I've Sailed the Seas

My dad keeps his head down, but he’s no longer looking at his map. At least he’s not focusing on it anymore.
I look over at his hand and see it folded in a tight fist – shaking with pent-up strength.

“Three?” he asks through clenched teeth.
My proud smile drops fast. His voice is spilling over with venom, which, when directed towards me, can only mean one thing: disappointment. I’ve heard it so many times that you’d think I wouldn’t be shocked by it, but I am. Hurt? No.
His eyes shoot up and meet mine.
“Are they strong, at the least?” I would swallow down my fear and shock, but my father’s eyes show no sign of patience.

“They are strong enough to man the sails.” At least two of them are. I don’t know the strength of Frank. He could be stronger than he is smart.

“We lost ten men, Gerard!” he yells. My eyes are wide, while his are narrow, but while mine only radiate fear, his radiate rage, vexation, frustration and disappointment.
“Only two of those were sails men.”

“Then two of them will replace those who ran.” My father’s eyes flame with fury after I’m finished interrupting him.

“And what will the third man do?” I hesitate. His tone is so mocking and sly that it can only mean he will be defiant to any of my ideas.

“Cook.”

“We already have a cook!” he bellows. I take a step back in pure reaction.
“I asked for rowers! I said we needed rowers, Gerard! What were you looking for? Friends?” The last word is like a slap in the face. I’ve never had any friends. In every harbor we’ve docked at or in any town we’ve pillaged or simply just visited, I’ve seen boys running around – playing. I’ve seen girls chat and I’ve seen them all be happy and enjoying themselves with each other’s company.
Me? I’ve never had one, single friend.
I haven’t even had a sibling to play with.
I’ve never had anyone to play with. My father was the captain of the ship, and he murdered my mother. None of the crew members ever played with me, and if they tried, my father would either throw them overboard or deny them the privilege of taking part in destroying the last few hours of a young woman’s life.
I was always treated as an adult with him.
I was treated as a crew member – never a son.
“Give them whatever task you please.” I look up from the spot my eyes had fallen to on the floor and look at my father.
He looks discouraged – as if he’s given up.
I leave his quarters quickly and find the three guys just outside the door, and when I close it behind me, I have no fear no more.
I can’t decide whether I’ve just won a fight with my father, or he’s just simply taken a break from our feud for now, but no matter what; I feel proud of myself.

“Do we have a job?” Ray asks impatiently. I smile down at him, since my head is held so high.

“You have three.”