Shattered By Broken Dreams

Broken bottles were strewn throughout the room and I couldn't help but to scrunch up my nose at the stale stench of beer. "Jace, I can help you clean this out," Sugar offered quietly. I glanced at her then at Jace. Sugar should have known to hold her tongue by now but she never seemed to be able get over that instinct to lend a hand.

Jace glared at Sugar before turning back to the TV and flipping through the channels. It still amazes me that the cable and electricity is still on, but then again he is still working, at least I think he is. "I don't need your help Sugar. I got this on my own," he snapped bringing the fresh bottle to his lips. He took a swig from it and brought it back down to his side.

Sugar looked at me to help and I shook my head sadly, it was a hopeless case. I had already tried everything there was to try but it was no use. Jace did not want to hear about the days when we would laugh at everything, the days when we could just be ourselves without that thing hanging over us. That knowledge that he was throwing his life away along with another used needle. 'Talk to him,' Sugar mouthed at me angrily. 'You're the only one he listens to.'

'Not anymore,' I mouth back.

Sugar folded her arms across her chest and glared at me, 'Amy! Talk to him!' "I'm going to get something to drink, you guys want anything?" Sugar asked us out loud.

"Yea, you can get me another beer," Jace said reaching into his pocket for money. He handed it to Sugar, "Coors."

"I'll take a Pepsi," I told her as she walked out. She looked back at me nodding then as she walked out the living room she pointed to me and him, 'Talk to him!' With that she marched out of the apartment.

I threw myself onto the couch, my feet hanging over the back of the sofa. Jace smiled softly as I adjusted myself so that my head was in his lap and my legs dangling over the armrest. Just like old times. He pushed my hair out of my face with his free hand and I sighed happily until I remembered the track marks running along the inside of his arm. I also remembered how happy we were before all this shit started, before he started to hang out with those guys in college, before he left on that road trip and before I broke up with him. My eyes sparkled with unshed tears at this memory and as I blinked they started to course down into my hair and onto his resting hand.

His eyes shifted from the television screen to my face and I saw his face drop into that uncaring shield I hated so much. "Amy, I..." I raised myself up and faced him, sitting on my knees and placed my finger and opened my mouth to speak knowing it would be a long time before I was silent again.

You used to say that you would die before leaving us; you swore that never in a million years would you be separated from us. What happened to that promise Jace? You threw everything away! Your goals, your dreams, your friends! Everything, and for what?! For a few minutes to forget your troubles? For a ten-second high? That is probably the most despicable thing in the world!

I know that you can be so much better than this. One day we could have made everything better. But this is not the way to do it! I'm losing you Jace and I'm scared. All of us are afraid and we're tired of always wondering if you are alright or if you were in a good enough not to attack us. We know that it's not you trying to hurt us but you're becoming the thing that is and it's killing you, it's killing us.

Remember when I used to sit with you and you used to laugh at me? You thought that all these plans I had were so ridiculous. But I sat there chatting away anyway. Because I knew that even though you were laughing, you would be happy too.

And what about all those years ago when you're parents died? Who was it that helped you through? We were always a family and we became inseparable after that. Even when you overdosed, me, Sugar and Mark were outside in the waiting room about ready to commit suicide if the doctor said you'd died. We all sat there praying and crying until the doctor said that you were going to make it. I was hysterical when he said that and all of us couldn't help but to wonder if the next time the news would be different. We still do if you want to know the truth, because you aren't bothering to control yourself.

You always get mad at us when we bring it up, tell us that it isn't our problem. You reject our offers to help you through anything and everything. You ask us why the hell we keep on asking, why we bother to help you when you can do everything on your own? You can do everything even when you're too weak to move to the bathroom to vomit. It hurts us to see you like this because we love you. Your problems are ours and have been since the day we met.

Jace, please for us, pull yourself out. Accept our help because we're not prepared to watch you die. We're not ready to lose the only family we have, each other. Let us fix you and make the most of the time we have left because...

"I wanted so much more for you," I said softly and kissed him as I haven't done in so long. He didn't need me to lecture him because he already knew. His lips pressed against mine hard and I knew that things would be alright. My unspoken words slipped into the kiss and as we pulled away we heard the door open.

Sugar walked in carrying the bag, "Here you go. Your Pepsi Amy, and your Coors."

"I think I'll pass," Jace said cheerfully. He got up and walked over to the kitchen where we heard him pouring something out and opening the cabinet door. He returned with a blue recycle bag and held it open. "Now who wants to help me clean up?"

Sugar and I exchanged a smile and I jumped up from the couch and into his arms placing an ecstatic kiss onto his lips once more.