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I am a sex addict.
I woke up in my bed, alone. This is how it has been for the last three and a half weeks. I'm so sick of actually caring, if I had never met him, I'd probably be better off. He ruined me. I had a system, meet a new guy, mess with his emotions, fuck him. Soon after I'd tell him that I was moving, or that my dad found out about us being "sexually active" and would shoot him if he came around. Lame excuses, but they always fell for them. Hello, My name is Rain Dickson, I'm 16 years old and I am a sexaholic. This how I later learned to address myself as. I've come to realize that that addicts, much like myself, all have something in common: we crave attention of healthy-minded people. Alcoholics, junkies, nymphos... we are all the same. We just want someone to see that we have a problem, and fix us. We don't want to fix ourselves, where is the fun in that?
I lost my virginity to my step-dad when I was 10 years old. Don't worry, the sick bastard is locked up now and probably won't be out for another couple of years. No matter what the therapist say, I don't blame him for my now need to be boned, but I do however, blame him for fucking my mom up. She got all stupid and depressed, she's worse then I am. Locking herself in her room for seven hours at a time, crying, drinking some form of clear liquid. I don't have any siblings either surprisingly enough, well none that I know of anyways. My real dad hit the road when he found out me, the precious product of teenage pregnancy, was going to be arriving. I don't feel hated. Nor do I feel neglected or ignored. Well, that is not completely fair to say, you see, in all honestly, I don't "feel" much of anything. That's why sex is so great. Sex is all physical, its just you and that other person, connecting in a way that some are to afraid to try. The good thing about me is that I can't feel anything emotionally, so anything physical I can feel, well as my grandmother would say, "is the bee's knees." When my step-dad first started molesting me, I began using the ol' "self-infliction" method. But as the emotional pull started to build the physical pain was never enough to mask it so that only helped for a bit. One night, I ended up in the hospital because I made myself pass out from blood loss. My mom, who was sober for once, walked into the bathroom, and found me all sliced up on the wet tiles. After that, I decided that maybe self-mutilation wasn't the best direction.
I'm not the prettiest girl a my school, or even in my class. I'm not the most out-going, or the smartest, but I've got something that I know I can use outside of high school. I'm a street genius. I know more about sex, and alcohol then any 29 year old knows. And you know what? I'm proud of that! Because for me, that just proves that I can make it. On a side note, I'm probably one of the greatest un-known actresses of my time. Although, I'm not sure lying counts as acting, if it doesn't it should.
I've become very creative at the way I 'get some'. At first, I just always told them the same sob story about my step-dad raping me every other day for a month before I finally got the nerve to tell my mom. This was the truth, but I got tired of the boys actually liking me for it. Most of them would want like, relationships and stuff? Now, instead of all that mess, I just make new stories for my life. Sometimes I'm a virgin and this time is my first time and I'm so scared because I've never done anything like this before. Other times, I'm just a lonely girl with too much time. Possibilities are end-less really.
I also have a system of some sort. I don't fuck kids that go to my school, now that would just be stupid. Word would get around so fast, and soon, all my work, all my success, would be flushed away. No, I just have sex with kids I meet at the mall. I get tested about once a month, for STD's and shit, its gross I know, but it only seems safe. I have standards too. The boy must be somewhat attractive, because lets face it, I'm not needy, nor am I desperate. This next part makes me somewhat of a hypocrite but I prefer it if they haven't had more then two partners. Just to be a little safer. I don't just fuck a guy once and call it quits. Normally, I have three to four guys I keep circulated over a six to eight month range. It gives me variety, you can call me a slut, I don't give a shit, you try living my life and tell me how you feel.
I lost my virginity to my step-dad when I was 10 years old. Don't worry, the sick bastard is locked up now and probably won't be out for another couple of years. No matter what the therapist say, I don't blame him for my now need to be boned, but I do however, blame him for fucking my mom up. She got all stupid and depressed, she's worse then I am. Locking herself in her room for seven hours at a time, crying, drinking some form of clear liquid. I don't have any siblings either surprisingly enough, well none that I know of anyways. My real dad hit the road when he found out me, the precious product of teenage pregnancy, was going to be arriving. I don't feel hated. Nor do I feel neglected or ignored. Well, that is not completely fair to say, you see, in all honestly, I don't "feel" much of anything. That's why sex is so great. Sex is all physical, its just you and that other person, connecting in a way that some are to afraid to try. The good thing about me is that I can't feel anything emotionally, so anything physical I can feel, well as my grandmother would say, "is the bee's knees." When my step-dad first started molesting me, I began using the ol' "self-infliction" method. But as the emotional pull started to build the physical pain was never enough to mask it so that only helped for a bit. One night, I ended up in the hospital because I made myself pass out from blood loss. My mom, who was sober for once, walked into the bathroom, and found me all sliced up on the wet tiles. After that, I decided that maybe self-mutilation wasn't the best direction.
I'm not the prettiest girl a my school, or even in my class. I'm not the most out-going, or the smartest, but I've got something that I know I can use outside of high school. I'm a street genius. I know more about sex, and alcohol then any 29 year old knows. And you know what? I'm proud of that! Because for me, that just proves that I can make it. On a side note, I'm probably one of the greatest un-known actresses of my time. Although, I'm not sure lying counts as acting, if it doesn't it should.
I've become very creative at the way I 'get some'. At first, I just always told them the same sob story about my step-dad raping me every other day for a month before I finally got the nerve to tell my mom. This was the truth, but I got tired of the boys actually liking me for it. Most of them would want like, relationships and stuff? Now, instead of all that mess, I just make new stories for my life. Sometimes I'm a virgin and this time is my first time and I'm so scared because I've never done anything like this before. Other times, I'm just a lonely girl with too much time. Possibilities are end-less really.
I also have a system of some sort. I don't fuck kids that go to my school, now that would just be stupid. Word would get around so fast, and soon, all my work, all my success, would be flushed away. No, I just have sex with kids I meet at the mall. I get tested about once a month, for STD's and shit, its gross I know, but it only seems safe. I have standards too. The boy must be somewhat attractive, because lets face it, I'm not needy, nor am I desperate. This next part makes me somewhat of a hypocrite but I prefer it if they haven't had more then two partners. Just to be a little safer. I don't just fuck a guy once and call it quits. Normally, I have three to four guys I keep circulated over a six to eight month range. It gives me variety, you can call me a slut, I don't give a shit, you try living my life and tell me how you feel.