What You Don't Know Will Hurt Me

My things were packed except for a small backpack with some books, my iPod, a journal and a pen, a blanket, my favorite stuffed animal and a small decorative pillow for the plane rides. A small pile of clothes was left out to change and for tomorrow. Our flight was going to be a long and obscure one to keep us from being tracked down easily. We were traveling from Southern California to Arizona to Colorado to Wyoming to Idaho and finally to Oregon. With all the layovers it would take about 8 hours. It was still early, around 6 o’ clock. I pulled of my court clothes and changed into a pair of skinny jeans, a white tee with Our Last Night in black print on the front and a pair of white converse shoes.

I grabbed my cell phone and crammed it into my pocket. I ran down the stairs and headed for the door. “Where are you going?” Maverik Matthew said. “Carianne’s house. Matty.” I smirked. “Don’t.call.me.Matty.” He ground his teeth. “Okay…Matty.” He ran toward me and I lunged for the door but I couldn’t get it open quick enough and it slid through my fingers as “Matt” tackled me to the floor. “I warned you!” He yelled as he tickled me mercilessly. I tried rolling over but it still tickled. I laughed and tried to wiggle away but I didn’t get very far. “S-st-st-STOP!” I laughed. Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. I thrashed and kicked but it didn’t help. At last I turned on my side and bit his arm. “Ow! Ouch! Quit!” He yelled, slapping my forehead. “Grrr!” I replied shaking his arm in my teeth. He pushed on my forehead to get me off but I held firm, smirking at his useless attempts. “Okay then! You asked for it!” I rolled my eyes thinking he couldn’t do anything.

Suddenly, his hand was on my stomach and he began tickling me. “Haaa!” I laughed, freeing his arm. He continued tickling me. “Rape! Bur-burg-burglary! Haaa-micide!” I cried. He laughed and finally let me go. “That tickled!” I smiled. He laughed and rolled his eyes. “No more calling me Matty!” He said, folding his arms. “Matt?” I asked. He smiled. “Matt.” “Let’s go to Carianne’s.” I returned the smile. He nodded and followed me up the street to her house. I knocked on the door and a split second later the door was open and Carianne motioned for us to come inside. “How did the trial go? Is he in jail? Tell me everything!” She said grabbing my hand and leading me into the kitchen. “Well…” I told her the entire story. She leaned forward eagerly and cheered when I told her the sentence. “I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!” She smiled. I thanked her and looked at Matt. He had a sad expression on his face. After a few moments of silence, he spoke, slowly and quietly, not meeting her eyes. “We have something to tell you.” He began.

Her smile faded and she looked between us nervously. “Yeah?” Matt took a deep breath and met her gaze. “We’re moving.” Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. “When? Where?....Why?” She asked, tears pooling in her big brown eyes. “We’re moving soon but we aren’t sure where. Ma-Maverik’s mom thought it would be best for me to get away because of everything that’s happened. She’s worried I’m under too much stress here.” I almost called him Matthew which would have caught us up in a huge mess. Obviously we couldn’t tell her what really happened and this was the best excuse I could think of. Tears spilled onto her cheeks and her face reddened. “But you’re leaving…you’re my best friends. What am I going to do without you guys?” She sobbed. I pulled her close and wrapped my arm around her, taking her hand in mine. “We’ll always be best friends- you know that. Things are just hard here. I watched my mom and dad both be shot and killed. This is a really hard place for me to be right now. There’s so many bad memories.”

It was true that a lot had gone on here but it didn’t really bother me as much as I was trying to make it seem like it was. Of course I felt guilty for putting on the whole facade but it was entirely necessary for my protection and hers. No one could know where we were really going or why. They just had to know we were gone. Matt gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry it has to happen, but let’s make the best of the time we’re here.” Carianne nodded and wiped her face. “I have an idea.” I said squeezing her hand. “Let’s make a marble cake- your favorite!” She looked up and gave me a small smile. “Yeah, let’s do it.” As we pulled out the many ingredients and began baking, Carianne’s red face returned to its normal state and her smile was bigger. Matt sat and watched us, once in a while tasting the mixtures or throwing bits of flour at us. “Hey lazy, why don’t you help us.” Carianne smiled with her hands on her hips. “I am not Betty Crocker. No. I’m a man. Men don’t cook marble cake.” He retorted. “Then I guess you won’t be eating any either.” She smirked.

