The Soundtrack To My Semester

Zachary

I don’t care how gay it is, words can’t express how much I love my best friend. I guess it took living with a girl for a while for me to appreciate guy time. Relaxing in Nate’s room, playing some Black Ops, it was like I’ve been thrown into a world where girls didn’t exist. And I know every guy will deny it but sometimes we like to pretend girls don’t exist.

“Dude, you fucking suck.” He pushed me causing me to lose my grip on my controller.

“Don’t try to change the subject.” Oh, right. The dreaded subject we were on. I stayed silent, hoping that he’d drop it but I knew he wouldn’t. “So when are you gonna tell her?”

I sighed, “I will. I’m just waiting for the right time.” My eyes stayed focused on the screen. Truth is I haven’t told Rey that I’m studying abroad for the rest of my college career. I had tried so hard to get out of it, but all the papers I signed were apparently contracts. Who’d have thought?

“It’s too late for the right time, man. It’s right around the corner. The semesters almost over and she has no idea you’re leaving.”

There was banging on the door then. “It’s open!” Nate shouted. I was thankful for the interruption. I wanted to tell her. I did but I couldn’t bear it. She’d be mad, and then even worse she’d be upset. She’d cry. She’d feel betrayed. So I did what I knew best, nothing at all.

I looked up to see Taylor and Roo step into the room. Roo plopped down on the bed like it was his own bed. For some reason that made me happy that he was so comfortable, he was a good kid. And at least Nate would have a good friend while I was gone. Taylor however sat down next to Nate and wrapped her arm around his waist.

I did a double take and Nate just smiled. “What? You two?!”

“Jealous?” Taylor bit her lip in that way where she tried to flirt. It seemed to real in every guy but me, I guess I was immune.

“Of course I’m jealous, I wanted Nate all to myself.”

“Oh Zachary,” he feigned a surprised romantic tone and looked away dramatically. “Not in front of our guests.”

“What were you talking about before we came in? It looked serious” Of course, nothing gets past Roo.

Nate locked eyes with me, the game was abandoned by now. “Zach’s going to study abroad.”

“That’s awesome! Where are you going?” Roo shot up in the bed, obviously excited by the news. It was a great opportunity.

I opened my mouth to tell him where but Taylor cut me off. “Does Regina know?”

Again I opened my mouth to answer but Nate answered for me, “No.”

“How long?”

Finally it was quiet and I was allowed to speak. “Until I graduate.”

“What?!” Taylor and Roo shouted together, just sinking me farther into my oncoming depression. I suddenly took interest in the bottom of my shoe. “You have to tell her!” Taylor’s voice filled my head.

“She deserves to know something like that.” Roo chimed in.

“I know.” My voice was barely above a whisper. “I know.” I repeated, louder and more confident. “I’l l tell her tomorrow okay? I’ll bring her somewhere nice and let her down easy.” My eyes locked with the three people in the room. “Just promise you won’t tell her anything. I need to be the one to do it.” They each nodded. And Taylor muttered something I couldn’t understand.

I suddenly had to get out of there. “I just remembered I had to do something. I’ll talk to you guys later.” They all gave me that ‘bullshit’ look as I made my way out the door. I was almost down the hall when I heard my name being called.

“Zach.” It was Roo. Honestly he was the last person I wanted to talk to. Not because I didn’t like him, but because he was observant. I was a mess and he could probably tell. “Are you okay?” He squinted and tilted his head a bit. He was trying to figure me out. I knew how that worked, I did it all the time.

“Yeah I’m fine.” I brushed it off, trying to walk away.

“You’re changing, yaknow… again.” He said as I walked away.

“I know.” I spoke to myself. Truth is, I could tell I was changing. I just couldn’t tell if it was for the better or worse. Maybe it was for both, better in some ways and worse in others. Maybe, and this sounds cliché, but maybe this is just part of growing up.

If so, growing up sucks ass.