Breathe Easy the Doctors Are About to Arrive

The car ride to Jessi's...or her boyfriend's house I guess you could say, was silent mostly and surprisingly. But I knew I would get what was coming to me when I got to the house. I stared out at it numbly, trying not to replay the sex that just happened in my mind. I knew it was going to be like this for at least another day. I would try and replay the scene in my head, having to stop myself over and over again. It always happened. I got out and followed Jessi to the front door, waiting for her to turn the key and open it up so I could be in a safe house again for the first time in a few weeks or so, maybe more, who knew. Bryan got up off the couch that was seated facing the door a few feet away from the entrance, like I needed help walking through the door or something.

"She doesn't have a coat for you to take, Bryan," Jessi laughed.

"Are you alright? Did anyone hurt you? Would I know them?" Bryan interrogated, ignoring Jessi. I just glanced at him, then the floor, and shrugged quickly. Bryan frowned and engulfed me into a hug. I was so cold that I hugged back and squeezed him tightly.

"Warmth," I said softly, my throat hurt from vomiting. Bryan squeezed tighter and Jessi threw me a blanket from the couch. I wrapped myself up in it weakly.

"You can go take a shower, Randi... and you can wear some of my clothes when you get out," Jessi stated gently. It made me feel bad that my friends were giving me pitty, but I guess in their eyes I deserved it. She went into her and Bryan's room to find me clothes, as I walked to their bathroom. I had been here once before, before Jessi and Bryan had gotten together, but not much. As I turned the door knob of the bathroom door, someone opened a door at the end of the hall and walked passed me. It was another guy, one that I was familiar with but I had never talked to. It was Bryan's band mate/friend. He had messy brown hair that fell everywhere and really soft, green looking eyes, his eyes were the first thing I noticed. I didn't think anything of him, because he was staring at me, just like all guys did, it was something I was used to, and he didn't seem any different from all of the guys I encountered from day to day. Deep inside me, all I wanted was a guy that didn't want sex, that didn't use me, that just wanted me for me and my personality....if that was possible. He furrowed his eyebrows down at me as I walked into the bathroom, hurrying to get away from his critical stare. God, he's probably thinking about how horrible I look I thought to myself grudgingly. I glanced in the mirror and bit my lip, glancing down and not bothering to check my reflection again. Just then I heard a knock on the door, and Jessi rushed in with no clothes in her hands.

"I don't have any clean clothes....Uh...and Bryan's clothes would probably eat you," she laughed. I smirked too.

"She can wear mine...if she wants," I heard an unfamiliar voice say loudly from another room. Jessi looked back and forth from me to the voice.

"Who's that?..." I trailed off softly.

"Max.." Jessi cleared her throat. That name rung a bell and I realized that he was the guy that had stared at me a few seconds ago.

"You have another person living in this house and you're letting me stay here too?!?" I hissed in disbelief and frustration.

"It's no big deal, shut up," Jessi laughed. I glanced beside me at the wall and thought about my options.

"I'll just bring you some when you get in, so you can have your privacy or whatever," Max shouted again. Jessi laughed again.

"That's just Max being Max, and it looks like it's the only option you have," she said truthfully. I wrinkled my nose at the thought of me wearing someone's clothes whom I didn't even know very well.

"It'll be fine," Jessi assured me. I glanced at her.

"Can't you bring them...?" I asked uncomfortably. Just then Bryan yelled for her. She gave me an apologetic look and hurried off to cater to her boyfriend's needs. I gave up and pulled the black shower curtain back, running the water to make it warm. I stripped myself of my wet clothes and kicked them in a corner. I carefully stepped into the tub and let the warmness run down my back, washing the coldness away. I sighed with relief and stepped back into the falling water, letting it temporarily smooth out my hair. I just let it run over my pale, sick body for moments on end until I finally realized what I was doing and finally began to lather shampoo into my hair. I just washed and washed and washed, like I was trying to wash the aroma and germs of the guy that I recently had sex with off of my skin. I hoped it would work. I especially scrubbed good below my waist. I wanted to cry again, while in the shower. But I held myself together. I felt pathetic when I cried, I felt weak when I cried, and that just added onto the tower of insults I had in mind for myself. So I decided not to cry again. Soon, I was done and I just turned the faucet off and pulled the shower curtain back like I had when I got in. I was in a hurry to get back to my friend, so I wouldn't have to be alone. I was so sick of being alone. But when I pulled the shower curtain back I heard noise from in front of me, making me hurriedly grab a towel off the rack and whipe my eyes of water so I could see the source of it.

"OH SHIT! Sorry, I was just putting the clothes down for you, sorry!," Max said quickly, turning around and opening the door and leaving in a rush. I didn't bother to cover myself up, because I didn't care. I figured he was like everyone else, I was used to it. Or maybe it was because of how weak and tired my bones were to even move, who knew, I didn't. I looked back and forth awkwardly, and thought about what had just happened. He didn't make a crude sexual joke about my naked body, he didn't stare at me like I was some sort of toy or something to eat, he didn't wink at me, he didn't stare period. Some how that made me already feel comfortable with him in ways. I covered my breasts with my arms slowly, as if trying to block them from his view too late, way too late. I sighed and let my arms down, grabbing the towel and drying myself off.

When my entire body was dry enough, I picked up the shirt that Max had put on the toilet seat for me. For some reason, I smelled it. It smelled like the familiar laundry detergent that Bryan used, and axe. I laughed at myself inside my head and turned it around to look at it. It was black and had a white DCMA logo on it, a clothing line by two of the band members from Good Charlotte, a clothing line that his band were endorsed with. I looked at it one more time before I pulled it over my head. I smoothed it out over my chest and looked down on my body. It wasn't too small for me, but it wasn't too big either. It was just comfortable enough to sleep in. Well this is just grand... I thought to myself. I glanced back down on the toilet seat to see a pair of boxers, black and red plaid boxers. I raised my eyebrows. I was going to smell them as well, but I thought that would be a little weird. Not as weird as me wearing a pair of boxers that belonged to a guy I didn't even know, but still pretty weird. Nonetheless, I pulled them on comfortably. When I was fully dressed I pulled my wet hair out of the shirt and glanced in the mirror. I regretted it as soon as I did it. I felt an odd feeling rise up into my stomach. You know the feeling you get in your stomach when you're in high school and a random attractive guy looks at you from the other side of the classroom with a warm smile on his face? Yeah, that feeling. I sighed again, this time letting my eyes widen a little bit.