“Fine! But I am NOT wearing an apron!” He laughed as he began helping us. When it was finally done I smiled at the warm cake and thought ‘This is the last marble cake I might ever make with Carianne.’ I looked over at her, closing her eyes as she breathed in the delicious smell. “Hey Carianne, go grab your Polaroid camera and we’ll take a picture.” She smiled and rushed over to get it. Carianne was in the middle, holding the cake; Matt was on her left with his arm over her shoulder and I stood on her right with my left hand behind her back and the camera in my right. “Okay! Ready? One. Two. Three!” I smiled and took our picture. The flash went off and a picture slid out. I fanned it and waited for the picture to show up while Carianne cut three larges pieces of cake and put them each on a separate plate. Matt grabbed three forks and helped Carianne carry a plate to the dining table. The picture finally started to show up and it was perfect. Each of us with a large smile on our face, the cake looking as wonderful as ever. “Hey, come see this!” I smiled and went over to them. They pooled around me to look at the picture. “Aww, it’s cute!” Carianne said. Matt smiled at it.

“Don’t forget to take it home! You can put it on your wall or something.” She added. I knew that wouldn’t be possible but I had a plan for that picture. I nodded anyway and began eating my cake. It was soon finished and we all had another large piece. We talked about people and old times and the future but I knew my time was almost up for our last goodbye. A few moments after that thought crossed my mind, Matt’s cell phone rang. “Hello? Yeah…sure…ok….bye.” He said and hung up. “Mom wants us to get back, she said it’s getting late.” I nodded and hugged Carianne. “Love you girl! You’re the best friend ever.” I gave her a long, tight hug. She smiled and hugged me back. “Carianne…you are awesome. We love you.” He gave her a hug like mine and she told us she loved us too with a look of confusion on her face. We knew we had to keep in the tears and that took all my focus. “Well, my mom will be home soon so I’m going to start cleaning up but I’ll see you guys later.” She said and waved, turning her back to clean up the kitchen.

Matt and I headed towards the front door with the picture in my hand. By the front table, I pulled out a pen where I knew Carianne couldn’t see and scribbled xoxo on the back of our picture and set it on the table. She would find it tomorrow. Matt squeezed my hand and pulled me out of the house. “I’m going to miss her.” I said. “Me too.” We walked back to our house where everything had already been arranged to be moved. I glanced at my cell phone to get the time. “Ten thirty.” I muttered. “We leave in half an hour.” Matt’s mom said from behind me. I turned to face her and nodded. “Thank you. For everything.” She grinned and brushed my cheek with her hand. “Anytime sweetheart.” She replied. I laid down on the floor of my room and sighed. Everything in here was so empty. The window had the same streaks it had this morning, the only thing that hadn’t changed. I choked back tears as I cradled my stuffed animal dog, Bowley and buried my face in his short brown neck. “It’ll be okay.” I told myself. “Everything, it’ll be okay.”

I said it over and over, praying I would believe it, praying it would be true. I focused on the blank wall to re-compose myself and stoically placed my stuffed animal back with my belongings and went to see if we were ready to head out. “Mrs. Walton?” I asked as I approached her in the garden. The garden was incredible, every task done meticulously to keep the flowers in perfect shape. The roses were bigger than my hand, scarlet red, a pure white, and vibrant orange, but droned out by the dark night. “I’m sorry you have to leave this behind.” I said. As she turned around, I could see a few moon rays catch the glittering tear trails on her cheeks. “It’s okay honey, don’t apologize. I can always make a new one.” She sniffed and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve, giving me a forced smile. “I’m so sorry, I really am.” I turned around and slowly walked back towards the house. “Lakai? I-I mean Letty?” I turned around as her voice broke. “Yes?” She looked beautiful, surrounded by all the full flowers, the roses almost reaching around her shoulder in a sad, gentle embrace. “I’m glad you’re here.” I stood in almost shock, wondering what to say. However, she just turned around to look back at her flowers.

