We'll Watch the Stars Collide

All I could see upon opening the door was a messy and disheveled room that only a teenager could be proud of. Of course, mine didn't look much better in comparison.

He was softly snoring under a pile of blankets, the centerpiece among mounds of sketchbooks and crumpled papers. I carefully stepped over tattered books and broken pencils, making my way over to him. Sound asleep, I figured that he'd been through another long night. For way too long he'd been drowning under approaching deadlines and the pressures of a new album, and this peaceful side of him hadn't shown itself in awhile.

It would be easy to say that he looked like an angel as he slept, but he was so much more beautiful than that. Against ivory skin there was jet black hair plastered every which way, falling past his eyes and almost to his shoulders.

I stood there for a moment, feeling the lump in my throat. Were we ready for this? Had all these months of throwing around the idea really been worth it? I had to know.

I moved aside the sketchbooks, getting into bed with him and laying my head on his chest just like I used to. Almost instantly I felt his arms wrap around me, and it calmed my fears at once. Even if we weren't, we'd make it through.

"Gerard?"

It came out in barely a whisper, but I knew he'd heard me. I lifted my head, his hazel eyes meeting my own. A smile crossed his face, momentarily stopping my breath. If he was beautiful while asleep, I couldn't find words to describe him when he was pulled from his dreamland.

He tilted his head towards me, his lips inches from my own. Despite his beauty, I could honestly say that his teasing was what drove me crazy. I wanted to lean closer and lose myself in this moment, but I needed to do this. I had to focus.

"What's wrong?"

A look of dread poisoned his tranquil expression, the beating of his heart speeding up slightly against the palm of my hand. I took in a deep breath, diving headfirst into my plan.

"I really missed you Gee."

The worry faded from his face, his hand stroking the side of my jaw as his smile returned.

"Me too."

Finally his lips brushed against my own, and it was like a fire exploded inside of me. Somehow I knew what he would say, and it made this moment even sweeter. I kissed him back with everything I had, wanting more and more of him as I pulled him closer. He crushed me against his chest, obliging when I tugged hungrily on his bottom lip for entry. Oh god, had I missed this.

I pulled away when my lungs begged for air, breathing heavily as I stared up at him. He was everything I'd ever dreamed of; an imperfect angel that fallen from the sky just to steal my heart away.

"I love you."

The words hung between us like the last notes of a song, ringing out and fading to nothing though they meant everything to me. I wished that we could have stayed like that forever, intertwined and lovesick from the simplest kiss.

"You know something?" I said aloud, curling against him once more.

"No, what?"

"We should do something tonight." I tiptoed around it, hoping to get him interested enough so that he couldn't say no.

"What did you have in mind?"

I looked up at him again, faking as innocent an expression as I could.

"I wanna go dancing."

He quirked a brow, unsure if he'd heard me correctly.

"Dancing?" The word sounded so foreign, coming from his mouth.

"Please Gee?" I whined, succeeding when he smiled once more.

"Baby, you know I can't dance."

This is exactly where I wanted him. I turned him over and onto his back, climbing over him so that he was straddled at the waist. He looked up at me, curious of my intentions. Little did he know, I was a pro at getting what I wanted.

"You just got back - come on," I insisted, bending to lay kisses on his neck. I felt him melt under me, though he wasn't going to admit to it.

"Maybe another night baby, I'm tired."

I smirked, knowing that he was lying through his teeth to me.

"No, tonight."

I trailed kisses down his throat, moving my hands to rest on his hips. It was easy to get my fingers past the waistband of his sweatpants, and that's when I knew for sure that he couldn't resist any longer. I traced circles across his bare skin, hearing his breath hitch when I kissed him just under his jaw.

"Bert." The moan that escaped his lips set me off in so many ways that I briefly considered taking full advantage of him, right at this very moment. But I decided against it.

"Yes, Gerard?"

"Not fair."

My smirk grew wider as I kissed his lips, pinning my body even closer to his.
"Your point is?"

I batted my eyelashes at him, loving the glazed lust in his eyes. He knew I'd won.

"At the moment, I don't have one. We could just stay here and..."

He stopped himself when the tips of my fingers found his boxers. And I was prepared to go there if I had to. The elastic was just centimeters away, and all it would take was his surrender. Gerard practically panted, begging me to stop though his body was telling me so much more.

"Okay, okay! We'll go, I promise. Damnit Bert, why do you always do this to me?" Had he not been breathless from my attack, I might actually have believed that he was mad at me. I leaned down over him, making no attempt to hide my grin.

"Because sometimes you're unnecessarily difficult."

***

We were ready to go within an hour, Gerard clasping my hand as we walked into the club.

"Don't be so nervous," I smiled, squeezing his hand as we made our way through the crowd. All around us I could see the different kinds of people that frequented nightclubs at 12:30 in the morning on a Saturday. Mohawks mingled with dreadlocks, and from a distance, all you could see were mini-dresses and neon colored skinny jeans. Groups of girls waited eagerly outside, fake IDs in hand with hopes that they could grow up faster than they ought to.

"I'm not."

I could tell he was lying again, and I didn't hesitate to shove him against the nearest wall.

"Look at me, Gerard."

His eyes went from darting around the room to me, a hint of fear somewhere inside them.

"I love you," I told him, anything to bring his smile back.

