Breathe Easy the Doctors Are About to Arrive

It was so cold, so cold I could see my breath. Vegas always got cold at night. That was desert land for you. I found this nice little diner and I remembered I had a couple of bills in my pocket from going to the store with Jessi and carrying her change. I decided I'd walk into the warmth and buy whatever I could with what little money I had. At this moment I was planning on never going back to Jessi's, or at least not for a little while. I wasn't really pissed off at Jessi, I wasn't really pissed off at anyone; just my own self. I was mad at myself for being so stupid, for doing what I did to myself, for putting so much of a burden on my friends, and for having to have someone else take care of me most of the time. I sat at a little table next to the window and stared out at the city lights. I sighed as visions and flashbacks of Max and I smiling, of me actually being happy flooded my head. I shook them away as a waitress came over to me to take my order.

"What would you like?" she asked me in a southern accent. She was very old fashioned looking, very stereotypical of this little diner.

"Um, anything I can get for 3 or 4 dollars," I said, laughing nervously.

"You can get soup and a drink honey," she offered, smiling at me warmly. She reminded me of my mother. I squinted my eyes and shook my head to snap myself out of thought.

"Yeah I'll take that," I said, nodding my head and smiling half-heartedly. She nodded and then went on her way to tend to other customers. I heard the distant sound of the bell on the door as someone walked in and I looked over toward the direction of it. My stomach churned and my feet shuffled across the tiled floor anxiously. "Fuck," I whispered under my breath. It was the guy I had had sex with before Jessi came and got me and took me in, his name was Josh, I remembered. "Fuck," I said a little louder as he spotted me out of the corner of his eye and nodded his heard toward me ignorantly. I held my breath and put the menu in front of my face, maybe he would think he was just hallucinating. I crossed my legs and cleared my throat, trying to disguise my voice and myself as best as I could. I peeked over the menu, and that was a mistake.

"Hey Randi," he winked at me. I put the menu down and glared at him. "Now now, let's not play like that," he said, smiling at me. I wanted to take the salt shakers and beat the smile off of his face. "So I hear you're with this...Max guy?" he asked, sitting in the chair across from me. I clenched my teeth and my hands started trembling a little bit.

"How do you know Max?" I snapped at him.

"Woahhh calm down baby," Josh laughed.

"Don't call me baby," I growled under my breath. I could feel my face growing hot and I wished I could just scream for help, but the last thing I wanted to do was make a scene.

"Have you fucked him yet?" he smirked at me.

"That's none of your fucking business," I snapped, tears welling up in my eyes from anger. "God, why can't you just die?" I growled a little bit too loud. Josh grinned at me, and I wanted to beat his face in until he couldn't smile again.

"I thought what we had was special," he said, putting on a mock sad facial expression.

"No, you took advantage of me. I was just a good fuck to you, and you were just temporary mental help for me, and you just made it fucking worse so you were just fucking useless" I spat at him, sitting back and glaring at him through narrowed eyes. He gasped dramatically.

"But we made love!" he said.

"Fuck you Josh, we did nothing like that, sorry to crush you. Now stop being an ignorant idiot and leave me alone to eat my soup...I can't eat when I'm looking at your face," I said a bit more calmly. He smirked as the waitress brought me my soup and a glass of water. "Thank you," I said to her as politely as I could. "Can you tell him to find his own table please, he's bothering me," I smiled up toward the waitress. She glanced at Josh and he looked at me, his ego boiling.

"I was just leaving," he smiled as politely as I did. "This isn't over," he said to me plainly as his smile disappeared, walking out the door. I sighed in relief as the bell jingled again. The waitress paused for a second beside me, but just walked away and left me to enjoy my meal. I ate my soup, letting the warm liquid calm me, and I gulped the water down. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was. When my food was gone, I left all the money I had in my pockets on the table and just left.

I still didn't know where I was going to go, but soon enough I just decided on a lone park bench. I layed some of my clothes down across it so I could lay on them like a bed, but while I was putting them down, I realized I had accidentally picked up one of Max's shirts. My heart got a small happy feeling and I brought the shirt up to my face, burying my nose in it and sniffing as hard as I could. It still smelled like him. I covered my face with it and sat down on the bench. Flashbacks of my time with him and how happy he made me flooded my mind once again. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in a girl..." his voice echoed through my head. I felt wetness on my jeans and at first I thought it was raining, but then I noticed I was sobbing. I groaned and layed down across the bench, laying on my side and covering my face in his shirt. I pretended like it was his chest, and I fell asleep more easily than I would have.

