One Hundred Little Things
Suicidal
Pete's POV
_____________
The door creaked and softly thudded shut. Before Patrick could come back, I quickly jumped out of the bed and raced to the door connecting the two conjoining rooms. For the most part the door was unlocked, yet they usually locked it at night to Kelsey's paranoia. I was hoping that if I was lucky I could just slip in and…
Yes!
The door silently opened and I slid through the threshold. I just stood quietly in the open doorway just watching the thick layer sheets rise and fall with every breath that escaped her perfect mouth. She lay flat on her back, gazing up at the ceiling behind her eye lids. I sighed, I had been hoping that she might have still been awake, then we could… I don't know, talk. She hadn’t really told me much of anything and I was desperate for her to throw me a bone. I was tempted to go and kiss her awake like some fairytale, but things were more complicated than that. I turned away sullenly and began to head back to bed.
"That a bit stalker-ish don’t you think?" her voice breathed, small and meek. I turned back and pulled the door close. I was still lost, just leaning against the wall, hands jammed in the pockets of my hoodie.
"Come sit," she whispered, patting the mattress space next to her. She languidly sat up in one fluid move and I sat peacefully next to her, still saying nothing.
"This is suicidal," she muttered.
"What?" I asked. I knew what she had said, I just couldn't believe it.
"What I am doing, it is suicidal and selfish and I don't know if I can do it. It's tearing everyone apart. Right now, Kelsey is sitting outside slamming her head into a wall trying to figure out what she did wrong; crying her eyes out because I told her she wasn't allowed to in front of me. This is the third time this week and I can't take it, I don't want to live, and I don't want to die. And you…. Well you just make things even more complicated now don't you," she said in the same tone from what seemed like ages ago when we were just us, lying in the grass beneath the sky. I pulled her on to my lap and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. I buried my nose in her shoulder length, red-blonde hair. She smelled of roses, fresh winter grass, and fine wine, I absolutely loved it.
"Here is what you don't know. Right now, Patrick is out there sitting right next to her. They're probably both feeling better every second they're with each other and if you guys wouldn't have been those crazy random fan girls who stuck out so much, that wouldn't be true. The guys and I probably wouldn't have truly gotten to see the world, and you and I wouldn't," I stopped, I couldn't seem to finish that sentence, "Look, the last thing I want is for you to… well, leave, and you have so many people that care about you and … love you, but maybe living life isn't so bad, do what you wish but I don't think your being selfish, no matter what your decision is."
She slowly took my hand and traced the back delicately with her finger.
"You’re a bit biased now aren't you," she said, holding my hand. I cleared my throat.
"What do you mean?" I questioned evasively. Her grip suddenly tightened and she quickly pulled back the sleeve of my jacket, revealing a scarred past set in my arm. She outlined every clean cut line gracefully with a trembling hand. I lurched away and jumped to the floor.
"What the fuck!? You had no right to do that! God damn it, who told you!? And who are you to tell me about this shit, you don't know half the stuff I've been through!" I screamed, I was practically shaking; this wasn't the kind of thing I wanted people to know.
"We all have issues, and we all deal with them differently. Some know how to deal with issues better than some. I was one of those who didn't know how to deal with mine in the best ways. My point is I think you should probably take your own advice, though your 'problem' has been long gone, but you're still dealing with these issues," she comforted.
"Who died and made you Dr. Phil?" I snarled. I couldn't help it, I was still angry, but as soon as she looked at me with those innocent, glowing blue eyes, it all melted away. I began to calm down. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back on to the bed. She curled up next to me and hugged me tight. I stroked her soft hair, feeling at peace, and then she did something I had hoed she would do for a very long time. She kissed my, long and romantic, just like in a movie. It was breath taking. She rested her head on my shoulder and stared at the patterns of the comforter. I gave her hand a squeeze.
"Get some sleep," I whispered as I began to head back to bed. She held on to me.
"Please don't leave. I just don't want to be alone," she panicked. I nodded silently and burrowed in next to her.
