Critical Acclaim

When I reached home I curled up into a ball and sobbed. I sobbed for hours. I couldn't believe him. He treated me like shit and in the time spand that I left he knocked up some chick. I mean he didn't have enough time or something to come look for me that he had to make another child. Or maybe he was thinking that this child wont be and I quote "as usless as ur mother"

How did Val even know where I worked? I mean only Mikey and Mariecia ever talked to Avenged Sevenfold and I know they both wouldnt tell them were I worked. But, most of all why would she bring his GIRLFRIEND that he KNOCKED UP! This doesn't make any freaking sense.

The only logic I could think of was they were trying to guilt me into coming back around them. I remebered when I was 15 or 14 I had promised Val that I'd be there for her when she had her first baby and now, shes pregnant and Im not there for them. How could they? Why are they doing this to me? Do they know how much pain their causing me?

I guess not becasue Val wouldn't be coming to find me after three years just to tell me she's pregnant. That was highly impossible. There trying to guilt me and thats my final thought. Why eles would they come back. I mean serious they live in freaking Huntington Beach, and I live in Orange Country. I mean why would they travel that much hours after a photo shoot is done. This Is just not right.

*
*

Hours had passed before I decided to get back up. I took a quick shower and went to the storage room where me and Mariecia kept old stuff. I haven't been back there since I moved. I hadn't felt a need to. When I walked inside some of the boxes were covered with white sheets while others were covered with dust. I walked over to the trunk that was laying in the far end of the room by the locked window.

When I reached it I sat down slowly and opened the chest wtih care. It was one of the few things I have that were my mothers. I had never looked inside the trunk fearing I'd bring back old memories I didn't want. I had shed to many tears and at the time I didn't want to shed more. Both Mariecia and I knew if I did I'd hit rock bottom and mostly fall in depression. Mariecia had to tell me that she wouldn't allow to loose the only person she could call close to a sister die, that's why I never opened the chest. For both our sakes.

I blew the dust off the top of the chest before I dared opened it. When, I opened it slowly I was suprised at how much stuff was actually in the chest. But, the first thing that caught my attention was the black leather book laying delicately on a white dress. I slowly picked it up, to see that it said journal written on it in elegant scripted letters. Quickly, I closed the chest ans scurried off back to my room holding the black book close to my chest like I had to guard it with my life.

I quickly locked my door before walking over to my window seat and sitting down. Pullin my knees up a bit, I rested the black book on it. I bti my lower lip, not knowinf if I should open it or not. I felt like it would be a invasion of her undead privacy but, at the same time I felt like she owed me. Slowly, I inched the book open and flipped to a random page.

Dear Journal,
Its me again. Im getting worse and so is Jimmy. I can barley write as I tell you this. The doctors didn't even want me to write in you. But, the nurses felt sympathy toward me and talked the doctors into giving me you. Anyways, I know Jimmy had been trying to keep up his happy face infront of our daughter but I know its not going to last. Exspecially, when I tell him what I have been keeping a secret from both him and Janielynn. I've been trying to hold off telling them. But, my time is getting nearer and the guilt is making it worse. Jimmy keeps telling me I'll make it but, he still crys because we both know its the exact opposite.

Janielynn came to vist me today. Both, her and Mariecia. I was deciding to tell them today. But, when I saw the pain on my daughter and her friend that I thought of as a second daughter I just couldn't do it. She told me my face was deathly pale before breaking down sobbing in Mariecia's arms. I had stared at them, letting tears slip throught my own eyes. I was hurting my daughter and husband and I couldn't take it.

I had curled up in a ball and had cried after they left when Janielynn said she couldn't see me like this anymore. I knew at the moment that I couldn't tell her anymore. I broke her to much and I didn't want her last words to me to be "I hate you". I wanted my daughter to love me when I died. I didn't care, that my husband wouldn't but as long as my flesh and blood did I would be able to leave in piece, knowing that my daughter still loved me.

Journal, your probally wondering what I did, or why Im talking to you like your a real person. Well, your the only one I could tell, because I knew I wouldn't be able to tell Jimmy until it was my last words to him. Journal, I had cheated on Jimmy.But, the thing is nobody nows at this moment I am pregnate with the guys baby.

At that moment I let the journal dropped. Tears sprang form my eyes at a rapid spead. It was her fault! It was my mom fault that my dad treated me like shit. How could she do that to him! She CHEATED, and on top of that she got pregnate and didn't tell me as she died. I curled up in a ball and sobbed. My mother if she really loved me she would have to told me, instead of lying to me. I have been lied to for to long. At this moment, I couldn't obtain my mom wish. The only thing I could think at the moment was.

I hate her for making me like this, vulenable. For making my father treat me like shyt.