And I Will Try to Fix You

I sat there on my bed; cold, quivering, alone. It felt as though someone had stabbed my heart and let it bleed till I was drowned in my own blood, crushed it so hard it crumbled into a million pieces, and dumped it somewhere in grime and dirt.

Only as I laid there, covering myself with nothing but a blanket, did I let it all sink in. The truth behind his actions; the reality behind my dreams. The simple words I’d heard time after time, over and over again; but never wanted to believe.

“He’s using you.”

I held the drenched pillow closer to my chest, letting another tear stream down my face. It was useless fighting it now; the facts were crystal-clear. I was just another toy; another game. I was nothing but another victim of his sadistic pleasures; another betrayed, heartbroken soul.

“You’re gonna get hurt, Ave.”

I was stupid. I was a fool; a blinded idiot, not to realize his evil scheme. I was lower than a fuck buddy; I was merely his latest sex toy. The little puppet he played with everyday, giving it the best care and attention, before dumping it into the nearest trash can like it was scum.

“Thanks for all the fucking; it was fun while it lasted.”

I can’t say that I should’ve known, though. I can’t say that I shouldn’t have been so oblivious, and that I should’ve realized it all sooner. I can’t say that I should’ve predicted this would happen, and that I should’ve backed out before it did.

“Why won’t you listen to me?”

I can’t, because I knew this would happen a long, long time ago. I knew he was using me; I knew it all too well. I would’ve backed out, but there was something keeping me from doing so; something that told me the risk of getting hurt would be worth it.

“Fuck, Avery. I love you so much, you know that?”

The tiny chance that he meant what he said.