A Little Chaos for the Soul

I dared to take those three steps outside of my house into the bizarre world that is suburbia. The quietness that is morning filled the air as I am greeted by our neighbor and her dog. I politely say hello and attempt to go back to the task of collecting the mail. I knew this was futile, I had been spotted.
“Did you see the police over at the MacMahon’s last night? What do you think you was going on?” Shelly asked, clearly she had her own theories.
“No, I’m afraid I was inside I must have missed it.” I shrugged. My hand just inches away from the mail box.
“Well I heard Justin was beating Martha, and their son called the police.” Shelly snapped instantly. “How did you miss it, the sirens were on and everything.”
I somehow managed to avoid pointing out the fact I was in the house minding my own business and instead said “I must have been really wrapped up in thin-“ I was stopped by the dog growling at me.
“Oh, shhh, Marlin!” She whispered at the dog trying to play it off. “I’m sorry, he usually doesn’t do that.” Shelly was full of shit, that dog is mean. No one in my house ever liked going out the front door because that dog liked to bark at us. It even once bit my niece when she came over. She had to get stitches. Shelly knew this damn well, and begged us not to file criminal charges. We should have, but we didn’t. “Well I just hope everything is alright, we will pray for them”
“Yeah, well I hope so too.” I said trying to complete the task at hand now reaching into the mail box.
“So I haven’t seen you at church, ya know, we have a fund raiser going on for new bibles for the Sunday school children. It would be nice if you would drop by and do-“ Shelly was cut off by my cell phone ringing. I hastily pull it out of my pocket when she announces “Don’t people know it is rude to call this early?”
“I’m sorry I have to take this, I’ll think about it Shelly.” I lied, I wasn’t even sure who it was yet as I put it up to my ear to take the call. “Hello?”
“Jake, I could see you had been caught, take the call naturally and pretend it is important, go back inside.” Said the voice on the other end, which was slightly gargled by static.
“Oh yeah sure, let me go inside and look for that, just one moment.” The mail in hand I rushed inside. Closing the door behind me and making my way to the hall the first door on my right. My room. “Thank you Mark.” I smiled into the phone.
“How did Shelly catch you this early?” Asked Mark. “What was she sticking her nose into today?”
“Fucking suburbia, people wake up to damn early around here. Well Mark apparently the police, sirens and all came to your house last night.” I laughed.
“Oh, I’m sure Shelly had some theories?” Mark asked the same sarcasm in his voice there usually was.
“She is certain that your dad was beating your mom and you had to call the police. Don’t worry though, she is going to pray for you. Just sit tight and god will rectify the situation.” The sarcasm was as thick as could be.
“Well as you might have gathered, from my dad living in Indiana that is not true.” Mark snickered. “No I had the audacity to listen to my MP3 player outside last night; one of the neighbors called the police, said there was a suspicious person outside my house. There were no sirens, I simply showed my I.D. to the officer, who by the way had a dog with him, and he left me alone.”
“I don’t know what surprises me more; the fact that there was no swat team called in, or that Shelly didn’t say there was.” I rolled my eyes.
“I’m just surprised no one filed a noise complaint. After all I was outside wearing head phones.” I could hear Mark’s smile. “What are you doing later on?”
“Sleeping.”
“Didn’t you do that last night?”
“No.”
“Well chug a red bull, my mom is leaving soon and I have a lot of lettuce around the house, we could make a salad and watch t.v.” Mark, of course was not interested in eating salad with me. After weighing the options I realized I had no gas and would be stuck in suburbia on a Friday night. I simply agreed for lack of a better option.
“Call me when your mom leaves, I’ll have to go pick up some red bull.” I said.
“Will do.” Replied Mark. We both hung up the phone.
No gas meant I would be walking. Long trips meant I would have to shower. So as part of my silent protest to the ongoing plague of name brand clothes, making every person in this city express their individuality by wearing the same clothes. I threw on ratty t-shirt and some ratty jeans after my shower. It has always amazed me how people can say “This is who I am” with a straight face while dressed just like the person they say it to. Maybe I’m lazy, but I’m proud of my worn clothes.
I grabbed my case of home rolled cigarettes lit one and began my venture to the gas station. I turned on my phone and began to listen to the radio from my head phones. Nothing special came on, Pandora, a music suggestion program for my phone, was suggesting utterly mediocre songs. I liked it though, I was not stopped. My motions were direct, as if saying “Don’t stop me I have shit to do”. The trip was about 20 minutes on foot. It was still cool and the morning dew hung like a swarm a nats. In the gas station I went to the back and looked for the red bull. Before I knew it I found a case and was waiting in line. I did what I always do in lines, stood there and silently judged everyone. In the back there was a woman looking at a magazine. There was some pretty boy in a recent movie that served as a masturbation aid for young girls was plastered on the front. I begin to wonder how boring her life must be to want to know what is going on with celebrates. The man in front of me was dirty greasy and didn’t give a damn. So he clearly didn’t give a damn, he had a six pack of beer and was purchasing a pack of cigarettes. He was respectable, a man so content he didn’t give a damn what the people who showered this morning thought of him. Therefore he was the least interesting person in the room; however, he was the most interesting thing in the room, because he caused discomfort to the people around him. I could practically see the clean cut man behind me, wearing a sweater around his neck, thinking “oh god is that guy crazy? Is he going to hold this place up?” I smiled under the poker face I put on while doing this. I waited as the old woman behind the counter slowly, as if she was afraid to break a hip, check out the unclean and clearly deranged man. I spent the time in this line lost in my head smiling on the inside about all the little things going on in the room. The cute guy getting out of the hummer as if saying “Don’t look at my penis, please god no one look at my penis”.
“Are you ready?” said Granny. I stepped up placing the red bull on the counter. She looked at me and said “These things are not good for you.”
I’m not looking forward to reaching your age. “Who has time to sleep?” I said politely. Granny rang me out and I headed for the door. I went and opened the door and I saw a beautiful man pull himself out of a car. It was not that he was made up, he was quite plain. He had olive skin and green eyes, I opened the door and smiled at him. He smiled back politely and went inside. There was no flair to him, I knew that chances were he was straight, I had no chance. I began walking home when my cell phone rang. Looking at it I knew it was Mark again.
“Yo.” I said without enthusiasm. Mostly because enthusiasm is for people who think anything good is going to come out of anything.
“My mom is gone, where are you?” He asked, clearly confused by the fact I did not punctually arrive at the undetermined time at his house.
“No gas, needed red bull.” I said as I pushed the button to let the busy street know I wanted to cross.
“Well hurry your faggot ass up.” Joked Mark.
“Listen woman, I will arrive when I damn well feel like it. You will appreciate that a real man will even grace your presence.” I smiled. Mark and I have a running joke, he calls me a fag, I call him a woman. We laugh and move on with our lives.
“So you are coming.” Mark did not inflect his voice like it was a question I guess he was only pretending to give me another option.
“Be there in about twenty.” I said.
“Alright bye.”
“Peace.”