A Little Chaos for the Soul

Mark pulled out a small baggy of lettuce and we put together a few bowls of salad and passed it back and forth. The initial silence was just us trying to get to the point where we wanted to fuck around. Though I may not seem it I am often a very serious person, or at least that is how I come off. It’s not that I have no sense of humor; it is just that most of my humor is political, or based on a sense of irony or exaggeration. People around here don’t get that. If the joke isn’t in a tabloid it is not current or funny. I was laughing a lone when Ann Coulter’s mouth was wired shut. Mark got my sense of humor most of the time, so the quietness was certainly unnecessary, but we were both so used to it, that it didn’t bother us. Mark’s dirty white t-shirt and faded torn jeans took some sort of classic “fuck you” approach to fashion. His dirty blonde short hair he occasionally shaved into a Mohawk. Not a good Mohawk, but a tacky one he would shave off a week later. His neck was red, and he had a farmers tan. However the assumptions one comes to based on how he dresses are not true. What I’m saying is he has read a book or two in his life and was not utterly illiterate. So the redneck show he puts on is really just that, a show.

We finished our first bowl and the conversation started. “We tend to regard ourselves as misunderstood or even more intelligent then most of the assholes who live around here. Ever think maybe it is the other way around. We don’t get them, and we are the morons?” I stated, the salad influencing the thought.

“No, Jake, think about it. Look at Shelly; It’s not that she is stupid; these people are just bored like us. They just found a really stupid way to entertain themselves. They combined their ego with their boredom, instead of just talking about themselves. They rub each other’s cocks…” Mark dove his fork into the salad taking another bite and chewing slowly. Once he swallowed he continued “…maybe we just don’t get something, and they do.”

“That is what I said, kinda, in fewer words.” I said, in truth I was unsure of what I had just said. I took my bite of the salad, and forgot we were sharing.

“Jake, you can’t know everything. I know you want to but you just can’t. It all comes down to this, we all have different fancies. For instance you like cock.” Mark was interrupted by my uncontrolled laughter. “That is okay, but I like vaginas, and I know that is all gross and slimy to you. It feels more homey then a cock does. Cocks are really rather intrusive.”

“Cocks don’t bleed”

“Damn it, Jake, what were we talking about?” Mark screamed obviously annoyed.

“Fuck I don’t know, all I know is I don’t trust vaginas, they bleed.” I cackled. I didn’t realize I was paraphrasing the South Park movie at the time. “And that is gross.”

“Well see we are not going to agree on cocks and vaginas” Mark stumbled. “There was a point I wanted to make about that.” Mark thought. “Another bowl of salad?” I nodded at Mark’s suggestion as it was the best one I have heard in a while.

The conversation from here degraded into several hours of dick jokes. Our maturity peaked around the “You’re a dick”, “No you’re a dick” argument. Which was fun until we tried the philosophy of dicks, that did not turn out well. It is amazing the kind of stupid shit salad makes you think about. After we got off dicks, and finished laughing. The conversation turned to something more normal.

“So have you heard of Urban Ninjas?” Mark asked.

“Umm, no. Like, kids that are too into anime?” I asked. I had no Idea that salad, and internet videos could change your life. Mark powered up his computer, which was from 1995, so we had a half hour to dick around. In this time we came down quite a bit from our heavy salad consumption.

“It is like, running, but cooler, they jump to.” Mark thought.

“So running and jumping, fuck I can do that, what is so cool about these guys.” I snidely remarked. I find cynicism is the best policy. You stand to lose nothing if you assume everything sucks, and if it is great, you still win. In the time it took Mark’s computer to load up I managed to prepare myself for a bunch of self righteous twats jumping off shit like monkeys. If nothing else I guess I could use Urban Ninja’s as evidence for evolution right?

As the site loaded though I was stricken by the elegance of the movement, If you can excuse the amount of faggotry in that statement, I would like to elaborate. The vast majority of sports are about overcoming other people. This was a sport about overcoming your environment. Oddly poetic in a way, in man’s attempts to defeat it’s malevolent adversary nature we built cities. In man’s attempt to overcome its benevolent protector the city, we invented what I knew at the time as “urban ninja’s”.

“This is why we need to go to the city Mark.” I said, enthusiastically.

“Jake, why would we ever want to live the safe city of Utopia. It is in the fucking title man, how anyone can be unhappy here.” Sarcasm ran like pancake batter.

“Yeah, fuck going outside at night. I can’t stand this fucking security.” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone deserves a fucking adventure. Why must we rot in fucking suburbia. Fuck suburbia! We need to go out to the city for more then just coffee.”

“Eh, I have plenty of adventure.” Said Mark, completely serious.

“Mark sitting at your house getting high is not adventurous.” I again remarked being an ass as usual.

“I do other stuff, like buy guns, and sneak out of my house.” Mark replied defensively.

“You are nineteen, come the fuck on, I know your mom. Sneaking out consists of walking out the front door and not telling her where you are going.” It was at this point I realized the futility. I realized it was not these people who were truly bored. It was me; I can’t take the peace and quiet. I had to get out of fucking Utopia Ohio.

“I have fun.” Mark smiled.

“Okay, do what makes you happy Mark.” I said politely.

“Really.” Mark said again, as though he thought I didn’t believe him.

“No, I believe you.” I said, with an odd amount of quietness in my voice.

“Then why do you sound so critical.” Mark knew me.

“Because, it is kinda sad.” I bluntly stated, Mark was used to this so I continued. “This place is full of people who have no ambition outside of having a good job, going to school, and living safe comfortable lives. So they play everything safe, they gossip knowing no one will say anything. The curfew is the most rigorously in forced law. I could kill seven people here and every cop would still be fucking around looking for minors.” I sighed. “This place is just fucking boring, it is a city of soulless people. It is odd living around people who desire nothing more then to be content.”

“Well that is awfully high of you. In more ways than one huh, huh.” Mark laughed. He then realized the joke fell flat. “If you are not happy what keeps you here.”

“Money, I have none, I need to get through community college.” It’s pathetic I know, but that is it. I hated high school and didn’t do well enough to get into real college.

“Well it’s not like you have the money to go to college now. You’re stuck at a job you hate, why don’t you get out.” Mark questioned.

“Because, reality blows, it is unrealistic of me; there is no chance of getting out of this hell hole.” I sighed.

“Welcome to the final realization, you are stuck. The best one can do is being content; learn to be happy with content.” Mark laughed.

“Never” I smiled. “It’s getting late, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure” Mark quickly remarked the conversation killed the buzz; I was once again sober and bored. I made my way out of the door, and across the street. It was this day I told myself; I would no long be bored. I would no longer be okay with content, the gossip, everything. Today I would no longer be content with being bored.