"I know that."

"Good," I responded, "then that also means that you know I would never let anything happen to you. So what's your next excuse?"

He adverted his eyes, avoiding me.

"Gee?"

"I never learned how to dance," he said, the apples of his cheeks burning a bright red.

He made me smile, the way he said it as if he were a kid admitting to stealing from the cookie jar.

"Then I'll teach you," I offered, grabbing his hand to lead him farther into the crowd. It didn't bother me when people stared after us - some even outright gaped. Out of all the comments thrown our way, my personal favorite had been when someone had tried pointing me in the direction of the strip club down the street.

I glanced back at Gerard every few seconds, finding that he was still nervously looking around the club. If he was looking for the exit, he was pretty much out of luck. I turned toward him once I found an empty spot on the dance floor, smiling at his terrified expression.

"I don't get you Gerard - you can sing in front of a few hundred strangers with no problem, but I bring you here and all I get is the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look," I teased.

"There's a difference," he muttered, blushing slightly. "Bert, really, can't we just-"

I kissed him suddenly, cutting off his attempt at getting out of this.

"You promised."

He had to know that this was important to me. Even if he had no idea what was unfolding, how could he not see that I needed him right now?

"Baby, don't cry," he sighed, stroking away the tears that I didn't even know had fallen. "I'll do this for you, okay?"

I nodded, relieved that a slow song was the next to be played. Of course I wasn't going to admit to him that instead of even attending school dances, I'd been the one getting stoned with my friends across the street. Even sober now, the few moves I'd picked up from the occasional wedding seemed more appropriate for junior high.

I laced my arms around his neck, closing my eyes as he pulled me closer and slowly began to spin us around. We were like that for awhile, having no need for words until he whispered in my ear.

"I cannot believe that I'm at a hole in the wall nightclub at one o'clock in the morning, slow dancing with the most beautiful guy in the world," he murmured, smiling against my neck when he felt me shiver.

"Thought you said you couldn't dance," I questioned, curious.

"I thought lying would get me out of it, but you're persistent when you want to be," he chuckled. "It's not like I like dancing."

"Coulda fooled me."

We didn't move far from the deserted corner of the dance floor. Occasionally I would see a couple stray from the rest of the pack, getting close enough to confirm that yes, it was two men dancing with one another. Sometimes the guy would huff in disgust, or the girl would coo over how adorable we were and launch into her goal to find a gay best friend to hang out with. It hardly phased me after being with Gerard for so long, but I could feel him tense up every time more than one pair of eyes fell on us.

They often belonged to middle-aged parents, ones lucky enough to have found a babysitter at this time of night. It surprised me, seeing them trying to reclaim their younger days at a club often filled with twenty year olds who found hip grinding and Go-Go music exhilarating. How out of place they looked, dressed like they were ready for a night of salsa and romance among the college crowd who were already on their third round of drinks.

"Why do you even care what they think?" I asked, picking my head up to look at him. Slow music continued to play from the once blazing stereos, the dance floor filling up with more and more people. We swayed from side to side, spinning every so often only to end up right back where we'd started.

"It bothers me. They look at us like it's so wrong to be in love, like we're not even human for it. Why isn't this okay?"

I put my fingers underneath his chin, bringing his face closer to mine. "What if I promised it would be?"

It wasn't until I stopped moving to take his hand and kneel that he realized what I was doing. His mouth hung open in a perfect "o", watching in amazement as I pulled a small blue box from the pocket of my jeans. I could feel everyone stop that had once been swirling around us, standing in awe as they looked on. Even the rowdy bachelors in the back had been shushed, silence surrounding us while I struggled to find the perfect words. I smiled up at him, still clasping his hand as I began to speak.

"Gerard, ever sense I met you, I knew that there was no way I would ever be able to let you go. You were the one sitting in a booth at the loudest party I've ever crashed, drawing in your sketchbook like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. I just sat there and watched you, knowing that I had a chance at being happy if for just this once, I could find a way not to screw up.
I know that we're not perfect, and I wish that we could be. It took me a long time to realize that I needed you more than all the shit that's wrong with me, and I'm sorry. All I want to know is whether or not you'll give me another try - marry me?"

I opened the box, my heart attempting to pound its way out of my chest as I waited for his answer. It didn't help that as I'd been delivering my little speech, someone had not so subtly hinted to the DJ to cut the music. Double the embarrassment if this backfired on me.

For the first time I saw everything in Gerard's face that he'd kept hidden from the world since he was a kid. Tears spilt over his eyes, though he didn't bother to swipe them away. I squeezed his fingers gently, wanting so badly to hold him in my arms and make everything okay. I could see that he was afraid, knowing that it would hurt us both in the worst way if this ended everything tonight.

"Ge-"

"Yes!" he choked out, letting go of what he'd managed to hold onto. I slipped the silver band over his finger, gathering him in my arms as I got back to my feet.

I held him tight, loving the way that he melted into me as I kissed him. The audience erupted into an unexpected applause, causing those waiting outside to peek in through the windows at the scene we'd accidentally started. I didn't care that things swung back into motion as the excitement died down, or that I'd just proposed to him in a cheesy nightclub, of all places.

All that mattered was the beautiful angel before me, the one that I knew I would be able to survive a lifetime with.