I've Sailed the Seas

I’m leaning my elbows on the railing of the ship. Under deck I can hear the chants from the rowers, but the boat is still moving incredibly slow.
We’re at a lack of rowers. A few escaped when we pillaged a small village in East Anglia just a few days ago, and it totally wasn’t my fault! I wasn’t the one who left the ramp down!
Sure, my dad told me to keep an eye on them while all the “real men” were out plundering, but how the fuck would I ever be able to keep ten men with huge arms from escaping?! The rowers grow some serious, fucking muscle mass maneuvering those huge oars.
And yeah; my dad is the reason I’m here.
My dad is the biggest, baddest Viking known to man, and of course; he has raped women – tons of them. Still, he fell in love. Or so he thought.
When my mother got pregnant the first time, he was ecstatic. I was born and became the apple of his eye. He loved me so much that he kept me from my mother – he didn’t want her to touch me.
When my mother gave birth to my stillborn little brother, he killed her, saying he could never love anyone who killed his sons.

Did he forget that I was still alive?

As I grew up, I became none of the things he wished me to be. I never gained muscles so that I could fight. I never gained knowledge so that I could steer the ship.
But the – to my father – worst thing I never gained was the attraction to women. My father kept sending young virgins into my quarters, but I never touched any of them. I felt sorry for them as they sat in a corner and hid behind their long, disheveled hair.
I never touched any of them, which meant they were always sacrificed to the Gods.
I never touched any of them, but everyone else did before the poor girls were tied to a raft that was set on fire and sent off to sea.
I never touched any of them, which enraged my father.
He never laid a hand on me, but his disappointed eyes were on me daily.
He is still to find something in me to be proud of.

“Gerard!” I turn around to see my father’s chief mate, Karl, standing a few feet away from me. He looks stressed.
“Your father has sent for you.” I sigh and let my shoulders drop. He’s probably found another virgin for me to screw, but I will refuse. I always do.
I nod and follow the old, but quick, Karl towards my father’s quarters. When we reach it, my father is behind his desk which he looted in Holland about a year ago.
“Knud the Great, your son is here!” My father raises his head and looks at me quickly, before he returns his attention to the big map in front of him on the desk. I easily spot the disappointment in his eyes in the split second they meet mine.

“Thank you, Karl. You may leave.” Karl swiftly leaves the room and closes the door behind him. Everything except for my father’s face and the map is engulfed by darkness. The burning flame from the candle on my father’s desk is flickering vehemently.
I’m too absorbed by the flickering of the flame that I don’t notice anything else.
“Gerard.” My father’s firm voice breaks through to me easily, and my eyes snap over to meet his.
He looks at me sternly.
“Since you still have no task on this ship, I want you to work on land.” What? I’m getting off the ship? Is he dropping me off at the next harbor and sailing off without me?
Or even worse; does he want me to fight?!
“We are short of men, so I need you to find some for our crew.” I mentally sigh in relief, then wonder whether I actually want to stay on this ship.
I never liked it here, but it is my only home.
“We need rowers desperately, but we could also use some more labor to man the sails.” I look down. How am I supposed to know which men are good at those things? Just because a man has muscles doesn’t mean he knows how to row.
And what do men need in order to deal with the sails anyway?
“I really hope you can handle this task, Gerard.” I look up at my father. His look has softened, but it’s still stern and decisive.
“I’d hate to be disappointed once again.” I swallow hard.

“Yes, father.” I nod, though due to my nerves it feels more like a shaky twitch of my neck.
He stares into my eyes for a long time, and I have no guts to look away from his piercing ones. The bright grey in them is enough to send icy shivers down my spine, and his dark, dark pupils are gripping at my heart.
I wish I didn’t fear my father.
Yet, the only reason I fear him is because of his disappointment in me.
I just can’t help who I turned out to be.

“We’re taking harbor in the morning,” he says and looks down at his map. My shoulders relax a bit.
“You will head into town first and gather as many men as you can, and those who do not willingly follow, we will either slaughter or capture once we attack. Your search shall be brief, and when you return, we will attack. Understood?” He looks up at me again, and I nod despite my frozen spine.
“Good.” He looks down.
“Now go to bed. You need your strength for tomorrow.” I nod and move my shaky legs out of his quarters.
Once I close his door behind me, I feel my entire body relax. I almost fall into a heap of nerves on the floor, but I manage to stay on my feet.
I walk to my own quarters and drop down in my hammock.
Will I be able to handle my task tomorrow?
Will I find anyone to add to this crew?
Will I ever return to this ship or be killed by anyone I try to force back here?