I'll Be There For You.

I woke up in the morning still dressed in my clothes from the night before. Opening my eyes, I glanced beside me and noticed that Meghan wasn’t in bed with me. Groaning, I stretched and then sat up swinging my legs to the floor as I glanced around the room. Standing, I pulled off my jeans and hauled on some pyjama pants.
“Meghan?” I called out, walking from my bedroom. I walked down the hallway to her room and looked it, but she wasn’t there. Frowning, I checked the other room and then headed downstairs.
“Meghan, where are you baby?” I called again.
This has really got to stop. I thought after I was finished looking through the house and she was no where to be seen. Feeling a bit panicked and frustrated, I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. The closet, I remembered suddenly and made my way back upstairs. I walked into Meghan’s room and opened her closet door, wondering why I hadn’t checked before. She was sitting in the corner holding her knees to her chest, hiding her face. I knelt down in front of the door.
“Meghan,” I started and she slowly lifted her head from her knees to look at me. “What did I tell you about hiding?”
“No hide,” She replied in a shaky voice, I nodded.
“So why are you hiding?” I questioned keeping my voice level.
“Hide, me stay.”
“You have to go back today sweetie, you can’t hide.”
“No.” Meghan said stubbornly, I sighed.
“Come on Meghan, out of the closet.”
“No, no, no!”
As soon as I leaned forward, Meghan flinched and started to shake. I pulled her closer to me gently and then picked her up off the floor. Standing up, I walked to her bed and sat her down.
“Now listen,” I told her, kneeling in front of the bed. “I know that you’re upset and I understand, but honey you have to back with Caroline whether we like it or not.”
“Me stay with you!” She whined, her bottom lip stuck out in a pout.
“Do you know what rules are Meghan?” I asked. She nodded. “Do you remember what my rule is?”
“No hide.” She replied.
“And what happens when you don’t listen to those rules?” I questioned.
“T-Trouble,” Meghan stammered out nervously.
“Exactly, when you don’t listen you get in trouble.” I replied, hinting. “So, if you don’t go back today, we’ll get in trouble.”
“Me trouble?” Meghan asked looking at me nervously. As soon as I nodded she started crying, making me feel horrible.
“You stay here in your room until I come and get you, okay?” I told her looking at my watch. Meghan nodded, her bottom lip trembling and tears pooling in her eyes, I had to look away. She can stay here till Jimmy comes in ten minutes, I thought as I left and closed the door to her room.
I went downstairs with a sigh, feeling bad about making her stay in her room and walked into the kitchen. I found a box of Kraft Dinner in the cupboard and took out the things that I needed to cook it.

“Where’s Meghan?” Jimmy asked walking into the kitchen just as the macaroni was finished.
“In her room,” I replied, filling a bowl with the Kraft Dinner.
“Matt’s putting his foot down.” Jimmy joked letting out a laugh as I snorted. “What did she do?”
“She hid on me again, fourth time.” I told him.
“Fourth?”
“Yeah, she ran on Zacky yesterday and on me again this morning.”
“He must have had a heat attack.” Jimmy laughed.
“He did.” I replied with a chuckle.
“Can I go get Meghan?”
“I’d better get her.” I told him to which he nodded.
I left Jimmy in the kitchen and headed up the stairs. When I got to Meghan’s room, I opened the door to find her sitting in the corner of her bed against the wall, hugging her knees. Her head shot up and I noticed her runny nose and tear stained face. I walked to her bed and sat down, making her try to edge farther away.
“Come here honey.” I said gently. Meghan stared at me for a couple seconds. When she realized that I wasn’t going to hurt her, she timidly moved closer and I pulled her on to my knee.
“I’m sowwy.” She cried into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her, stroking the back of her head with my free hand.
“It’s alright,” I told her softly. “I won’t hurt you.”
“No hit me?” Meghan said quietly, looking up at me with scared and uncertain eyes.
“No baby, I would never hit you.” I replied rubbing my thumbs down her cheeks to wipe away her tears.
“It’s alright,” I said shushing her. “Don’t cry.”
“No cry.” Meghan replied rubbing her eyes.
“Guess who came to see you.” I told her with a smile.
“Immy?” She asked, her whole face lighting up.
“Let’s go and see.” Meghan nodded and began jumping up and down in my lap. I groaned and held her still as I stood.
As soon as Meghan saw Jimmy standing in the kitchen, she began squirming in my arms and I let down. She ran to him and grinned up at him.
“Come see me?” She said.
“Yeah, I came to see you.” He replied picking her up off the floor.
“Say bye?”
“Bye?” Jimmy said with a frown. “I’m going to see you again silly; you just have to go for a while.” I shot him a look.
“Do you want some macaroni and cheese?” I asked Meghan, she nodded. I brought the bowl to the table and Jimmy set her down on the chair.

