Breathe Easy the Doctors Are About to Arrive

I was going to see the only person in the world that could get me through the hardest times of my life, despite my hard headedness-my best friend Lish. I hadn’t seen her in forever, and I knew just where to find her. Her sister Lexi lived on the other side of town. It wouldn’t take me that long to get there. I cruised down the highway as carefully as I could, because I hadn’t driven in so long. Lish had been going to college in Arizona, but it was around break time for her University, so I figured she’d be visiting Lexi. If I knew her well enough she’d be looking me up just as I was looking her up, she always did with the very rare time that she had off of school. The dry dessert air hit me in the side of the face and whisked my hair over the side of my head. I enjoyed it; it was almost like being set free. Being trapped up in a house for so long and not getting anytime outside of it would do a number on someone’s spirit and mind. I pulled onto Lexi’s street at last and I stared at the houses, trying to remember which one was hers. The grass was so unbelievably green on this side of town, and the trees were organized in their own little spots, one on each lawn that belonged to every house. I smiled as I spotted a bright green house that looked as if it was filled with peace and happiness.

“Oh, Lexi…” I commented to myself, smiling at her designing tactics. Lexi came out of the house with a paint brush in her hand, and I realized why the house looked so bright. She was just now painting it, or putting another coat on it knowing her. “Is Lish here?” I raised my voice to her so she could hear me and so that she would notice me. She was wearing short shorts, and her blonde hair was puffed up and teased while she had a blue and green plaid shirt hanging off of her body casually. She blocked the sun out of her view and her dark blue painting gloves covered her forehead as she did so.

“Randi! Yeah, she’s here…LISH!” she yelled for her sister, and I got out of the car, pulling the keys out of ignition and putting them in my pocket.

“RANDI!” Lish screamed as she bounded down the hilly front lawn and hugged me warmly. I hugged back and pulled her away to get a good look at her. Her blonde hair was almost the same as Lexi’s, except more simple and with blackened tips. Her green eyes sparkled with excitement and I noticed her clothes, then. A bright yellow tube top and some casual skinny jeans. She had angel bites; the piercing that she had wanted for years and she finally had them. She was wearing heels, and that was new. They did her no justice though. They were barely heels, actually. They only arose about half an inch off the ground. She was looking mighty wealthy, and I had to ask for the sake of my own curiosity.

“Where do you get all of this money?!” I exclaimed, walking up the lawn with her to get away from the dry, evening Vegas heat. Lexi smiled at me and I nodded to her, slipping my shoes off outside so I wouldn’t get her precious carpet dirty.

“I model now! Along with going to college, of course…” Lish explained to me.

“Wow, really?” I asked her, smiling at her still sparkling eyes.

“Yep,” she said, walking around the house casually and picking up her also casual, oversized purse.

“I want you to see this picture…of my boyfriend and me,” Lish told me.

“Your boyfriend?” I asked her, raising my eyebrows. So much about her had changed since I had last seen her, and it seemed as if it were for the greater good. She needed a good boy to take care of her, and I could tell by her shy smile and her pink turning cheeks that he must be good. She pulled out her phone and practically shoved it in my face. I caught a glimpse of black hair, and I held the phone steady so I could get a better look.

“His name’s Craig, I really wish you could meet him some time,” she explained, frowning a little bit as I surveyed him. “He’s in a band!” Lish added, rambling on about his band excitedly and giggling every now and again. “They’re called blessthefall, all one word really….they’re a Christian metal band from Phoenix,” she said, putting air quotes around “metal”. I laughed at her and studied the picture some more. The guy had his arms wrapped around her lovingly, and I knew that look, the look on her face, the look of pure infatuation and commitment is what it was. Craig’s hair hung down in his face and he smiled a dorky smile, showing off crooked teeth but lighting up the picture all the same. Lish was winking at the camera and I smiled in pure happiness for my best friend.

“He looks like a keeper, “ I told her, handing her phone back and studying her smiling face.

We sat on the couch for a while and she was staring at me now, probably taking in the way I looked as I had to her when she ran to me just minutes ago.

“You doing okay?” she asked me, nudging me in the arm.

“Yeah,” I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying hard not to think about Max or anything to do with Max. “Question,” I stated, remembering why I came here in the first place.
Her eyes lit up, and she became alert to the words that hadn’t even come out of my mouth yet. “Do you remember anything about me and…Ronnie, our relationship?” I asked, looking around the room as I said his name. It felt weird letting his name fall out of my mouth like that.