I woke up a little while after that from hearing chuckles and laughter from the street. I was paranoid about sleeping on the streets, let alone on public park benches; so I slept very lightly. I opened my eyes and listened more intently. Everything was quiet. I thought I was hallucinating, so I just closed my eyes and got comfortable again. I stretched my legs out more on the bench and I started hearing soft footsteps. I shot up and looked around, but there was no way I was seeing through the dark. I got up off the bench and started walking away, but I felt someone come up behind me, putting their hand on my mouth so I couldn't scream, and dragging me in their desired direction. I screamed as loud as I could through their hand and I even tried biting down. When I bit down, they punched me in the side every time, sending pain through my entire body and making me want to throw up. Soon, I just fell on a gravel covered surface, and I wondered how quick we got here and where I was exactly.

"What do you want?" I groaned, starting to cry and curling up into a ball like a small child. The person chuckled, and then I heard 3 or 4 more people come up with them.

"You know exactly what I want baby," the person said, and then I knew it was Josh.

"JOSH WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU!" I cried out, stumbling upward, but running into someone's legs behind me. I tried standing up, but they grabbed my arms. I was crying so hard it felt like I was going to throw up again. I screamed so loud all of a sudden, earning a punch in the face. I groaned and fell to the ground again.

"We can get this over and done with if you cooperate," Josh whispered in my ear as he pushed me down on the gravel. I cried as the rocks crunched against my back. I groaned again and just wished I would die while he was doing it. He unbuttoned my jeans, and another guy grabbed my hands so I couldn't move.

"Please, Josh...come on, please don't do this," I stuttered. They all laughed at me, and Josh just continued pulling my pants down. "JOSH! Please!" I screamed desperately.

"Shut her up," he ordered to one of his friends. One of them bent over me and attached their lips to mine. I spit in their mouth to get them off of me, earning yet another injury; a kick in the face. I cried out in pain when their shoe collided with my jaw. After that, I was too beat up to move. I just let Josh have what he wanted, hoping they'd leave when they were done.

Josh did the honors of pulling my pants up for me when it was over and I just narrowed my eyes at him as he stood up off of me.

"What? Wouldn't want you to get cold," he said, as his friends bursted out into fits of laughter.

"Just go," I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Tell Max I said hi," Josh joked.

"Fuck you," I mumbled as tear after tear fell from eyes and onto the gravel. I stood up slowly when they were finally gone, my legs feeling like jell-o. I looked up at the light fixture above my head and I wondered if there was even a God; if I asked him to let me die, if I begged with mercy, if he would just take my life. I wouldn't care if he sent me to Hell. I wasn't even sure if Hell would be worse than this. I looked around more, and I realized this was the same park that Max and I were at two nights ago. I started walking toward Bryan's. I wasn't mad at anything or anyone anymore, just in pain and feeling helpless, in need of love. All I knew was that I missed Max. I missed his warmth, his kisses, his arms, his smell, everything. I walked across the street numbly, and just kept walking until I reached Bryan's street. I didn't think about anything except for getting there. I spotted his two-story house and I practically ran across the lawn to the front door. I pressed my ear against the cool surface of the door carefully and I heard arguing and something that sounded like crying coming from inside the house. When I knocked everyone's chatter and arguing ceased.

"I'll get it," Jessi mumbled feebly. I heard her feet scuffle against the floor and I closed my eyes. The door opened and I heard her gasp. "RANDI!" she cried, grabbing me and hugging me so tightly, swaying back and forth. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so so so so so so sorry," she sobbed. Bryan and Max got off the couch and walked over to us, guiding us through the door and shutting it. I was still attached to Jessi, and I buried my face into her shoulder. Everything came out of me like water comes out of a sink faucet. My body trembled and I started crying with great amounts of tears. Jessi just squeezed me and Max wrapped his arms around my waist from the back while Bryan just stood there awkwardly, waiting for Jessi to detach herself any second so he could comfort her. As soon as I felt Max's touch I turned around to him. Jessi sighed and cleared her throat, sobbing a little bit more, as she let Bryan wrap his arms around her. I buried my face into Max's chest and grabbed onto the back of his shirt. I was determined to never let go, not for anything.

"Look at me," he whispered, pressing his hands against either side of my face and gently forcing me to look up at him. I sniffled and put my hands on either of his. "Don't ever do that to me-us...ever again," he said softly, tears welling up in his eyes as he embraced me again.

"Never," I said softly. He grabbed my face again and inched down toward my lips, kissing me tenderly.

"What happened to your face, Randi?" Bryan asked carefully, as he stood back and let Max and I have our moment. I paused and looked down, not wanting to answer him. "Randi?" Bryan asked again.

"Someone hurt me..." I trailed off, crossing my arms anxiously and not looking up at anyone.

"How?" Max and Jessi both demanded in unison.

"I don't want to talk about it really..." I told them all, clearing my throat. Max sighed and wrapped his arms around me again. I cuddled my face against him, and I was so thankful that he was there, just standing there. I was so thankful that he was alive.