_____________
The door creaked and softly thudded shut. Before Patrick could come back, I quickly jumped out of the bed and raced to the door connecting the two conjoining rooms. For the most part the door was unlocked, yet they usually locked it at night to Kelsey's paranoia. I was hoping that if I was lucky I could just slip in and…
Yes!
The door silently opened and I slid through the threshold. I just stood quietly in the open doorway just watching the thick layer sheets rise and fall with every breath that escaped her perfect mouth. She lay flat on her back, gazing up at the ceiling behind her eye lids. I sighed, I had been hoping that she might have still been awake, then we could… I don't know, talk. She hadn’t really told me much of anything and I was desperate for her to throw me a bone. I was tempted to go and kiss her awake like some fairytale, but things were more complicated than that. I turned away sullenly and began to head back to bed.
"That a bit stalker-ish don’t you think?" her voice breathed, small and meek. I turned back and pulled the door close. I was still lost, just leaning against the wall, hands jammed in the pockets of my hoodie.
"Come sit," she whispered, patting the mattress space next to her. She languidly sat up in one fluid move and I sat peacefully next to her, still saying nothing.
"This is suicidal," she muttered.
"What?" I asked. I knew what she had said, I just couldn't believe it.
"What I am doing, it is suicidal and selfish and I don't know if I can do it. It's tearing everyone apart. Right now, Kelsey is sitting outside slamming her head into a wall trying to figure out what she did wrong; crying her eyes out because I told her she wasn't allowed to in front of me. This is the third time this week and I can't take it, I don't want to live, and I don't want to die. And you…. Well you just make things even more complicated now don't you," she said in the same tone from what seemed like ages ago when we were just us, lying in the grass beneath the sky. I pulled her on to my lap and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. I buried my nose in her shoulder length, red-blonde hair. She smelled of roses, fresh winter grass, and fine wine, I absolutely loved it.
"Here is what you don't know. Right now, Patrick is out there sitting right next to her. They're probably both feeling better every second they're with each other and if you guys wouldn't have been those crazy random fan girls who stuck out so much, that wouldn't be true. The guys and I probably wouldn't have truly gotten to see the world, and you and I wouldn't," I stopped, I couldn't seem to finish that sentence, "Look, the last thing I want is for you to… well, leave, and you have so many people that care about you and … love you, but maybe living life isn't so bad, do what you wish but I don't think your being selfish, no matter what your decision is."
She slowly took my hand and traced the back delicately with her finger.
"You’re a bit biased now aren't you," she said, holding my hand. I cleared my throat.
"What do you mean?" I questioned evasively. Her grip suddenly tightened and she quickly pulled back the sleeve of my jacket, revealing a scarred past set in my arm. She outlined every clean cut line gracefully with a trembling hand. I lurched away and jumped to the floor.
"What the fuck!? You had no right to do that! God damn it, who told you!? And who are you to tell me about this shit, you don't know half the stuff I've been through!" I screamed, I was practically shaking; this wasn't the kind of thing I wanted people to know.
"We all have issues, and we all deal with them differently. Some know how to deal with issues better than some. I was one of those who didn't know how to deal with mine in the best ways. My point is I think you should probably take your own advice, though your 'problem' has been long gone, but you're still dealing with these issues," she comforted.
"Who died and made you Dr. Phil?" I snarled. I couldn't help it, I was still angry, but as soon as she looked at me with those innocent, glowing blue eyes, it all melted away. I began to calm down. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back on to the bed. She curled up next to me and hugged me tight. I stroked her soft hair, feeling at peace, and then she did something I had hoed she would do for a very long time. She kissed my, long and romantic, just like in a movie. It was breath taking. She rested her head on my shoulder and stared at the patterns of the comforter. I gave her hand a squeeze.
"Get some sleep," I whispered as I began to head back to bed. She held on to me.
"Please don't leave. I just don't want to be alone," she panicked. I nodded silently and burrowed in next to her.