‘Yeah, how could I not?” she said, creases forming in her forehead. “How did this come up?” she asked, scratching her head and standing up off of the couch. She was the kind of person who couldn’t sit still for long, and I followed her regardless of anything.

“I can’t remember why I broke up with him,” I told her, racking my brain for answers even then. Lish stopped on her way to the kitchen, and she turned around, looking at me full on. We stared at each other for a few minutes, and then I knew it was bad. “Can you tell me what happened?” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Why can’t you remember?” she asked just as soon as the last word came out of my mouth.

“Too much drugs,” I said flatly, turning the corner of my lips up in an unhappy smirk. She started messing with dishes on the sink and she kept her eyes fixed on the dishes like she wasn’t listening to me. “Please tell me,” I said, walking closer to her. She sighed difficultly, and sat down at the table.

“Sit down, Randi….” Lish said seriously. I obeyed and stared at her, waiting for her to talk.
“Why did this come up anyway? How did you start thinking about him again?” she asked worriedly, questioning me like she was my big sister.

“I met this guy….named Max….and we’re together, and I love him a lot….” I told her, squinting my eyes, and still racking my brain. “He’s in rehab right now, and Ronnie was there when I took him there…he recognized me, and remembered my name…and then told Max things about me,” I explained to her, my face tightening in pain at the thought of Max.

“Randi…he raped you,” Lish said in disgust, taking a drink of her water and setting it down firmly, looking at me carefully to see my reaction. She looked like she was ready for me to freak out.

“WHAT?!” I practically screamed, a delayed reaction, standing up and almost knocking her water over.

“Sit down, let me explain,” she told me softly, looking at me carefully and pausing for a second. “You were both heavily drugged, on LSD to say the least….” Lish trailed off. As soon as she said the name of the drug my mind stopped working properly and went back into time, like a big flashback. I couldn’t even hear Lish anymore, all I needed to hear were the words she had already said, and it kick started my brain into flashback mode. I could see Lish’s mouth move, but it only sounded like she was under water. I closed my eyes and lived in my mind for a moment, letting myself drift off into the direction it was going.

*FLASHBACK*

“I have a surprise for you,” Ronnie told me, taking my hand and leading me to this cooler by a house. I stumbled over to him in my drunken state and he smiled at me. He took out two beers and handed one to me.

“This is my surprise?” I slurred, taking it in my hand and opening the tab, putting it to my mouth, smiling in pure bliss.

“WHOA! Hang on babe, not so fast,” he laughed at me, getting closer to me and opening his as well. “Do you trust me?” he asked me, as the wind blew past my face, making me close my eyes and almost fall over.

“Of course,” I said, smiling uncontrollably as he hugged me, holding his beer high above his head, and making me hold mine out in front of me very far.

“Something inside this can….will take us to a very far away place,” he told me, smiling the whole time. I cackled at him, putting it down on the ground carefully and grabbing my knees for support. He cocked his head at me and looked at me weird, giving his famous hyped laugh and he helped me be steady again. “But,” he started, lifting my chin up with his hand, and I smiled up at him the whole time. “But you have to drink it, really fast, without stopping…no matter how fucking bad it tastes,” he said, cupping my chin in his hand and pecking me on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me harder. “Okay, okay…” he trailed off, breaking away from me and putting the beer to his mouth excitedly. “On the count of 1...2...3...” he trailed off, and I put the beer to my lips as well. “GO!” he said, laughing and squirting some out of his nose, but shaking his head and gulping it down, nonetheless.
I swallowed two gulps of it and I was ready to throw up. I kept drinking, like he instructed me before and soon it was gone. When I took the empty can away from my mouth, Ronnie was still drinking. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, and my legs disappeared from underneath me. I started hallucinating, seeing every color of the rainbow, and seeing fantasy like things that belonged in fairy tails.