Halfway through lunch, the front door opened and Brian appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. As soon as Meghan saw him standing there, she scrambled off of the chair and ran to me.
“What’s the matter baby?” I asked with a frown as she latched on to my leg and buried her face in it, crying.
“No take me.” She sobbed. I gently took her arms from my leg and picked her up.
“Honey,” I said. “He isn’t here to take you, this is my friend Brian.”
“I’m just here to visit,” Brian told her gently. “I’m not going to take you anywhere.”
“Otay,” Meghan said sniffling as she looked at Brian.
“Do you want to eat some more food now?” I asked rubbing the tears from her face.
“No,” She replied shaking her head.
“How ‘bout you take a couple more bites for me.” I bargained, setting her back down in the chair. She nodded and slowly picked up her fork. Meghan ate a couple spoon fulls and then glanced up at me.
“All done?” She asked.
“Yep, good girl.” I replied smiling as I ruffled her hair and took her plate.
“Colour arms too.” Meghan said when I walked back to the table, pointing at Brian’s arm. I nodded.
“Yeah, he has tattoos too.”
“Nice?” She asked quietly, looking up at me.
“He’s nice, I promise.” I replied ignoring Jimmy’s snort of laughter. “Brian’s my friend.”
“Otay,” She nodded.
“Hey Meg, you wanna go play outside?” Jimmy asked holding out his hand.
“Bian come too?”
“Sure Brian’ll come.” He replied giving Syn a look.
“Of course, let’s go outside.” Brian said with a small smile.
“You stay where they can see you, understand? No running away.” I told her as she moved away from the table.
“No run.” Meghan replied nodding and followed my two friends to the door.
Sighing, I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom deciding to have a shower while Meghan was occupied. Stripped of my clothes, I turned on the water and stepped into the steaming shower.
What was Meghan going to do when I brought her back? I thought uneasily as the water cascaded down my body. The house is going to be so quiet once she’s gone. It’s just going to be me all by myself, again. Groaning I grabbed the shampoo and washed my hair, trying to forget that Meghan was leaving. This is not fun.
After I was all cleaned up and dressed, I made my way downstairs to find all the guys and Meghan in the living room. They all looked over to me and Meghan quickly ran to me and I picked her up.
“They come see me!” She told me excitedly, pointing to the guys. I grinned back at her.
“I know they did.” I replied with a chuckle.
“How about we go out for ice cream?” Zacky suggested, looking at the clock. It was almost two, I knew what he meant, Meghan had to leave soon.
“Yeah good idea, then we can all leave from there. I don’t think Meghan wants any.” I teased.
“I do, I do!” She exclaimed looking up at me with hopeful eyes. I grinned at her.
“Well then, you wait here and I’ll go gather up your things.” I told her as I set her on the floor.
“Let’s meet there,” Brian said. “Give you some time.”
“Alright, Jimmy you want to stay behind?” I asked.
“Sure,” He replied.
“I’ll see you there then.” I told them and once again went upstairs.

