight.”

I didn’t know what he meant. “I..” I closed my mouth. Literally, I was speechless.

“Not like that. I just don’t want to be alone.” His voice was so weak that I couldn’t say no.

Before I knew it, I was lying under the covers with Zach’s arms around me. His eyes were closed but I doubted he was truly asleep. My heart was beating so fast I hope he couldn’t hear it. I stayed there, afraid to breathe too heavily. Letting myself relax in his arms I took in every feature of his face. From the small amount of stubble on his chin to the way his lips curved at the sides. Somewhere around his eyelashes I drifted off.

I don’t know what time it was when I woke up. I know it was still dark. And I felt Zach’s presence still next to me. My eyes fluttered open to see him lying on his back awake and staring up at the ceiling.

He could sense I was awake also. “Did I wake you?” His eyes never left the ceiling.

“No,” I murmured. My voice dreary from sleep.
“Rey?” He started but didn’t follow with a question. Instead he turned over to look at me. I was self conscious, probably looking like crap after sleeping. His eyes darted around my face. Down to my hand that I hadn’t realized was resting on his chest. He placed his hand over mine and glanced back up to my eyes through his eyelashes. He took a deep breath and I felt his chest rise and fall under my fingers. “Remember when I said you were like a sister to me?”

I nodded, hoping he wasn’t gonna say what I thought he was.

He looked deep into me with confidence. “I lied.” I swear my heart stopped altogether. “You’re so much more than that.”

Even I wasn’t prepared for what I would say next. “Go to sleep, Zach” He sat up, I realized he was shirtless again. When did that happen, damn. I averted my eyes and crawled out of the bed, making my way to mine.

“Rey, did you hear what I just said? I –“

“Don’t.” I cut him off. I honestly was sick of this back and forth, friends then more, then sister then more? How long did he expect me to last?

He was angry now. One thing Zach hated was being interrupted. He was out of his bed, standing in the middle of the room in his boxers, hair disheveled, looking sexier than ever in the dim light. I stood as far away as I could. At the foot of my bed, the wall behind me.

“What the fuck? Why can’t I say how I feel?” He stood firm in place.

“Because you won’t feel the same tomorrow. By then you’ll be off on your next freshmen victim.”

That was a mistake to say. “Yeah? What about you? You’ve been victimizing every guy in this god damn school!”

“They don’t mean anything to me!” His eyes were hard.

“That doesn’t stop you from sleeping with them.”

“I haven’t slept with any of them.” My heart picked up as relief shown through his eyes for a moment. Did he really care?

“You’re not just a freshmen to me, Rey.” He was calmer now. He took a step closer. “You’re this amazing girl whose been thrown into my life and I’m tired of making up excuses to not be with you.”

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me wanted to believe him, and part of me wanted to run away. How was I supposed to know that after I gave into this he wouldn’t get bored and move on.

He noticed my hesitation. “I can’t get you out of my mind.” Suddenly he was close again. I had to look up to see his eyes. “Your hair.” His hand slowly reached out to run through my hair. “Your eyes.. lips..” I closed my eyes as his fingers gently brushed my eyelids and traced my lower lip. “Your body.” He whispered in my ear as the back of his hand slid from my shoulder down to my waist, tracing the curves of my body. I shivered under his touch. He pulled me that last bit closer by my waist. His lips at my ear, “It drives me crazy.” His breath sent every nerve in my body on edge.

At this point I didn’t care about the future. Everything I was worried about flew out the window and down the block. All I wanted was him. Right at this moment. All of him.

“Zach.” He pulled away from my ear to look me in the eye. I didn’t give him a chance to answer. Instead I reached up on my toes to kiss him. It was short but meaningful. I came back down to the ground to gage his reaction. Giving him a chance to change his mind. He didn’t.

He kissed me hard. With passion. With a purpose to prove something.. to me? To him? Hell, I don’t care who. His arms were tight around me, constantly moving but constantly staying still. I was held firm against him.

Somewhere, I was vaguely aware of my back hitting the bed. Vaguely aware of his lips attacking my neck. Vaguely aware of his thigh rubbing between my legs.

Very much so aware of him whispering, “Are you sure?” His hands sliding under my shirt.

Unclasping. Unzipping. Unbuttoning.

Insanely aware of me saying, “Yes.”

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I bit into his skin. He caught his breath. I glanced up, biting my lip to stop myself from giggling at his incredulous expression. Eventually he broke out into a smile. “Oh, you’re a freak.”

He flipped us so he was on top. “You love it.” I teased.

He just growled as he closed in again.

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His hand clasped around my ankle. Kneading my skin, traveling up my legs. Giving the best massage I ever thought possible. Wherever his hands left were followed by his lips. He traveled up to my thighs, and then skipped to my stomach, then to my neck. “Zachhhhh,” I whined. I knew what he was doing. “You’re evil.”

My eyes glanced to our pile of clothes on the floor next to the bed. “Is that what makes me so good?” I could feel him smile into my skin.

“No.” I stated firmly, squirming under his touches. “It makes you - OH MY GOD.”

He is a god.

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“Wow.” I breathed, a few seconds after we had collapsed onto the bed. It took a while for our breathing to settle down.

“Mmm.” Zach pulled me close to him again. “You are mine now.”

I narrowed my eyes but inside I was doing my happy dance. How had all of this even happened? Were we together now? Was this a onetime thing? Should I stop asking questions?

I didn’t know what to say. So I just stopped thinking and said what came to me. “You’re not alone, you know. I’ll always be there.” I didn’t have the courage to look for a reaction.

“Yeah? You and me against everyone else.”

“Against the world.” I giggled.

“That sounds like a cheezy greeting card.”

“You ruined it, Zach.”

“You ruined me.” His voice was low. “In the best way.”

I finally lifted my head to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Who’s the cheesy greeting card now?”

His tongue answered for him.