“You fucking put acid in this!” I whispered, and it felt like I was screaming until my throat fell out. Ronnie just kept laughing, and my world was spinning. My head was turning in every direction but for some reason I couldn’t stop smiling. Ronnie turned around and around and tripped over the cooler, knocking it over and falling against the house. One of his friends grabbed him and me by the hands and dragged us off. It felt like I was flying through the sky and the world was erupting in colors. My eyes got heavy and I was screaming for Ronnie in my mind. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I had to kick my legs, like I was swimming through deep water and trying to save myself. I grasped onto Ronnie and he held me close. I didn’t know what to do, and his friend practically threw us in the back of their van. It was spacious, and Ronnie climbed on top of me, not hesitating to unzip my pants. I looked at the ceiling and started laughing; it looked like we were gliding through a black hole. I could feel his hands on my buttons and my zipper, and I felt him take my pants off. My vision got clear for a moment and I saw Ronnie’s face, carefully concentrated on me, like I was someone or something else different from what he usually saw me as. “I don’t feel like it,” I told him, and I started freaking out, trying to grab my pants off of the floor with my trembling hands. The ceiling erupted into blue swirls and I screamed until my throat stung. Ronnie didn’t hear me and he started pulling my underwear off. "I don’t want to, I don’t want to,” I cried out over and over again, pushing him away. His face made no sign of an acknowledgment that I was screaming in fear at him. It felt like I was falling backward, and that if I fell far enough back I’d fall into the street, out of the moving van. I screamed, putting my head back as he grabbed my wrists in his hands, putting them behind my head. “Ronnie you’re hurting me,” I told him, calmly at first. I scratched at his hands when he didn‘t act to my words, but he wouldn’t budge. “RONNIE WAKE UP YOU’RE HURTING ME, I DON’T WANT TO, I DON’T WANT THIS!” I screamed, shaking my head back and forth and moving around any way I could. He looked down at me, cocking his head back and forth slowly, and smiling. His eyes were glossy, and he didn’t like Ronnie, my Ronnie, the Ronnie I always knew.“RONNIE!” I screamed right in face.
Nothing.
I put my head back and started crying as I felt unbelievable pain and pressure up inside of my body, like he was pushing my organs through my stomach. I turned my head and threw up all over the van, and he shoved my shoulders down when I tried to sit up, making me cry out in pain. I heard laughter from in the front seat of the van and I screamed as loud as I could. "HELP ME!” I roared, beating on the side of the van desperately. It felt like I was never going to get out of this-it felt like a nightmare-and I scratched down the walls. Ronnie pressed me against the van and I was already traumatized, but what he did next traumatized me even more than I was. He shoved himself inside of me and I screamed so loud that I lost my voice for a second. He continuously did this until I just stopped screaming. I hit and punched at the van, and I imaged that I hit a hole through it. I sat and stared out this imaginary hole, while my body felt nonexistent. I felt a little bit of coherency came back to my mind, while I wondered if Ronnie even knew what he was doing to me and I just let myself drift off into a state of unconsciousness, my eyes wide open while I slept.

*END FLASHBACK*

I snapped out of my flashback screaming bloody murder. I looked up and Lish was holding me, trying to get me to calm down. She was stroking my head like a mother would. My face was pulled up and tightened into a grimace as I cried and sobbed into her shoulder. Lexi came running in behind us and asked Lish what was going on.

“You know how when you do LSD, and you have a bad trip, they come back to haunt you when you remember them?” Lish told her, furrowing her brow at her sister, her voice trembling. “I got this,” Lish said, ignoring her sister’s confusion, and Lexi nodded, freaked out by the situation-but walked away anyway while her legs trembled with anxiety.
I stopped crying abruptly, and I stood up out of Lish’s arms, wiping my eyes and looking all around the house. A feeling of sudden relief came over me, even through all of the trauma. Lish looked horrified and guilty all at the same time and I latched onto her again.
I swallowed and calmed my breathing before I finally let go of her. I sniffled, clearing my sinuses and I ran a shaking hand through my hair.

“I’m so fucking stupid, why did I do that!?” I asked Lish, my chest rising up and down.

“I didn’t want to tell you, Randi,” she told me. I looked back and forth, I had to get out of here, and I had to do other things to distract myself. I felt an anxiety attack coming on and I wasn’t going to let myself go through that again. I had to help myself for once.

“I have to go,” I told her, practically running out of the house and into Bryan’s car. I just wanted to be home, so I could lie in my bed and cry, talk to Jessi, talk to Bryan, even talk to Max. Anything but think about that flashback. Lish ran after me, tripping over the chair, but catching up to me.

“Randi please don’t do anything stupid!” she called after me.

“I’ll call you when I get home, Lish….thank you,” I told her, my voice trembling and my legs feeling like they were about to break. I drove back to Bryan’s, and it felt like I was in auto pilot mode the whole way there. I didn’t pay any attention to my surrounding or anything that I saw. My mind was off somewhere else. I prayed that I got there as fast as I could, because I really didn’t trust myself with this. I regretted even asking Bryan to borrow his car.