And I Will Try to Fix You

"He’s just a kid, Jack! And little Skyler doesn’t mean any harm, he’s just a frien--”

"Don't you get it, Emma? Things like these start when they're young - there's no such thing as 'innocence'. Not for people like him; not for matters like these."

I blinked my eyes open to a pitch-black room; my heart beating quicker than usual, my breathing pattern slightly jagged.

That was almost a decade ago, and yet...

The dream had felt so real; the exact words they’d spoken that day - I must’ve subconsciously committed them to memory.

Finding myself in Skyler’s arms, in his bed, I began to calm down, until my heartbeat and breaths matched his.

I could vaguely hear the whispers of crickets as they fled; the sway of trees with the whistling gusts of wind; the boom of each thunder following the pattern of the lightning; the pitter-patter of rain against the pavement; the tapping of the raindrops against the window.

I turned myself around to look down at Sky sleeping soundly; each silent breath like an angel's. He looked so innocent in his sleep, so... fragile; unlike the real Sky though. He was always strong and yet gentle; protective, but in a good way. He’d shown his soft side to me, but never weakness.

Realizing I'd been staring for a while, I snapped out of my daydream and carefully crawled out of his embrace. I tip-toed over to the spattered window and took a seat, to stare out of it and cherish the view.

The source of my nightmares, and yet strangely, my secret sanctuary.

The rain.

***

"Avery... Avery, wake up. Avery!"

My vision still a blur, I opened my eyes, only to finally see Skyler's face right in front of mine. I gasped and stumbled backwards, resulting in my head being banged against the wall - a loud ‘thump’ and a soft ‘ouch’ echoed across the room.

"A-Are you okay? I'm so sorry--"

"F-Fine," I managed, plopping myself up and reaching over to rub the back of my head. "I-I'm fine..."

"You sure?" he asked quietly, worry apparent on his face, and I just nodded in response. He leaned in slowly -I could've sworn he was eyeing my lips - and gave me a peck on my cheek. "Breakfast's ready, if you were wondering."

I turned away from his sight and nodded frantically, trying to hide the slight tint of pink on my face. He didn’t notice though, luckily, and made his way out of the room. Just before stepping out of the door, he turned around and said, "Come join us downstairs when you're ready, alright?" before leaving.

A ten-minute shower and a random set of Sky’s clothes later, I was down at the table with him and his mum. The scent of freshly flipped pancakes filled my nostrils and melted me inside. I was probably drooling, because Sky chuckled before placing the plate in front of me.

I gobbled them down as fast as I could; I was racing with Skyler’s mom, Sarah - as per usual.

“You’ve got a long way ahead of you, kiddo,” she teased, ruffling my hair and chugging her coffee down in victory once it was over. She looked at her watch and automatically spit her drink all over the kitchen floor - yelling an ear-piercing, “Shit!” - before grabbing her purse and rushing out. I giggled at her - she probably would’ve whacked me on the head if she wasn’t in such a hurry - and watched as she ran around in panic. “Don’t do anything funny while I’m gone!” she shouted, before slamming the front door shut behind her.

I held my giggle, only to notice Sky smiling what looked like an instinctive smile, his eyes on the door. My stare was cut off when he breathed a deep sigh and groaned, “Looks like I’ve gotta clean all this up.”

“I-I can help if you want--” I offered, only to be cut off.

“Nah, it’s alright. I’d rather have you sleep some more - you didn’t seem to get enough last night.”

I looked away, guiltily and shyly, realizing he had noticed me sleeping on the sofa by the window and carried me to his bed. “B-but--”

“It’d probably be easier and faster for me to do it on my own, anyway. Just go back up and sleep; I’ll be there soon, okay?”

My heart froze at his words; it was as though something had pierced right through my heart and hit my weakest spot, but I didn’t let him see that. I nodded and returned to his room quickly - almost too quickly, but hopefully he didn’t notice - and collapsed on his bed.

“You’re useless,” taunted the voice in my head, and I tried to shake it away, but it just went on. “You can’t do anything right, can you?”

“I’m trying my best, okay?” I stated aloud, tears forming in my eyes against my own will. Why was I born so sensitive to these kinds of things? I was being so unreasonable, I mean--

“You worthless piece of shit, always relying on others.”

“Shut up! I-I’m not--”

“When have you ever done something useful in your goddamned life? Can’t you do anything by yourself, just for once? You’re nothing but a failure. You’ve always been, and you always will be. What kind of person fails at life other than you, shit-head? That’s so stupid it doesn’t even make sense.”

“Please, d-don’t...”

“Fucking faggot.”