Breathe Easy the Doctors Are About to Arrive

I just sat on the toilet, letting my body slump over carelessly. I stared off into space. Right now I hated myself. I hated myself for multiple things. I just wanted to forget this ever happened and go back to being happy. Being happy with Max. I stared at the door blankly and waited. I waited and I waited. I knew Jessi was going to come in here. The bedroom door opened quietly and I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. My eyes shifted up toward the area where the person's head would be, but I didn't say a word.

"It's me..." Max uttered. I could hear the droopy sadness in his voice. I didn't want him to be upset for me. Not for anyone. I put my face in my hands. I balled my hands into fists and grabbed my hair along with them. I squeezed my eyes shut and I felt the urge to cry building up. I let out a painful noise and Max slowly opened the door. I began crying. A warm, weak feeling washed over my body and I gasped for air. I let my eyes become water faucets and I hunched over into my lap. "Hey.." Max trailed off gently. He came over to me, shutting the door first, and wrapped his arms around me. I kept my face hidden and I kept my body as stiff as stone. He sat down, opening his legs and sitting me in his lap. I sat across his thighs like a little girl, crying my heart out. He rubbed my back and I just leaned back against him, welcoming his rough hands. "Everything's alright, I promise," he whispered in my ear. I shook my head and I felt the sudden urge to scream. I stood up slowly and I opened my mouth. I felt the rage and the emotions filling me. I let out an ear shattering scream and I drew my fist back. I punched through the wall, making an unbelievably large hole. I pulled my fist out and my knuckles started bleeding instantly. "Randi, come on, calm down," Max said sternly, his voice shaking. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled my arms behind me, restraining me. "I can't fucking do this," I mumbled, choking on my tears.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Jessi demanded as she flew through the bathroom door. I didn't even hear her come into the bedroom. I faced Max so she couldn't see my leg. Max cleared his throat and wrapped his arms around me protectively. "What's going on?" Jessi asked again, this time a little bit more calmly.

"She doesn't feel well," Max stated, lying for me. I buried my face into his chest, hiding my shame.

"What the fuck was that big bang?" Jessi asked, furrowing her eyebrows. I could imagine her face, her standing there. I squeezed my arms around Max's torso like a child hiding from a stranger.

"Something fell I guess, I don't know," he pondered. He was such a good liar. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against his chest.

"Randi are you okay?" Jessi asked, about to shut the door and leave.

"Mmmf," I mumbled into Max's chest.

"Alright..." Jessi said, shutting the door. She didn't sound convinced, although I didn't care right then. Max sat back down, forcing me down with him. He held my hands in his. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Then he brought my battered knuckles up to his lips and kissed them gently. I hissed and pulled away. They were broken. I knew it. He glanced at my gashed up leg, and I looked at his face. I covered my eyes, not wanting to look at him. I peeked at him, though. He rested a hand around my hip. I was on my knees now, we were seeing eye to eye.

"I'm sorry," I sputtered, my voice hoarse from screaming. Max grabbed me into a bear hug and I squeezed just as hard back. I could hear him sniffling and I broke away from him. I could see his chin trembling, and there were tear paths down his cheek. My breath caught in my throat and he looked me straight in the eyes.

"I-I love you, please don't do this anymore," he said, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair yet again. I noticed he did this whenever he felt uncomfortable or awkward.

"I won't, Max...I won't," I said the last part in a whisper. I stared into his eyes, and his tears triggered more tears from me. He randomly grabbed my face and planted a strong, love-filled kiss on my lips.

"I love you," he said, wrapping his arms around me again.

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That night I layed awake forever. I didn't bother trying to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Max. Max crying like he had done earlier. I hated myself for making him cry. I felt like I didn't deserve him, I felt like I didn't deserve anything; although his arm rested around my body, refusing to let go. I felt my eyes getting heavy with sleep, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to clear my mind, count to 1000 if I had to. I turned over so I could get more comfortable and I was facing Max. In fact I was right in his face.

"Why can't you sleep?" I heard him mumble. He sounded exhausted. I jumped a whole five feet in the air when I felt his breath on my forehead.

"How'd you know?" I said, relaxing my body when I was 100% sure it was just Max.

"I've been awake all this time. You keep sighing like something's on your mind. I can't go to sleep until I hear that you're asleep," he said, making it sound like a simple concept.

"Uhm. Hear that I'm asleep?" I asked him, furrowing my brow through the dark. He chuckled.

"I can tell when you're asleep. I've always been able to," he said, kissing my forehead. His lips were wet and I wrinkled my nose, it tickled. He kissed down my nose, finding my lips and engulfing me in one of those amazing kisses. I closed my eyes and groaned. I was too tired for this. No way in hell was I going to stop it though. I ran my hand up his chest and rested it there comfortably. "You never answered my question," he stated, finally breaking the kiss. I raised my eyebrows and ran my hands down my face. I brushed some hair behind my ear and stared at the pale silhouette of his face. I reached my hand out and touched his cheek with my fingertips. I walked them up to his eye, then back down again. He grabbed my hand, the one that wasn't bandaged up, and kissed on it.

"I don't like that I made you cry...at all," I told him. It just spilled out of me. Once it was out, it oddly made me feel much better.

"Oh," he said. I went on, because all he did was continue to kiss my hand like it didn't even matter. He was wrong. It did in so many ways.

"Max," I stated sternly, trying to break my hand from his. He wouldn't let go. He kissed up my arm instead. I sighed.

"Hmmm?" I could feel the vibration of his voice through his lips.

"I don't like that I made you cry," I repeated. He kissed up my shoulder blade, going over my bra strap and onto my neck. "Max," I whined, trying to move away from him, but secretly not wanting to at the same time. He laughed and broke away so he could talk.

"Randi, it's no big deal. Everyone cries," he said, continuing to let his lips linger around my collar bone. I chewed on the inside of my mouth and I stared up at the ceiling.

"I feel like I don't deserve you, like I don't deserve this because of it. Definitely not this," I smirked through the last part.

"Why?" he mumbled in confusion. I could once again feel the vibration of his voice on my skin and it tickled a lot. "If you didn't deserve it, I wouldn't be giving it to you," he told me in my ear. I closed my eyes. That's almost what I needed to hear. I finally gave into his little game and let my hands find their place on his back. "Mmmm," he hummed as he kissed around underneath my ear. It gave me chills and that made me more tired than I already was.

"I'm tired," I said, sighing in contentment when he got to my collar bone again.

"You sound tired," he commented, going back to my lips and kissing me once before he layed back in his own spot.

"Why do you do these things?" I demanded, feeling on my neck in the spot that would be a hickey in the morning.

"What?" he asked me, snickering his evil snicker.

"Give me these nasty things," I told him, sticking my tongue out.

"My kisses are nasty?" he said in mock sadness.

"No. Your fucking hickeys. And they hurt damnit," I told him, sticking my lower lip out even though he couldn't see me.

"I'll be more gentle," he told me.

"No," I said back, smiling through the darkness. He laughed at me.

"Okay? Then what do you want me to do?" he asked me, kissing my nose and making me squeeze my eyes shut.

"Whatever you want," I said, trying to make myself sound seductive. I failed. I ended up giggling as usual.

"You'll regret that later," he said, and I knew he had a sly smile across his face.

"Bed," I told him, cuddling up to him and waiting for his arms to be around me. Instead I felt his lips all over my neck again.

"Maxwell Scott Green," I growled at him through clenched jaws, breaking away sternly and pausing. He just laughed at me and kissed me once on the lips firmly, laying back in his spot. He yawned and pressed me closer to him. I took my position and nuzzled my face into his chest. Falling asleep was extremely easy for me.