I was zipping up Meghan’s bags when I heard little footsteps enter the room behind me. Pasting a smile on my face, I turned and with one glance at the look on her face, my smile fell instantly.
“What’s the matter baby?” I asked kneeling down to her level.
“No leave.” She said quietly, her bottom lip sticking out in a pout, and her chin began to quiver. Aww, fuck, I thought to myself.
“Come here honey.” I said opening my arms. Meghan hugged me and buried her face in my chest.
“Stay.” She mumbled beginning to cry.
“I want you to stay too honey, I do,” I replied trying not to get emotional. “I’ll still come and see you.”
“Come back?” Meghan asked glancing up at me, her eyes sad and filled with tears.
“Maybe,” I replied. “Hopefully you will, we’ll have to wait and see.”
“Matt, we should go.” Jimmy said coming to the door, looking at Meghan in pity. I picked her up in my arms and took her bag from the bed.
“Let’s go and get some ice cream, yeah?” I said to Meghan as we walked from the room, trying to cheer her up. She just nodded.

“What kind of ice cream do you want?” I asked as we looked over all the choices, Meghan still in my arms.
“Pink.” She replied pointing at the glass.
“Can I get one scoop of cotton candy in a cone and two scoops of chocolate in another please?” I said to the girl behind the counter. She nodded with a smile and grabbed a cone.
“Can you stand beside me please?” I asked Meghan placing her feet on the floor. Immediately, she held on to my pant leg. The lady handed me Meg’s ice cream and I passed it down to her.
“Tanks” Meghan said as she took it, I smiled at her.
I paid for our ice cream, got mine and we went outside to find the guys. They were sitting at a picnic table, acting surprisingly normal for once. I smiled and shook my head as we made out way towards them.
“What kind did you get Meg?” Brian asked.
“Pink.” She replied shyly as I helped her up to sit. Jimmy gasped.
“That’s my favourite!” He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s called cotton candy.” I told her.
“Can I have some?” Jimmy asked, teasing her.
“No,” Meghan replied licking her cone before glancing up at me unsurely.
“You’ve got your own Jim.” I told him with a smile.

Once our ice cream was gone, I wiped Meghan’s face and stood, helping her down. I glanced at my watch, two-thirty. Dread began to fill me.
“We should head out,” I said. “Say bye to the guys Meghan.”
Zacky came first, leaning down to hug her and he kissed her cheek, Meghan gave Johnny a quick hug and a shy one to Brian. Jimmy was last; he picked her up and twirled her in circles causing her to squeal.
“Don’t worry dude,” Zack said giving me a one armed hug and a pat on the back. “Everything will turn out.”
“Thanks man, I’ll see you later.”
“Bye Meghan.” Zacky said when Jimmy put her down.
“Bye.” She replied looking at him sadly.
“Don’t be sad sweetheart, we’ll see you again.” He told her giving her another hug.
“Let’s go baby.” I said holding my hand out. Reluctantly, she walked over to me and took my hand. The guys said bye again and we walked to the car.
When I had Meghan buckled in, I kissed her forehead and walked around to the driver’s side. Jimmy was in the passenger seat and he gave me a reassuring smile as I turned the car on. I sighed and backed out of the parking lot.

