Breathe Easy the Doctors Are About to Arrive

I sat at the dark table that I had sat at last night, but this time in better spirits I guess you could say. I played with the puffs of chocolate in my cereal bowl as Jessi stared me down like a hawk. I was about to break my spoon from all of the tension in my mind and in the room.

"WHAT?!" I yelled, my eyes widening up at Jessi for the first time since she'd been staring. Jessi laughed and I smirked.

"Are you gonna tell me why you guys were all tangled up like that?" she asked, raising one eyebrow and taking a bite of her cereal.

"It's not a big deal," I said softly, remembering what I had said to Max just 5 minutes ago.

"You're lying, I know that face," she said as she chewed her food. I sighed and narrowed my eyes.

"Seriously Jessi, it's nothing," I said. It couldn't be anything, anyway. I wouldn't let myself hurt him. And if I got with him like that, he would probably end up hurting, because all I did was cause problems. I was a death sentence. "I didn't want to be alone last night, so he stayed with me and ended up falling asleep. Then he said some nice things to me and we fell asleep like that again....we didn't do anything intimate..." I trailed off. I lied a tiny bit, but that wasn't the point.

"Pft, Max," she smirked, laughing a little bit while shaking her head.

"What?" I asked, pressing my lips together firmly.

"That's just how he is, he's a big ass flirt," Jessi laughed some more. Now I felt stupid. What if none of that even meant anything to him. What if it was just something he did. Flirted with girls, and then threw them away like they were nothing. I dropped my spoon against the bowl, making a big CLANK, and blinked softly, my eyelashes fluttering. I sighed a long, heavy sigh and shoved a bite of cereal in my mouth angrily. Jessi raised her eyebrows, and then looked at me weirdly.

"Okay?" she mumbled, taking a bite as well. "You have feelings for him now, since he did all of that don't you?" she asked softly, after what it seemed like 10 minutes of no talking and serious cereal eating. I rolled my eyes, but only because it was true.

"I'm gonna go...brush my teeth," I said, putting my bowl in the sink and filling it with water. Jessi looked up and her eyes followed me out of the kitchen, all the way into the living room, and up the stairs.

I stood outside the door, deciding if I should just go in and ignore my pleading urges to use the bathroom downstairs, or if I should just go in since I was already here. I sighed and opened the door slowly. I hoped Max was lazy and just fell asleep again. I walked in and stopped in the door way awkwardly. He wasn't asleep. Typical of my luck. He stared at me blankly and watched me as I walked into the bathroom. I hurried over to the sink so I could lose his stare and took the mouth wash out from underneath the sink. I poured some in a cup and took it into my mouth, swishing it around as I looked into the mirror. He was sitting on the foot of the bed now, his hair standing up in all different directions, just staring at my reflection in the mirror. I almost swallowed the mouth wash as I gagged on it and spit it into the sink for my own safety. I sighed and wiped my mouth off, walking back out of the bathroom. I side glanced at him and he just watched me as I put my hand on the door knob slowly.

"Wait," he said desperately. I let my hand drop and I sighed, letting my head fall as well.

"Yes?" I hesitated. I knew I was going to regret this.

"I want to talk with you," he said casually, like nothing had ever even happened. I sighed again, looking to the side and turning around. I was going to walk over to him, but he came walking toward me. I stood frozen in my spot. "I can't explain why, but that kiss earlier...it felt amazing," he said, rubbing his arm and boring his eyes into mine.

"We don't know each other," I said plainly.

"So, you can't deny it, you felt it too, I know you did," he said desperately.

"I don't understand why you want to do this, Max, I'm nothing great I swear," I said.

"We should just get to know each other better..." he said quickly.

"I already know I want you, but it's me that you don't want," I said sternly. He pressed his lips together in frustration.

"Why?" he asked, walking toward me until his body was only 10 inches away from mine.

"I don't trust myself," I spat out. I felt the need to tell him everything on my mind and I didn't know why. "I'm not clean, Max. I've been with so many other guys, don't you get it?" I asked, getting the urge to cry again. He got closer to me, putting me on edge.

"But that's not your fault. You're so weak and fragile and gullible, and they just take advantage of you," he said, squinting his eyes at me. I stayed silent as he went on. "You just want to feel good about yourself, and guys looking at your body like that makes you feel good," he said, getting closer and closer to me by the minute and shaking his head. I swallowed hard. It hurt hearing my thoughts be said to me out loud. I bit my lip to keep my chin from quivering, and I closed my eyes tightly as I felt the urge to cry coming on stronger. Max sighed and dropped his shoulders. I sobbed once and turned to grab the door knob so I could just get out of here, but I felt him wrap his arms around me tightly and my hand just fell from the knob weakly. My back was against him and he just held me as I shook with sobs. "I'm sorry," he said softly in my ear. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he whispered. He sounded like he honestly felt bad. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him as well, squeezing the life out of him. I could feel his shirt getting wet against my face already, but I just felt like I needed to cry.

"I don't want to do this anymore," I moaned, sniffling in between words. He rubbed my back as I just sobbed away.

"You don't have to," he said in my ear. I stopped crying for a minute and just layed my head against his chest.

"This is so fucking weird!" I shrieked, shifting away from him and wiping my eyes angrily. "We don't even know each other and you're being prince fucking charming and we kissed this morning and now I have feelings for you and you don't have feelings for me and it's just a stupid stupid stupid situation and I hate myself because I know when this gets further down the road I'm going to end up doing something wrong and I-" I rambled on and on, but I got cut off. I felt his lips on mine and my body fell limp instantly. He wrapped his arms around me more securely and pressed me against the wall so I wouldn't fall down. My heart was beating out of my chest and I secretly hoped to myself that he couldn't hear it or feel it. He moved his lips against mine gently and I almost lost consciousness. It felt like my head and body was tingling, and I didn't know why. I rose my arms up and rested them against the door. The only things that were holding me steady were his arms and the wall behind me. He broke away and I couldn't open my eyes. I closed my mouth and sniffled, finally opening my eyes. "And you do that!" I said, raising my arms up in mock annoyance. I looked at him angrily. He smiled smugly.

"If you don't want me to do that anymore I won't," he laughed. I just stayed silent and looked to the side.

"I'll be back," I said, grabbing the door knob and opening the door before he could stop me. I sighed and ran down the stairs, grabbing a random jacket off the hook next to the door, slipping my shoes on, and walking out. I had to think about things, because after that little kiss of his I could tell that for some crazy reason he had feelings for me too. This was too weird for me, it had never happened before. I knew this was going to be a long walk, and I knew everyone would be worried about me. I hoped that they would forgive me for making them worry.