She’s glad I’m here. A sudden thought struck in my head. Why am I here when everyone else is gone? Why couldn’t I have gone too? Everyone is so upset, even though they try to make everything sound fine because I’m here. I knew it was true. Seeing Mrs. Walton break down like that, I knew I had asked her to leave everything she knew behind to start a whole new life. It wasn’t fair to her. I knew if I ran away or got myself caught, then it would have all been for nothing, so instead I guiltily grabbed my things and put them in the car and sat down in the driveway, waiting for us to leave. “Everyone ready?” I heard Mr. Walton call. “Yeah, dad.” “Yes honey.” I heard Matt and his mom. “Where’s Lakai?” He asked as I walked back through the front door. “Right here. Sorry, I went out to put my stuff in the car.” “No worries,” he smiled, “everyone got their things? Ready to leave? Okay, let’s get the show on the road!” We all walked out to the car with Mr. Walton whistling tunelessly, the rest of us silent, tense. We climbed in and with one last look at the house and a quick prayer and a blown kiss to Carianne, we left for the airport.

Traffic was light and we got to the airport a little bit early. We boarded right away because we were in first class, away from most of the passengers for safety reasons. We got luxurious seats that reclined; I was next to Matt while Mr. and Mrs. Walton were behind us. I leaned the seat back a few inches and Matt did the same. “Are you excited?” Matt asked me. “A little but I’m scared.” He looked at me questioningly. “What is there to be scared of?” He asked. “I wonder if I’ll make friends, if I’ll be able to not tell anyone who I really am, if I’ll screw everything up, or if I’m found. There’s so much to be scared of. I’ve lost two people already. I don’t want anything else to happen.” He smiled. “Don’t worry about friends, I’ll be there with you. You won’t tell anyone, you always keep my secrets, you won’t screw anything up and you’re going to be hidden and safe. They won’t come.” His words were nice but didn’t help much with the fear that clawed at my insides. “Excuse me? Sorry, you’ll need to put your seats up for take-off. As soon as we level out, you can recline them again.” The flight attendant said. “Sure, no problem.” I smiled at her.

She was probably in her mid-twenties with deep red, wavy hair and green eyes, a striking difference. She was very pretty with a gentle voice. She smiled back at me and left. We pulled our seats back up and we felt the plane start to move. We buckled up and sat bored through the announcement on safety procedures. Finally, we were up in the air, level out and I let my seat fall back. Matt was already almost asleep and he reached a lazy hand over to recline the seat. I pulled my iPod out of my backpack and set it on my playlist, starting with Better Luck Next Time, Prince Charming. I turned the volume down so I could fall asleep. I was jostled awake by Matt. “We’re landing now.” We just took off! I groaned. I realized this trip was going to go hour by hour and sighed, frustrated.

I grabbed my stuff and we landed and on we went to the next terminal. The night continued on and by the time we were in Idaho, we were all tired and yearning for sleep. It was our final trip before we’d get to the house. Finally we were back in the airplane. I cuddled up underneath a blanket and Bowley, my stuffed animal, tucked under my arm. I slept more soundly on the last part of the trip than I had the rest of the night. With all my fears worn down, I slept deeply and woke up feeling a little refreshed. I grabbed my stuff for the final time and followed Matt and Mr. and Mrs. Walton to the limo that was waiting for us. We climbed in and Matt put his head in my lap, falling asleep almost immediately while Mr. and Mrs. Walton held hands and relaxed for the rest of the ride. It was about half an hour to get to the house from the airport. When we finally arrived, I looked at the house in awe. It was gorgeous! And big! I heard footsteps stop behind me. “This is it- this is home.” Matt said. I nodded. “Our home.” I repeated.