The drive to the orphanage was silent, I wanted nothing more than to turn back around and take Meghan back home. I parked in the closest place I could find and shut the car off. I glanced back at Meghan and gave her a gently smile.
“Can you grab her bag?” I asked Jimmy as we got out of the car.
“Sure man,” He replied as I unbuckled Meghan from her seat. Setting her down, I took the seat from the car and handed it to Jim.
“Let’s go,” I sighed taking her hand.
Caroline met us at the door with a grin on her face. She took the things from Jimmy and we followed her into the building.
“Hello Meghan, did you have a good weekend?” She asked setting the bags aside before smiling down at her.
“Yes, fun!” Meghan replied grinning as she continued to hold my hand.
“That’s good to hear.” Caroline said giving me a smile.
“Immy,” Meghan told her pointing to the Rev.
“Jimmy, is he your friend?” The lady asked.
“Yes, like him, funny.” Meg replied with a little laugh.
“Well then, why don’t you wait here with Jimmy while I talk to Matt.” She told her. Meghan nodded letting go of my hand and I followed Caroline into her office, shutting the door behind me.
“So things went well I take it?” She asked as we sat.
“Very well,” I replied with a grin. “We had lots of fun.”
“How was Meghan?” Caroline questioned.
“At first she was scared and nervous, but then she opened up a bit. Sometimes she would hide on me, when she was scared or thought she had done something wrong.” I told her.
“Did she tell you anything?”
“Umm,” I thought for a minute. “Well one day she thought that one of my friends was going to burn her with his cigarette and another time that I was going to hit her.”
“Everything else was fine though?” The director asked. I nodded.
“She was great, Jimmy is her favourite person.” I said with a smile, dimples included.
“That’s good to hear, she usually doesn’t like men.”
“What happens now?” I asked.
“We’ll keep Meghan here for a week or so, talk to her about the weekend and if everything is well, we’ll contact you about paperwork and so on.” Caroline told me.
“Can I still come and see her?” I questioned with a slight frown.
“Yes, of course.”
“Good.” I replied grinning.
“Now that everything is settled, you can go and say goodbye.” She told me, I gulped. “Hardest part.”
“You’ve got that right.” I agreed as we walked out of her office.
“Alright, Meghan say goodbye to Matt and Jimmy.”
“No,” Meghan said shaking her head. “Me go too.”
“Honey you have to stay here, but Matt will be back to see you.” Caroline told her gently as Meghan’s lip stuck out in a pout.
“Come here baby,” I said holding my arms as I noticed that she was about to cry. I hugged her tight as she sobbed into my chest. I struggled to hold back my own tears.
“Stay,” She chocked out. “Me stay with you.”
“You’ve got to stay here Meghan.” I told her quietly.
“No!” She screamed as she pulled away glancing up at me, looking upset, confused, lost.
“Don’t worry, I'll come and see you.” I said. “You can call me whenever you want.”
Meghan looked up at me, tears streaming down her face, red eyes and a snotty nose before burying her head in my chest. Holding her to me, I picked her up. Caroline gave me a small understanding smile.
“I’ve got to leave now baby.” I told her slowly after I had held her for a couple minutes.
“No,” She sobbed. I tried to set her down, but she just clung tighter to me. I gave the director a helpless look; she nodded and held out her arms.
“I’ll come and see you honey.” I told her as I kissed the top of her head. I pulled her away from my body and gave her to Caroline. She began trashing around in her arms, screaming. Meghan struggled against her grip, trying to get back to me.
“You’ve got to calm down Meghan.” She told the little girl sternly.
My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest as I watched Meghan. Not being able to take it anymore, I reached over and took her back from Caroline. She immediately stopped kicking and I made her look at me, cupping her chin gently in my hand. Meghan stared at me sniffling, looking like I had just broken her heart.
“Listen to me for a minute, okay?” I said and she nodded. “I have to go home and you have to stay here, but I’ll be back soon alright? If you need anything, you tell Caroline and you can call me on the phone.”
“I’ll come and see you too.” Jimmy added giving her a small smile.
“You be a good girl, can you do that for me?” I asked.
“Y-Yes,” Meghan stuttered, I set her on the floor.
“I’ll see you soon, alright?”
Meghan started crying harder and Caroline picked her up. I gave them both a smile and kissed Meghan’s forehead and cheek. I wiped her cheeks and kissed her again.
“Don’t cry baby, it’ll be okay.”
“Bye Meg.” Jimmy said kissing the top of her head.
Reluctantly, we began walking away from the sobbing little girl and I felt tears prick my eyes. We stepped outside and I wiped my eyes. That was harder than I thought it would be.
“Fuck,” I said weakly. “Let’s go get drunk.”