Je Ne Regrette Rien

Bill tried to sit patiently as they applied the last bit of makeup to his face. He turned to look in the mirror, his frown almost permanent. Not even getting his makeup done made him happy these days. He spun around in the spinny chair to face the rest of the band.

"When are you going to tell us what's wrong?" Georg asked. He didn't seem too worried about Bill's condition. In fact, he was busy reading some slut-filled magazine.

Tom was looking off into the distance. Daydreaming. He always did that before awards shows like the one they were at now.

Why does he have to be such a worry wart?

Bill knew that Tom wouldn't speak a word until it was announced if they'd won or not. It was just the way it went with him.

The tall, dark-haired boy stood up from the chair and yawned. The lack of sleep was getting to him. At night he stayed in the bathroom or in his bunk crying. But the crying never resulted in sleep, as it did for the lucky people.

Still ignoring Georg's question, he went out into the hall. The dressing room had felt awkward and claustrophobic to him.

He heard the laughter of a group of people in the dressing room down the hall. Their door was open and Bill thought to look in to see who it was. But he knew he wasn't much in the mood for talking even if he did know the people inside.

He sunk down to the floor, careful not to move his hair or damage his tight clothes, and let out a sigh.

He wanted a bath, a nice hot bath. He wated to stay in the hot hot water until his skin became wrinkly and the water was cold and he was forced to come out. They were staying at a hotel that night. Bill hoped he had a big bathroom all to himself.

That warm sensation came upon him again - the sensation you get in your sinuses when you're about to cry. Once you get that feeling, there's no stopping it.

"Hallo?"

Bill jumped at the unfamiliar voice and looked around to see the source. A short, blonde boy was standing above him.

"Bill Kaulitz?" the kid asked.

Bill stood up and forced a smile. He was almost a foot taller than this boy. Wait, he knew who this was..

"Aren't you..?" he asked, but was cut off by the blonde.

"Kiro. From Cinema Bizarre. Yeah," the blonde named Kiro smiled.

Bill had heard their music but had never met the band before. He held out a hand for Kiro to shake. The blonde looked confused but shook it anyway.

"I um.. guess you know who I am," Bill fidgeted, feeling awkward and anti-social. He had to look down at Kiro. It was uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Kiro laughed nervously. "I knew you guys were going to be here today and I was hoping to finally meet you."

"To be honest I didn't know who was going to be here today, besides the people we're nominated against," still the uncomfortable feelings.

Kiro's eyelids were rimmed in black eyeliner and copious amounts of glitter. He had a lot of foundation on to cover those minor imperfections, and a small amount of pink blush on his cheeks. His hair was light blonde and shoulder-length and he was wearing a beanie. Bill couldn't help but think he was cute, but he was instantly mad at himself for thinking it.

"I'm sure you will win," Kiro said, still smiling cutely.

"I hope so. Tom doesn't believe we will.. but he never does. He's so pessimistic," Bill sighed. "Are you guys nominated for anything?"

"No," the blonde frowned. "But it was just nice to be invited."

"Yes," Bill replied. "This isn't my favorite awards show, but anything to go to France I suppose."

Kiro didn't say anything for a moment or two. Bill looked at his boot-covered feet and felt himself blushing with these uncomfortable feelings.

"Bill.. I.. I didn't come over here just to shoot the breeze.." Kiro said, and Bill's heart jumped. He looked down at the cute little blonde and felt his stomach lurch. "You looked upset. Are you alright?"

"Yes," Bill answered much too fast. "I'm great."

"Are you sure? I know I'm kind of a stranger and stuff but I really look up to you and your band and I'm here if you want to talk," Kiro explained.

The singer couldn't help but smile. "That's very flattering, but I'm alright. I promise."

Kiro nodded and a moment later backstage crew came down the hall, telling all the bands to go out to their seats.

"I'll see you after the show?" Kiro asked with a hopeful smile.

Bill nodded and smiled back as Kiro joined up with the rest of Cinema Bizarre.

Gustav came up behind him. "You're blushing," he said, elbowing Bill in the ribs.

"I.. no I'm not," Bill muttered and led the group with fake confidence out into the venue. Gustav was the only one who Bill trusted with his secret. He was the only one that knew of Bill's infatuation with Tom.

He knew it was wrong, he knew it was. But yet it was almost irresistable, the feelings he felt for Tom. For the sake of his morals and the band, he kept his crush a secret. He vowed to never let it become anything. He knew Tom would never ever feel the same as him, so why even bother?

And as they walked to their seats, Bill couldn't help but think about Kiro - his boyish face and his childish giggle. Maybe the thought of him could take over the thought of Tom. Even if Kiro didn't think the same of Bill, at least his thoughts and feelings wouldn't be illegal.

I'll get over Tom with Kiro, Bill vowed. And maybe once my love will be returned.

The show began and Bill sat up straight in his seat. Cinema Bizarre was sitting a few rows ahead and he could see Kiro and the singer, Strify, talking and laughing. It didn't seem flirtatious but if Kiro was his new infatuation, he didn't want anything getting in his way.

Jealousy is Bill's weakness.

I will make him love me.